


Their light

by Lis_lboy



Series: Together [1]
Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Don't copy to another site, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-07 08:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 138,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21455299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lis_lboy/pseuds/Lis_lboy
Summary: Max and Chloe find themselves in pain ridden with guilt, loneliness and confusion towards their new situation. The only reassurance they can find is with each other yet they find it difficult to accept it as they're still trying to figure out how to handle their new found affection.
Relationships: Maxine "Max" Caulfield/Chloe Price
Series: Together [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1546996
Comments: 39
Kudos: 40





	1. Together now

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story of no grand adventures or supernatural problems. This is a story that does its best to explore both Max and Chloe relationship as they struggle to accept their new reality, their problems and the issues that they now face.

Sometime around three in the morning.

"Well shit. I'm alive, yayyy! For us at least, or some shit like that."

Sigh fuck me. I guess I can't be more pathetic than this can I. Hiding in this tiny ass bathroom, sitting on a toilet I realize it’s pretty dumb but this is the only place where I can talk about my shit without Max worrying, I don't want to pile more crap on her.

I look up and notice a lightbulb, its already blinking, already wanting to die out. I look back down at this white-gray or just old wall in front of me that probably hasn’t been cleaned in years, put my hand over my face and let it drop.

"God I feel so weird when I know I should be dead. Fuck, I can't even get a night of sleep, either Max starts whimpering and shit or every time I try to I keep seeing Joyce but I can't do that anymore...she's dead and it’s my fault, my goddam fault! And for what, so Max and I can live on the road, staying in shitty motels that not even rats stay at and to top it off this shitty bathroom sucks balls."

Being so close to the floor I notice something.

What's that smell?

I look around, turn down and look for something because there’s a rotting stench that’s all over the place. And of course. I move my right hand to my head and start scratching real hard, closing my eyes that are starting to feel too damn heavy from the lack of sleep and food.

"I think there's some mold in the toilet I'm sitting. Huh, that'll be something. Chloe Price survived huge tornado yet killed by dirty toilet. What a fucking joke."

Holding my head with both hands now I try to make sense out of this pitiful situation I’m in.

“So here I am, hiding in a tiny, dirty bathroom. Dirty walls, dirty mirror and on the bright spot, a shower which by the case I don't think I even fit.”

I start noticing the floor down here and I'm just realizing that its gross as fuck. I think if I weren’t wearing my boots I would already have a fucking infection going on, like I care at this point.

“Maybe it would be for the best, to end up as I was supposed to. Lying dead on a bathroom floor by myself, realizing how stupid I am, how much of shit person I am, how everyone always ends up abandoning me.”

My breathing is getting rougher and can feel my face turning warm, saliva turning heavier and my nose sucking air in and out through my expanding nostrils. Clinching my fists I can feel my whole body aching to punch something, I quickly stand up and rapidly start pacing around this tiny-ass bathroom.

I stop and look at the reflection in the mirror, seeing that blue hair, that wrinkled shitty face staring back at me, those dead tired eyes, pale skin and ungrateful ass wasting air.

"You should be fucking dead right now! So might as well die in the most pathetic way possible right! Hell you should OD like Rachel, divine fate!"

Clinching my face and feeling every muscle in my body hurting I remember that night...Rachel buried in that ditch, rotting in there for months with me walking over her all that time.

"Why did you had to die, why did you lie to me, I thought we were friends and told each other everything. You knew all about me, all my scars, my pain my dreams...I thought you really cared for me, I thought we were close...I-I-I loved you Rach so why!"

Feeling the coldness all the way to my bones, the pinch in my heart, my ribs. My face softens and I start losing the strength I just had, now covering my face and wiping the falling tears away.

Sniff

“I guess you really only cared for yourself, or maybe it was me who pushed you away at the end like I push everyone who cares about me. Maybe you're dead because of me, if I hadn't droved you away you would still be here or I don't fucking know and I don't fucking care... I can't handle this anymore, nobody wants me!! You piece of shit!”

Shivering with the memory of her in my mind more tears begin to fall, dropping on my boots and ground under me.

“Why! What's so damn wrong with you, why does everything has to go to shit for you...FUCK YOU!”

…

...

Sniff, damn bathroom is making me bawl like a bitch. Straightening my legs and cleaning myself I can feel the strain in my back and chest. Taking a deep breath and trying to cool my head off I begin walking to the door and notice something in the mirror, as I turn I see something real shitty.

Me. With some fucking depressing eyes, and dark fucking bags all around.

Sigh, I really need some sleep. I can't believe I started sobbing like that. Fucking pussy can't even hold your feelings anymore. No you need to stop this shit, stop being so depressed and dumb, yes everyone you knew is dead, you have no future or direction for the matter and... God I better shut the fuck up before I get worse.

Pressuring my eyes and trying to shake this feelings I grab the door's handle and get out. I see Max is still sleeping, sleeping on her jeans and shirt. She's shaking her head left and right. I walk down the room and sit on a chair that’s near the wall.

I can't be on bed right now, not with her like this. I can't help her, she's a fucking mess just like I am. She keeps blaming herself for everything, has all these nightmares every night and now she’s blacking out apparently. I feel shitty for even thinking all this, I should be grateful and on my knees all the time. I'm here because of her, I know this, I get it but I'm still stressing like crazy. I don't know how to help her. She's not eating and its shows. Her once beautiful face full of color with that smile of hers that made everything better and that sexy, skinny body is now gone. Replaced with a corpse. Her eyes always lost staring at nothing, thinking or remembering about what happened to Arcadia. Her smile now gone, not even frowning just there without life and she's as skinny as skeleton...like I'm one to talk, I haven't eaten shit since the storm.

"Don't, please don't come any closer please it wasn't my fau-" I turn up and look at Max getting her daily nightmares now.

Sigh what do I do? Please give me a sign of anything. What the hell do I do to help her. I've already tried comforting her but it doesn’t matter. Not even while she's awake. She’s always silent, her eyes dead without emotion and just keeps staring at the road while looking lost all the time.

Suddenly the image of last night came to me, another fucking shitstorm just to make things worse.

Honestly last night really freaked me the hell out, I was getting some alone time smoking a pack on the streets and since I didn't want to be couped up in here all day I left and drank a little. By the time I’m back and enter the room I see Max staring at the wall. I called her and nothing, moved her and still nothing. I started panicking seeing her like that and immediately began to shake her, hug her but nothing at all. She was gone, her eyes were empty I-I-I don't know what happened and I didn't care, I just wanted her to talk or anything to know she was okay, fine or whatever but fucking knowing that she wasn’t gone. With nothing from here I felt alone, hopeless and so scare that I ended up crying on her lap, agonizing over her.

I don’t know for how long I was like that but she did came back to it. She had this look of not understanding what had happened. She said she didn't remember what she was doing or that time had even passed. I sear all this stress of her not being well is torturing me.

...

Max is still shaking, crying for help, for me. I stand from the chair and move towards her. Sitting on the bed I put my hand on her forehead and notice that she's sweating quite a bit.

With tears coming out of me I swallow and hold myself back from sobbing. I cannot see her like this, seeing her so broken and beaten like this is driving me crazy.

"Shh it’s all right Max, don't worry. I'm here for you, your sidekick won't leave you. Even if she's not any good but she's here. I’m here so don't get scared, you're not alone, and never will be."

...

That seemed to calmed her a bit, sigh. Why did she had to go through all of this, she was so sweet and innocent but now...because of me she's broken.

I pick the blanket up, put it over her cold body and leave her there. Me going back to the most uncomfortable and ugliest green chair in the world. I notice that the last of my joints isn't finished yet, might as well as tune out while I can.

I turn my head and look around the room we’re at fucking hell, this room is hella depressing. brown walls full of stains, the floor covered in this crusty ass rug that feels disgusting and I'm one hundred percent sure people have died here...nah that's probably Max and me.

Pfft we're disgusting right now.

...

Sigh, not even this joint can help me forget about last night.

I keep remembering it, it repeating over and over in my head. After Max came back she was so confused and lost and with me clearly a mess she felt even guiltier, I could see it on her face. I remember, she was already getting all ready for another night of guilt but thank god I managed to calm her down. She was already laying on bed but I squeezed myself around her, she even smiled a bit for that and not gonna lie, but so did I.

I spoke to her, told her the truth. That she's not to blame for anything, she didn't cause the storm and she didn't kill anyone, but that didn't go according to plan. She quickly shut me up and started speaking-blabbering about her guilt, how she keeps seeing everyone in her dreams, her time with that sick fuck in that creepy bunker and even how all her friends now haunt her too. I didn’t realize she was this fucked up. At the end of the night we just kept talking about everything, remembering some good times but not enough to cheer her up, but at least eventually she did fell asleep.

The bright spot of all is that she did seemed better. Sigh, as much as it pained her to say all that she needed to let it all out, otherwise she would’ve only felt worse over time. So we both fell for a long-needed sleep that we both desperately needed, sadly my rest didn’t last as much as hers. Ended waking up in the middle of the night thinking of Joyce, bawled myself out in a bathroom and here I am feeling sorry for myself.

As I continue feeling stupid and shitty I pick up the joint and continue my ‘mediatation’, waiting for something hit.

…

…

This joint was a joke, didn't even felt shit. I look at Max again, now shivering again from the cold with her arms hugging herself.

Well I don't know about that but I think she needs another blanket.

I get up and slowly get on the bed, place my legs and body next to her without moving too much and accommodate in place to hug her tiny body and to keep her warm.

I swear I'm just doing it for her sake.

Being with her like this, so close to her makes me not able to resist burying myself in her. Taking a deep breath, taking her scent in I let out a deep, warm breath that carries a huge stress that I’ve just lost. She really makes me forget about everything.

"Max you sure are something. Probably don't think of me like I do of you, but that's okay."

I feel her warmth now, her small body moving bit by bit and relaxing for once.

"You getting better is what matters, me I'm just here for the road."

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"esh air"

Hmm? What's all that noise, what the hell is Max doing.

"Maaax what are you doing?"

Ah fuck, well might as well and get up now that Max's awake. Covers off and-

"Argh! So fucking bright. What's with the light?"

Fucking light hitting me right in the face, I lift my hand and try to cover the sun from hitting my eyes.

"Oh sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I was just getting some air in."  
"Don’t you mean to get all the smell out?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"Ah come on Maxine don't be li-"

"Max, never Maxine Chloe"

I love hearing her say that she sounds so serious yet adorable. Is that weird for me? Maybe but I don't care.

"Yeah I know Max I was just teasing. Come on what are you doing over there, get over here and come back to sleep, these sheets are big enough for the both of us."

"Thanks but I think I'll shower instead. I stink."

She does. I kinda got used to it already, especially since how we smell hasn't been our number one priority.

"That you do Max, I can smell you from here. You know what, either you smell really bad or we both do because I think we stank up the room."

"Yeah I think we did. We reek, that's what we get for not showering."

"Well it’s not like we had a shower in the truck but I guess we better shower then."

"Sure, I'll be done in a minute."

"Max the way you smell you're gonna need all day."

As she's walking towards the bathroom she stops and puts her arm on the wall, looks behind at me with this embarrassed look on her face while wrinkling her nose.

"I... don’t know, I kinda like it."

And off she goes into the shower looking away. Well, that was weird as hell. We smell like ass, what's with her?

She's so adorable that I don't know what to think anymore. Looking at her just does something to me, it somewhat calms me. I mean she's literally the only good thing I have left, the only person that loves me I think and I don't want to let that go. I want to lose myself in her and forget everything but that's wrong, she's not a consolation for all this shit and I hate that I’m even think of her like this but it’s true, I do love her and I feel better when she’s near me.

I know we're both fucked up but I want to let her know that I'm here for her, in every way. Guess she thinks I can't even do that. No Chloe don't you fucking get like that, not with Max. You know she's not like that.

...

...

Still sitting on the bed I straighten myself up, rest my back on the wall and stare at the ceiling above me.

"Should I focus on this? On Max? I don't know. The whole past week before shit went crazy was amazing. Having her with me I can't help but wonder, is it possible for her to like me like as I do her? I don't know but I don't think I should be thinking about it, not right now. I'm barely holding myself together and I already want to tell her this crap? She probably founds me disgusting anyways, nobody loves me. Even Rachel knew that, always avoiding the subject and apparently lying to me with the whole town."

With pain forming in my chest, I can feel a sensation growing in my eyes, my whole face slowly breaking down. Not being able to stop I feel tears forming and falling down my face. I list my hand and clean myself so Max doesn’t find me like this.

I keep cleaning and cleaning but it’s useless, they keep coming and the emotion keeps getting worse and worse.

Why aren't I stopping! Don't cry you stupid, waste of space!

With my whole being sobbing and shaking without stopping I try to catch my breath but I can’t. My body isn’t listening, everything is hurting and it only keeps getting worse.

I feel so miserable, so shitty that I can’t even stop my thoughts anymore.

I pull my knees up, hug myself and feel pain growing all over my chest, legs and arms. Everything starts coming back to me, all those times I never listened to Joyce, how I screamed at her when she was worried, telling Rachel to get lost and to fuck herself when we used to fight, doing all that stupid shit just to forget about dad and even Max. I don’t deserve shit, I’m a blabbering good for nothing mess. Everyone knows that, that’s why everyone has always abandoned me.

"You're broken, that's why no one loves you, Max will never love you! You broke her and ruined her...you usele-" My voice escapes from me and loses the composure it had. Now I'm grasping for air, shaking my head. I try to calm down, try to ease my cries and sobs but it’s for nothing, it just keeps getting worse with my face broken and full of tears.

I move to the side and put my legs down, face the bathroom and used the little strength left in my arms to hold myself me up.  
"Don't worry Max, I won't bother you with my dumb feelings."

Getting up already, still trying to calm down I turn around to grab my boots. Still really bad, still a fucking wreck I grab one and put it in, and now the second in. I see my jacket on the ground grab it and wipe my nose with it.

“Fuck I need some time alone.”

Already decided to leave I turn around to say goodbye to Max, or the wall at least but as look behind me I see Max. She’s wet, with nothing but a towel wrapped around her.

Trying to sound as normal as I can I get myself together and speak.  
"Max? What's wrong?"

She looks so piss for some reason, her arms glued to her body, and her eyes glaring at me. She rushes towards me and puts her head on my chest, pulling me to her and drenching me in water.

"Wh-what happened, everything all right?"

I lift my hand above her shoulder but stop myself from touching her.

"I'm sorry Chloe, I'm sorry for making you feel like this."

What is she talking about, she's still looking down, her eyes facing away from me. I feel a lump in my throat but swallow to clear it, I can't let her know what a mess I was just now.

"Wh-what do you mean? You haven't done anything I already told you."

She stands straight and pulls back, now looking shy and timid.

"I heard you, I could hear what you were saying."

What? What is she talking about?

Realizing what she just said I begin to get agitated, my lungs expanding and shrinking at the realization of what she said. She heard me, she fucking heard me cry and moan about all my shit. About how I said I love her and me being a pitiful mess.

Still in shock I lower my view and look at her, see how she’s looking back at me. Her eyes so full of emotion, her mouth wanting to speak and her heart beating so fast with her body still rubbing against mine.

With my breathing being so unhinged I can’t think, I don’t know what to do. I’m starting to feeling short of breath, with panic growing in me I start looking around and trying to find a way to get out of here.

I need to get away.

"Chloe please, wait, let's talk abo-"

I see the door and without thinking immediately rush for the door, open it and pace away from the room, the motel, the whole damn building.

This can’t be happening, it can’t. I’ve been working so hard to hide my shit from her to not worry her anymore and she heard me talk all about it? Even the stuff I didn’t want to tell her yet? Argh! You really are stupid aren’t you. You’re supposed to shut the fuck up and not say shit about anything.

Not even seeing where I go I continue walking until I’m calm enough to actually think.

"Well con-fucking-lations Chloe, you weren't okay with how things were, now you go and make things awkward between you two. Now she's going to pity you and look at you feeling sorry because you! Couldn't keep quiet!"

Dammit, I didn't want to deal with this, I didn't want to keep piling more crap on her plate.

Seeing a couple stores down the street I go towards them and walk down to their back, going to give myself some time to process the mess I just made

Still shaken I lay my head on the wall and close my eyes.

"Hell what am I going to say now, that it was a lie or something? Yeah right, she ain't stupid, you're stupid for even thinking that. I need to calm down and think this through, where the hell are my smokes?”

I shakily get the pack out of my pocket and end up dropping everything to the ground because of course! Bunch of quarters, gum and... what’s this? I pull this note from the ground and its Joyce's handwriting.

"Chloe I'm so happy to see you like this again, Max and you look so happy together. Make sure to treat her well and don't do anything stupid, come by the dinner when you can. We need to have a talk about you two lovebirds."

Down under all the writing it says something else.

"I love you so much and please stay out of trouble."

Feeling a burning sensation all over my eyes I tightly close them to stop from myself crying, wrapping my arms around me I feel emptiness in me, the need to have someone hold me and tell my that it’s okay. Strength leaving me and falling to the ground as I keep staring at the note.

When did she wrote this? I don't remember...I-I want to see her again, I need her but she's gone now. Gone because I didn't listen.

Rapidly taking breaths as I can’t control myself anymore I feel my body fighting me, hurting me. The air entering hurting my lungs, making my mind hurt just as much. Air hurts, moving hurts, thinking hurts, everything hurts.

"I'm sorry mom, I'm so sorry for everything you didn’t deserve me! You-you were a great mom, you were the best and I wasn’t, I’m-I’m sorry for everything! I need you with me."

My voice breaking, whimpering and grasping for air that it’s missing. I can feel my throat already in pain, my eyes burning and a need to disappear growing in me.

"I'm scared mom!...dad, Max please don't leave me I'm not ready for this, I don't want to be alone anymore PLEASE!! Max don't leave me again, I won't complicate shit and I'll be with you but please don't go."

I hate this, I hate this...my life is a mess, I'm a mess and it’s all my fault! My own fault for being so selfish and stupid all the time.

…

…

…

\-------------------------------------------

"You're a monster dude, I'm dead because of you. Why couldn't you save us instead."

"Yeah he's right. You are terrible, how could you just decide to kill all of us? And here I was about to write a story on how big of a fake you really are."

"It’s your fault I died, why didn't you helped me when you could. Why didn't you stop David from harassing me? Why didn't you answer my call? Why did you kill me Max?"

"No I didn't mean to, I-I tried to save all of you, I did my bes-"

"Your what? Your best, oh then everything it’s okay guys. Max the sad, hipster tried her best. Is that what you want Max? Aren't you tired of this act you're putting up. Trying to sell your good girl act, we all know you're just an attention seeking bitch who doesn't care about no one but yourself."

"No that's not true, I'm not any of those things. I cared about all of you."

"Then why did you kill us, because of your girlfriend? She doesn't even love you? She's just grateful that you saved her sorry ass. She's probably thinking of leaving. She probably already did."

Everything is getting dark, I'm alone, alone in an empty void.

"HELP! Anyone! Chloe! Don't leave me!"

"You're alone Max, she already forgot about you so get used to that feeling. I mean hello it makes sense."

"Wh-what do you mean? This is wrong, it’s not real."

"Yeah you killed her family, hurt her and you showed her how merciless you are. You really think she still wants to be with you after everything"?

Chloe no!! I suddenly jolt up, covered in cold sweat, my entire body shaking with my breathing out of sync.

I look around and try to remember where I am. I'm in a motel on the road with Chlo- wait where's Chloe? Chloe!! I look around and see her right next to me, snoring with her legs and arms spread all over the place.

Sigh

Thank God she's here, and she at least seems to be sleeping soundly. Too bad I’m not, these nightmares aren't stopping, every time I go to sleep I keep seeing everyone that I killed. I can't handle this anymore, I already know it’s my fault that everyone is dead why do I have to keep suffering like this.

The guilt it’s only growing and growing inside of me, eating me and making me go nuts. I don't think I could do this alone, if it weren’t for Chloe I don’t know where I would be or what I would’ve done.

Sigh I'll just say I'm thankful Chloe's with me.

God I can't believe her, she's been so good to me these past few days, taking care of me must be stressing her out so much and it’s not like I can tell her to stop. And now it’s worse, with what happened last night she’s more worried than ever. I really freaked her out, I don’t exactly remember much about it but she said I was sitting on the bed and when she found me I was just staring at the wall, looking as if my mind was somewhere else. Honestly all I remember is me sitting on the bed for a second and next thing I know Chloe is back from smoking and she’s on her knees hugging my legs, crying and with a desperate look in her eyes.

It terrifies me to think I could lose myself like that but what really scarred was seeing her like that. Her eyes screaming for me, her voice so broken and hopeless. Just remembering how she was makes my chest hurt again, more so because it reminded me that she’s hurt too, not just me but the two of us. We’re both a wreck and she's really trying to hold herself together for my sake, I see it. She's struggling so much and it pains to see her like that, hurts me that I forget about her and it makes me hate myself at the realization that I can't do the same for her, I can't even look at her because of it. After everything I did to her, she must think I'm a monster, she must hate my guts.

Remembering that I’m still on the bed I shake myself to get back to reality, I feel some wetness on my cheeks. I lift my hand and touch my face, feeling dry tears.

I didn’t even realize I cried, I’m really fucked up.

I slowly get up from the bed and quietly walk to the bathroom on my tippy toes to not wake Cloe up. Make my way to the bathroom’s door and slowly close the door locking myself in it.

Taking a moment to get back some self-control over myself I keep still and breathe, now letting my weight rest on the door to rest for a moment, drop my head against it and close my eyes.

"I'm so sorry Chloe, I'm sorry for all of this. I'm sorry about everything, for Arcadia Bay, for leaving you, for taking Joyce and William away from you and for everything, everything I’ve robbed you of."

You didn’t deserve what I did to you Chloe, you were a victim of my actions. I destroyed your life and the lives of everyone in Arcadia Bay, me and me alone murdered thousands of people who had no fault.

Feeling guilty and a pressure crushing my will I begin to crouch down, let the pain in my mind take over and push me to the ground. Now overing my face with my knees I black out everything around me, taking everything away from my sight.

But it’s useless. It’s still the same, the guilt, the pain, the pressure reminding me of everyone who died and the knowledge that Chloe is suffering because of me are still here, drilling deeper and deeper into my mind, crushing my soul into tiny pieces with every passing second.

“I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I did everything for you and I would do it again if it meant saving you. I can't even begin to know how you're feeling, losing Arcadia Bay, losing Joyce like that, knowing that I killed her. You know I did and yet you're still with me.

I don't deserve you, you deserve better something better than a heartless monster. All I do is hurt people, Kate, Warren, Victoria, all of Blackwater and now you. You’re the one person I've been trying to help the most and I can’t seem to do anything but hurt you. You’re alone because of me, the way you look at me with your eyes full of worry kill me.

Knowing that you’re so preoccupied about me even though it’s all my fault! All of it and you’re still taking care of me, it’s not fair Chloe. You need to hate me, to scream at me, curse my name, do anything but stop giving me the kindness that I don’t deserve.

…

Wait, what is this feeling? My head feels lighter, is spacing out. I can’t seem to hold myself properly and everything is moving. No it’s not, it’s me.

Am I passing out? I…I…ah fuck I’m feeling so dizzy and can’t keep myself from falling.

Not being able to keep up my body drops down and my face sticks to the floor.

No get up, don’t lose consciousness, everything is getting darker, things losing perspective and my eyes closing against their will, I can barely hold them up and…I can’t…I can’t think.

...

...

Snap snap

What? Where am I? I can't move, my arms, legs, they're all tied up to something.

I look down and see a chair, a chair and I’m sitting on it with my legs and hands taped to it and... and there's bright light in front of me, I can't see anything. It’s too bright.

Snap snap

Oh no. No no no no I can't be back here, I can’t! It’s impossible! He's dead! He-he died in the storm. Max calm down! Calm down and breathe! Don’t panic, don’t lose yourself just keep steady and breathe. Breath in... breath out…breath in-

"It’s really a funny thing you see, you think you're free from me because I'm dead and yet, you can't keep away from me. Now now, calm down Max, I know this must be such a big shock for you, I can see it in your face. Those big, blue eyes are all over the place, your pupil trying to accommodate and make sense of what’s happening but allow me to save you the trouble. I'll detail what is currently happening. Yes I'm 'dead ', you saw my body rot in this very room. While all this is true, your brain here doesn't let me die. Why do you think that is?"

Shit, why can't I say anything. I can't move, can't even move my head away from his cold, disgusting hand. It’s like he knows I can't speak, he's looking at me like he owns me, as if I was his plaything. Observing me with that ugly smirk on his face, touching my face with his fingers trailing my skin.

No no no stop this and wake up! Wake up this isn't real! It’s all fake!

"Max!! I'm running out of patience over here. I know what you're thinking, I'm not going to wait any longer!”

He raises his hand and walks towards me, anger showing in his expression and his hand shaking but restraining itself from doing what he wants. He coughs and fixes his glove.

“Forgive me Max, I just can't tolerate this childish behavior of yours. Now listen, back to why you can't let me die, here's my explanation. You know these pictures you love to take, well you can't take them anymore. Whenever you hold a camera is as if you're holding me, you're back here being framed by me. These pictures are you and you can't forget about them, you love this, it’s how you remain free from all your worries and problems, but now you don't even have that.”

As he’s talking he paces around me, circling and talking as if he had already won. He stops in front of me, his hand lowering and lifting my chin with ease. I try to move but I can’t, I’m frozen at his touch.

“You understand what I'm saying Max? You can't rest, you will never be free of me, I will never die and yes, you are mine."

I suddenly wake up move and jumped out of where I am. Still remembering the horrible nightmare I just had I put my trembling hands on the floor below me and notice my face was sticking to the ground.

I must’ve pass out.

Lifting my right hand I touch my face and with it feeling something in it, a dried wetness. I stand up and take a look at the mirror and ugh. My face is covered with dry tears, giving a glossy look to my cheeks. I look hideous, straight out of a battle from Battle royale. But seriously I can't believe I passed out in the bathroom, what time is it?

I take a look at the window and thank god the sun hasn't come out yet, maybe it means Chloe hasn't noticed I'm gone.

Feeling my skin all sticky from the floor I open the water from the sink and wash my face with water and immediately feel the coldness cold of it down to my nerves.

This is going to be great, can't wait for the morning shower. Thinking about it I really I can't wait for it, Chloe and I both smell terrible.

Drying my face with a towel I take another look at myself and Wowser! I’m a mess, my hair it’s a mess with it sticking everywhere and my face screams shitty. I look like I haven’t slept in a month which is funny, because it feels more like more than that.

Sigh.

I can't keep up with all these nightmares, seeing his face again...it still hurts me, it’s supposed to be over but he's still there in my mind, still torturing me. I'm not getting any rest and I'm beginning to feel the toll its taking on me. I barely have any energy to move and I'm never hungry anymore. I don't know if that's the sleepless nights, stress or something else, probably all of that bundled up together.

I should really go back to the room. I'll take a shower after Chloe wakes up, I don't want to bother her right now, at least one of us should be sleeping.

I just hope these nightmares stop at one point, I’m starting to feel like a walking corpse. Whatever might as well try sleeping for a few more hours, who knows maybe I'll sleep like a baby this time, after all having Chloe next to me does help.

I hope I’m luckier luck this time.

A few hours later

Mmm sleeping feels so good when you don't have nightmares, and having Chloe as a pillow isn't so bad either. Hmm, what's that smell? I don't mean the stink, it’s something else, sniff.

Its Chloe, she stinks but there something else too, sniff. Oh god it’s her scent. I feel like a freak for sniffing her now, but wait there's something else...when did she even smoke? Did she probably wake up after I fell asleep? Okay call me old fashion but I don't particularly enjoy the smell of weed in the morning. As good as it feels to lay with Chloe in this 'huge' bed, I'm going to open the windows.

"Begone foul smell. I need some fresh air."

Even better now that the sun is out. Sunlight really feels great.

"Maaaax what are you doing? What's with the light?"

Oops, look like the sun is hitting her right in the face, not that it doesn't suit her. Her blue eyes do have a beautiful shine to them.

"Oh sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I was just getting some fresh air..."

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few minutes later

Okay calm down Max, its okay. She doesn't know you can listen to her. Should I say anything? It’s going to be so weird if I do, but if I don't I'm going to feel like I'm spying on her and that's even worse. I'll just finish showering and tell her after I'm done here. Wait what's that she’s saying?

"You're broken, that's why no one loves you, Max will never love you! You broke her and-"

What? Why is she saying that?

My whole skin shivers and I can feel my legs wanting to run towards her and hug her. To tell her that she’s wrong, that it’s not like that all. Not being able to stop my eyes start tearing up and my mouth opening to speak, but I shouldn’t. I lift my hands and cover my mouth, hold the scream wanting to calm her down, to tell her otherwise.

I don’t get it, how can she say that? How can she believe those horrible things about herself. I had no idea. I can’t believe it, you are strong, so strong and yet you're like this, no this isn't right it’s just not. You can't say these things, they are not true, you are not broken, you are loved, I love you, you are great and-

Without thinking about I get out of the shower and grab the towel. As soon as I do wrap it around me without drying and rush towards the door. I open the door and there she is, her eyes still wet, looking weak and broken.

It pains me to have heard her, why didn't I notice before, I've been so focused on myself that I ignored how she was feeling, how hurt she’s been this whole time.

I stop my mouth from screaming, from sobbing, I walk to where she is, lay myself on her chest and take a deep breath.

"I'm sorry Chloe, I'm sorry for making you feel like this."

"Wh-what do you mean? You haven't done anything I already-"

"I heard you, I could hear what you were saying."

She stays quiet, doesn’t say anything. Her breathing is more erratic than before, I can feel it. It’s beating faster and faster with each second and she still doesn’t say nothing. Her eyes moving everywhere, looking for something. They stopped and takes a deep breath.

"Chloe please, wait, let's talk abo-"

Before even finishing my sentence she storms away, rushes away from the motel and leaves me in here. I walk to the door to see if maybe she stopped and is coming back, but she’s not. She’s leaving and is talking to herself, saying something that I can’t hear. Her face angry, sad an desperate.

With her gone I close the door and stay in front of it, let my head drop on it and close my eyes.

"Chloe you are not broken, you are not hopeless. You are so much more than that, why can’t you see it. You saved me myself, you made me brave, gave me the strength I didn’t had and you’re still helping me. So please, please don’t say those things…I still need you, I can’t be alone."

Taking a few moments to calm myself I let go of the door and step back from it. Still feeling my emotions all over the place I move to the bed and take the towel off, I dry myself and walk towards my clothes, the same clothes I’ve been wearing this whole time.

Great, I forgot I was going to wear the same clothes, they’re still reeking like death so I guess the bath was kinda pointless.

Doesn’t matter, I still need to go and get Chloe, to remind her that she’s not what she thinks. She’s more than that, she’s-

Before thinking anything else I stop myself and contemplate what just actually happened.

"She thinks that no one loves her, that I couldn't love her but why? Should I go and find her, maybe I should let her be on her own and sort it out herself.”

No that’s stupid, that’s the last think I should do. She feels alone but she isn’t. She has me and she always will, I’ll always have her back.

Getting those thoughts out of my head I shake my head and walk towards the door, grab the handle and stay like that, still holding onto it.

But what if she wants to be alone, me going to look for her might make it worse.”

…

"No don't think about that, remember when you were kids she would always storm off when she'd gotten hurt, and she would get even angrier for you not going after her. Yeah that’s true. I'm going now Chloe, whether you want me or not."

I breathe in, and out before turning the handle and pushing the door open. I walk, look for her but she’s near. I keep walking, getting worried as the more I search the more my heart aches because of how she must be feeling. Still walking and nothing, just a bunch of trees and buildings all around, no sight of her.

Where could she have gone? It hasn’t been that long and she didn’t take her truck, please be okay, please please be okay I beg you.

With faith and hope I keep pacing, almost running to anywhere she could be, with every step a need to hug he and tell her to not cry grows in my mind. I want to hug her, tell her how much I love her, that she deserves the world and more.

Almost by a miracle I see her, barely too. Her blue hair sticking out in the back of the building.

I walk towards it and see her sitting on the ground. I start walking towards her and she notices me. She stays in place and outs her head down, hugs her knees and avoids my look. Her eyes are red, I can see how much pain she’s in just from them. Her body looks frail, so delicate that one would think it would break at touch.

I smile at her, don’t say anything but continue towards her and sit come to her level.

"Hey Chloe."

She stays quiet, doesn’t move or react to me.

I lift my hand and move it towards her, to hold her but I take it back. I’m scared that maybe she won’t want it, she won’t want me who’s the reason why she feels like this.

I take a gulp and muster myself to speak.

"Chloe I-"

Before saying anything she turns her face up and looks at me with her face full of emotion in it, her mouth in a frown. Her eyes showing a fear that I haven’t seen in her eyes before. She’s trembling, her whole expression quivering, barely holding itself from breaking down.

"Max please don't leave me, I promise I won't bother you anymore but please don't leave me."

"Chloe I would never leave you!"

"I need her, I want her with me Max. But she's dead, I miss her so much! I feel so alone without her, everyone I ever loved is leaving me...Why! Why is this happening to me!"

Hearing her voice so broken, so vulnerable like this makes my soul break apart.

I did this, it’s my fault. Look at her Max this is all you.

Not letting my guilt stop me I look at her straight on her eyes and try my best to smile as real as I can. I get a hold of her hand and take a deep breath.

"I'm here Chloe, I’m here and I won't leave you. I promise. I'm never leaving you again."

With her hand still in mine I move in front of her and now grab her head, place my hands on her chin and take all the pain she’s feeling.

I swear if I could take her pain away just by looking at her I would do it in a heartbeat.

"Chloe Price you are not hopeless and you are not alone. Joyce, wherever she is I know she's still looking over you and so is William, and Rachel. She guided us remember, she's been looking over you this entire time so don't feel guilty or alone because you are not."

"That's bullshit Max!"

She pushes me with enough force to drop me on the ground, stands up and tenses her body while she paces with fists in her hand. Her face furious and her mouth clenching in pure anger.

"They're all dead! They've all abandoned me. Don't you get it, I have no one anymore, it’s just me!"

Her face seems so full of despair, wanting to break and sob. I stand up and look at her with a fury as strong as hers.

"No you're not! You have me Chloe, I won't abandon you. I won't ever do it, do you understand that? I am with you until the end so stop saying this crap because I love you."

Her breathing covered in rage stops, her crying eyes now softer and her face looking down.

"No you don't. You're only saying it to stop me from doing anything dumb. How could you love me, me a piece of shit, me a good for nothing girl wh-"

Not being to keep hearing her say this stupid crap I extend my arms and grab her face, pull my face to her and press my lips to hers. Standing as high as I can I stay in place and continue to keep her in my embrace. I can feel her muscles as they react, as they pull back in surprise and as they relaxed and sends the tension away. As this continues I feel her breathing calming too, regaining a normal pace again.

Feeling the need for air I pull back and look at her deeply embarrassed expression.

"Wow, umm Max what the actual fuck?"

She honestly looks puzzled, albeit a happy puzzled and flustered face.

"You weren't listening to me, so I showed you instead."

She's still taking it in and thinking over what just happened.

"I love you Chloe, I love your spirit, your bitchiness and your smile. I didn't kiss you out of pity, I did to prove you how much I love. Sorry did you not want me to kiss you?"

I just now realized that maybe she didn't want this, maybe she was surprised because she doesn’t feel the same way? Oh god I’m feeling so embarrassed now.

"Yeah of course I hella liked it!! I mean it certainly helped calm me down."

"Now I’m feeling so embarrassed about."

"Pfft can't believe you actually kissed me to shut me up"

"I didn't do it to shut you up Chloe, I did it so you knew that you are loved. That I love you, I really do."

...

We both feel so awkward now, she's looking down and up trying to hide her smile. She scratches the back of her head and looks up at the sky.

Growl

"Sounds like somebody’s hungry? Did I do that?"

"Shut up, and yeah I guess I am. What do you say we go for some burgers?"

"Yeah why not, that sounds great but wait, does this mean that you get hungry when you’re horny?"

"Chloe I am not horny."

"Says you, you practically sucked my tongue dry."

"No I didn’t!"

"Bet you wanted to?"

Not wanting to continue this conversation I turn around and start walking back to the motel, back to the room so I can scream out these butterflies flying in my stomach. As I do I hear Chloe coming along, doesn’t say anything but it doesn’t feel weird anymore. It’s a nice quiet, much better than the way it’s been.

Now walking together I begin my face getting warmer, my hand beating much more strongly and my hands turning hot too. As I move my hand to hide it in my pocket I feel Chloe's hand against mine, I turn to her and see her grinning at me.

"Don’t say anything."

She continues smiling. We walk back to the truck and both sigh without saying a word.

"Max did you really heard everything I said earlier, about me being a mess and stuff?"

"I did."

"Can you please forget all that, I get all emotional and I say those things but don't worry I'm good, I promise."

I know she doesn't want me worrying for her, I think she's only telling me this so I don't get nosy on her. Maybe I shouldn't pry, especially since I think this might be hard for her to do.

"Sure Chloe."

She gets herself right next to me and rests her head down on my shoulder.

"Thanks, and Max?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you too."

...

"You're so red right now."

"Shut up"

She moves her head and throws a small kiss on my cheek, grabs my hand and opens the door of the truck.

"Ladies first."

I laugh and get in, then she does and turns the engine on.

With nothing being said she pulls out of the driveway and we start looking for a burger place.

"So did you saw a burger place around here or-"

Growl, growl

God that was so loud, I bet Chloe heard that.  
  
I cover my stomach and turn to her maybe she didn’t.

"Was that you?"  
  
"Don't say a thing Chloe."  
  
She grins from ear to ear and shakes her head.  
  
"And Maxzilla returns!"  
  
"Chloe stop."  
  
"The hunger strikes Max."  
  
"That's not funny Chl-"  
  
"Max Caulfiled and the Insatiable stomach."  
  
"Are you done yet?"  
  
"One more. Max Caulfield and the missing dish, okay I'm done."  
  
I look at her silly face and lay back while taking a deep breath.  
  
"You really are a dork."  
  
"And you're hella hungry."  
  
"Yes I am, so less jokes and more food."  
  
She doesn't says anything anymore, only stays looking ahead with a grin on her.  
...  
...  
Oh no, I can feel it coming already. Be quiet, just this once.  
  
Growl, growl.  
  
I turn and see Chloe, with an even wider malicious smile on her. Sigh she's not getting tired of this is she.  
  
"Food Wars. The return of the-"

...

...

...

After an embarrassing ride we finally arrive at this burger joint, called 'good old times'. Chloe gets out of the truck and waits for me to get out too. Kinda sweet actually, but it also seems like she’s uncomfortable for some reason.

She grabs my hand and we walk in together. We look at the menu and I think we both have the same exact thought because we turn to each other and smile the same way. Her getting the biggest burger in menu and me following suit, yes we are both really hungry.

…

…

"Feels great to actually eat something you know"

Chloe is munching down her burger so fast that she’s almost done with it, and I can’t believe it’s her second one, well we have been saving our appetite for a while now. Makes sense for us to pig out.

"I know, I was already beginning to feel dizzy and lightheaded. Good thing you found this place, seems classy too."

"Hey Max, so about earlier. Did you really meant what you said? About loving me for real?"

She's doing this seriously sad face, I can see some doubt in it.

I hold her greasy hand and with the other one I grab some of her fries.

"Hey no fair."

"Yes Chloe I was serious. I love you, I really do."

She takes a deep breath and ends up with a big silly grin, a few tears trailing down her cheek too. She wipes herself and turns to me again.

"Thanks, it really means a lot to know that."

"Always"

She smiles even more and leans to my face, I smile back and get even closer. I can feel her warmth and her lips almost touching mine. I close my eyes and wait for her to seal it.

…

I open my eyes and see her stuffing her mouth with fries. My fries, she's eating all my fries!

"Hey!"

I try to grab them but she's leans away.

"Too late sleepyhead, that's what you get."

"No worries, I still have my dessert."

I say while looking at her with a smile with a meaning she recognizes.

"Damn you are a perv Caulfield."

I grab my remaining fries and think to myself. Yes, yes I am.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and if you enjoy or didn't enjoy this piece, feel free to leave a comment below. All criticism is welcome.
> 
> This might become a series if time allows me to continue writing as I deeply enjoy these characters as much as you guys do.
> 
> What do you think of Max and Chloe characterizations? Do they feel right to you? If you have an opinion it would be deeply welcomed.  
Thanks for reading and stay hella cool.  
P.S  
This chapter has been updated, its still the same story but most scenes have been fixed/expanded/re-written (for the better I hope).  
If this is your first time reading this hopefully you enjoyed it so much that you'll want continue reading more. If you're a returning reader, what do you think?


	2. The long road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max and Chloe aren't doing well. Chloe struggles to handle her stress 'well' while leaving Max to endure both of their pain. Intentions good or bad, there's always a reaction to an action.

11:39PM

  
We've been driving for miles already and still haven't seen any towns or any motel to rest at. I think we're lost, worse still is that both of our phones are dead so we can't exactly get the GPS on. This feels so weird, I want to say something to Chloe but the atmosphere feels so tense from last night. I still can't get over what she said to me, I know she's angry at everything that has happened and we even had that moment when she woke me up...but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

There seems to be some kind of message about Arcadia Bay going on. I better change the station.

"I'm going to put some music instead Chloe, I don't want to hear this right now."

"Just hold on, I want to hear what this is about." I thought she'll say that. Every time something related to Arcadia Bay comes up Chloe wants to listen to it, maybe hoping for some good news, but every time is the same thing. Either the number of who people died, the terrible storm caused by God or more depressing stories from the people who made it out alive. All of it just reminds me that everything is my fault, even Chloe seems to think that.

"We are deeply saddened not only for our son Nathan's death, but for the misery that this town has endured during this last week. We promise to honor the history of its people so that they are not forgotten, but remembered as the people that they were, what they did and what they left behi-"

"God can't they just shut the hell up and move on with their lives. They're just trying to keep their bullshit act of beneficiaties of Arcadia Bay so people don't start to think badly about them. Like its gonna help, everyone knows they don't give a shit about the town, much less the people."

"Maybe they're just trying to help, do some good you know. I mean they did lose their son"

"What!? Their 'son' Max? Their son killed Rachel and drugged me. You forgot about it already. You think I give a shit about him. I'm glad he's dead."

"...Please stop Chloe, you don't mean that"

"C'mon Max don't start with that shit, Nathan was a psycho and I'm glad he's dead! The only thing that sucks is that I didn't get to kill him myself. And what's with that crap, you're siding with him over me like his actions are justified or something. He was crazy Max."

"...Sigh,I think I'm going to lay down and sleep for a bit, I rather not fight right now." My head already started hurting and if we keep this one of us might say something we don't mean... again.

"Oh sure Max, you go to sleep. I'll just be here driving feeling guilty, no problem."

"Chloe I don't want to fight anymore but you know I don't like talking about this stuff, Nathan and Arcadia just bring too many painful memories." My head is seriously going to explode, I think I might just pass out right now.

"Well I'm sorry Max! But these things also stress the shit out of me, not just you. You aren't the only who suffered during the storm, I lost my Mom, friends and everybody I knew, how do you think I feel! Knowing that you killed them all for me its even worse...You should've just kill me instead max."

No no no please don't say that Chloe, not that...Not you. I don't want to feel like this again. Calm down, just breath Max. She's just releasing her stress out on me, she's angry and this is her process. Just let her be this time...

"Say something Max!" Her expression changed from furious to a state of worryness. Her voice is still sharp but I can hear the regret in it. Her eyebrows now loose, her eyes now staring at me not with anger but with sorrow, her whole body instead of gripping strongly to the steering wheel now looks frail. She seems to have realized what she said.

I can't, I can't look at her right now. If I do I might just start sobbing and that would just make her feel worst.

"MAX, TALK TO ME...I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of it, I'm just angry and stress and I'm taking it out on you again."

I can't, I just can't do this right now. I tilt my head to avoid her stare and just look at the window to the side. The only thing out there is my reflection, its already pitch black.

"You really aren't going to talk to me? I already feel like shit. I know none of this is your fault, and I'm happy to be alive, I really am. Its just that hearing the Prescotts talk about Nathan as if he was a national loss or something fucking gets to me."

"Chloe!... please let's talk about it tomorrow. I'm already tired and my head is killing me. I'm just going to try and sleep a bit before we get to a motel."

"Sigh...sure thing Maxs. Catch some sleep and I'll wake you up when we get there. Just know that I'm dumb and sorry, pretty please?"

"..." Good night Chloe.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

11:58PM

Chloe you are such a piece of shit. How the fuck is it posible too be this much of an asshole to the one person that loves you unconditionally, hell the only person who hasn't treated you like crap in your life. Wasn't it enough to make her cry one time? Now you're just being shitty for no reason. You're here because of her and you know how much that decision affected her and you fucking told her that she killed Joyce? That she caused the storm?

Oh fuck.

I almost went out of the road. Oh now you're going to kill her, based on how you've been doing lately might as well actually do it, right. Sigh, I better stop driving before I get us both killed...

I'm going to get some fresh air for a bit. I start getting down the truck quietly to not wake Max up...

"This looks far enough." I continue walking off the road, so much in fact that I can't even see the truck anymore, hopefully Max doesn't wake up and panics.

I get a cigarette from my pocket to calm down my nerves, see if they help.

"I wonder. Why can't I just shut the fuck up instead of blaming Max for every little thing. I can't believe I told her that terrible stuff just now. She must be feeling awful, I wish I could rewind time just this once you know. I know how much guilt she already feels and I still shit on her just because I get angry..."

Its starting to get cold, I should be heading back and focus on getting to a motel. Its the least I could do so Max sleeps on a bed instead of the truck. Yeah but I'll just sit down on the ground for a bit. I hadn't noticed but there's a bunch of trash lying here. A bunch of bottles and stuff. It feels like the junkyard, it suits me. Alone sitting among trash.

"Can I even say anything to Max now? I guess I should but I feel like I'm just going to make everything worse. Last night I was trying to be sweet and stuff and she ended up sobbing so apparently I suck at this relationship stuff. I mean why did she started talking about the future, or our future like she was saying. I don't know what I'm going to be doing tomorrow and she's asking about a year from now. What the hell, I haven't even gotten over Joyce and she's talking about it as if it was nothing. Right now I'm just focused on getting to Seattle, after that I have no fucking plan."

Shit, I didn't even realized that I finished my pack of cigarettes. Well fuck me now I'm empty.

But yeah I think I might have gone too far this time. I don't think she's gonna be okay after what I said. I know I'm not one to talk about this sort of the stuff since I have my own shit going on, for years if I say but I know it only gets worse. Max should go to therapy or something... but it wouldn't work either way. She can't even talk about her powers with anyone, meaning that I'm the only one she can talk to but here I am makings matters worse instead of helping her.

I don't know what I'm gonna do to make it up to her...

I pull out the note that Joyce left me.

"I'm sorry mom, looks like I won't be able to take care of Max like you told me to...let you down till the end." Tears down my cheeks, falling on the note.

"Maybe I should just leave Max after I drop her at Seattle...maybe I should go see Rachel."

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Events of last night

Do I look good enough? The clerk said I looked like a catch but he wasn't wearing his glasses and I'm not 100% sure but he looked like he could've been Santa Clause grandpa, if that paints the picture. Its hard getting the right clothes and I'm not wearing a dress, fuck that. I rather rock this dark, navy suit with this grey button shirt. And I'm not even wearing my beanie, I think that pretty much seals the deal. Chloe Price classy as fuck.

Hopefully this makes her happy, it took me a really long time to find this dress for her too. Its allright Chloe this is great, you're great and most importantly she's great. Okay one, two and three:

"HEY MAX, I'M BACK...and where are you?" Oh looks like she's still in the shower. She even left the door open, I think she might be onto something. Probably just forgot to close it.

"I'm almost done showering. Could you pass my clothes, I left them in the bed."

Good thing we found that laundry place nearby or else we would still be smelling like ass.

"NOPE, you're going to have to come yourself and grab them out. I'm feeling a little lazy." Hopefully she comes out. This is so nerve breaking, I hope everything comes out right.

"You double dare me?" Oh man this might work.

"I ultra, super, mega double dare you" Okay here she comes. Dress in place, check. Chloe in place, check. She's opening the door and she- Wait what.

I must be making the stupidiest face ever and I don't care. She looks amazing. And I'm getting turn on. God why is she naked.

"Chloe where did you got those clothes?"

"Clothes, what clothes, oh right the ones I'm wearing. I got them at this store down the road, remember the one with the statue holding a girl up. I still don't get it but I still want to try it on you."

She looks so timid, confused and so cute barely covering herself. This isn't what I had planned but I can work with this.

"Look Max, to be honest I didn't think you'll be coming out naked, not that I don't like what I see but I got this dress for you. I was going to give them to you instead of your regular clothes and maybe go out and have a good time...but I think we can do fine without it and have our little fun here, if you know what I mean." She looks so embarrassed and quickly grabs her clothes from the bed , runs to the bathroom and slams the door. Ok, that's good right?

"CHLOE I can't believe you!"

Man this is just too good. Its the first time I've seen her fully naked like that, if I had a diary she would be all over it right now. She slightly opens the door and pulls her hand out.

"Give me that dress!"

"Sure, here you go" I'm anxiously waiting at the bed waiting for her to come out, I hope it fits her. She never told me her size or anything but I think I was able to figure it out from sleeping with her so many times already. Its kinda weird now that I think about it but hopef-.Wow

"So, how does it look?"

She looks beautiful, her small body covered in the long red dress. Her shoulders and arms uncovered and just enought chest to not be slutty.

"You look hella amazing Max, you look- I don't think I can describe how beautiful you look. I won't. I'll just show you." I get up and grab her camera from the table. She'd tried to take a picture before but she said she wasn't able to, who knows what that means. I'll do it for her. I start walking towards her, holding her waist with my left arm and lean over to give her a kiss on the nose. Then her cheeks and before I close on her mouth

Flash

Damm that was bright.

"You want to see how you came out? It might not be as good as yours but it can't be that bad if you're in it." She laughs a bit while happily smiling.

"Sure, let me see it." As soon as she looks at it her eyes just pop and turns to me. Can't be so bad, right?

"Chloe you look so radiant. You're practically an angel."

"Well thank you but I can't take all the credit, you did most of the job" I take her hand and lean in to her lips and she seals the deal. She's so sweet, literally.

**This is going to be a great night.**

"So where are going tonight?"

"What do you mean? Oh yeah, sorry I forgot about it for a moment. I found this gallery that is displaying some new art tonight. A few artist are going to show their art and I thought you might want to go at it you know, get inspired to take pictures again. Like you used to." I leave the room and start walking out towards the truck and turn it on so it can start getting warm.

"All right Chloe this might turn out better than you expected, let's keep this up."

I start to make my way back to the room to get Max but I see her on the ground. Her face staring at the wall and looking really intense.

"Max what happened are you okay?"

"What?" Max's face suddenly turns panicking, oh shit her breathing is getting really intense. I grab her and try to calm her down, I didn't do anything did I?

"Calm down Max. Breath, c'mon its allright its just you and me here. Nothing is going to happen to you." Ok she's breathing slower now. Shit you can't do anything right Chloe and it was going so well.

I move her to the bed so she's more comfortable. She seems better but I still don't know what came onto her.

"Max what happened are you okay? What did I do wrong?" It must've been me, its always me.

"Sorry Chloe, but I can't go to that place and after you went through all the trouble to buy this dress and even found this event for us to go. I'm so sorry." She looks like a sad kid covering her face like that.

"Hey hey Max don't worry about it. I don't care about any of that, I just wanted to spend some time with you. If you don't wanna go then I don't want to go. Don't worry about that stuff. You're what matters, ok?" She rests her head on my chest and I put my arms around her. She feels so vulnerable, I just keep holding onto her until she feels better.

I wonder why she got like this. I mean, we were literally having the best moment we've had since the storm. I had just mentioned the art at the gallery.

Now that I think about it, every time I've mentioned her camera or pictures she usually gets weirdly tense. Could something happened to her in a different timeline or something, we haven't really talked about any of that. I've just been kinda been out of it these past few days, we've both been out of it. Maybe I should ask her about it. Maybe but for now I'll just stroke her head until she feels fine.

A few minutes later...

"Hey Chloe?"

"Yeah Max?"

"What are our plans?" Hm, weird, where did that come from.

"To get to Seattle and settle for a while, isn't that what we discussed."

"No, I mean yes but I'm talking about after all that. A year from now, after we get over all this stuff we're going through."

"Stuff ?" I know Max isn't trying to say anything bad but hearing her say it like that is getting me piss.

"What do you mean stuff, you mean how my mom is dead."

"No of course not Chloe, I know you're still going through that and I can't imagine what you're dealing with. I didn't mean it like that."

"Then what did you mean?"

"I meant that once we both feel better what are we going to do with our lives? I'm sorry for everything that has happened to you. I can't imagine what you must be going through."

"Yeah you're right. You don't know what I'm going through Max, how would you feel if I killed your mom and your city alongside all the people you ever knew? So don't start talking like you know because you don't ok. I don't know why you even bring this shit up now. I was really trying to do all this nice stuff so you can be more relaxed but you turn everything to shit and now you're brushing my mom's death has if it were nothing. As if I should forget about her and be all happy and have a plan for my life already, Max I don't even know if I'll be alive in a year from now so don't ask me about my future."

"Chloe I don't understand, why are you suddenly acting like this?" I know Max, it doesn't make sense, nothing ever does with me.

"Becasue I don't know Max. I don't know I'm just really angry at you right now and I don't want to listen to you."

Shit, I'm moving all over the place now and I can't stop being angry... Why Max? Everything was going so well until you brough that shit up. Now I'm just pissed again for no reason...Why aren't you stopping, stop crying...

A few hours later

What time is it? Ugh, my head fucking hurts. Oh right, I fell asleep crying and sobbing like a bitch. Fuck I need some water, I'll get some tap water, see if it helps.... I slowly get up since everything feels so fucking dizzy. I get the only cup here and it says 'Coffe is life' which in reply I say

"Fuck you coffee" Life is shitty. Turn to the sink and fill the cup up all the way.

Yeah a little better. I don' know why I keep forgetting how good water feels, especially since water is essentially fuel for the brain but beer is good too. But I think I got enough for one night.

Hmm, There's a note on the fridge, maybe Max left it. What does it say?

"Chloe I'm sorry, I know I'm just causing trouble for you and you're right, I can't imagine how you feel after what I did to Joyce and everyone else. I have no right in asking how you're doing when I'm the reason for it. Just know I never meant to hurt you. I hope you can at least forgive me ;( "

What the fuck did I said to Max last night?

This note sounds weird, like she's saying good bye or something. Aauhgh I can feel a pain in my chest, I know this feeling. I quickly turn and look for Max. She's there sleeping in the bed, she's sleeping, right? No no no please be wrong. I rush towards and move her, hoping for any sign that she's ok. Anything.

"Max, Max are you okay. Talk to me." She's moving a bit, oh thank god she's just waking up.

Water is forming up in my eyes, my chest feels so warm, so delicate. I feel so horrible that I start crying on top of her, hugging her so tight she can't breath.

"Chloe what's wrong, what happened?" I'm still holding onto her and crying, I can't get any words out. I'm just happy that she's here. I'm such a moron. How could I be such a bitch to her, to my angel.

"Everything is fine Chloe. I'm here with you."

"I'm sorry Max, I'm sorry you have to deal with me. I'm so ungrateful to you. I'm sorry for making you worry, for making you think you're at fault when all you're doing is helping those around you. Please don't think that, you are an angel. My angel and I don't care what you or anybody thinks, you are so good. Please don't do anything stupid Max, I couldn't live without you." I don't care how I look I'm just glad she's still here.

"Chloe I would never do anything stupid, I promise. And neither will you."

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back to present

12:24AM

_ know that it is freezing  
But I think we have to walk  
Keep waving at the taxis  
They keep turning the lights on_

"Hey Max time to wake up now, I already got us a room at a motel.  
  
"What time is it already"  
  
"Almost 12:30, in other words time to get your skinny ass to bed. Unless you rather stay in the truck that is."  
  
"I'm too tired too walk" And she's pulling her arms out.  
  
Is she telling me to carry her? I don't know if she's just too tired or sleepy to remember our last conversation but I'll take it for right now.  
  
"Well then allow me to carry you my dear princess Maxinee" I say with this playful tone, maybe we can avoid having to talk about it.  
  
"I'll let that one slide just this once since you are being awfully nice right now"  
  
Yeah she remembers all right. Okay here I go, I put my arms under her and start carrying her all the way into the room.  
  
"You know this isn't so bad once in a while. I might even get bossy and start ordering you around."  
  
"Well I wouldn't mind doing this as an apology every time I'm an ass to you."  
  
We reach the room, open the door and I slowly let her down on the bed. The atmosphere went back to the tension that was before, its cold, quiet and pretty heavy right now. I close the door and lock it. Still looking at the door and not Max.  
  
"I know I already said this Max but I'm really sorry, for what I said to you."  
  
"You don't have to apologize Chloe, I understand. You're just very stress and that's how you blow off. I get it"  
  
"Bull shit Max! How can you say that. Me being all bitchy to you isn't all right. You shouldn't just accept it every time I get angry or from anyone for that matter. You aren't the one at fault, I am. You should be getting angry at me, not the other way around."  
  
"Oh, so you want me to be more aggressive towards you?"  
  
Okay that's a bit funny but totally not good right now. I start going towards Max and get on one knee in front of her. I grab her hand and stare at her in the eyes. She knows I'm serious.  
  
"Max. Everything I said to you last night and earlier isn't right. You are not a monster. You didn't kill anyone. Everything I said was wrong and I should't had said it at all." Her eyes are looking watery, its gonna be tough but I want to be clear on this.  
  
"No Chloe you're wrong it is my fault, I'm the one that made the decision. Not you, not anyone else, me."  
  
"You decided to save me, that was your choice. You didn't choose to kill anyone over me, you chose to save me and that's all you should focus on. You're right, I am super stressed even now I'm not entirely sure how to react to anything but that doesn't make it allright for me to behave the way I been doing. Don't allow it Max. I love you and I want you to love me at least a little bit, but not if I'm going to be pissing on you like that again."  
  
I stand up and pull Max with me.  
  
"I meant what I said in the morning, you're my angel. And I want to do everything I can to make you happy. And look I know I'm not perfect, I'm not saying I won't get all bitchy again but I'll going to make sure that you're allright."  
  
Max already started to tear up and me too. Shit here we go again. I hold her head towards my chest and start caressing her.  
  
"Ok, Chloe. You're right, I shouldn't let myself get punished like that. Its just that this guilt that I feel isn't going away, it never does. I'm thinking of everyone that suffered because of my actions, because of me... and there's something I haven't told you." Her breathing is starting to get really fast again.  
  
"Back in another timeline, during the storm something happened to me. Remember when I came back and told you I was drugged by Mark Jefferson."  
  
"Yeah I remember, you told me he had this bunker underground and took pictures of you alongside a bunch of other victims."  
  
"Right all that's true but there's more to it. It wasn't only one time. I- he. Sorry its hard to talk about it." Man she looks like she wants to pass out, what the fuck did that motherfucker did to her. Take it easy Chloe, right now you're just listenng to her.  
  
"Its ok Max, you don't have to tell me right now. It can wait if its too much for you."  
  
"No, I want to do it now and be over with it. I want you to know. Jefferson he...sigh, he drugged me and took pictures of me... in mutiple timelines. The first time I kept wanting to do something about it but I was so panicked that I was just stalling him and at the end he kept drugging me and screaming at me Chloe...Then I was able to break free but it didn't matter, it was the same thing over and over. And all that was after I had just seen him shot you in front of me. I saw you die Chloe, he shot you out of nowhere, that was the worst of it. You were just lying there and there WAS NOTHING I could do. You were the only thing that gave me hope, hoping that I'll see you again is what kept pushing me. I'm here because of you."  
  
I'm starting to tear up, and I can't hold it in goddamit.  
  
"Max, I-I had no idea you went through so much, I'm so sorry you had to endure all of that on your own. Is that why you haven't taken any pictures since we left town?"  
  
"Yeah, I just can't hold a camera without rememering that room, that horrible moment. Just looking at a camera is enough to get me all tense."  
  
I keep a tight grip on her, holding her small body I'm reminded that even though she's so brave and courageus she's still small, frail and couldn't hurt a fly if she wanted. I don't think I should say anything right now, I think I'll just stay quiet.  
  
...A few minutes later  
  
I can't believe she went through so much. I better get my shit togther if I'm going to be around her, she's a goddam hero...Yeah, she is.  
  
"Hey Max"  
  
"Yeah Chloe?  
  
"You're my everyday hero, you know that"  
  
"Pftt, where did that came from"  
  
"From you of course, you're nerdiness is rubbing on"  
  
"Chloe are you tired?"  
  
"Not exactly, no. Why you asking?"  
  
"Well I know we just came from driving all the way here but what do you say about going back to where the gallery was being held, you think its still there?"  
  
"Uhh yeah it was going to be there for about a week I think. You sure, we can go to anywhere else, you don't have to force yourself."  
  
"No its allright, I want to go. I want to do this and start moving forward."  
  
"Or is this an excuse for you watch me in that fancy suit again? I know I looked hot in it."  
  
"Yes you caught me Chloe, I want to see you in that suit. But you know, you really did look great on it, so great that I might jealous if you wear it on public."  
  
"Yeah I know I'm a catch. I get looks from girls all the time but not to worry, I'm all yours Max. Today, tomorrow and always."  
  
"And if that's true then I'll just have to be more aggressive right? I'll just beat up all those girls looking at my Chloe."  
  
"Your Chloe? Hm, I like the sound that"..  
  
..  
..  


\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  


Next day - 7:38AM

  
Hmm, what this on top of me?

Oh yeah its Max.

I gotta say, this isn't a bad way to wake up, I could get used to this. Her skin touching mine, having her scent on me. I can feel her heartbeat right now.

I know we still have a long way, a fucking long way of problems and shit but this moment, moments like this help.

Now that I remember, I gottal tell Max about my issues too, if I don't talk about Joyce with her I'm going to get all dumbass again.

Max's still laying on top of me, she's just getting awake now. I lean in to kiss her forehead, again really fucking awesome that I get to do this. And she smells great, granted we hadn't have sex until a few days so.

"Good morning Chloe, how did you wake up"

"Just perfect Max." Really fucking perfect. With the biggest grin I can make I look at her and say

"I mean my head still hurts from that slap you gave me but other than that all good. You really need to watch that leg of yours I didn't know wha the hell you we-."

And she kisses me just to shut me up.

"God Chloe you don't have to say it out loud. I'm new at all of this, I still don't know how it all works."

She's so red right now, if she wasn't so adorable I would stop inmediately but she's just too much.

...  
...  
I lean on her ear which by the case is boiling. I lean in and say:

"Hey Max, there's an otter in my water"  
Yep, being here with her makes it all worth it.


	3. Our moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max and Chloe continue their struggles during their days together after the storm, still confused with their emotions they struggle to see the clear path ahead of them.

Our Moment

Thank god there's hot water here, I rather not shower with cold water never again in my life. One time is enough for me.

Also I better finish getting ready, I really want to rock this dress that Chloe got me. I hope it looks good on me, specially since she looked amazing in that suit she was wearing, just imagining us walking together gets me blushing already. I really can't believe we made love...it feels weird to say it like that but I don't really want to say 'fuck' or screwing around. It doesn't feel right, whatever it is I liked it. Hopefully she enjoyed it too, I mean it seemed like she did. After we made 'love' (yes I'm owning it) she fell asleep pretty fast and she seemed calm, more than she has been pretty lately. Poor Chloe, I know it must be so hard for her to be here with me. I'm in no position to comfort her but I can't help but wanting to be there for her, I don't want her to be all tense all the time. I miss hearing her laugh as she did, play around like a dummy and even tell those lame jokes that she loves to say. Everything she's been doing and saying doesn't feel like her, it feels like she's just acting like herself but something is missing in her personality and it's not like I can just ask her like that. Not after making up, no probably not. She says she's fine but she's not. No one in would be after losing their mom and she's working so much to hide it, maybe I'll ask her after the show and hope for the best. I'm not looking to get her all worked up again, I've had enough of that, I'll try to be more calm and just hope that she doesn't blow up on my face. Sigh, Chloe I love you and I want us to be happy together, not just pretending but actually being.

What if she only did those things with me to forget her problems, am I still okay with that, with just being a thing for her?

Max, for now just try and relax yourself, we can think about this later. Right now you need to finish getting ready and try to have a good time at the art show. The art show, why did I told Chloe to go back, I'm so nervous that I don't even want to go anymore. Maybe this was a bad idea, I don't want to get all worked up and cause another scene.

No this is a good thing, I need to overcome this. I can't let Jefferson keep a hold of me, he's dead and I'm never going back to the dark room. Never again in that room, strapped on a chair, unable to move, alone...so alone, without hope. My breathing is getting more intense, breath in, breath out, in and...out. Pull yourself together Max, Chloe is waiting on you. Yeah, Chloe is here with me...she's here.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  


Chloe's POV

Allright Chloe today is the day, you're going out with Max to the show. No time to be all moody now, get your happy face and forget about everything else. Yep, easy enough.

Its freezing out here and this suit isn't exactly warm. Kinda makes me wish I had brought more clothes, I already knew the storm was coming so why didn't I? Well too late for that now since all Arcadia Bay is gone along with my clothes. I'm going back inside, maybe Max is already out by now.

While walking towards the room I notice that each step I give is a drag, heavy and bothersome. Goddam Chloe what's wrong now? Why are you pissed for no good reason again? You already talked about this with Max, you should be better, all fix and brand new. Guess I'm just damaged goods.

I really am a piece of work, good thing I got Max to fix me up. I stop at the door and just lean on it for a bit, looking at my breath as it becomes visible in the cold.

"I'll get better Max, I won't keep dragging you down." I reach for the door handle, open the door and quickly notice how warm it is inside. I move up to the chair next to the TV and just stay there for a moment.

"And nope, not going to remain still there." I'm not nearly enough that calm of a person to stay sitting.

I check the time on my phone and notice that its been a while since Max went in. I walk up to the bathroom door, throw a small knock and...I don't get anything back

"Max?" Nothing, I pull my face next to the door to see if I can hear anything.

Shit it sounds like Max is getting bad again, I better check her out.

Knock knock

"Hey Max everything allright over there?"

The door is opening already and Max seems...not good, fuck me. I hold her and get her to rest at the bed, she kinda seems out of it. She has some blood on her nose and her eyes look lost, like she doesn't know where she is.

"Max! are you okay, talk to me. What do you need?" SHIT she's not responding. I'm checking her forehead and she's burning up.

"Why didn't you say anything Max" I lay her out on the bed and take off her dress so she can breath better and quickly get some wet towels to cool her off.

Her entire body is sweating and throbbing, motherfucker what should I do. Don't panic Chloe do not panic right now. Okay she has a fever and we don't have any medicine right now, I already took her clothes off , I start cleaning her sweat off with another towel, I don't want to keep using the same one.

She seems to be breathing but she still isn't responding to my voice or me. I quickly rush to get a cup with water to at least keep her hydrated.

I slowly hold her head up and give her some water, she's still the same. Should I call an ambulance or something I don't know I mean its bad but is it that bad? C'mon Chloe remember what did Joyce used to do.

"Oh yeah, keeping a cold towel in your forehead helps" I rush and get a few more wet towels and put them all around her body.

"Ok, ok this will work....Max? Hey are you there?" She seems to be trying to say something.

"Sorry Chloe, I ruined everything again" She's still worried about this, no this doesn't matter Max, I already told you.

"Max don't worry about anything right now, just get better. Nothing is your fault, it never has been so don't think about it anymore. I'm here with you ok, I don't blame you I fucking love you just please stop worrying about that stuff."

"I-I-I can't, I can't its my fault. Everyone keeps telling me so, they all say it over and over again, even you" She's crying and sobbing, holding onto my arm with barely any force, she's trying to tell me something but I can't hear her.

"I'm sorry..." Max...I hug her and sooth her cheek until she falls asleep. She seems to have tired herself out. She must be in so much pain right now.

I stay in bed next to her, touching her crying face, wiping her tears I can't help but feel like crying. I can't keep seeing her like this, her beautiful face sobbing when she should be smiling.

I hold her hand, and she holds mine.

"Max, I'm here. I'm never leaving you."

Maybe she heard me, she threw a small smile just now.

"There we go Caulfield, see you still have it" What are we going to do, I can't help but start sobbing. She's still suffering, we're both still suffering after all. Fuck I don't know how we're going to overcome this, I'm a mess and apparently so is she and I've tried to keep being all happy and shit but I can't keep it up and Max isn't buying it either. Here I am laying next to Max, covering my face with my hands, wishing that everything became happy and fine. That Max was smiling and taking pictures of the world, me besides her happy as well but all that seems like a dream, something we can only hope of...

I need to stop being so pitiful, if not for me for Max. I've already told myself but I'm saying it again. I need to get better, stop being all depressed and stop bullshitting everything I do. I need to be who I am, if that's sad and angry sometimes, then that's what I'll be. I'll be real with Max, I don't want to keep lying to her.

Still laying here next to Max, I look at her now smiling face, dork. Sniff, seems like she heard me.

"You're not awake are you? It would be really embarrassing if you did?...Are you Max?"

Well at least it seems like she's having a good dream. Good thing we didn't went to the gallery after all, the storm may be over but we're not out of our own shit going here.

Allright I better get up and let her sleep. Might as well get some food for when Max wakes up, Joyce told me its always good to have some food in your stomach, more so when your sick.  
"Thanks mom, glad to know you're still helping me out" Can't help but feel that she's still with me, still nagging at me mainly.  
Now, how do I get food without leaving Max by herself? Let's see if I can get someone here to buy some food for me.  


\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Max POV

  
Mmm, my head hurts like hell.

Where am I?

White room, so bright and straps? No not again please wake up Max, please now.

"Ha, thinking of leaving? But you've just arrived." Calm down Max he's not real and you'll be waking up soon enough. Wait, something is off, he doesn't have his camera. There seems to be someone lying around but I can't see who it is.

"Hello again Max. You didn't think you'll never see me again did you? Now look, I know you don't want to be here so I brought someone so you can feel more at ease" He's walking down to the room, dragging that person over to me.

Breath in,. One, two, three and out. Its not real, he can't harm me anymore.

"Look, your punk girlfriend is here." He puts her in front of me, she's...she's d-d-dead.

Nooo, Chloe no. I can't, I can't feel anything...No no no no no no no no no no no

"and she's been a more obedient than you. Well as much as you can be when you're dead. Now you won't be as lonely Max."

Chloe's lifeless body is in front of me, staring at me with those lifeless eyes of hers just laying there in the ground.

"This isn't real, you're not real, she's not real. Nothing is real"

"Oh but it is Max, for you that is. I'll always be right here, always floating in there. Hovering over your every thought. You know, just this time I'm not going to take any pictures. For the matter of fact, I'll leave. Just you and your 'Chloe' ". Jefferson walks out of the room with a grin on his face, he knows this is the worst he could do to me.

I can't, I'm not opening my eyes, no she's not dead, she's not dead.

"I'm sorry Chloe, I did this to you. Its all my fault all my fault all my fault.

Hm, something is holding my hand. Its warm and its gripping my fingers. I open my eyes and its Chloe, she's alive, yes she is.

"Max, I'm here for you"

"Chloe!!" I end up sobbing and crying, the straps seem to have disapeared and I'm free to move. I hold her so tight, I never want to see that again.

"Chloe, I was so scared, I know you're not dead but looking at you there was horrible, I-"

"I'm never leaving you" She holds me tighter and holds my head, I feel like a baby in her arms. I feel safe in her.

I'm no longer in the dark room, Chloe is still here with me, still hugging me. She starts to let go but she's still here, still here with me.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
What's this? Something is grabbing me from behind. I'm in the motel, ok. In the motel with Chloe. Am I sleeping with Chloe? I end up looking behind me just to be sure and yep, there she is. A punk rock girl is sleeping while holding me tight. I like this.

How did I got here? Did we got drunk at the gallery or something, I don't even remember going. Maybe I can get her to let me go, let's see...

"Morning Max, how you doing?"

Dammit, I woke her up. I'm not as much of a ninja as I presumed to be.

"Fine? I think." I turn around still laying next to her, looking at her face, it seems like she didn't sleep much. Did she had to take care of me or something.

"Thank god you're fever seems to have gone down. I was so worried Max, I swear I almost called an ambulance to come and get you last night."

What? Was I sick, I don't remember. I remember being in the bathroom and...that's pretty much all. Did I maybe pass out, gosh I must have bothered her again.

"Max don't even start, I know that face already, you're not a bother ok, you could never annoy me"

How did she know that?

"How did you know what I was thinking, are you a jedi Chloe, cause we're going to have serious problems if you are and you never told me"

"I wish, maybe then I would always have the best answer. No I'm not a jedi but you've done that same face so many times already whenever you think you're bothering me or get all tense, which is because you're thinking that." I'm touched really, she's been noticing me.

I get in a sitting position to start getting a better perspective and wowser, what's all that?

"Chloe?"

"Yeah Max, and that's your what the fuck face right?"

Ok she's getting annoyingly good.

"Yeah, what's with all that food?"

"Well I thought you might need some food in your system after being sick so I had this sweet old lady buy all of these groceries for us, think she went a bit overboard?"

"You think? This is enough to last us a week if not more. And who did you got exactly?"

"The manager, I kinda trick her into buying all this food for us. I told her that you were very sick and needed food and after a little sob story she offered to buy us the food. I kinda slipped in that you were my girlfriend/fiance so she would agree." Chloe is doing this face as if she had been caught doing something.

I'm still kinda thrown off the girlfriend/fiance thing?

"Yay for the free food and yay too for the girlfriend? Is that what we are, I want us to be that" I say really sheepishly, we haven't really talked about that, just kissed and stuff without discussing it.

"YESH, cough. I mean yeah you're kidding me I freaking love you Max."

I was not expecting that big of a reaction but my heart skip a beat when she did.

"And that is your supper happy face right? I hope it is" Chloe looks so nervous, she started looking down and fidgeting with her hair, wait does she actually think I don't like her or something? That couldn't be, its obvious.

"No its not."

"Oh"

"Its my I love you too face." I hug her and bury my face on her shoulder, I can't look at her I'm too embarrassed. Chloe is resting her chin in my head, and I think she's crying. I kinda push my head back to look at her eyes. She's happy but crying...

"Max I pro-I promise to make you good."

And she pulls me back to as we were before.

"Make me good? I'm happy but I'm not sure what that means Chloe?" I say while laughing a bit, but I remain the same, hugging her back and smelling her. She smells good.

"You're really going to make me say it, I mean that I'm going make you good. To be on the same page, happy, angry, sad, crying, laughing" She's started crying.

"Max, I need to tell you something. About Joyce."

She let's go of me and we change positions, we're now sitting and looking at each other. Well Chloe is looking down, this must be making her very uncomfortable.

"Joyce, she-she left me a note. She told me to take care of you. I know it may not mean much to you but I know her and she must have known that you and me being back together was a good thing, and that you would only do the best for me. And she also knew that I would do my best to push you away like I push everyone away and she knew that Max. She knew me so well. I found this note the other day, the day I kissed you, remember."  
  
"I remember Chloe" I'm holding her hand and looking at her, she's in pain telling me all this. Whatever it is, I'm here for her. She's now looking at me, she comes closer and kisses me at my cheek, its wet, sloppy and I can feel her.  
  
"She told me to take care of you Max and I know I haven't doing it. I've only caused problems for you, worry you, for godsake I'm making you sick"  
  
"No you're not, I've just been stressed"  
  
"Yes stressed because I keep causing trouble for you, fighting you and sigh. I broke that promise to Joyce and I want to fix that. I want to make it up to her and you. That's what I mean by making you good."  
  
Chloe is trying so hard right now, she's never been any good at being this open.  
  
"Chloe, I accept your making me good promise"  
  
"Pfft. Thank god you do Max. Really, thank you." She lets herself fall on top of me and I catch her...falling to the bed again. I begin to stroke her hair and I can't help but notice that the blue from her hair is starting to dye out. Does this mean blonde Chloe is coming back. Either way I love my Chloe.  
  
"Hey Chloe."  
  
"Yeah Max"  
  
"I know we're having this moment but..."  
  
"but?"  
  
"I'm really hungry" My stomach is rumbling right now and god Chloe must be feeling it too. She puts her hand on my stomach and start to playfully massage it.  
  
"Well if you're hungry there's only one way to fix that isn't there"  
  
She stands up and goes to the groceries and starts to pick the ingredients apart.  
  
"Breakfast made at home? Seems delicious already"  
  
"Easy cookie monster, dessert only after breakfast which let's not forget is the most important meal of the day"  
  
Chloe start getting herself an apron over herself which might be a good idea since she's only wearing boxers and a shirt. Hot oil hurts like hell, yeah I'm not a good cook.  
  
Looking at Chloe from here, being so caring for me feels good. Seems like she's doing well on her promise, Joyce you have a good daughter.  
  
"You ok Max? You're looking at the ceiling and last time that didn't go so well"  
  
"Couldn't be better Chloe, actually I'm good"  
  
"Well just you wait until you try my famous special omelete reserved only for the special people of Chloe Price. It'll make you feel something else in a second, or at least that's what Joyce told me. Either way it'll do something. And don't worry, the only person who has tried this is my mom so don't go thinking other stuff you pervert."  
  
"That's actually sweet Chloe." She throws one of her sweet smile my way.  
  
While I watch Chloe I can only say I'm good. I'm glad I did what I did.  
  
...  
...  
It still feels weird being on my underwear with Chloe, her rubbing against my legs and skin. I like it but its still so nerve breaking, do I even look good? I haven't seen myself and now I want even less... wait.  
  
Hold on a minute.  
  
"Chloe?"  
  
"Whats up super Max, the fever coming back or something"  
  
"No, its just... I just noticed that I'm on my underwear. I may not remember much but I'm positive I was wearing a dress. Care to explain where it went?" I say with a touch of detective likeness. While covering with the blanket, yes very nerve breaking.  
  
"Give me some credit Max, I'm not a pervert who preys on sick people, just on healthy Maxs. I took your dress off when I caught you from falling to the ground. You're welcome." Giving me a sly side look.  
  
Was I that bad, I just remember getting ready for the art-  
  
"The show Chloe we were supposed to go. I completely forgot about it."  
  
"Don't sweat it, we're not going there"  
  
"But I need to go, I need to get better so I can overcome the stuff that happened." I really do need to do this, I say while staring at Chloe to the eye.  
  
Chloe doesn't say anything back, she continues to work on her omelete, humming a song. A song I don't recognize. Maybe she doesn't want to talk about this right now, not like I blame her. She probably has had enough of all this drama that's been happening.  
  
She puts the omelete on a plate, gets another plate and starts getting some...fruit. I admit, I wasn't expecting a special breakfast like this. She's actually way better than I expected, she's bringing everything to me, really classy. She places the tray down and sits next to me. Holding my hand, she massages it for a bit and then looks at me.  
  
"Here you go sweet princes Maxine" Ok now she's just teasing me.  
  
"Watch it Price." Still caressing my hand, still humming her song and now looking at me with a soft smile that makes you forget about everything.  
  
"Look Max, I know you want to get better really quickly but I don't want you to. That sounded wrong, what I mean is that it'll take time to recover from everything. You need more time, more time to think and accept all of this. I'm the least indicated person to say this but I think its too early for you to go to that gallery. Pictures clearly still hold a big impact over you and I don't blame you for panicking, I wouldn't never been able to endure what you went through and I'm glad you made it out. But no, I don't want you to keep stressing like this, Max when you're ready we'll overcome anything together but until then let's drown in this Priceless breakfast."  
  
She's right. She is, I haven't given time to really rest or forget about all this, but only pressuring myself to get better or improve. I can't rush this.  
  
"Chloe, you're right"  
  
"... ... That's it? No fighting me or disagreeing? You sure that fever hasn't come back."  
  
"Nope, I can't disagree with nothing of what you just said. You're right, I been doing this all wrong. I'm not alone in this, we're together and we'll get better together."  
  
"Yeah, together"  
  
"We're in deep shit aren't we Chloe?"  
  
"Nah, just a little stress out. Nothing that we can't beat."  
  
"Okay enough of this stuff and eat your breakfast, I really did my best ok. It might not be to Two Whales level but Joyce did taught me so it can't be so bad." She strokes my nose with a small push and moves away from the bed. She looks calm, happy even.  
  
Chloe is getting dressed, putting her pants first, shirt, jacket and...no beanie this time.  
  
I grab the fork and start munching on Chloe's homemade food...with a very distinguishable flavor.  
  
"And let me guess, that's your 'this food is terrible" face right? Don't worry, it can only get better."  
  
And she still has the sweetest smile, great blue eyes, bluish hair and...where is she going? She turns around and looks at me.  
  
"Stop overthinking everything okay" She begins to walk over me, pulls the blanket down, smiles and...  
  
And she plants a kiss on my lips.  
  
"Did this calm you down?"  
  
Again, beautiful angel in front of me.  
  
"Not yet, I'm still going to need one more."  
  
"After breakfast Caulfield, don't get greedy. I''' be sure to give you extra if you finish it all." I get a kiss on my forehead and she leaves the room.  
  
I don't know why, but I feel that our time might be much, much more smoother and I'm not saying it just because Chloe has given me three more kisses since the last one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays to all and thank you for reading.  
May not be much but here's a small gift for all of you.


	4. Quick Stops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone needs time to have fun, get angry and even scared. Anything to relax from the real problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for stopping by and hopefully you all enjoy reding this long chapter which could be separated into three smaller chunks, but decided to make it all into one.  
Again, thank you and enjoy.  
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I don't know what to choose, this one or maybe that one? Or just get all of them, seems like too much. Who would've thought I'll struggle so much to buy some snacks. Its a hard choice really...or I can just buy some beef jerky and go full country style. Seems more fitting for us since we are on the road.  
  
What to pick what to pick, I didn't even ask Chloe what she wanted. She probably wants a pack of cigarettes right now. I can tell she's been needing them lately, I'm not a fan of cigarettes but they do help her calm down but I don't want to encourage her smoking but also I don't want to control everything she does and be one of those controlling girlfriends,. She's her own person and thats the person I like. Why am I thinking this, I'm just here to buy some snacks for the road, not figure out my relationship.  
  
I don't know why but I feel weird, like someone is watching me. Is it Chloe? Nope, she's still outside putting gas on the truck. I turn around and I see an older woman working the cash register. Why is the cashier is looking at me and why does she look so pissed.  
  
"Excuse me ma’am, do you need something from me?" Nothing, she stays quiet.  
  
The older woman over the counter seems awfully angry at me for some reason, she's hunched over looking over at me. Its not like I look shady, I already washed my clothes and I don't think I look weird or anything. She keeps glancing at me every time I move.  
  
"Young lady are you going to buy something or not? Don't even think of pulling a fast one here, this is not that kind of store where you can shoplift easily."  
  
"Oh no, I wasn't thinking of doing anything like that. I'm just not sure of what to buy."  
  
"U-hu, right. I know what you are, you and that girl over there. Hurry up before I decide to throw you out of my shop."  
  
Hold on.  
  
"What about that girl?"  
  
"Don't think I don't know, a girl like her can only mean trouble anywhere she goes and here she is dragging you down with her. You pour soul don't know any better. Drugs, alcohol and god knows what else she has going on in her life" She starts talking with this condescending tone.  
  
I really don't care if she says anything about me but I'm not letting her talk shit about Chloe. What's her problem anyways, we're just buying some gasoline and snacks. I'll just pick a few random candies, chocolates and make my way towards to pay and leave this store for good.  
  
No. I need to say something to her, she can't say this stuff about Chloe, I won't let her.  
  
"Can you not talk of her like that, she's my girlfriend and I don't appreciate you talking of her like that."  
  
"Poor girls, may god have mercy on your souls. " She looks up while saying that and turns to me, then down at the candies and chocolate. I can see the disgust in her face, as if we were something that needed cleaning.  
  
"Is that all sweetie?" She says with a frown in her face, resentment in her voice.  
  
Fuck this, she's not getting away with this.  
  
"You know what, no. I forgot something"  
  
"Sure you did, go on then you girl."  
  
I begin walking towards some plastic cups, these really large ones. I grab two and start filling them up all the way up and I'm not taking the tops. I can still feel this old lady glaring at me.  
  
"And hurry up while you're at it" Sure, you keep smirking old hag, just you wait.  
  
When the cups are already full I walk over the counter and put them down to pay.  
  
"How much will it be with the gas too?" I ask her with a full on smile, staring right back at her.  
  
"$24.49"  
  
I pull $25 out of my wallet and as I'm giving her he money she snaps the bills from my hand and even throws me the change. She's going to regret that so much.  
  
"You know what, I don't want them anymore. I'm not taking them"  
  
The old lady whose name is Rose, is angry. Now she's staring at me intensely, she's clinching her fist, trying so hard to contain herself.  
  
Before she can even speak I throw the extra large cups full of cherry Icee right at her.  
  
It goes all to her face, all the liquid passing down through her wrinkles, her clothes already absorbing it and it feels so good to see her drop like that.  
  
So I start running at full speed towards the truck. That was so worth it, that'll teach her to be more mindful.  
  
As I run outside Chloe seems shocked to see me running like crazy. I reach the truck, quickly open the door and get in.  
  
"Chloe start the truck we need to leave right now" She seems to be in disbelief, not worried but just confused.  
  
"Why are you covered in red?" Really Chloe, that's what you're asking.  
  
"You bitch get back over here"  
  
Chloe looks at the old lady screaming. She notices that she's drenched in the same red liquid as I am and immediately turns the engine, puts it on drive, steps down on the accelerator and off we go with an old woman screaming behind us.  
  
With some distance away now, I breath out and just let myself fall to the seat. Chloe is smiling and looking at me, I can see she's anxiously waiting for me to say something. I can't believe I just did that.  
  
"That was intense"  
  
"No shit, what the hell happened anyways? She was running and looking at you like she wanted to rip your damm head off".  
  
"Yeah, probably because I threw two large Icees straight at her face.  
  
She's making this confused face while still glancing at me and the road.  
  
"Am I being a bad influence on you?"  
  
"I think you're actually rubbing in pretty good. Besides she earned that all by herself."  
  
"Really? Care to explain then. I have my own share of people screaming at me like that but I'm sure this is a first for you. So c'mon spill the beans already"  
  
"Ok ok. Well you know I was just going in to get some snacks right" I sit up straight and start gesturing what just occurred.  
  
"Right." She pulls down on the road as she has decided that my story is worthy of her attention, helped greatly by an angry old woman covered in red.  
  
"So I was there just thinking of what to buy when this woman started to glare at me, since I came to the store I could feel her gaze. She then started to insinuate that I was going to steal something and that she knew our 'type'. She even dragged you in and began talking about you and saying all this shit that she knew nothing about and that was it. I snapped and I went for the Icees, paid for them so I didn't do any actual crime. She then threw the change at me and pam. I threw them right at her face."  
  
I cross my arms and throw this 'I can be a baddass too' look. Chloe turns over and sits facing at me.  
  
"Oh that bitch earned that. Shit I think she got off easy, if that was me I would've done something way worse, how the fuck does she goes saying that crap and on top of that thinks you're going to steal something."  
  
"So you approve then, here I thought you might scold at me since I forgot to get anything"  
  
"Yeah right. Fuck that I'm glad Max, no old lady is going to mess with you now. You're a granny killer"  
  
"I can think of something better than that, how about grandma taker"  
  
"I'm sure that’s actually its own porn category, let's just leave it at Max don't take no shit from nobody and P.S you didn't rob her but you did assault her so you are at least 'a criminal'. Welcome to the club"  
  
"How couldn't I be one when you're my partner in crime, its only fair I start gettig some stories. But seriously, I can't believe she said those things. What kind of person even says those things about other people, she doesn't even know you and she starts to talk crap about you, it just made me so angry to hear her say those things when she has no idea of who you are. No one is about to start bad mouthing you." Chloe was about to start the engine but stops herself to say something. She takes a deep breath and lets out an even deeper one.  
  
She turns to look at me. She seems calm, I think.  
  
"You know, a lot of people have said some mean shit behind my back and even to my face. I've fought with people just because they glanced weird at me. When I was with Joyce sometimes, they would get talking about me being a mess, a troubled kid and that kind of stuff. She would usually defend me and shut those people off. Even Rachel would help me out when people talked shit about how I looked and acted. But Rachel only could do so much, and Joyce stopped caring at one point and she just let people talk, she got tired of defending me I guess."  
  
...  
  
She curiously looks at me, as if she's looking how I'll react to her saying that. I don't say anything, I don't want to interrupt her, I just keep listening.  
  
"Its all in the past and its not like it still bothers me but my point is, thank you. I really mean it, I'm glad you don't think I'm useless or just another punk rock girl who's taking you for a ride. It feels good to know that I can count on you to defend me and not being embarrassed of me like most people are."  
  
Before I can say anything she clears her eyes and turns the truck back on.  
  
"Cough, well we better get back on road. We better get going since we're so close already to to Seattle"  
  
She still seems a bit shaky, she's trying to hide it but does a poor job. She covers her face but its no use, I reach over the keys and take them off.  
  
"Hey what are you doi-"  
  
"Shush. There's no rush to be there now, believe me I rather spend more time with just the two of us and have some fun. Besides, its not like we need to get there now. How about making some quick stops over at Portland and explore the city, you know have some fun. We're not that far anyways."  
  
I think she agrees, her eyes suddenly open with what I think its excitement. Some little adventuring would be very much welcome and we do need to take some edge off.  
  
"That sounds great. Yeah ok, let's go to Portland"  
  


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Chloe is moving so hard right now, she looks magical, well not exactly magical but intriguing, yeah lets leave it like that. The music is so loud and I can't really hear anything else but its actually pretty cool to be at an actual show of these, specially with the dark environment and red lights going on. Everyone is really into it and are moving so rough kinda that its contagious actually. Chloe seems pretty into it already, I would love to take a picture of her right now but...better not.

All this is pretty hardcore, a bit too much for me so I'll just be here drinking my beer. Not dancing like crazy but at least I'm taking part in it. I can see why Chloe loves this vibe, its so accelerating and it makes you feel alive. It kinda takes my thoughts away and makes me want to move, just move and do something.

"Isn't this show awesome. Hi I'm Kev, looks like you want to take in part of the dancing, care to join me?"

Oh some guy trying to pick me up, its ok Max just say no.

"T-thanks but I'm already with someone, I'm just laying down for a bit. But thanks anyways"

"Well then I can wait with yo here, no harm done. So what’s your name pretty girl, this doesn't seem like your kind of place"

Just breath Max, he's only talking to you. Breath you never had a problem before.

"Thanks but really I rather wait by myself"

He seems to be getting annoyed, I can't see much but his face is getting all wrinkly, more tense than when he came. I better go with Chloe.

"I need to leave I saw my friend already" I don't even look back I just keep walking. Go with Chloe, she's right there so don't worry and calm down. Someone grabs my wrist and pulls me towards them.

"Hey c'mon I'm just talking with you. I'm not doing anything else so no need panic or anything"

Breath in, out, in out.

"Shit are you allright girl, let's go outside and get some fresh air." He's pulling me and isn't listening to me, why isn't no one doing anything I don't want this.

"Let me go or I'll call th-"

"What the fuck is going on here, let go of her you dumb fuck"

Chloe grabs me and pulls me with her, thank god Chloe.

"Calm down, I was just trying to help her she was getting real weird and I thou-"

"You shut the fuck up before I kick your ass down "

"Look just because you're a girl doesn't mean I won-"

Chloe spits at the guys face and breaks a bottle in his head sending him down at the floor. That seems to keep him down and confused.

"You ok Max, did he do anything weird to you?" She grabs my body and face, checking if he roughed me up or touched me. She looks so angry and scared right now.

I feel so scared I just want her to hold me.

"Lets get out of here, for a walk or something" She takes hold of my hand and we start walking out but before that she looks down at they guy still bleeding down, he's trying to get up.

"Stay the fuck down you piece of shit" And she kicks him on his face and that knocks him back down, not getting up this time. The only good thing not being able to see shit in here is that nobody noticed a thing. Thank god Chloe came.

We're outside, now a few steps out of the club. Chloe holding me and not letting me go.

"Sorry Max I shouldn't had left you alone, should've known a girl like you would get flirted with."

"Thanks, I was really scared back there."

"Did he did anything to you, anything in any way I can still go back and finish his ass off, I'm sure of it."

"No he didn't Chloe, he just was too pushy and drunk"

She lets go of me and gets a hold of my hand, still looking at me as if I might break at any moment. Here in Portland there's still people late at night on the street.

"You sure?"

"Yes I'm sure, let's go for a walk. It would calm me a little" I grab her arm and we begin walking like couples do, I see why people do it. It feels nice, cozy, warm and safe. I want to stay like this forever...

As we're walking we see that there's a bunch of stores and diners still open, it feels lively more so than in the day. You can feel the energy of the people here.

"It sure is different than Arcadia Bay, isn't it? Everyone walking like friends, music blasting from every corner and everyone looks so different. Kinda makes you feel normal"

"What are you talking about, we are normal." I say while looking at her and noticing her blue eyes observing everything around her.

"Yeah normal that’s what we are. You know, this is what I been wanting to do since I was little"

"Walking at night with me hugging your arm? I'm flattered" She kisses my head and then taps me at the nose rather bluntly.

"No dork. Leaving Arcadia Bay, going to different cities and seeing new things that I hadn't seen. Meaning anything else, and it feels great to do so...Too bad Rachel couldn't do it or Joyce knowing that I finally got out of town. Too bad it took so much for me to finally do so"

We keep walking down the street, still quiet. We see a wig shop and stop right in front of it, there's a couple of mirrors on display and we can see ourselves. We look happy, normal like Chloe said.

"So what do say and we go looking for another club, but this time we stick together. Maybe even going to one of those hipster clubs where weird music is playing"

"First of all, yes. Secondly, I'm offended. Its not weird music its cultural music that does more than say words, they are telling a message and they try to convey it through the tone of the beat...and some of them might sound weird but shut up"

"Told you."

We continue walking down the road, take a left and talk about weird, a museum dedicated to freaky shit. We both look at each other and instantly have the same thought.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
An hour later

"Fuck me. See I told you aliens were real, the government is hiding all this proof. Like for example that video of that unnatural ship moving up and down instantly. Or these waves that are being catch by scientists, experts of their science that have no explanation of how they came to be. Technically unfeasible by today's technology. You gotta be convinced by now and I think you should start changing your alliances to the superior living beings"

"Really Chloe? That video seems so amateur and doesn't support your idea, I mean if they were real don't you think they would already told us"  
  
"That's what they're doing but the government is hiding everything"  
  
"Well I need more proof before I bow down to the 'superior' living beings that you're talking about. Until then I bow to no one."  
  
"We'll see once they come down and find your insubordination, then you'll come begging me to vouch for you"  
  
"And I'm sure you will"  
  
"You'll be my falling Maxin- ouch hey stop that. Don't pinch me there I'm ticklish"  
  
"Bow to me and I'll forgive you"  
  
"Never!"  
  
We start this tickling war, she goes for my sides, I hold her and do her ears and dammit I lost it, this is too much.  
  
"Pftt hey its no fair, you have longer arms than I do"  
  
"Everything is fair in war and love"  
  
..  
..  
"Ok time out I give up. You win, any more and I think I'll pee"  
  
"That'll bring memories."  
  
"Chloe, I was a little kid and it was so long ago"  
  
"Old habits die hard don't they?"  
  
"It was never a habit in the first place, it only happened once or twice"  
  
"Can't teach an old dog new tricks"  
  
"Finished?"  
  
"Once a pisser, always a pi-pft ok I'll stop, I'll stop. Let me go"  
  
"Not until you apologize"  
  
"My bad sorryyy, you're not a pisser I get it already"  
  
"Shit, I need to catch my breath. Dammit I think I actually peed a little just now"  
  
"Seems fitting"  
  
This is fun, but I'm starting to get a little tired already.  
  
"Hey I'm a little sleepy already, shouldn't we get going to the truck?"  
  
"Aahhh sure. I'm beginning to get tired too anyways. What do you say about staying at an inn, there's a few down here"  
  
"Sure but what about the truck?"  
  
"It'll be fine, its not like that old thing is getting robbed or anything. We can just go get it tomorrow after getting up"  
  
"Hey it might be old but I'm starting to get attached to that old truck. It has style, just like you do."  
  
Chloe throws me one of her sly looks and stops. She starts to smell herself and proceeds to grab me. And she isn't letting go. Crap.  
  
"Are you saying I stink cause I've been showering you know that right."  
  
"Pft what are you talking about, I just meant that the truck has its own charm and you do too. If anything the truck smells better than both of us"  
  
"Then I guess we better start showering more often don't you think"  
  
"Why are we talking of taking showers? Lets go get sleep already"  
  
"Your fault Maxs and allright lets get a room at let me see...Sleepy Joe's Inn? Sounds good enough.  
  


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Sitting at the end of the bed, just sitting here with our backs against the wall watching old people scream "I've fallen and I can't get up" on TV. Do people still buy these things, seems weird if they do I mean we have phones now. What’s the point of them.

Chloe seems to be having fun as well, she keeps laughing at these actors. Or maybe they're actual people who really fell and their families record them. Esay way to make money.

"I kinda like this room. Its definitely better than the rest we've stayed at"

"Its allright it gets the job done, as long as I don't wake up with a rat on my face no complaints here"

I can't help but laugh a bit at that

"Yelp must love your reviews if that's your standard"

"What can I say, I'm a simple girl who only needs a bed in her life"

"And food. Or you would die of hunger"

"Sure food too, nothing fancy just a couple of burgers for this belly"

I'm starting to feel tired again, I can feel my eyes going down already. Hm I think Chloe is still talking

"-re you still there. I'm the one that usually falls asl-"

I feel so calmed I just want to lay down. I snuggle down at my pillow (Chloe) and just lay my head down.

"I like my pillow" I barely let out a whisper and everything is starting to go away.

"Sle- ight -Max, -et dreams"

"Night" I feel so good right now.

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Weird, why is my camera in the middle of class. I better get it. I walk towards it, crouch down to get it and…it disappears.

"What's going on here"

"Okay everyone get ready for class today is a very important day for all of you. I want you all sit and give your attention to Max"

Why is Jefferson still here and what's everyone doing here, this isn't right.

"Tell me, what do you all see in her? And remember there's no wrong answers"

Victoria, Brook, Warren, Nathan, Kate, Taylor and everyone else, why are they here. They all look, different.

"Yes Victoria." She stands up and looks directly at me. Its horrible, she's covered in blood and has foam all over her face, is that how she ended up because of me?

"I see someone who is pretending, an actor who is too afraid to show her true face, someone that hides their true intentions and makes you think they're actually a good person."

"That's not true, I'm not pretending I never was"

"MAX hold your tongue. We all know how you want to make us believe your lies but right now, now we are sharing what we all see so stay quiet and learn to listen."

I try to say something back but I can't speak, my voice is gone. What's going on, this is not true. Everything I ever did was help others, I never left them alone.

"Oooo me next, I got tons to say about Max" No, Warren you.

I can barely recognize him, his skin is all burned, his whole face and body are...No I can't accept this is how you ended up...I'm sorry about what happened to you. I saved you, I was with you, you saw me leave. This isn't possible.

"Super Max, man she's a real piece of work. You know I thought we were friends but I guess that was a lie. You were using me the whole time and I was so naive that I always trusted you but hey, at least now I know. You never wanted to help anyone, you only did it because you needed something. You just wanted to control us using your powers, making yourself feel powerful since you can't do anything, just another fake girl pretending to be a friend"

Did he really thought that about me...No, he didn't. He told me himself before I-...before I left him for dead. Someone else is standing up, I can't see who it is.

"Ah, yes Kate, and what do you see"

Kate, she's standing in front of me, her back facing me. There's blood dripping from her face, no I don't want to see this.

"I see, a cursed, wretched being who doesn't care of others. Someone who only helps herself, who only does what she pleases and doesn't care for the trail of destruction she leaves behind"

"No Kate, that's not true I'm your friend, I was always there for you. I'm sorry I couldn’t save you at the end, I wish I had done something sooner, said the right words to make you believe me"

"No Max I don't want to hear your lies, not anymore. Its time you face the truth"

This isn't you Kate, you're sweet, caring and wouldn't say these things. She's starting to turn, I can see her, her face full of blood, smoldered from the ground, no I can't see this.

I shut my eyes tight, I can't. I couldn’t help her, its my fault she's like this.

I can feel something near me, a pulsing, eerie sound. I slighly open my eyes and Kate its right...in front of me, her face, its all wrong.

"Don't lie Max, its not that you couldn't save me but you didn't want to. This is all your fault."

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I open my eyes and can feel my heartbeat still beating like crazy, I feel cold, sweaty, tense and someone laying besides me.

"Its ok Max, you're safe. I'm here with you"

I look up at her, and my eyes begin to water up, I can't stop. I throw myself to her, hiding myself in her. Its my fault Kate ended up like that, Victoria, Warren, everyone. I didn't do enough for any of you.

So many tears are falling down my cheeks, I can't control my breathing and air seems harder to get. Chloe doesn't say anything, she's just holding me while I sob on her, holding me like a baby. I grip to her body so tight just to make sure she's real.

I can feel my tears going down my face and falling on her, her neck is wet from my tears, she doesn't seem to mind.

She starts humming that song again. That song I still can't recognize, its soothing actually or maybe I just want anything to distract me right now. Either way I'm still in her arms, still sobbing on her. Still broken.

"Cry it out Max, let it all out until there's no more"

I can feel her heart right now, its just as mine. She's scared, just as I am.


	5. We're home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seattle is home, home is better and better is peaceful...or so they thought.

Day of the storm

  
Chloe just drive, forget what you saw, forget all those bodies lying there. Focus on the road ahead of you and not those lifeless bodies now rotting. Don't think, do not think...

Max was right, the diner is gone. I tried calling out but no one answered back, just some birds circling around it...maybe they were crows coming to get some food. So I guess Joyce...

I can feel my eyes starting to itch, to fill up, the air getting cold. Fuck this she can't, she can't just die like this. She isn't some bad person to go out that way, she was my mom. The best mom in the fucking world and I...I was the shittiest daughter. Its my fault, all of this is my fault, she's dead because of me, because I couldn't stay out of trouble. I couldn't listen to all the times she told me to be better, to get my shit together. Its my fault.  
"Chloe watch out!!"

I come back to reality and see a fucking ditch ahead of us, I quickly stomp on the brake pedal and come to a complete stop. Shit I almost killed ourselves just now. I stare at the ditch below... I get a grip on the wheel really fucking hard, I can see my knuckles turning white. Why can't you fucking stop being a freaking mess. I let go of the wheel and I start punching at it, over and over again until I can't anymore.

I can tell Max is looking at me, I don't care right now I don't want to think.

Goddam my hand is starting to cramp, running out of breath too. I turn around and see Max, still there, still looking at me with those sad eyes of hers. I clean some shit off my nose, can't even stop making a fool of myself. I turn to her, look at her.

"Its all good, nothing to worry about here." I giver this smile that must be so shitty. Don't cry, don't you dare...

Sniff, the tears falling down my eyes, my eyes closing, my nose all wrinkled and shit. I'm a mess, everything is leaking out and I can't stop it.

"Its ok, you don't have to hide it." Max holds my hand as she says this. I fall down on her knees, holding onto her shirt, trying to catch my breath and say anything.

"Shh, its allright."

"No its not, everything is wrong! She's dead Max, the di-diner is all burned to shit. You were right, she's dead and she's not coming back not even with your powers. Nothing can save her" Shaking and gripping to her, I stop feeling her hands over me, she goes tense all of a sudden. After a few seconds I start to get a hold of my breath, finally calming down. I get up from Max's embrace, I see that I left all my mucus on her.

"I'm sorry Max it just hit me too strong right now. And sorry for almost killing us too"

Bzzzzz, bzzzzz.

I hear her phone ringing, message after message  
"..."  
<  
I look over at her but she seems out of it.

"Max? You there? Somebody is trying to get your attention, besides me that is"

"Hm, oh yeah sorry just thinking of something."

"Care to tell me what, I really need something to take my mind from...all this" Anything, please fucking anything.

Max glances down and to the sides, she's avoiding me. Why is she avoiding me, I look around her and her phone still seems to be going like crazy. She has this worried look on her everything, her whole body is uncomfortable.

"Seems like you got some calls going on, shouldn't you answer to like know who it is. Maybe its Joyce, maybe she made it out. Yeah, there's still hope I can't be sure of it but maybe she cou-,"

This sorrowful expression came to Max as I said that.

"No its not. They been calling me but I didn't want to answer them right now, given how Joyce...its my parents." Oh.

"Not Joyce"

"They've sent me hundreds of messages but I don't want to reply yet, I don't want to deal with them right now"

"You should, they deserve to know that you're ok. I'm here waiting for Joyce to call me so bad so please talk to your folks. Please, maybe it'll be good luck for me" Anything that can tell me she's fine.

"Sigh. Ok, I'll do it right now"

I get my phone and check for the millionth time if I got anything. Nope, nothing at all...yet

"Mom I'm fin- yes I'm ok nothing happened to me."

Yeah right, nothing happened just some fucking tornado almost killed you.

"I'm on my way to Seattle with Chloe"

"Yes that Chloe, she has a truck and we're on our way"

How many more Chloe’s do you know, they probably forgot I even existed until now. Checking my phone again and...nada.

"No please don't come I-. I need some time to process all this. I'm fine you guys don't need to worry about me. Sorry for not answering, its just been really too much right now"

"Oh hey dad, yes we weren't in town when it happened. We were at the lighthouse"

"No dad please not now. I'm sorry but I don't want to talk about this"

"... ..."  
"I don't know dad but I'll call you when I do bye. Sigh" She lets out this big sigh as if she just did something exhausting.

"How did they sound?"

"Like they wanted to grab me from the phone, they were really worried. They didn't know if I had survived or not, that Arcadia Bay is all over the news. They were surprised to hear that I was with you"

"Bet they didn't even remember who I was since they were so quick to leave back then"

"No, you know it wasn't like that. They were happy, dad said he was really glad you were safe and that we were both on our way home. Pretty sure mom was crying but yeah, happy to know we're ok. Right?"

We're not okay Max, we're fucking bad or at least I fucking am. I don't know if Joyce is dead, I'm pretty sure she is but here I am holding to anything just to not break down.

"...Yeah, we're fantastic Max"  


\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  


Few days later

  
"Max you can't be fucking doing this, they're your parents and they should know you're ok" I can't believe she's still doing this shit while here I am wishing Joyce was alive.

"I know, you're right. Its just that they're going to start asking all this questions and I don't want to deal with all that. I don't know what I'm going to say. I don't want to say anything."

"Well what if I talk to them, I'll just tell them you're not felling well. That you got I don't know really bad diarrhea. Seems pretty likely don't you think."

"No, we're not telling them I have diarrhea but you sure you don't mind."

"Yesss max, don't worry. I'll talk to them and let them know we're fine."

She gets her phone from the door, avoiding it much? She starts calling and handles it to me.

"All yours" She handles me her phone, I stick my tongue out and give her a crazy face, I can do this with my eyes close...since I don't need eyes for a call.

"Max honey how're you doing? We been calling you but you're not answering" Shit, she seems a bit stirred already.

"Cough, sorry but not Max here. Its Chloe, Max isn't feeling well at the moment."

"Chloe, is she ok? Is she fine?" Better watch what I'll say or I'll just worry them more.

"Shit, no I mean she's tired from being in the car all day so she's sleeping right now. We made a stop at a motel but she's fine. I guarantee it, I'm...really watching over her." Damm, that last part sounded a bit more sensual that I planned, and Max's face is getting all red. I give her this 'I'm sorry look'.

I really didn't mean to do that.

"Well its good to hear she's fine. We've been so worried about her and you both. She's hasn't been answering our calls or messages either and you can imagine how preoccupied we are"

Good of her to include me there.

"Oh Chloe I'm so sorry about Joyce, we heard about her on the news an-"

Fuck me, you were right Max. I can see why you didn't want to talk to them.

"Are you still there?"

"Yes, um yeah its fine I'll get over it so Max is sleeping but I'll let you know when she wakes up. We'll call later"

There's this awkward silence now, she could tell I just told her to shut the fuck up. I don't want to deal with Joyce at this moment, and mainly I don't want to explode at Vanessa's face.

"Chloe this is Ryan. I wanted to thank you for being there with Max, I know she must be so shaken after everything that's happened."

"Yeah no problem Ryan, its my pleasure" Thank god he came over, at least he gets that talking of Joyce is not my favorite topic right now.

"So Chloe how are you girls managing? If you need to you're welcome to use Max's credit card for anything. Food, gas, clothes and any fun activites you girls need to relax" Well that seems awfully nice of him, I was starting to think of getting new clothes too, maybe a new tat.

"Sure, might as well treat this as a vacation since I kinda lost everything"

"Right." Shit, I don't think he appreciated my grim sense of humour.

"Chloe...we're here for you too, not just Max. We can't be the same as Joyce or William but we love you all th-" And I hang up, putting the phone down. Guess they now think of me as the sad girl with death parents instead of just one.

"You ok?" Max seems worried, she asks me while trying to hold my hand but I move away. She already knows.

"I'm fine, went fucking great...like always"

She was right. I rather not talk to them. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath in and out.

"I know"  


\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  


Present Day

  
Sea-fucking-attle. I know this is what I always wanted, go to Max's house and ask her why she never did call, sent a motherfucking text or even a goddam letter...but not like this. Actually driving here is getting me thinking about Joyce, Rachel and my shitty childhood with both Max and dad leaving.

I GET IT! Ok, I'm not dumb. I do realized that life just ain't perfect, its shitty, crappy and leaves you thinking that nobody loves you, that your best friend never cared for you and that you're just a trashy little girl waiting to end it all. Fack, why now Chloe. Now is when you need to be stronger and not getting all bitch crazy on Max.

I mean, why the fuck isn't she calling her parents, doesn't she realized how much they are worrying for her, they thought she was fucking dead and they just want to makes sure she's fine. I'm not one to side with authority figures but in case anyone forgets I recently became an orphan. Its been tough not to think about her, I been waking up crying from time to time expecting to smell her breakfast. Hoping she's out there, somewhere maybe still under some rubble or-fuuck, shut up Chloe, just please stop thinking about this.

Sigh, stopping for gas came out to be a good idea, its funny how I keep coming back to bawl myself out in bathrooms. Too bad the mirror is broken here, can't talk shit to myself and looking at me at the same time, it really does make it more intense.

Thump thump.  
Can't they see its busy.

"Bizzy over here! Taking a dump" True I'm busy but I'm not taking a shit, not with all these fresh needles around.

"Hope you're ready Chloe, seeing the Caulfields after so many years will be a trip down memory lane and most likely a pain in the ass. I know they'll start asking us all this crap about the storm and if we're ok, I get it but neither of us wants to talk about it."

Thump, thump.  
Goddamm can't they fucking hold it in. I get the door and strongly open it, seeing this short little kid. What is he, 8 years old and already starting shit.

"So you're the little punk rushing me?" I squad down to his size and speak to him in this sarcastic tone, nothing wrong with giving him a little attitude.

"Move it I'm going to pee myself" He dashes besides me and leaves me falling to the ground.

What? Did a little boy just fucking pushed me over? I don't know if I should laugh it out or really scarred him for life.

Max seems to be walking over to me, let me guess she has to take a shit now.

"What's up Max, piss or shit?" She gives me this little smirk but still slightly embarrased. Helps me stand up and laughs a bit.

"That’s for me to know and for you to never ask again, I'll be done in a minute."

"All right then see ya at the truck after you unload some shit. Ooo and watch it, there's a little motherfucker in there. Give him a real scare for me"

"You want me to scare a little kid?"

"Deep inside I'm just a really big kid so its even ok, give it to him real good"

"Mmmm, sure I'll do something"

I give her a thumbs up for good luck and on my way to the truck. My truck, this is the only thing I have left of home now. Putting my hand over the hood I can see this old ride is ready to die out too, soon enough I'll have nothing to prove it was all real. This beat up old truck took me places, took me, Rachel, Max and soon enough it'll stop working too. Hopefully it'll live long enough for it to take me back home, I haven't told Max yet, hell I haven't really told myself either but I'm not staying here. I don't belong here, I don't belong anywhere anymore. So I'll at least make this a gre-hmm, someone is pulling my shirt. I look down and the brat from earlier is here, he seems timid now.

"I'm sorry miss, I feel bad for pushing you. I didn't know you were sad too. It won't happen again." Weird, he seems completely different now, wonder what Max did to him.

"Hey don't worry little fella, if I had to take one really bad I would've been angry too so don't fret over it"

"Your girlfriend told me you weren't happy and that I shouldn't be bad, are you okay? I can give a candy to make you feel better" I guess he is a good kid after all, one that becomes an asshole when he has to go.

"Really she said that, well tell you what. You give me that candy and I forgive you, ok." He hands me the candy but stills seems a bit down, we can't have that now, at least one of us should be better. I get this candy, unwrap it and put it in my mouth. Hmm chocolate filled, not so bad. I look at the kid and make this big, silly grin.

"See all good now, now go to your parents and be good now"

"Are you really better, I'm also sad and I hate being this way. People treat me bad and it gets me angry and-" Shit people are going to think I just bullied a little kid.

"Hey hey little fella don't cry. People are mean to you? Screw them ok, if they're making you feel bad don't think about it. People suck but you can't let them make you sad or else they'll win. Besides, you seem like a good kid. I was sad too but now you made me happy. That's some good karma for you" He's giving me a very confused look, maybe I spoke too much, damm this kid got me talking too much.

"What's karma?" You suck at this Chloe.

"Karma is...if you do good things, good things happen to you. And if you do bad things then bad things happen to you and you just did a very good thing so something even better is going to happen to you" Hopefully that made sense.

He's getting this confused look again, now a thinking face and a pretty big smile. Jumping and shit and he's hugging me, it feels weird.

"You really think so!! Thank you, I'm going to be so good now so better things happen to me and my family so we can be better. I'm buying candies for my family so maybe then everyone will be happy too like you and me. " He's sweet but I kinda push him away, I'm not so good letting strangers touch me even if they're kids.

"All right that's a bit too much kid, go with your folks then. They might start getting worried" And off he goes running back to the store, seems nice. Good to know not all kids are assholes now, and well there goes my good deed of the year. Good Chloe

Now just to wait for Max and question her, here she comes walking an smiling at me. Yeah she knows.

"And speak of the devil, what did you do to him? You didn't really scared him did you, I was just playing." She gets over here, gets in the truck and pats down at the seat, maybe she wants to talk. I get in the truck, sit down and I'm now facing her.

"Now will you tell me why the kid got all weird, he said you told him I was sad or some shit like that?"

"That's it, you seemed a bit down and told him that he shouldn't be so mean to you. You want to talk about it?"

Hell no, I know what happens when I talk and I don't want to do this.

"I'm fine, we should get going" That was sharper than I was going for, now she knows something is off.

I start the truck and get on the road already, I don't want to fight with Max right now. Not anymore, I just want her to be well at her parents and when she starts getting comfortable I'll just be gone. Puff never again seen, fucking perfect.

She moves the radio around and starts looking for one of her songs. I start glancing at her, she seems to be better at least. Hasn't been having any more weird nightmares or that's what she tells me. I don't know what to fucking believe anymore, I tell her I'm fine when I'm not and she's doing the same. She stops at this weird song, sounds hella good.

_And I'm a goddamn coward, but then again so are you_

__

__

And the lion's roar, the lion's roar

Has me evading and hollering for you

_And I never really knew what to do_

Its good.

"Hey Max you know this band?"

"No, they don't sound familiar. You like them?"

"Yeah, they're pretty awesome"

"Told you. You should listen to more indie, maybe I can take you to some. I've seen a few clubs here in the city playing weird music"

Max, I wish I could stay with you. Be happy and all but I'm just making things worse, I don't want to be bringing you down all the time. The only reason we aren't fighting its because I've kept my mouth shut. I'm not meant to be happy, I'm meant to be dead. That's the way it should be, the way it was supposed to happen.

I muster a smile and do my best to sound hopeful.

"Sure, the future seems bright for you anyways." I feel empty, hollow almost. Max grabs my arm, seems furious.

"Chloe why are you talking like this, you've been feeling off for a while now. We have a future, we, both of us. Talk to me, I know you're hiding something. Is it my parents, you don't want to deal with them? I don't want to either I know they're going to ask so many questions but-"

Shut up Max I don't want to fight.

"Talk to me, please Chloe I'm freaking out over here"

I stop the damm truck, I can't bear to see her like this. I get out and just cover my face with my hands, I can't-don't want to do this. Max gets down too, she's looking at me, I can feel her gaze directed at me. Fucking penetrating me.

"Max you really want to know what's wrong. Do you, because once I do I can't take it back."

"Yes I do, I want to know why you're like this. We're supposed to be getting better Chloe, together isn't that what you said to me. What you've been saying to me this whole time"

"Its my fault Max, ok. Is that what you want to hear. Because of me my mom is dead. Because of me she burned down to a crisp, all of arcadia Bay is destroyed. Rachel fucking died and fucked all these people because of me, everything its my goddam fault. Even you are suffering because of me, I see you sleeping, fucking having nightmares all the time. How do you think that makes me feel. Every time you go to sleep I get this remainder that you're broken. That I broke you, me single handedly. If you hadn’t save me you wouldn't never had to endure everything, getting drugged because of me, and now you're so fucked that you can't be alone for a minute. I'm losing my mind over all this shit."

Max stays still for a minute, probably processing all I said. She's looking terrified, doesn't even know what to say.

"...I-I had no idea. I-"

"Don't, please don't. Just leave me here, I need some time." Why Chloe, you were supposed to hide all this shit inside and then just blow yourself out. Right, happily ever after and- and...  


\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  


Max POV

She sure is taking a long time in there, she's been weird too. She's too happy, not like herself. Acting and saying all this stuff of getting to Seattle as fast as possible and she has this expression of wanting to cry while driving. She thinks I don't notice but I see it.

Its always there and she's been spacing out a lot, all the time now. I don't know if I should ask her about it or not. Its probably all in my head, she has a lot going on after all.

Hmm, that little kid sure is in a rush. Hey wait a minute his parents, they're treating him pretty bad. Poor kid, having to be around all that anger all the time. Maybe I should help him out a little bit.

And Chloe seems to be out now... and that boy just pushes her. Yes I'll help him out a bit before she scares him.

I begin walking over to Chloe who's still in the ground and she seems somewhat surprised.

"What's up Max, piss or shit?"

...  
...  
"Hey little boy are you ok?" He looks scared, hiding his arms behind his back.

"Its ok, I'm not a bad person I think. I saw you and I thought you look like a good kid. My name is Max and actually I wanted you to help me out, could you?" He looks at me and seems more calm now, he's too nervous for his own good. Like I'm one to talk.

"Yes I can" He says sheepishly, looking a bit curious.

"Great, look you see that girl over there" Pointing at Chloe, who seems spaced out again. This'll be good for her too.

"Yes, she's scary"

"Is she now? Well its because she's sad right now, she's...far from her family and is very sad."

"Oh, well I'm sad too. My family isn't too nice too me."

"Yeah I saw how they treated back there, they don't seem nice. Did they buy any of your favorite candies?"

"No way, they never buy me anything, they say I'm too fat for candies"

"What, that's not true. You look fine to me, even very handsome. Don't let them bother you ok, they must be blind or something" He seems happier, that seems to made him more lively.

"You really think so?"

"Of course, just look at you with that cute little face of yours. Hey how would you like to buy all the candies you want. Take this and buy anything you want." I hand him $30 bucks so he can enjoy himself (Thanks wells envelope). He's jumping so much right now, so excited and happy.

"Thank you thank you thank you so much. I can buy candies for my whole family. My mom, my dad and my brother and sister." Ooo, he's so nice. If I was him I wouldn't had thought of that. I would've bought candies for Chloe and me.

"And for you to, but can you do me a favor first?"

"Anything"

"Can you go with my girlfriend over there, the girl with blue hair. Can you tell her you're sorry, she is very sad and I think she would get very happy if you did so"

"I'm sorry I didn't know that. I don't want her to be sad, I'm going to apologize right now"

Ok let's see how that blows out, but first I do need to use the bathroom.

...  
The boy did seemed sorry and he did seem nice too. At least I made him a bit happier and without any powers too. I start walking towards Chloe and she seems a bit better, thank you little kid.

"And speak of the devil, what did you do to him? You didn't really scared him did you, I was..."

...  
...  
"...I-I had no idea. I don't know what to say"

"Don't, please don't. Just leave me here, I need some time"

Hearing her say that, its wrong, its painful. Why is she saying all that, she hasn't done anything wrong. Life has just given her a shitty deal and she's done the best she could. Listening those things from her, right in front of me, hiding herself sitting in the ground, shivering, crying. I hadn't realized but she's way skinnier than before, not like we had much of an appetite.

I hold myself on the truck's hood, still shocked to hear her say all that. She feels just like me, guilty, that everything is her fault, keeping everything bottled in...I want to know more, what is she thinking. I already did nothing once, I'm not going to wait any longer for answers.

I turn to face her, she's still there, sitting and covering her face.

"Chloe!"

"I need some time Max, kay can't you get it."

"No I don't get it, tell me so I can understand. You say everything is your fault, that you are the reason of all this shit. You know that’s not true"

"Then what, you are? Is that what you're trying to say. Look we are not doing this shit of blaming each other all night, I feel it. Its not me being stupid. I've thought about this already and it is. If I had never gotten involved with Nathan nothing would've happened and you know it"

"And we would've never connected like we did, we would be probably be strangers. Is that what you want, to scare me away. That I just make you feel worse and that's why you're like this"

"I'm not worth it Max, you should've let me die but instead because of me thousands of people are dead, more injured and you...you're a fucking mess. This is not what I wanted, of course I'm happy I'm with you but this isn't what I wanted, I wanted to be happy with you and Joyce but its not going to happen. Look at you, look at her, look what I did"

"Fuck you Chloe, this isn't your fault. I chose this, I made all these decisions and not you. Yes life is terrible, but that's not up to us. We can only make it better but you can't keep blaming yourself, not like this"

"I'm not doing this anymore, I can't. Every time I see you I remember what I did to you and everyone else. That I don't have anyone anymore, everyone I ever loved is dead and I have no one left, its only a matter of time before I do something worse. You're better off without me"

Why is she talking like this, I've felt this before. I've seen it with Kate, she was like this too before it happen. Back then no one did anything soon enough, not even me. I'm not leaving this to fucking god.

"What are you saying, that I would be better if you leave? That I'll get better instantly"

"Yes that's what I'm saying, I'm a ticking time bomb and when I explode people fucking die apparently" Her voice sounds so hurt, she's barely making any sense and she looks ready to give out.

"You can't be saying this crap, are you listening to yourself. I already went through this and I can't go through it again. Kate, she was like this too remember. But she wasn't alone, she had people who cared for her. And so do you, I'm here Chloe, you don't have to hide anything from me. I'm the same way, I feel like shit, I've even thought like you're doing right now but I know its not true. You make me remember that its not, that life is worth living. These moments that we've had, they may be few but they make me warm and smile when I'm in deep shit."

...  
She stands, water going down her face, she's clinching her jaw, her fists and she...starts kicking and hitting her truck. I can't do anything right now, just let her express herself...She stops, breathing like crazy, tired, turns to me and just looks.

"Why!! Why do you have to say that, can't you just let me go die, its what's best for everyone. Why do you have to go and make me feel guilty about it." She's still away from me, gripping her whole body so hard. Like she's fighting her impulses.

"Why are you feeling guilty?" I still talk with anger with my voice, I'm worried, angry. She's dealing with the same stuff I am, just because she didn't go through what I did it doesn't makes it any less hurtful for her.

"I feel guilty because...because you're right, happy now"

"No, I'm not happy. Tell me"

"You're here, you're actually here with me and you care for me. You make me happy when I'm sad and help me understand things better. That's why it hurts me to know you're all fuck because of me. All this is my fault, I got you involved in this whole mess because I was butt hurt from Rachel, still am after all the shit she kept hidden from me."  
She's starting to lower her guard, getting tired too, even her face seems weary. I make her look at me, she needs this.

"You didn't get me involved in anything, I wanted to be there for you. You didn't force me, I was and still am happy to be here for you" I start walking down, slowly reaching for her.

"Yes you're a fucking mess, you're needy, and you get too emotional. You're messy Chloe and I am too, I can't do this alone. I won't make it, you know how I get. I need my pillow to make the bad dreams go away."

She lets out a small smile. I keep reaching out to her, she doesn't flinch or moves away.

"I think you'll be fine without me, you can take care of yourself already. You don't need me Max, no one does" I get a hold her, grab her by the shoulder put her right hand on my cheek.

"You're wrong, I do need you. You're what calms me down, what keeps reminding me that there's hope, that even though everything has gone to shit...I have someone that truly understands me. That's you, why can't you understand that Chloe, you're my everything"

Her tearful eyes looking down, her arms holding herself. She really is nervous, this is her now. She doesn’t know how to be anymore.

"Because I can't be that for you, I can't. I'll let you down and bring you down with me. I mean look at these past few days, they have been some of the best of my life. How can I say that after everything that has happened, how can I be so fucked up that even after all this death and destruction I can be happy. This isn't right, I'm not right anymore."

Looking at her now, she's so vulnerable and frail. She needs to heal, time and I need to be there for her. I slowly, put my hand on her head, caressing her now blond-ish hair. She seems confused but doesn't seem to dislike it.

"Its okay"

"No its not, it will never be. I'm trouble all around and-"

"Its okay, Chloe. I know" I can feel her strength going away, her tension is leaving, and her breathing, her heart are beating faster and faster.

"I still love you, I know you think you're just a bother, and have no purpose but you're wrong. You're so much more than that and I'm going to help you realize that."

Now resting on my arms, she's gotten quiet but her grip is going strong. I had no idea she was struggling so much, she's always been stronger than me at least, I though I knew but I guess I was wrong. I'm not making this mistake twice.

"I'm sorry"

"I'm sorry too Chloe"

... ... ... ...  
... ... ... ...  
Bzzzz, bzzzz

"Is that your phone or are you just happy to hug me"

"I'm just happy to hug you"

Bzzzz, bzzzzz

"Sniff, aren't you going to answer that? Its probably your parents again"

"Its fine, they'll be seeing us soon enough anyway"

"Umm Max about that, I don't want to see them" I push myself away, still hugging her but just distance my face.

"Chloe are you stil-"

"No, no Max. I get dumb and all but you're right. Its just that seeing your parents, thinking of them keeps reminding me of Joyce you know. I haven't said anything because they're your folks but it hurts me."

I...don't know what to say, I get it but-

"See this is why I didn't want to say anything, I'm just complicating shit again"

She starts letting go of me, not because she's getting angry again but I think she felt it was going for too long already.

"I knew it, you seemed weird whenever they called or texted me, but it should be fine. I already called them earlier when you weren't near"

"Why you do that for?"

"I told them that they should give us some space, not just because of you but I also need some time. I'm dreading to see them, I know its sounds horrible but I'm sure they're going to be all over us with their worries and I don't want to be all bitchy around them"

Is she smiling at me?

"You being bitchy to other people? How is that possible"

"You don't wanna know" Now laughing at me, she seems better. Laughing a bit too much...and she's crying now.

"Don't worry Max, its just I know I'm a lot to handle and you-you're still here, supporting me while you have your own shit going on"

"We. We have shit going on, together."

"Right, together" I lay my head on her, feeling her heart beat. One.Two.Three.Four.Fi-

"What are you doing?" Crap, I started tapping on her stomach to the beats of heart.

"Playing with your heartbeat, I'm going at your rhythm."

"You've been doing that for a couple of days now, pretty sure you already know it by heart"

"Pft, that's not even funny" Ouch, she grabs me by the stomach and pulls it a bit.

"Keep it up and I'll pull your cheeks next"

"My poor cheeks"

...  
...  
"So what do you say about going for a round of burgers, they seem to always get us in a better mood"

"Sure I'm hella hungry and I'm always up for eating but.."

"..But?"

"What do you say you drive this time, let's see if you can actually drive. Now that I think about it, I haven't seen you drive at all, do you even know how?" Shit, I didn't she'd actually let me drive. I can't back down now.

"You wound me Chloe" As long as I don't crash I should be okay.

"All right then let's get in. They keys are still in, just try not kill us in the way"

Good, most of the tension is gone. There's still some issues going on but I think we're better now. Don't worry Chloe I'll always take care of you.

Now getting inside the truck's driver side for the first time, lets see how it goes.

Setting the mirror right, turning keys and starting the engine. Oh yeah you're on fire Max, putting the stick on the D and gooo.

...  
...  
Weird, its not going forward.

"Um, Max, the handbrake is in place, you need to take it off before going anywhere."

Shit, this is a bit different than driving a luxury car. I should really start looking at how Chloe drives instead of just looking at her.

"Yeah I knew that" Now where and how do I take this 'handbrake' off without looking lost.

A driving lesson later

"And set. See just like a pro" I managed to drive all the way down to a nice burger place and even parked perfectly...over two parking spots. Yikes, its ok. I'll just go with it.

"Max. You are not driving anymore, ever." Chloe is looking at me with this 'are you serious' look.

"Are you insulting my driving skills, I think I did a good enough of a job here. Alive, check. Reach our destination, check. Parked, che-"

"Driving over sidewalk, check. Driving too damm fast and too damm slow at the same time, check. And-"

"You're missing the point my dear."

"Which is?"

"Wasn't it fun?" I really need to learn how to drive, although it was fun, even if I did droved over the sidewalk.

"You got me there, it was hella fun. But seriously, I need to teach you how to drive."

"Tired of being my chauffeur already"

"Pft, please. I love driving around this old truck, and besides it gives me an excuse to spend more time together. C'mon lets get out already and get some food in our bellies" She gets down and nervously waits for me to reach her, she needs me and good thing I need her too. I get down and make my way towards her. Holding her hand we begin walking down the entrance. Quiet, but neither of us feels the need to talk right now.

"So what its gonna be Maximus, same old or you wanna play our game again." Chloe and her game, she randomly picks something out for me and if I don't finish it all I must get another and finish it without complaining.

"Yes, surprise me. I'll go and get us a seat." I let go of her and make my way but as soon as I turn I feel something.

"Actually, could you stay here with me. I feel better when you're with me" Still has that look in her eyes, those lonely eyes that could fall apart at any moment.

"Sure, I'm with you" She grabs me by the shoulder and drops a kiss on my head, not letting go.

"Cough, excuse ma'am could I take your order" Chloe jumps up a bit, she's getting all red and nervous. Guess she kinda forgot about the food.

"Oh yes. Umm, it'll be a...meaty bun and a ...sweet witch."

What? Are these names real.

"Ok and will they be combos?"

"Do pigs fly? of course they'll be combos dude" The cashier seems a bit confused but he manages to complete the order, what a professional.

"It'll be $12.89" Chloe takes a few bills out of her pocket, Wells money sure seems to make everything easier and gives me no trouble since he probably had taken it for himself already.

"Okay your order will be ready in 10 minutes" Hmm, Chloe seems to be telling somthing to the cashier but I can't hear her. Probably her being picky with the ingredients or trying to surprise me...again.

We go and sit down at a table near a window and wow, the view here is something. Even the truck looks surreal. Parked a bit unevenly, alone and lit by a two lights.

"I know right, it looks hella good. Maybe I 'll get to fixing the old truck you know, who knows maybe it still has some life in it. A new coat of paint, replacing all the broken shit and getting the motor to actually run well without sounding like an old fart"

"Yeah that sounds great. I already took a liking to it, I would hate to see you waste its potential to shine"

That blonde hair, those blue eyes and that beautiful face. All wraped in some black jeans, navy shirt, old black jacket. They really do shine when you wear them.

"Max you're staringggg...and uh thanks" I smile at her, I'm here with you...

"Order for Maximus Prime ready. Maximus Prime your order is ready"

"Chloe what did you do!" She's smiling so hard right, looking at me.

"Go and get your food Maximus"

...  
...  
Wowser, no wonder they had such weird names. They really were something. And Chloe picking up just random burgers without knowing what they were was fun, I like this game.

"Man I can't believe you actually finished it, those were some pretty big burgers and amazingly good. I think mine had like 5 different types of meat, burp"

"You're so gross"

"Hey don't blame me, its 'meaty bun' fault" I don't know how she's driving right now. We're so full.

"Hey so Max, about your parents. I'm sorry about earlier, about your parents specifically. I know it'll be tough for me but its okay. If you're with me, I'll be okay" She's still thinking about this, it must be really troubling her.

"Yeah we're together after all." Putting my hand over hers, we stay still-well she's driving and me sitting alongside her. Watching the road getting closer to my house, its becoming more and more real the sooner we get.

"There it is Chloe, inside that street" She swallows in and takes a deep breath, and so do I. Here comes home.

Chloe grips my hand harder, getting warmer too. Parks the truck, turns to look at me and I can see the fear in her eyes, I have it too.

"Ready Maximus Prime" She says while laughing a bit, a laugh I already know too well.

I pinch her cheek and take a deep breath.

"Hella no"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and hopefully you enjoyed what you found here.  
Don't be shy and leave a comment: good or bad, share it all.  
P.S  
"The Lion's Roar" by First Aid Kit.


	6. Here we are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max and Chloe arrive home, after all their troubles they come to rest but life is never that simple and troubles don't just dissapear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This could have been released as two different chapters but decided to release as one since I believe they fit good enough to read them together.

Seattle. Wednesday, October 9

  
Drinking some coffee while sitting in the kitchen.

Here I am looking at the news with Vanessa while she's serving herself some cereal, the usual. I was expecting today to be another relaxing, stress-free day but with dead whales appearing near my daughter that doesn't seem possible...and here I thought today might be better than yesterday.

"Are you seeing this? Snow, an eclipse and now dead whales, what's happening over there? I'm really starting to get worried about all this."

"Your guess is as good as mine, I don't have a clue, even scientists can't explain these findings." I say while scratching my beard, whenever I get worried I start doing this. Good thing it makes me look as if I was thinking.

"I swear we are killing this planet and its letting us know with all these things going on."

"I wouldn't say all that but it does make more sense than they just happening for the sake of happening, maybe its a warning. We'll see if people start listening now."

Who really knows what's going on but that's none of my concern at the moment. I stop to take a sip from my coffee and focus on what really is bothering me, how is all this affecting Max.

"Honey have you heard from Max yet? I'm worried about her, with her suspension and that girl jumping off a roof, she must be pretty shocked considering all that's happened around her"

Vanessa looks at me, shakes her head and puts her bowl down at the table. She sits down and rests her head on her hand.

"Ugh I know, my poor thing. She must be a mess, having to deal with all that crazy stuff happening, all while being all alone. Sigh, yes we spoke already. She told me that she was with that girl on the roof when it happened, that she even tried to save her from jumping but that poor girl threw herself right in front of her. She sounded so devastated and even worse the principal for some stupid reason suspended her, because this security guard accused her of doing 'drugs'. It was all a misunderstanding, she said she was covering for her old friend Chloe Price. Remember her, Joyce and William Price's daughter. I don't know what to do, we should've gone and brought her home by now. She's not ready to be all by herself like that, she needs us"

Raising her eyebrow, almost as if she was hinting for us to go get her. She really wants to go and bring Max home, if I give in even a little bit she'll be on her way to Arcadia Bay in a heartbeat. Putting my mug down on the table, I look at her and shake my head.

"About the suspension I knew it was all a misunderstanding, when has Max been a troublemaker. You said Joyce Price's daughter? Huh, Its been a long time that I've thought about them. William's kid, I don't even know what to think of that but I'm sure Max knows how to handle herself and those two were always together, besides she's old enough to be on her own, she's not a little girl you know. Max has always been a trooper in hard times, I'm sure she'll managed."

She moves her back and stares as if I had said something unbelievable

"How can you say that, our little girl is all alone in a town far away from us and you're saying she's fine. You know she gets all nervous and has trouble accommodating to new environments, it took her years to finally be comfortable here in the city and as soon as she got good friends she left them. I'm all for encouraging her photography skills and I'm glad she has a plan for her future but a person needs people and sorry but Maxine isn't the best at making friends...Sorry I'm just worried for her."

Can't say she's wrong, Max struggles enough as it is to meet new people and wanting to leave her friends here in Seattle, well it came to us as a shock...her being accepted into Blackwell too and I wasn't all for it but knowing it was all for her future and that she at least had a friend over there did ease my worries.

"Of course I'm worried too but this was her choice Vanessa, its not like we can force her to return, she is an adult and wants to be treated as one. Look, I know this is tough for both of us, and I'm sure she's struggling too but that's life. Sooner or later she's going to have to learn that and we can't shield her from all this, losing people is part of life. This strange happenings with the snow and dead animals is confusing even for us but nothing that she can't handle. Besides, didn't she told you that Chloe is with her, I'm glad she has her friend back there to help her through these difficult times."

She puts her head down and puts her arms over her head, she can be so childish sometimes. And now turns just a little bit to look at me.

"Sigh, you're right sweetie, I may be overreacting. Its just that we've never been this much apart from each other and I can't help but wanting to go calm her down, you know how she is. She's not good with problems like these and to see someone jump off a roof like that is a big thing for anyone, I don't know how she must be feeling right now."

I'm just the same as she is, worried for Max too, maybe even more. Of course I want go and get her but she's not a kid anymore, she's a grown woman and needs to learn how to handle life without her parents. We're not going to always be there for her, she needs to become capable of handling her life without us coming in for rescue whenever life gets hard.

She lifts her head up, her short hair getting all messed up now, and with a pouting face at that.

"But you're right, she is an adult now and her friend is with her..."

Now she's massaging her head and closing her eyes. She must be pretty stressed about all this.

"I still feel terrible for leaving when Chloe's father, William passed away. We were terrible to do that to them"

"Sigh, I know sweetie. Those were hard times for both Joyce and Chloe and they needed people to help them go through them."

"Do you think we should go one of these days and pay a visit to Joyce, I just feel terrible for leaving them like that."

"We should, especially since Max has reconnected with Chloe, its the least we should do for her. He was a good man William, always a riot at parties and was always good with the kids...I sure miss that guy"

Seattle. Friday, October 11

Ahhgh, my hip is hurting a bit.

Who would've thought last night was going to be this good, its been a while since Vanessa and I had our fun around here. I love my daughter but being by ourselves does have its priviliges.

Still laying on bed I stretch around a bit and start getting up. Vanessa is probably already downstairs and I really should put something on before going down, don't want to show this old man body.

"Now where is that damm coat?" I look around and see it on ground, like everything else. Thanks to last night I'm beginning to feel twenty years younger but I'm sure as heck I don't look like one, this mirror is not helping with that but I have to admit...I sure pull off this beard. I start getting dressed and make way downstairs for some morning coffee. Mmmm, love the smell of coffee in the morning. About to enter the kitchen I can see Vanessa who's profoundly listening to some music.  
_Hit that bank and we can ease on on in_

_Soak us up a little moonlight_

_You know I know what you like, yeah_

All the other boys wanna wind you up and take you downtown "Someone is in a good mood today" She jumps up a bit and turns the music down  
  
"You scared me there. Its about time you woke up"  
  
I throw her this look with an raised eyebrow.  
  
"Blame last night workout."  
  
I make my way towards the cabinet, getting my mug and serving a full black coffee to wake up, take a good smell, slowly take a drink and burn my throat while at it.  
  
"Whooh, its burning. Last night sure was something, I'm too old to be pulling these stunts"  
  
She looks at me, raising both her eyebrows and puts her lips out  
  
"Don't sell yourself short sweetie, you weren't so bad. Once every two weeks to take our mind off work sounds great to me, just minus all that alcohol. Not old enough for fun but maybe we are for that much beer. What were we thinking? We're supposed to be the responsible ones, not acting like Max's probably doing right now."  
  
She sure knows how to make me young again, but yes we're past getting drunk to the ground, and I know for a fact Max isn't out there getting drunk, she's smarter than that.  
  
"Sigh don't even go there. She's not doing this, she is responsible unlike us. Here we are acting as if we were teenagers, damm I don't even want to know but what time is it? I'm too far off to look at my watch."  
  
She looks at her wrist and presses a button.  
  
"It's 3pm with 38 minutes" She moves her wrist up and down to impress me with her new watch.  
  
"Yes its very cool, thank you for th-...Its three already?" Yeah not getting this drunk again. Putting my head down at the table to take that in, to be honest I've never been a late sleeper. Drinking has never given me any negatives but for some reason waking up late always gives me this bad headache just by realizing the time.  
  
I turn around and see Vanessa turning the TV on, at least we should be able to watch our mid-day TV show.  
  
"-troyed all of Arc-"  
  
What? That town looked awfully similar to Arcadia Bay.  
  
"Vanessa go back, I think that was Arcadia Bay"  
  
She goes back and there's something happening on town, some fuzzy feed going on TV.  
  
"-credible, a huge tornado with a diameter of 13 miles wide has harassed the small town of Arcadia Bay earlier today, devouring everything in its path and its surroundings. Reports say that thousands of casualties are expected with damages of millio-"  
  
What, a tornado on Oregon? No...this can't happening. It must be a mistake. Everything has gone quiet, my vision is getting blurred and heavy...this can't be happening. Max is there.  
  
"-an, are yo- ay...Ryan!"  
  
Thump, I can feel my head hitting the ground.  
...  
...  
"Max, I need to go get her, I'm on my way" I try to make out words, not sure if I do.  
...  
...  
I can hear Vanessa crying, trying to lift me up, everything is still blurry...but I need to go and get Max. Get up, get the hell up.  
  
Praying and ust pulling myself up, I barely have any strength in me, my vision seems to be getting back and things are starting to make sense. I need my keys.  
  
"Keys! Where are they keys for the car?" I can't remember where I left them, looking at the table, falling down at the couch, floor, I can't find them.  
  
"Vanessa where are they keys for the car!" She's desperately looking for them everywhere...goddamit I need to go now, I need to go there for Max. Should've listened to her and went get her when Vanessa told me to. A tornado, it doesn't even make sense for a tornado to appear there.  
  
"I-I-I don't know where they are, the keys I can't find them"  
  
I move over to the ground and look for them, under the couch, between pillows I just need to find them...my poor girl is in danger...my heart is aching, my lungs can't get enough air...  
  
"Have you called her yet? Please tell me she answered"  
  
"I've tried calling her but its not going through, and when it does no one answers...Ryan you think sh-"  
  
"Don't say that Vanessa...we don't know that, maybe...maybe she's ok."  
  
Focus Ryan, you need your keys. Look for them, Max is fine, she's smart and sh...I'm beginning to feel lightheaded again, vision escaping but its different... everything looks white and I can't remember what I was thinking. Its so bright and colorful...and  
  
...  
...  
Bzzzz, bzzzzz  
  
I hear a ringing and begin fighting to gain my consciousness, I turn to and see Vanessa pulling her phone.  
  
"Is it Max?" I'm down at the ground again, with my face hurting now. Vanessa holds her phone and a smile widens in her face, sitting back down, crying in relief.  
  
"Yes its her, she's fine. She's alive" Hugging the phone, her shoulders drop and seems relaxed now.  
  
Oh thank you god, thank you...I'm starting to breath better...It felt like horrible, I wasn't able to think or react...I was just moving  
  
"Max are you okay, are you hurt or anything please tell me you're not hurt"  
  
"Why weren't you answering, we were so worried and we just saw the news. Where are you?"  
  
"You're coming with Chloe? Chloe Price, Joyce's daughter?"  
  
"Just rest somewhere safe Max and don't worry we'll be getting there for you so you can be with us and we ca-"  
  
I get up and go towards her, I need to talk to her. I signal Vanessa to pass me the phone, I need to hear her voice, I need to know that she's okay.  
  
"Max are you okay, were you in town when the tornado happen? How are you?"  
  
"Oh hey dad, yes we weren't in town when it happened. We were at the lighthouse."  
  
Oh thank god...my whole body feels so peaceful after hearing her, to hear that she wasn't in danger.  
  
"Max what happened? If Chloe is with you then is Joyce there too? What about your friends and other people, why don't you go with the rest of th-"  
  
"No dad please not now. I'm sorry but I don't want to talk about this."  
  
"You told your mom your on your way to Seattle already, do you know by when you'll be getting here?"  
  
"I don't know but I'll call you when I do bye. Sigh" She hanged up on me.  
  
...  
I give Vanessa her phone back and stay very confused. She's trying to call her again.  
  
"She's not answering but she's sending a message, she says she really doesn't want to talk. Oh I'm just glad to know she's safe"  
  
I get up from the ground, thinking clearer now, she's fine...  
  
"Tell her we're on our way, that we'll bring her back home"  
  
I check my coat's pocket to grab my phone and give her a call, maybe she'll answer me and...the keys are in my left pocket. Of course, I take them out and put them up.  
  
"Found them, tell her to wait for us at a motel nearby, that she needs to rest"  
  
Bzzz,bzzzz,bzzz,bzzzzz  
  
"She's saying that she doesn't wants us to come get her, she wants to be alone"  
  
"What do you mean 'wants to be alone', is she okay, hurt? Why isn't she being clear...give her a call and-"  
  
Why am I so tense, why am I fighting and why am I arguing.  
  
I just got the beating of a lifetime, seeing that feed of the tornado destroying Arcadia Bay, my heart stopped, all I could think of was my little girl in there. Wiping some tears from my eyes and now sitting on the couch I realize that she's all right, normally Max would had called us already to go and get her but if she doesn't want us to then, I'm sure she has her reasons. My daughter is many things but irresponsible is not one of them.  
  
"Never mind, if she wants to be alone let's let her. She must have a pretty good reason and I'm just grateful to know that she's alive."  
  
Breaking down, in front of my wife, I can feel my heart's every beat. My skin, my eyes, my thoughts, everything is so light. Vanessa comes and sits next to me, also with tears of her own, resting her head on mine.  
  
"She's alive Ryan, she's alive that's all that matters."  
  
That was the most heart wrenching moment I've felt in my life, for a moment I thought my girl was gone, I'll rather die than to feel that way again.  
  
"Tell her that we love her...thank god my girl is safe and that's good enough for me."  
  


\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  


Seattle, present day

  
"Vanessa...please sit down"

She's pacing all over the living room again, she hasn't been able to stay still all day. Whenever she gets nervous she starts making me cook all this food and clean the house to perfection. Well I say makes me but I'm with her. Max and Chloe should've gotten home already and Max hasn't been answering our messages, cooking and cleaning has helped to calm me but it can only do so much, at least these girls will have enough pastries for tonight and tomorrow.

"Sorry honey, waiting for these girls to get here is driving me crazy"

"I know, me too. They should've already gotten here by now."

I remain sitting in the couch in front of her, now she's tapping her foot and looking at every wall. The TV, and now she's looking at me.

"Honey have you thought about trimming your beard, its already starting to grow."

This again, I'll cook and clean but this is where I draw the line.

"Sweetie calm down, they're already close, probably just a few more minutes and no, we've talked about this before, this beard is staying." Looking up, down, left, right, everywhere, I'm beginning to think she won't be able to hold out on Max.

"Vanessa dear, remember what Max told us?"

She realizes she's been doing all that already, she holds her head with her hands and leaves a big sigh. She walks dragging her feet and sits near me, still sulking.

"I know, I just really want to see her."

"She told us that for a reason, both of them have gone through many hardships and Chloe well, we better not mention Joyce or William to her. We should give them a couple days so they can feel comfortable, especially Chloe"

...  
...  
Its gotten quiet, tense. We know we weren't there for Joyce when William died, we won't make that mistake again with Chloe now.

Vanessa's face is getting red, tears forming in both her eyes...falling down her cheeks and now covering her mouth.

"That poor girl, losing her father, and now her mother... she must be feeling so alone...I won't be able to look at her without crying Ryan, we never got the chance to be there for Joyce before and now..." She laments our mistake, sobbing and reaching for my arm. She tries to catch her breath and so I move over to her, not hugging her or holding her, just there with her. I put my hand in her back and take a deep breath in.

"This is tough for her, we need to be strong for Chloe too, not just Max. We shouldn't force her to do anything or talk about them, I'm sure she wants to deal with this on her own."

"Sniff, y-yes we shouldn't meddle with those things. Let's wait for her to talk about them"

"And same goes for Max too, I'm sure both of them are not well and want to be left alone. They just went through some pretty horrible experiences and us hovering over them won't help."

...  
...  
"Sorry I'll be right back"

She slowly moves away and wipes her tears, goes towards the bathroom and closes the door.

This is hard, its hard for us to take in that a tornado happened in Arcadia Bay of all places and killed thousands of people. If this is some sort of sign or warning we got it, going green all the way but being serious here, both me and Vanessa don't know how to react to this. Max giving us a call to stop ourselves from caring about her really shook us. That's out of character of her, I wonder if this is Chloe's doing or maybe we're making too big of a deal. They lost people, friends and family and they're still only girls...Good thing we talked about this last night or we would've been all over these girls. We both want to grab Max and ask her all these questions and really get into what happened with her and Chloe. How are they doing, what do they need...but that will come later. Now we need to be understandable and wait for them to talk to us.

Knock knock

Looking up, I see people at the door. Someone with...blue hair and next to that a barely visible patch of brown hair, the color of my beard, that's my girl. I stand with a smile already forming up and start walking towards it, Vanessa suddenly comes out of the bathroom and rushes on to the entrance. She grabs the handle, opens the door and...here she is. Water rushing to my eyes and trying my best to hold it there.

She's here. Wearing some pretty beat up clothes, doesn't seem too healthy, looking more pale than usual but she's here.

"Maxine...glad you're home"

And next to her, Chloe? I think.  


\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  


Max POV

  
Sigh. We're here, Chloe and I are both in front of my house's door. Both of us are so nervous and barely standing on our feet.

"Max just in just case I blow at your parents, I'm really fucking tense right now"

"I know, I am too." I take a deep breath.

Knock knock

Chloe looks at me, and I see her. I can't even tell how she's feeling right now, she looks so timid, angry and lost. Actually she's looking hella sweet without her beanie on.

"Chlo-"

The door quickly opens and I see mom and dad, both looking like they've been through hell.

"Maxine...glad you're home"

Wowser, we just got here and dad is already tearing up. He's going to make cry too. Before even replying to him, mom is already crying and pulling me towards her.

"My little girl" She's grabbing me and hugging me so hard I can barely breath. I hug her back, it feels nice being embraced by her after everything. Her arms pressuring my back, making me feel safe.

"I was so worried about you, you have no idea how mortified we were while waiting"

"I know mom, sorry for worrying you and dad"

He seems just as her, he's barely holding it together. I want to start crying and let everything fall down on their arms but...I turn to Chloe and I can see her moving a little back, she seems uncomfortable, I can't break down right now, not with her like this. She needs to know that I can still support her, me breaking down will just remind her of her guilt, not now.

I let go of mom and hold Chloe's hand, getting her back over here.

Dad seems to notices this, he's looking at both of us, now inspecting our appearance. I think we look allright, I mean sure we're not all great but I think we're...sigh, I don't know and I don't care.

"Chloe...gulp, I'm glad you're ok" Dad seems so fazed to see Chloe like this, he's already scratching his beard. I didn't tell them of Chloe's new look, didn't think I need to.

"Thanks Ryan, I um, am glad to see you're both fine too, rocking that awesome beard at that"

Did dad just giggle? Sigh, he really can't control himself when it comes to his beard.

Mom starts to let go of me, now taking a view at Chloe.

"Chloe! You...you. You're so different now...that's a good hair color" Smiling a little, Chloe takes a breath.

"Umm yeah its already starting to fade but thanks, bet you didn't recognize me with my new look and all"

"Well I think it looks great, come on in girls there's food inside in case you're hungry."

Still holding Chloe's hand we walk in together, gripping my hand harder now, I look at her and she looks so nervous. She's taking it all in, the living room on the left, the kitchen all the way down and all of its holdings. I wonder what she's thinking, right now, seeing the place which I abandoner her for.

Mom and dad made dinner, some simple chicken breast, salad and a whole bunch of cookies and chocolates, mom must had made dad cook all this.

"Max, Chloe." We turned to look and they're both standing together, mom is smiling so much, I don't think I've ever seen her like this.

"We know you want to be left alone for now and we understand. We are happy to see you girls doing all right, seeing you here its more comforting than you know. When we saw...what happened on the news we were so scared and worried but thank god you made it out alive and with that we're going out for a bit and leave the house all for yourselves so you girls can get comfortable."

Mom starts going for her coat, and so does dad. He grabs the keys, comes towards me and embraces me, crying a little bit while doing so. He's different from mom, its comforting. He's barely using any force, like he's scared I'll broke if he holds strongly. Instead of being wrapped in his arms, I feel warm, he must've been so preoccupied.

"I'm glad you're ok Max" Mom joins in the hug too and ends up pulling Chloe in.

She seems a bit resistant but comes in at the end. Chloe is...here, she's allowing herself to stay. Thank god mom and dad are being like this, I feel even worst for calling them and saying those things.

"Girls please answer our messages promptly, don't ignore us anymore"

"Sorry" Chloe and I both say it at the same time, I'm beginning to feel like a little kid again. Chloe and I trapped in my parents arms, the only thing missing is for someone to take a picture.

They start letting go and start making their way for the door, mom gets out while looking like she's about to cry, and before dad leaves he stops.

"Max, Chloe please be sure to relax, you're both looking in need of a break."

And with that they go on their way.

Chloe still seems somewhat tense, putting her hands in her pockets and trying not to touch anything. She's walking down the hallway, checking everything out.

"What do you think?" She's looking at the kitchen.

"Not bad, I like that table you got there, tall and round in the middle with a little TV on the counter. Not like I watch much TV but you know."

Slowly walking back, moving her arms to her head and resting on the wall. She closes her eyes and lets out a big sigh.

"Well that went okay, don't you think? With my parents I mean" I ask her, maybe she'll say yes or no, something to tell me how she feels.

"Sigh, to be honest Max, I feel really shitty. I can't stop thinking about Joyce and William"

She starts walking towards the living room, sees the long, cloth, brown couch, the small coffee table in front of the living room TV and stopping. Pressing her hand on her forehead, she looks at everything around her.

"I'm sorry Chloe."

"Yeah I am too but what you gonna do about it, too late to change the past...fuck forget I said that. I didn't mean it that way, I don't know what I'm saying"

I start walking towards her, and I can see the hurt in her eyes. I rest my head on her chest and she starts to holds me, dropping her head on mine.

"I know, it'll be tough here for a while but we'll work through it."

"I don't know, I think I'll just be a bother for your folks. Looks like I already threw them out of their own house."

"They're trying to help, that's all"

"If they're trying to make me feel shitty then good job"

I pull away from her and pace a bit, trying to not get angry.

"What do you want them to do then? Stay here with us and ask all these questions that we really don't want to talk about, making us think of everything that we went through, because I don't want to. I'm grateful they're at least trying to make us feel more at ease here"

"I don't know what I want! I just want to stop thinking about all this mess"

I'm not going to start another argument, I notice that the couch is long enough for two people so I sit down at the first piece of the couch, get the TV controller and start working around the menus. Chloe looks confused, she still wanted to keep talking and eventually fight but I have a better idea.

"...What are you doing?" Still at the couch I make enough space for both of us here. She still looks confused.

"Come sit down over here"

...  
Slowly sitting down, waiting for me to talk.

"I'm so lost right now, I don't know what to do but I feel so happy to be here with you. My parents are just doing what they think we need and to be honest, it feels great being home with just you. Do you really not feel any good?"

She throws out a big sigh and slumps her head down, pulling it back now to talk.

"I don't know what to feel, like I said your parents just remind of...Joyce. Sigh, and I know that's dumb for me but I can't help it. Its my fucking brain's fault that has me all like this."

I don't know what to say, I think this is a struggle that she needs to overcome on her own. She's still feeling tense, I can feel it.  
  
"Chloe I don't think I can help you with that." She smirks a little bit and closes her eyes.  
  
"Sigh, I'm that fucked aren't I"  
  
"No you're not. But I can't convince you otherwise, I care for you and so do my parents but you need to accept it on your own, just as I need to accept that not everything is my fault."  
  
"Exactly, because everything is my fault."  
  
"Chloe do-"  
  
"I'm playing with you Max, you're right, I just don't know if I'll ever get better."  
  
"Same here, I'm pretty sure I could get a certified psychologist to register me as mentally unstable."  
  
"Pft, I got you beat there. Blackwell already did that to me."  
  
"Are you for real?"  
  
"Yeah super crazy sista, watch out for me or you'll get the crazies too."  
  
She makes this Dracula like pose, about to suck my blood but stops halfway.  
  
"Too late, I think I already got them."  
  
Sitting back down, she starts to loosen up, laying down next to me. I finally lay my head on her shoulder and close my eyes, taking some big breaths.  
  
The 'crazies' huh, I think I'm well past that already...with everyone on my head still reminding me of their deaths...  
  
"Hey Max?"  
  
"Hmm, what is it?"  
  
"Thanks for calming me down, I really needed that."  
  
"That's why I'm here for."  
  
"Yeah well I'm here too. If you need to talk about your shit, I can listen. I know you're still messed up, don't forget I watch you sleep every night."  
  
"Creep."  
  
"Ehh I'll take it, but seriously if you need to you can tell me. I can handle you."  
  
I close my eyes again and pull her arm above me, covering my face.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
She wipes the one tear that manages to get out, lands a kiss on my head and gets the TV remote. Guess she didn't like this singing show...and instead puts Tom & and Jerry, we always did liked this show.  


\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
Why am I back at Blackwell? In front of my dorm and why is it pouring water. What's happening, there's a lot of people here.

"I knew she was a freak but I didn't know she was this bad"

"Oh my god what is she going to do"

"Is she really going to jump"

I remember this, this already happened, this is when Kate...

I look up and I see her, maybe I can save her this time. Yeah its okay I'm here again so it won't cause another storm.

I pull my arm out and ughh, it still fucking hurts, I feel like my head will ripe open, augh. Endure it Max, you have another opportunity here to save one life and to see Kate's sweet, innocent face again...I don't know how I endured this the first time, I can feel my blood flowing in my head and moving...aughh, take it...in...you need to save her.  
...  
Okay I'm just a few steps before the entrance, just a bit more and I'll be inside the building. I don't know how but I'm getting another chan-

Splat  
...  
...  
Kate...no, not again...

"Why did you jump! I stopped time you weren't supposed to move, I was going to save you."

Falling down to the ground, I put my hands down, blood flowing everywhere. Its reaching my hands but...its avoiding me altogether...the blood its covering everything now but how is this happening.

"Why?"

Kate just talked...but she's down at the ground, I can see her trying to move up. Click, crack, click, crack.

Nooo, I can hear her bones hit and snapped as she tries to stand, her face doesn't look like her anymore...all broken, covered in blood. I stand up and take a step back, my feet covered in blood now.

"Why Max, why did you want to save me?"

'Be-because you're my friend, I cared for you"

"That's not true, you only wanted me to help you catch Nathan, you didn't care for me, you never did. Look around you, you never cared for no one but yourself"

The rain started to move again, hitting me like nails piercing into my skin, I'm starting to feel heavy and without energy. I turn around and see everyone looking at me, everyone dirty, broken, disfigured...

"Max if you had cared for anyone but yourself no one here would've been dead"

Breath Max, breath in, out, in, out.

"You killed us"

"I was going into college"

"I was supporting my family"

"You killed my family"

"No no no no no no no I didn't kill anyone, it was the tornado, the tornado not me please understand, I never meant to harm no one"

The air, its escaping from my lungs, its going out of my throat but its not coing back...and my hands are dirtied, covered in red, dark, bloody red.

I get a pull from behind, a broken hand, its fingers are snapped and I can see the bones sticking out, I turn and see Kate, her bloody, broken face.

...  
She's staring at me, only staring at me.  


\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
I open my eyes and see Chloe's face in front of me, still sleeping, covered with some hair in her eyes.

I can feel my heart beating so much, my skin tingling from within and pain coming from my stomach. I keep seeing Kate in my dreams, she's becoming more and more real every time, maybe its her spirit calling to me, or more like pointing at me. Sigh, I can't even rest when sleeping.

Take a few breaths in Max, calm yourself. One, two, three, fou-

Hmm, Chloe really does smell great...god I'm not sure if this is normal or not but I've come to like her scent. And I know its her because none of us have gotten around using any sort of sprays or anything like that. I feel so weird. I better leave before I wake her, I move her arm and remove the blanket, slowly pulling away and she's on her shorts and bra...ok I guess she's comfortable enough to remover her jeans and shirt, thats good.

Wait...we fell asleep on the couch together, snuggled pretty close like any couple...and we didn't see my parents come home...

I pull my legs down at the floor, get a pillow on my hands, put the pillow on my face, shut my eyes down and

"Aaaaaghhhh!!!"

Screaming at the pillow now. I can't believe my parents saw us like that, on our first night here. Maybe they didn't think much of it, sure. Two girls snuggled really close, one almost naked and they're just really good friends.

I get up and start making my way to the bathroom down here, not cool Max. Now there's another thing to explain to them.

...  
...  
Aaah, finally used the bathroom after a long time. Now to wash my hands and get out.

Slowly opening the door I see Chloe still asleep, she always looks so calm sleeping...pft only her sleeping face is able to make me want to take a picture...but not yet.

I'll make some coffee first. I start walking to the kitchen, getting the coffee filter, the actual coffee, water and all that. Now let's wait about a minute or two. In the meantime let's get my mug, I feel silly for still having this Hot dawg man mug but a mug its a mug so I'll keep it.

Pouring coffee, sugar and mixing it. I lift my mug and...sigh, really good, hot coffee.

Let me see what's on TV now, gotta be informed of what's happening, or cartoons, good choices all around.

Flipping channels, Storage Wars nope, Good Morning America nope.

"-dia Bay. The casualties range for more than two thousand people and many more injured. Families now without house but those are the lucky ones for there's many more who lost even their loved ones. Such is the case of the prestigious school of Blackwell Academy. The school builded in the early 1900s, built for excellence and to the protection of the young minds. Many students were hoping to find refugee within its sturdy walls but they never thought for the tornado to strike at it directly. Families refused to share names but it is believed that more than 500 student lives were lost during the terrible incide-"

I turn the TV off and put the controller down, put my mug on the ground and stare at the black screen.

...  
"Students just like me, thought they'll be safe at Blackwell."  
...  
"Over 500 students dead, because of me"  
...  
...  
...  
"Mmmmmmm. Morning Max, goddam this couch is comfortable you think Ryan and Vanessa will let me put it up in your room."  
...  
"Maximus, you there?"  
...  
"Max?...Hey what happened, you okay?" Chloe grabs me by the shoulder and I come back to the living room.

"Oh hey, morning" I look around and no one has come down yet, its still the same.

"You scared me there, I been calling you for a while. Why are you crying, shit more nightmares?" Chloe wipes some tears off my face but I didn't cry, did I? I don't remember, she puts her hand over mine and sits next to me.

"C'mon tell me about it, you can't keep this shit bottled in your head. Dream about Kate again?"

I'm still looking at nothing, just staring at nothing. I nod, yeah I dreamt of Kate.

"Anyone else?" She's talking pretty calm right now, looking at me profoundly even.

"Students from Blackwell, it was like I had jumped through a photo but it wasn't. It was the day that Kate jumped." I feel emotionless, not even hurt or in pain...just empty.

"Did you...did it end there or it kept going?"  
She's trying I can tell but she doesn't know what to say. Who would know what to say, I'm dreaming of someone jumping off a roof.

"It kept going, Kate...I tried to save her, I was going to but...she jumped early...landing right in front of me." My breathing is getting heavy, I'm remembering it now, she was right in front of me and then she started moving...

"Gulp, I'm listening I'm not going away"

"Kate was, all broken and covered in blood and so was everyone else. I think I'm going crazy"

I turned to Chloe now, looking at her. I can see she's feeling lost, doesn't know how to react. I don't blame her, all the guilt, the pain, those horrible feelings are coming back, those people dead because of me, because of my choices they're all dead, because families are crying and all be-

Chloe grabs my hand and locks her gaze at me, firmly at me.

"Max, I don't know what to say, I really don't...but Kate wasn't your fault, you didn't kill her, you were the only one who actually gave enough fucks to do something. Yeah she jumped, but that was her choice not yours, I bet it hurts like a motherfucker but that's grief. There's nothing that could've done to help her back then, you tried your fucking best but it wasn't enough. Don't trip yourself for her, instead focus on the good memories that she left you. Like Joyce used to say about my dad, his gift to us was his memories. As much as she told me that, I never understood what it meant until now. He was a good person, an awesome dad and all I have left of him and her are some memories, some hella good ones and so did Kate. From what you've told me she was pretty great, remember her for how she was then, not for what they turned her into."

"But what if I can't, what if I can only see her as she was until the end, broken, motionless, dead." I'm getting desperate here, I want her to convince me, to prove me wrong, that she is right and I shouldn't see her like that

"That's not who she was, she was kind, she helped people. She volunteered to help the elders, the less fortunate and prayed for all types of people, even people who didn't deserved her. She was your friend wasn't she."

Yeah, she was. We would talk over tea and discuss our dumb problems, and she was a good mommy to a rabbit, and a sister. That picture of with them was pretty sweet.

"Didn't she also draw kid books or something like that"

"She used to draw these cute little cartoons with really deep messages, like this one with one kid being bullied and crying while surrounded by other kids. I think it meant that no matter where you are or how old or the situation there will always be negative emotions but there's hope all around too, or at least that's what I got"

"See, remember that. That's who she was, a kind, sweet girl who cared for others, your friend."

She's right, remembering her different would be a disservice to who she was, all she ever wanted was to help others, the least I could do is let her heal me through her memories.

I lightly slap my cheeks and get myself out of this feeling, shake my head and give Chloe a kiss on her cheek, she looks happy for that.

"When did you became so good at talking like that, you're usually the moody one?"

"Practice babe" I clench my face as she says that, it doesn't feel right.

"Mmmm, don't babe me. It feels gross."

"Getting used to Maximus ain't ya." She winks her at me with a sly smile.

"Hella better than babe yes. How about Cutie? Has a better ring to it."

"How dare you call you yourself cutie, that's like me calling myself punk girl. Its a big no."

"Pftt, okay 'punk-girl' get dress before my parents sees us like this and think we're doing something else." I get up and grab my cup from the floor, take a sip and ugh. Its not hot anymore, I better get another fill.

"Oh shit, I completely forgot about them. Did they see us sleeping? I slept like a rock last night" She's opening her mouth in awe, can't believe it actually makes her happy.

"I think so, I haven't seen them but I'm sure they saw you in your underwear holding me down, thank you for that." She started to dress up but stopped halfway as I spoke.

"What's this, you don't want them knowing you have this priceless catch as a girlfriend" I try my best not to smile, I need to stop encouraging these jokes of hers.

"Shut up and get change already" I start walking towards the coffee machine for another cup but Chloe stops me with a hug.

"Not even a laugh."

"Haha."

"You gotta be more convincing or I'll leave a hickey on your neck so they get some ideas."

"Don't you dare."

"Try me." I could try and escape from her but I don't really hate this.

"Or we could just stay like this for a bit" Feeling something on my neck, its not so bad.

"Hmm, I like that ide-"

Someone is coming though the front door.

"-ake already, its already noon" Crap its my parents. Chloe lets go of me and start buttoning her shirt as quick as possible, thank god she at least tries to cover.

"Shh, they might be slee-" They stop at the door and look at Chloe still getting herself all tidy up, catching her breath and me with a bright red face. I can feel my embarrassment in my cheeks.

"Morning Ryan! Vanessa."

"Morning Chloe, umm Vanessa's here." Dad looks awkward, god he's probably thinking something different.

"Hey girls, looks like you've had a good morning already. Anybody hungry, we brought some burritos for breakfast if you wanted." She's not looking at us. Mom you're being way too obvious, and we weren't doing anything.

...  
"Well I'm hungry." Chloe says with too much enthusiasm, yep they're thinking we were making love. Its gross to think that they're thinking that. Covering my face, I can feel the heat from it, I take breath and.

"Thanks mom, I'll take something too." Chloe already grabbed hers and sat on the couch, I guess liked the excitement. I sheepishly walk to her who's still avoiding my look. Sigh I get one burrito and walk towards the couch.

I'm about to sit down next to Chloe when dad comes near me and points at me. I look at myself and I'm ok, I guess. I turned to Chloe and now she's all red.

"Cough cough dude don't look right now." I'm confused, why is everyone acting strange"

Dad is still trying to tell me something, he's grabbing his neck now and looking at Chloe...Noo, I don't think she did.

I look around and see mom staring at my neck but looking away.

I put my burrito down and walk quickly towards the bathroom. Close the door, and slowly turn to look at my neck.

Goddamit, are you cereal Chloe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.  
I hope you've all enjoyed it and if you have any thought, you can leave a comment down below  



	7. Happy Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First 'real' day of Max and Chloe being in Seattle and the comfort they wished for is not what they thought but only more of the same.

"Well that was fun, now they for sure know Max and I aren't just friends. I wonder what they think about their daughter's childhood friend dating their daughter? At least they don't have to worry about any surprises in nine months."  
  
Sigh I feel so weird without Max right now, like out of place but not like I can go and shower with her. I asked and got a big no from her, I guess leaving a hickey in her neck was enough for a day. I really want to be with her and not think about anything, I'm trying real hard already to not get sad and shit.  
  
And so here I am in Max's room waiting at her door for my turn to shower. Its actually kinda of a let down, I was expecting it to be more full of artsy stuff you know, but it probably got all blown away back at Blackwell. Instead its mostly empty with only her bed, a table, a chair and her closet all trapped in this light beige, white room. Standing up from her door I move towards her closet and look at the drawers. I wonder what's in them?  
  
"Should I? To snoop or not to snoop, what a dilemma. Maybe I'll find a bunch of unsent letters for me saying how much she actually missed me and how sorry she was all that time, how she thought about me and wished she was there with me. Yeah right, like she thought about me that much. She left, got a new life and forgot all about me, that much is clear."  
  
I get away to remove this temptation and instead notice her window at the right, might as well and check out her view. Let's see what she got.  
  
"Not too bad, I can see a park, a bunch of small stores and even a few clubs from here. This would make a hella good picture, maybe showing how life is full of wonders all around us that we miss every day or something like that. I bet she already has something to say about it...The hell? Is that a hobo shitting in the park. I take back what I said about this view, I'll stick to staring at the wall."  
  
Man its getting kinda hot in here, I'll just open the window for a bit and let some air in. What to do in here, guess I'll just lay down on her bed while I wait.  
  
I still can’t believe we’re actually here already, the drive from town to here felt like an eternity but at least it was distracting. Now that we're here I’m starting to see how much shit I’ve avoided thinking about. Max talking of my future that one time , like what the hell am I actually going to do. I can’t just blazed all day in here and waste my time, besides getting high and drunk is out of the picture. I don't think the Caulfield’s would appreciate me coming drunk at five in the morning, I learned that the hard way already. I could focus on Max, being with her and soothing her problems away does make me feel better, and most importantly it gets me thinking clear and see that I need to get better for her...but does she even need me anymore?  
  
"Will she still need me? On the road I was the only one with her and she relied on me but now that we're here, am I still needed? Ryan and Vanessa are here, we're in her home were she feels safe so what about me? What good am I now for, me who's only bringing her down and reminding her of Arcadia Bay and fighting with her." Clinching my fist and pressing it into my eyes I start taking deep breaths.  
  
"Maybe I should be leaving, maybe she only said those things to me because we weren't here yet but now she won't need me."  
  
Knock Knock  
  
Hmm, someone is knocking at the door. Better clean my eyes before somebody sees me, I stand up and clear my eyes. I move away from the bed and go to the door. I open it and see Vanessa holding a juice and some cups.  
  
"Hey Chloe. You mind if I come in?"  
  
"Umm sure no problem."  
  
I move away and here she comes, she walks down the room and puts the cups and juice down at the table.  
  
"I hope I'm not bothering you, I thought you might be thirsty so I brought you some orange juice. How are you doing Chloe? You need anything?"  
  
"Nah I should be fine for now, just a little bored waiting for Max."  
  
"You girls haven't changed one bit haven't you, you can't be one without the other. Chloe we haven't seen you in so long but I'm glad you're here with us. If you need anything don't hesitate to let us know, we're here for you."  
  
"For sure, if I need anything I'll let you guys know instantly." I say while winking at her.  
  
She smiles and shakes her head a bit, she begins walking to the door but turns before leaving and looks somewhat different, her expression I mean.  
  
"Chloe we care for you so much, so don't feel different in here and if you need to talk about anything we're here or if you need some alone time with Max we understand so don't feel like a stranger because this is your house too from now on."  
  
I feel a thump in my heart and can feel my hairs stand up. For an instant she reminded me of Joyce, not that they're alike but she's caring and is worrying for my sorry ass. Asking me the same thing, trying to help me, I can't be around Vanessa. I don't want to think about Joyce right now.  
  
"I-I-I'm fine but thanks." Dammit I'm feeling a knot in my throat, pull yourself together Chloe. She's looking at me with a sad smile, I know that look. She's feeling sorry for me and I don't that need that shit, I'm not looking for pity.  
  
"Well if you do we're here for you, anything at all sweetie so you don't have to stay all alone by yourself in here. Ryan and I are here if you need us." She tries to put her hand on my shoulder but I move back and get away.  
  
"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to I just-"  
  
Stop feeling sorry for me, I'm not an abandoned puppy looking for love. Fuck just leave me alone.  
  
"Vanessa I'm fine! I really am and I don't need you or Ryan feeling sorry for me. I can do all on my own okay so whatever crap you're trying to do here just leave it." First day here and I'm already being treated like this, I don't need anymore remainders of how shitty my life is.  
  
"Chloe that's not what we're doing, we're only worried about you. We understand how much you're going through right now and we want to help you."  
  
How can you understand me, how can you help. You can't.  
  
"I don't need your help, I don't want your help and how can you understand when you weren't even there for my mom when my dad died, how? You can't, so don't pretend like you know anything about how I'm doing because you don't." Breathing heavily I stare at her. Vanessa doesn't say anything, her face stays in shock, looking terrified. She slowly turns away and goes to another room.  
  
God fucking dammit Chloe! Way to make a fucking scene. I close the door and go back to sitting on the bed. Tapping my foot up and down and holding my head while stressing over what I just did.  
  
This can't be happening, blowing at her on the first fucking day. You can't do this shit Chloe, she's not Joyce. She's gone and she's not coming back. Feeling my eyes burning, tears streaming down my face and me clenching my mouth out of anger towards my own stupidity.  
  
“I'm sorry Vanessa I didn't mean to. I just really miss Joyce and you reminded me of her, she'd ask the same thing, ask how I'm doing, how I am, how she's here for me and makes me feel loved...Why does everyone says that, no one can understand how I'm feeling, nobody else lost Joyce, I did. Only I did.”  
  
I hear the door opening and I see Max there. She has no clue and is looking worriedly at me. She walks towards me and sits next me, putting her hand over mine.  
  
“Chloe what's wrong?”  
  
I can't, I can't be here. I'm only causing trouble for you, I'm a mess and I shouldn't be here. I shake my head and try to avoid her eyes but she grabs me and wipes my tears away. Her hands are warm and soft.  
  
"Its okay, you can tell me. I'm here for you no matter what, I promise." Looking at her I feel safe, like I can say anything and she won't judge or reject it but always accept it. Accept me.  
  
"I miss her, I miss her so fucking much Max. I want to see her, hug her and tell her how sorry I am. She didn't deserve me as a daughter."  
  
She lays her head on mine, breathing the same air as me. Her hand rubbing mine, almost as if she's letting me know that she won't abandon me. You don't deserve me, no one does. You need something better than my useless piece of ass.  
  
"She loved you Chloe and you know that, she always did. She knew you were a lot but she always kept you in her thoughts."  
  
"I know she did, that's why it hurts so much. After everything I pulled her through all those years she ended up dead because of me."  
  
She doesn't say anything, only stays with me still rubbing my hand. Forcing some air through my nose I pull away from her and look up.  
  
"I'm sorry Max."  
  
"Sorry for what?"  
  
"For keep bringing the mood down."  
  
"You're not bringing anything down, you're talking and that's good."  
  
"Sigh, its just Vanessa was here before you came." Her expression doesn't change, just looking like she's waiting for more. Well here it comes.  
  
"She came to check on me and I...I said some hurtful crap to her. I feel really sorry about it, I didn't meant to I just saw her and I kinda blew up. Got me thinking about Joyce and I panicked and got stupid...like always."  
  
I turn up to look at her, she's still looking at me, not with pity or sadness but with understanding eyes, I move up and lay on her shoulder, resting for a bit.  
  
"Chloe first not all you're not stupid, you are adorable and have a lot of stuff going on. I don't know what you said or did but its okay."  
  
"No its not, I told Vanessa some really bad stuff, about her leaving Joyce when dad's accident happened. She came to check up on me and I got all riled up by myself thinking of Joyce and I-"  
  
I can feel her soft body suddenly turning hard, her expression going angry and looking at me with surprise.  
  
"Chloe? That's no-that's"  
  
No please Max, just this once don't, please not right now. I don't want to fight with you, I don't want to be hated by you. I close my eyes and cover my face to avoid her look, I just want this feeling to end already.  
  
I stop hearing her voice, only a heavy breath.  
  
"I'm sorry Chloe. I know you didn't mean it and I'm not angry but it still doesn't make it okay." I free my face and look at her, I can see the worry in her eyes.  
  
"I know, I fucked up. I didn't mean it or anything but it just came out. She looked hurt and I instantly started feeling like crap."  
  
"I get it Chloe but they also feel terrible about it. Specially mom, she's always felt horrible about it, even before I left for Arcadia Bay I remember her crying when I told her I was going to Blackwell."  
  
"Well yeah she was happy of course."  
  
"That too but it wasn't that. Blackwell's letter brought out William's memories and she would cry a lot of days but in a really sad way, she'll try to hide it but I would see her checking out some old pictures of our families being out together."  
  
"Then why the hell were your folks so quick to leave, making Joyce and I feel even worse by disappearing right after the funeral. Somewhat of a dick move I would say."  
  
"Sigh I don't know. All I remember is that when we left she was really bad, she kept crying over the whole situation. About how terrible it was and how Joyce would even manage all the grief and you on her own. Even months after we left for Seattle she was not okay. I'd hear her sobbing in her room with dad comforting her." I can see some tears falling in her legs, she turns to me and gets a hold of my hand.  
  
"It wasn't just me Chloe, my parents were really affected by it too. They both loved William, Joyce and you as family. They didn't know how to react, it was shitty of them to leave so quickly but I don't blame them. I did the same thing, I kept thinking about it but sigh...I felt I didn't had the right words to say and so I never texted or talked to you. I didn't want to remind you of it."  
  
I...I don’t know what to say, I've been so focused on my own shit that I never even thought about them. I mean they left and never even contacted us again, a call or anything so its not like we could've known but maybe they did care, shit and I said that crap to Vanessa just now.  
  
"Sorry I didn't mean to make you feel guilty about it."  
  
"Well I am, and I deserve it. I keep screwing up everything around here, you sure you don't want me to leave? You'll probably be better off with me out of your life." I close my eyes and let out a deep breath, thinking of what the hell am I going to say to Vanessa..  
  
...  
I start hearing some heavy breathing and someone grasping for air. I open my eyes and see Max's eyes crying, her face covered and shaking. Good job Chloe.  
  
"Hey Max I was kidding, I was just playing around."  
  
"Chloe stop saying that, you need to stop this, y-you." She's so bad she can't even talk anymore, I try to put my arm around her but she pushes me away.  
  
"I can't keep doing this, I'm tired. I'm tired of everything, I can't do this without you."  
  
"What do you mean, we're here. We're at your home with your folks, don't you feel better?"  
  
"Of course not. I'm home but I feel even more of a monster here than I did before, my parents don't understand what happened and I can't tell anyone about what really happened over there. I have blood in my hands Chloe, my friends blood is on me. I can't stop thinking about them and I can't even escape these thoughts, whenever I feel happy I want to take a picture, to capture the moment but then I remember the dark room...I feel trapped all the time."  
  
I don't know what to really do. I put my hand over hers and wait for a reaction, I can even feel her heart beat through her hand.  
  
...  
"You know when is the only time I feel calm, happy?"  
  
I shake my head and keep looking at her, she starts wiping her tears and trying to stop her chest from rising so fast.  
  
"In moments like these, when I'm with you. I need you Chloe, I feel lost without you."  
  
"But I keep fucking everything up, causing chaos wherever I go and being a total pain in the ass. You're still sure about me?"  
  
"I'm sure."  
  
I don't really want to say anything anymore, I feel that if I do I'm going to make another issue so for now I'll stay quiet. I lay down at the bed and stare at the roof...and Max falls down alongside me.  
  
"You know you're heavy right?"  
  
"Want me to move then?" She looks at me with some tired, bloodshot but still playful eyes.  
  
"Nope, your stuck with me now Caulfield." She slides her head over me and snuggles even closer than before.  
  
"All I need now is a blanket and I'll fall asleep in an instant, specially with this breeze. It feels great, you opened the window?"  
  
"Yep I sure did and got this great view of a hobo taking a shit."  
  
"A perk of being here in Seattle I guess."  
...  
...  
I still feel like crap about Vanessa.  
  
"I should really apologize to Vanessa shouldn't I?"  
  
"Yeah, she might be really hurt by it."  
  
"I'm sorry Max."  
  
She leans to my side and kisses my cheek.  
  
"Better?"  
  
"Sigh, no and a kiss won't get me better." She gives me another kiss and pulls my nose a bit.  
  
"How about now?" I can't help but smile, I do feel better.  
  
"Sure, somewhat better." I stand up and press my face with my hands.  
  
"I fucked up Max, Vanessa didn't deserve that."  
  
"I know she didn't but they get it Chloe."  
  
"Care to join me in my quest of forgiveness?"  
  
"Sure but first how about you take that shower, we gotta make these things a routine."  
  
"The hell does that mean Caulfield?" I swear this is too much already, I'm starting to get self-conscious about this now.  
  
"Oh nothing, just teasing." She says while acting all dumb.  
  
"Aha, keep that up and you'll see what happens."  
  
"Bring it on Price." Pft, I flick her nose and walk towards her cabinet.  
  
"So, mind giving me some of your clothes, might as well shower if I'm so bad."  
  
"Go ahead, just don't get all perverted with my stuff."  
  
"Augh but that's the whole point! Besides I don't think your clothes will fit me. We're somewhat different in size pipsqueak."  
  
"Yeah I know, mom left some of her stuff here for you last night. She really cares for you Chloe, so does Dad."  
  
"Sigh I know, I screwed up big time. I'll explain to her how sorry I am."  
  
I grab the clothes and start going outside to shower, before leaving I stop and turn to Max.  
  
"Hey Max?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Could you, wait for me here? I feel more relax with you around." She smiles and looks at me.  
  
"Always."  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Well here goes nothing.  
  
Knock knock  
  
Calm down Chloe, just breath, relax and don't get dumb. Easy right?  
  
"One second." I decided to come by myself since with Max here it would probably be hella more weird, so I think its better this way. Vanessa opens the door, her eyes are all puffy and somewhat red. Shit, seems like it really did hurt her.  
  
"Oh Chloe, how you-Sorry. Did you need anything?" She's trying to hold herself together, giving me this smile again but its different, more like she's sad with herself and looks like she doesn't really knows what to say.  
  
"Yes actually, I wanted to mention about what I said earlier. I'm sorry Vanessa, for saying that stuff to you, I shouldn't have said anything and I feel really shitty because of it."  
  
"Don't worry about it Chloe I understand and you don't need to apologize, in fact I agree with you, we were wrong in doing what we did."  
  
Her voice is sloppy and sounds as if she's about to cry now, I don't know what should I do.  
  
"You and Joyce didn't deserve that, she deserved better. We were your friends and we left you when you needed us the most. She needed people to help her and you needed Max and we robbed her and you of it."  
  
I don't know what to do right now, she's really pouring herself to me and I don't know what to say. Not like I can be all like 'of course you were wrong and left us stranded' since it would be really shitty of me and wrong.  
  
"I umm get it, it was tough and you guys didn't know how to act or what to even say right?"  
  
"Sniff yes, we were lost and confused but its not an excuse for it...we are so very sorry Chloe, we miss Joyce so much and we know we can't be there for her anymore but at least we can help you. Its the least we could do for her. We will never forget her and will always feel guilty because of it."  
  
It’s getting hard to get words out, hearing her talks this way its getting to me and I feel the same way, I don't want to cry right now, I just came from doing it with Max so I better pull myself together.  
  
"Vanessa, I get what you're saying and thanks. It really means a lot to know that you cared for her, and knowing that at least someone other than me also misses her, she was really special and...shit I don't know thank you."  
  
She looks better know, even laughing a bit.  
  
"Of course Chloe, Joyce and William will always be dear to us and so are you. I better close the door now, I need to clean my makeup now since I look like a sad clown don't I."  
  
"Yeah sure, you don't want to scare the kids on the street looking like a hobo."  
  
...  
Mmm, weird awkward silence. Maybe that was a bit too much.  
  
"Then I'll see you later Chloe, I’ll close the door now."  
  
Sigh that was tiring, I need to go with Max and recharge my batteries.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Okay a cuddling session later and now we're downstairs with Ryan here. All sitting and watching TV, a hockey game going on. It feels weird, Ryan its so welcoming and doesn't make me uneasy or sends a vibe to fight, just another person. Guess all that time with sergeant drill head kinda screw with me. Still fucked up that he ended up dead, I didn't cry or anything but he didn't need to die. He at least cared for mom and did save Max.  
  
"Chloe, everything all right?" Hmm, I come back and see Ryan talking to me.  
  
"Umm what was that? Kinda spaced out for a moment." C'mon Chloe not right now, keep focus.  
  
"I was just asking if you were a hockey fan, or any sport in general?"  
  
"Not really a sports fan but put me a game or whatever and I'll root for the winner."  
  
"Ha, seems like we're on the same page. All in for the winner then."  
  
"I'll stick to just watching and root for the one with the best uniform"  
  
"You're so a kid Max."  
  
"At least I don't get all worked out over a silly rock game."  
  
"Its called sportsmanship, and back then wasn't only a game. It was a competition in which you cheated and by the case I ended up cleaning the truck by myself."  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about, I won fair and square and that's that."  
  
"Square my ass, you were practically groping me the entire time I was throwing the rock."  
  
"I was not, you were just nervous because of my amazing rock skipping skills."  
  
"More like keep your hands to yourself perv."  
  
Hmm, she's getting all red and trying to tell me something.  
  
"Cough well girls I think I'll get something to drink, you want anything."  
  
"I'm good but thanks."  
  
"Some juice would be great."  
  
"On it sweetie." Ryan seems somewhat uncomfortable, rubbing his beard and shaking his head. I wonde-ouch Max just push to the side.  
  
"What was that for?" She's resting her head on the couch with her knees to her chest. She looks even cuter with that t-shirt. Bright red and has a cartoon-ish muffin saying bite me.  
  
"Can you stop letting my parents know that we're...you know." She's making this confused look and letting a big breath. Is she embarrassed of me or something, they already know so what's the point in hiding it.  
  
"Max I'm not letting anyone know and I'm not hiding it either. I thought you didn't care what people thought, I thought you weren't ashamed of me, is that it? You want to keep at arms distance on public and lie to people." And here I thought this would be different, I thought she wasn't like this. Am I too much of a piece of shit that I have to be hidden from everyone.  
  
"No that's not what I mean Chloe, I'll never be ashamed of you. I just, I've never had a relationship before and much less a girlfriend. I didn't want to just tell my parents like that. I'm nervous okay, this is new for me and I don't know how to handle it."  
  
"Don't give me that crap Max, if you're ashamed of me just say it. I get it, I'm a trashy girl and you don't want to tell your folks about us. I can take it, I'm used to it, so you don't need to lie to my face with all that bullshit." Sniff fucking shit, you're fucking worthless Price. Not even Max sees you differently than the rest of the world.  
  
She moves forward and puts her hands on my face, moving the hair in my forehead. She slowly leans forward and I can feel her lips on mine, warm, soft and slowly pulling them apart. Not letting go of me, only looking at me with a smile.  
  
"You're not trashy and I'm not ashamed but you're right. They already saw us sleeping like that and the hickey you left doesn't help. Might as well tell them so they can properly know." I pull my head down and realize that she's right. Sigh you're such a hassle Chloe, she's clearly not ready for it but you're guilt tripping her again to do it. You should be fucking happy, she basically said you're her first everything, her first kiss, her first time and a bunch of first stupid fights. God knows she's must be exhausted from dealing with me.  
  
"No I'm sorry Max, I-no you're right. You don't have to tell them if you're not ready, you don't have to go along with me just because I'm making you guilty." I turn to her and see her shoulders drop a little, yep. I'm only making her stress even more.  
  
"I get it, you don't want to be hidden anymore and you shouldn't. I love you and I want everyone to know. I don't care what anyone thinks or says." Damm I can feel my eyes getting mushy and stuff, I wipe the tears and stand up to stop myself. Max still sitting there, I can't believe I'm still being such a bitch about every little thing.  
  
"I love you, you 'punk girl'." She smiles, stands up and lays herself on me, her heart beating rapidly. I grab her and mess her hair up.  
  
"I love you too 'cutie'." Taking a big breath I begin to calm down and start feeling more relaxed, although Max is still feeling somewhat tense.  
  
"Hey Ma-"  
  
"Cough girls sorry to interrupt but here's the juice. Remember, the one in the kitchen. I did not mean to but I could hear everything you girls said and I didn't want to come in like that."  
  
I turn to Max and she has this blank expression on her face, oh shit this is bad. She lets go of me and stands still to the side.  
  
...  
"Dad can you not tell Mom, I want to be the one to tell her properly at least." Ryan sure looks hella awkward now, bet he didn't expect all this shit just now.  
  
"Sure sweetie and don't worry, I'll keep this to myself." Max still looking somewhat shocked starts walking to the upstairs and up she goes. Without making a sound.  
  
"So Ryan, guess you didn't expect this huh?" He looks at me and starts scratching his beard.  
  
"Can't say I did but I'm glad."  
  
"You are?"  
  
"Sure, we know you're good so at least I don't need to worry about Max getting hurt."  
  
I'm the last person she should be with then, her getting hurt is all I've been doing since I'm too stupid to listen to her...but I think can get better, with her with me I-we can do anything.  
  
"Chloe?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Just one thing. We know you both are young and in love but keep the umm, you know. Your 'fun' to yourselves, we don't need to know when Max and you are...you know."  
  
He does something with his hands but stops himself as soon as he realizes what he's trying to tell. Bet he doesn't want to imagine his daughter having sex with me.  
  
A smile grows on my face and I throw a light punch to his side.  
  
"Sure thing Ryan. I better go get her, since I think she's a little embarrassed now."  
  
"She's all yours."  
  
Ryan is so chill, he's actually pretty cool. Not that Vanessa isn't but I kinda gave us a rough start. Well first day hasn't been so bad and it only just began, hopefully it'll only get better from here.  
  
I start walking upstairs and knock on Max's door. I don't hear anything but I open it anyways and see Max with a pillow on her face while sitting on her chair.  
  
"So Max, you embarrassed or something?" She drops the pillow from her face and throws the pillow at me...hitting me right in the face.  
  
"Oh you're going down Maxine!" Her face turns surprised and I quickly maneuver over to her bed but before I get there she grabs another pillow and aims for my face… and misses so I grab her and bury my face in her instead.  
  
Laying over her like this it’s fun, kinda makes me want to stay like this forever.  
  
"I'm so embarrassed Chloe, I completely forgot he was there."  
  
"You want to know something else?" She puts this curious look right and turns her face to me.  
  
"What?"  
  
"They totally think we were having sex in the morning."  
  
"What!?"  
"Yeah Ryan basically told me to keep our sexual life a secret from them, probably doesn’t to hear you moa-"  
  
Max grabs the pillow again and shoves it down my face, oh man I really can't hold my laugh.  
  
"Pfft c'mon Max you gotta admit it's hilarious."  
  
"Shush Chloe."  
  
She finally stops almost killing me and lays her head on the pillow, which is still above my face by the way.  
  
"Better now?"  
  
"Shuhs, pillows don't talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to all of you, after more than a month here's a new chapter.  
Life is messy and troublesome but this story will still be coming, even if they take a a bit too long to come.  
I hope you found this chapter enjoyable to read and future chapters will not take as long to release  
And any feedback is welcomed, thanks for reading.


	8. Honest talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Okay great idea Max, loving it already. All four of us sitting together down at the kitchen since you wanted to tell your folks about us 'properly', even though they must already know. Ryan over here turning around and looking at us, at Vanessa and the goddam floor. Well he for sure isn't comfortable and Vanessa on the other hand is giving me the creeps, I don't know why but I'm getting a weird vibe from her but only towards me, I mean its probably because of what I told her earlier and I can't blame her really, I just got here last night and I'm already screaming at her face. I hope she's not one to get resentful about things.  
  
Hmm? I feel a tug at my hand, I turn and see Max grabbing my hand under the table, looking at her I see she's taking some breaths in. Why is my heart beating so damm fast? Shit I'm hella freaked out right now and so is Max. She's rubbing my hand so much I think my skin is going to peel off. Turning back to her folks and no one has said a word yet. Ryan is...looking as awkward as he's been since we arrived and Vanessa is...smiling while looking at Max and only at her. I better say something, this is making me way too uneasy.  
  
"Cough thanks for the clothes Vanessa, I was really in need of a change so this is just perfect." I say while giving her a thumbs up. Although these bright, red jeans aren't so much my style and this white, long sleeve, button shirt kinda makes me look as an boring old grown up but they're certainly better than what I had, at least with this Max won't say anymore crap about me smelling or stinking the room up...yeah right, I don't stink.  
  
"I'm glad they fit you right and Chloe, since its pretty obvious that this isn't your usual look you'll probably want to get something more...you. Max can show you around a couple stores, even though she certainly isn't a fashion model she does has an eye for things that are beautiful. Isn't that right sweetie?"  
  
Hmm, what does she mean by Max isn't a fashion model, she means she isn't one of those girls who spends all day in a mirror getting themselves all dolly and shit? I turn and see Max looking down at herself, grabbing her elbow with a sorrowful expression.  
  
"Tsk I don't know what you're talking about Vanessa but Max looks way better than any model I've seen. Just look at her, I dare you to tell me if you have ever seen something more adorable than her." And Max's face suddenly turns up and her cheeks lighten bright red, look at her trying to hide her smil-ouch, she just kicked me in the leg.  
  
Ryan clears his throat and lets a deep sigh, kinda looking more relax.  
  
"Can't argue with you there Chloe, she's always been my little cute pumpkin this one." Oh shit now we're all ganging up on Max cuteness and not just me, so far so good. Good job Chloe...except that Vanessa is making this hurtful face now.  
  
"Oh no I didn't mean that she doesn't look pretty, of course she is. You know that Max? I would never say otherwise. I just meant that you're more...more-" Vanessa is trying to come up with something but she just ends up making weird gestures with her hands. Max gets this sad vibe to her, so I get a better grip at her hand and throw her a wink.  
  
Her frown slowly lifts up, showing that adorable freckled smile again.  
  
Ryan notices this and turns to Vanessa.  
  
"Sweetheart, let's calm down for a moment. I think the girls are about to tell us something, isn't that right?" Vanessa stops herself and still looks a little dissatisfied. I feel Max's hand scratching mine and so I turn to her, she's telling me something with her eyes. I nod back and she turns to her folks.  
  
"Mom, dad. I'm sure you might have already figured it out so I hope you're okay with this and can at least understand it so here I go." Max holds my hand even tighter and pulls it up to the table, her hand is warm and sweating quite a bit or maybe that's me, probably both of us. Gulp, relax Chloe its not like this is the first time someone is admitting to being with you. Don't smile dammit its too obvious.  
  
"Chloe and I are dating."  
  
Ryan and Vanessa give themselves a look to each other and Max looks at me, her smile looks so timid, like she wants to hide herself right now. I can't help but smile even harder. Take a big breath, one, two and three.  
  
"I know its new and umm unexpected so I get it if you find it strange or hard to swallow right awa-"  
  
"Max its okay. We're okay with it...you're right, we already knew. You girls holding hands at the door last night was kinda our first hint and with today's umm, morning surprise we got our confirmation." Max is looking down again, this time obviously out of embarrassment since they're thinking we had sex, I don't know about her but its a win-win for me. At least now we know we can fuck in the living room and they won't care...well as long as they don't catch us on the act.  
  
"With that being said, girls we are happy for you. Max you are our little girl and that will never change, ever since you were smaller we knew you were smart and you've proven us right by always doing the right thing, so if you want to do something then do it baby girl. We will always support you one hundred percent in every choice you make."  
Whoa, I'm fucking surprised right now. Max left here being a pure little angel and she comes back with a 'rebel, punk rock' girl as a girlfriend and Ryan is being so cool with it? He wasn't even talking to me but I'm feeling all emotional and stuff. They really love Max and they aren't afraid of showing it even with me here. I turn to Max and she already has tears falling down her face.  
  
"And Chloe?"  
  
"Sniff, yes?" Dammit I wipe my nose and clean my eyes, haven't even talked to me and I'm a mess already. I know what's next already, the take care of my daughter and shit or you'll regret it and stuff. Yeah yeah I know this part and not like I can blame them, they've probably already talked about how I might get Max into some bad stuff and lead her down into trouble right? Chloe the piece of shit that drags people down, sigh just take it and shut up Chloe.  
  
"We love you too." What? I get this shiver down my whole back and I can feel my hairs stand up...the hell?  
  
"We've also known you since you were a small child, always getting rough and hurting yourself in the process and Max following you around all the way, and during most of the times you were always the one getting hurt and never Max. Vanessa, William, Joyce and I would always notice these things. You were always first and always leading the way not because you wanted to win or because you were competitive but to make sure Max wasn't the one getting hurt. I remember William joking about how you two were so close that might as well and arrange a wedding. He was happy to see you both girls like that, he was always watching you two...he was really proud that you were having so much fun, you were his treasure and he wanted the best for you...sorry, I got a little off topic there, I didn't mean to bring back painful memories. No, sniff those really are some great things. Dad really was amazing, I sometimes forget how cheerful and happy he was, the less great memory of him kinda takes over but...sniff he was great.  
  
"Like I was saying Chloe, you've always been protecting Max, even at your own expense and look that might not be the best idea since you need to take care of yourself so don't neglect your health, but knowing this we're sure you'll protect Max from all harm even now. We're happy you're home, both of you and if you two want to be together then by all means be together. We want the best for you two and we will always support you."  
  
No, no. Control yourself Chloe, don't cry, don't break down right now, not in front of Ryan and Vanessa, don't show them this weak side of yours.  
  
I can feel my eyes wanting to burn, the liquid graabing from the edges, I try to cover my face, try to stop the river of tears and barely holding my breath, closing my nose and trying to be still and failing. Sobbing, I'm sobbing and I can't stop. Why the hell did Ryan said all that shit, he could've said all kinds of horrible stuff and I would've taken it. Trash, worthless, scum, undisciplined, lazy or anything but why was he so caring, so taken to me that he basically made me feel like I matter. I try controlling myself by making my body smaller and smaller, tucking my arms in so maybe I can breath better or anything and I feel something on me. I look up and its Max, she's holding me, rubbing my head, holding me down. Isn't she embarrassed? Why am I the only one like this? I just suddenly stand up and let go of Max and start walking to the bathroom, I don't want them to see me like this.  
  
I rush to the door, open it and close myself in it. Looking at the mirror I'm seeing my whole face, all wet and my nose with mucus dripping down and shit. God I'm a fucking mess, a happy mess but still. How the fuck is Ryan as old as step douc-I mean David and yet so different. Ryan's whole aura is more of a sweet, caring with a warm presence old family member except for the old part, well kinda. I grab the small green towel on the wall and wipe all this shit from my face, better get clean at least before going back. Just breath Chloe, calm down and I don't know...breath more. One...Two...Three and...Four.  
  
And still the same. I feel...happy, excited even. I look at my hands and they're actually trembling. I turn to the mirror again and see myself smiling, why the hell am I smiling? Fuck you Ryan, you've actually gave me hope. Maybe coming here was really a good idea, I feel welcomed, love by Max and now even accepted as her girlfriend not like I cared for their approval or anything but them being so cool about the whole thing kinda takes a load off my shoulders.  
  
...  
Makes me think of Joyce and how I never had moments like this, always fighting about school, David, dad, me and the worst part is that it was my fault. All those fights were always my fault so screw that, I'm not going to fight anymore. How the fuck could I? I...I feel hella happy right now, I don't know if I'm exaggerating or making a big deal over nothing but I'm happy.  
  
I grab the towel again and get myself another wipe, put it back and take a deep breath.  
  
"I'll be happy mom, you don't need to worry about my sorry ass...because I have Max and she'll take care of me."  
  
All right stop with this mushy shit and go back to the party Chloe, you are required. I turn around and just as I open the door I hear some voices talking in the table, they sound intense.  
  
"Sweetie I'm not trying to say you're wrong but are you sure? You two just came from a traumatic experience and have all of your emotions and thoughts scrambled. I think it would be best if you at least took that in consi-"  
  
"Mom please stop, I love Chloe. I'm not asking for permission or anything, I wanted you guys to know. This isn't a thing or a phase or whatever you're saying. Why are you saying this?" Sounds like Vanessa doesn't totally approve of this, of me.  
  
"Just give it some thought okay. I'm just worried about you and we haven't seen her in so long that we don't know who she is anymore and look at her. She looks like those girls out in clubs that are drinking and causing trouble, she might even be doing stuff like drugs. I'm just saying she might be troublesome and if I'm right she's bound to get herself or you hu-"  
  
Thump!  
  
"Mom! Screw you, you don't know nothing about her or what she does or what she doesn't do so shut up!"  
  
...  
  
"Ryan are you hearing her, please say something to her."  
  
"Vanessa dear, we talked about this. We agreed on this, we discussed this already and I certainly thought we were on the same page, I meant what I told Chloe. Every word of it and I'm not fond of the things you're saying about her."  
  
"So what? I'm the villain, for being worried about my daughter wasting her life, for being preoccupied with whom she's spending her time and risking her future on a girl who is so clearly a wre-"  
  
Slam!  
  
I get out of the bathroom and slam the door as hard as I can. I don't even look at them but only turn and make my way for outside and try not to think about this fucking shit.  
  
I knew it! I fucking knew it. They think I'm just a broken girl, a mess. Fuck you Vanessa! I don't need you, I don't need you or Ryan or Ma-FUCK!!  
  
Just keep walking Chloe, keep walking you piece of shit and don't turn back. Sniff I don't even know where I'm going but anywhere is fine, I don't want to think right now, I want to stop thinking.  
  
After walking for who knows how long I stop and look around and see a liquor down the street.  
  
THERE YA GO CHLOE NOW GO AND GET DRUNK AND SHITFACE. Right? Go and prove everything Vanessa said, at least that way she'll know she was right.  
  
Walking down and entering the liquor, I notice the place is all run down. This stupidass store is already in the brink of falling apart. I see a girl working the cash register, she has this weird, futuristic like earring but fuck it I just furiously walk past her and down to the beer, grabbing a bottle of who knows what the fuck it is and take it to the counter.  
  
Slam!  
  
"Hmm let me guess, tough day princess?" Fucking girl talks with this sarcastic tone, smiling and looking right at me.  
  
"Yeah so hurry the fuck up don't you think." She doesn't seem fazed at all, whatever I don't have time for this shit...and why the hell isn't she charging me up.  
  
"Today would be great!" She smirks and grabs the bottle, putting it beside her.  
  
"Ooo you are a sassy one, look at you all worked up over a bottle. Let me guess, daddy and mommy didn't give you your allowance? Either that or you must be really thirsty."  
  
I just stare at her and start making a fist with my hand. This bitch must want me to fuck her up doesn't she? Calm down, don't grab the bottle and break it on her face, don't leave her a bloody nose, DON'T CHLOE!  
  
"What the fuck just charge me up, what are you dumb or something!"  
  
"Oh yes I'm so dumb. I'm so dumb that I lost the bottle and I'm so dumb that I don't know how to charge you." She's talking with this annoying voice now and makes this face that gives me the urge to rip her apart and shove her earring down her damm throat. Fuck this shit.  
  
"Fine!" I leave some money on the counter, don't even bother to count it or check since I'm really damm close to jumping over to her and crack that smirk of hers. I turn and grab another bottle on the side and leave this fucking place.  
  
I can still hear her, screaming and saying some crap. Ah fuck it, fuck her and most importantly fuck me. I keep walking down and open up the bottle, taking a big ass chug while I'm at it.  
  
"Aauughhh...Shit this thing really burns, what the hell is it?" I turn the bottle and see what the hell I'm actually drinking.  
  
"Tequila of 'Wayne the Hard'. Well Wayne I guess its just you and m-" I feel someone grabbing my shoulder, probably that blonde from the store, fucking annoying bitch. I rapidly move my shoulder and shove it right down at her ugly, ass smug face she has.  
  
Thump!  
  
"Yeah let's see if you keep smiling you stu-" As I'm talking shit I turn and I don't see the girl from earlier.  
  
I see Max on the ground, bleeding from her nose...bleeding so fucking much. I immediately let go of the bottle, falling and breaking at the ground. I don't care I just crouch down to her and hold her steady.  
  
"M-Max wha-are you okay? Oh shit why are you he--fuck why didn't you said something or shit. Shit shit what do I do now!" She's bleeding so much and looks somewhat lost.  
  
"Max talk to me are you okay? I didn't mean to hit you I thought it was somebody else. Oh man Max say something please!" Fuck me, fuck me and fuck me, I try to lift her up and she barely puts any force, her being there for me these days made me forgot how frail she is, how weak she still is. She stands but she's losing her balance, I quickly catch her by the chest and put her arm around my neck. She's still kinda out of it, barely standing up and its your fault Chloe. You fucking did it now, you hit Max and threw her ass down so strong that she passed out.  
  
Please don't pass out Max.  
  
I look for anything to rest and notice a bench down the street and start walking down there. Putting her down she's starting to look better. Still holding on to her I feel my face burning and eyes pinching from the inside. Her face is bloody, her clothes are full of blood and so am I.  
  
You can't do anything right can you, you worthless scum piece of shit, look at the crap you're doing, look at it and take it in. Your precious Max is hurt, bleeding and you caused it, you did this to her.  
  
Clenching my fists and breathing heavily I can feel myself getting warmer. Happy now Chloe? Is this what you wanted? To hurt her even more, wrecking her goddam mind wasn't enough but now you need to hurt her physically too? Vanessa was right, she said you were bound to hurt Max and look at you now-  
  
"Chloe?" She says my name and I inmediately focus back to her, I'm still here with her.  
  
"Max?" I grab onto her with an arm and hold her face with the other. She feels cold, the blood is now dry around her mouth and her eyes are still adjusting to the light. I feel this pain in my chest, it hurts, so fucking much just from looking at her.  
  
"I-I'm so sorry Max, I'm so sorry I didn't- please believe me I didn't know it was you-"  
  
I can't even talk properly, I don't know what the hell I'm even saying or what's happening I only know Max is hurt and I hurt her.  
  
"Chloe calm down I'm fi-augh" She stops herself and slowly touchs her nose, barely caressing it and mixing her fingers with blood. I stay quiet and keep looking at her, watching her pained face and tears faling out. Fucking shit.  
  
She must've noticed, she now lets a sigh and turns to me.  
  
"I'm-I'm fine, my nose hurts but its not that bad, really." She shakes me away and grabs her head.  
  
"Shit I'm so sorry Max I thought it was somebody else and I just acted instinctively. I'm so so sorry, I am Max please forgive me...does it still hurt?"  
  
She starts to stand up while clenching her eyes and nose, trying to manage her pain.  
  
"Yeah like a bitch, do you think its broken?"  
  
"I don't think so but we should still go and get you checked out."  
  
"No I'm fine Chloe, its not that big of a deal."  
  
"Max what were you doing? Why did yo pull me like that?"  
  
"I came to get you Chloe, what else. I got worried about you, you just left like that."  
  
That's right, I had already forgotten that happened. I close my eyes and shut them tight, trying to forget those things Vanessa said about me. Makes me believe all that Ryan said was a lie too.  
  
"I rather not talk about that Max, forget all that stuff and instead tell me how you're feeling?"  
  
She doesn't seem to budge over to me but doesn't want to force me, either that or the pain is getting to her. She has tears falling down her face, mixing with her dried blood and looking even worse as a result.  
  
"That's it Max let's go back to your place, you need some stitches there and some alcohol."  
  
"No its not the pain Chloe, its because of earlier, what my mom said wasn't right, she's wrong about you."  
  
"I don't know, right now it seems like she was spot on." I point at the blood on herself and hands, it looks really bad.  
  
I stand up from the bench, and just I'm about to pull her to me I turn to the broken bottle I left behind.  
  
I'm going to need another drink.  
  
And I'm back with Max, as soon as I turn back to her she looks different.  
  
"Hey Max?... Everything okay?"  
  
She's not responding. She has her hands in front of her, staring at the blood in them. She then turns her face to me with this desperate look in her, eyes wide open and her mouth trying to form words but its trembling too much.  
  
"What's with you? What’s going on?"  
  
"T-thi-this is real, right? You can see it too?  
  
"See what?"  
  
"The bl-blood. You can see it too?" I grab her trembling hands and lift her chin up.  
  
"I can see it Max, its real."  
  
"Are you real Chloe, th-is is just a-as my dreams. Please don't disappear right now." I feel this blockade in my throat, what does she mean her dreams, me disappearing? I turn my head and clear my thoughts of this dumb shit.  
  
"Its not a dream, I'm real, the blood is real too. Remember, I kinda elbowed you just a few minutes ago...not my best moment if I say so myself."  
  
Her face moves and even jumps a bit, getting back her face to reality. She looks at her hands, touches her nose and lets this small pained sound. Now touching her blood and looking at the blood on me. She smiles and laughs a little, looking a bit crazy but way better than her being as she was.  
  
"Yeah I know, I did a mess."  
  
"At least now I know you have strong bones."  
  
"Yeah me and my strong bones are all at your service my lady."  
  
...  
"Chloe I'm sorry about what my mom said." Shit, here we go.  
  
"Don't worry about it Max, please don't. Let's just forget about it and never bring it up again. Case closed." Her face just turns to this sad frown that is kinda cute...but not cute enough to make me want to talk about that stuff.  
  
"I'm kidding Max, just for now let's not. We're outside, in the wild so let's enjoy a bit. At least before going back to your house and dealing with that shit." Looks like she might agree, she gets her thinking face on. Probably thinking why I might be saying this stuff and why I want to avoid it, or maybe she just likes making these cute faces.  
  
"Okay, but we have to talk later Chloe. It was horrible of my mom to say all that crap and I know it hurt to hear all that...so sure, we can save the talk for later but promise me, we'll talk about it."  
  
"For sure Max."  
  
She starts walking down the street and in to this park, goes a little deeper around some trees and sits down. Guess we're literally going to the wild, I just meant going for a walk and look for sketchy guys that sell weed but I guess that'll be for another day.  
  
"So is this like your spot or something?" I get with her and sit down in front of her.  
  
"No. It looked cozy and beautiful."  
  
"Beautiful?" I look around and see the tree next to us covering a big area with its shade and some birds flying nearby too.  
  
"Yeah its allright Caulfield."  
  
"No really, look at it. The whole scene has this feel of freedom. You see how the tree is really big?"  
  
"Yep, it sure is."  
  
"Its big, thick and old, even though it should give this feel of grounded it doesn't feel as it. Instead it has this liberating feeling, how the branches are so wide and separated creating all this space showing the sky, the leaves are green enough that they hide almost everything but the birds are clearly visible. Its beautiful, makes me want to take a picture of it."  
  
Goddam that's a weird to describe a tree, but I get her, kinda. It does look better now that I know what she meant but also a little depressing. The birds there seem stuck and can't figure out how to leave, so much for liberating...and I should change the mood, its getting a little too serious for the moment.  
  
"Okay spill it Max, did you smoked something while I wasn't looking? Cause if you did, sharing is caring and I'm caring very much for a share."  
  
She looks at me with this confused face, her brows tugged down and her eyes staring at mine.  
  
"Yes Chloe, I inhaled something." She extends her arms above and signals to...everything I guess.  
  
"You inhaled the world?" She nods and smiles at me.  
  
"Care to receive the world's joint?"  
  
"If by world's joint you mean an actual joint then I'm all for your whole arm extending, thing shit."  
  
"No joint Chloe, all natural over here."  
  
"You do know weed is nature right? You can't get more natural than that."  
  
She makes this face pulling her nose in and tucking her mouth back.  
  
"Your lose." I feel my hands starting to hurt from holding myself and decide to might as well and lay on the grass here. I close my eyes and embrace the darkness or at least the blackness from closing my eyes.  
  
...  
  
It feels weird not seeing anything, it makes me feel somewhat lost and a little paranoid since I can't see what's around me or where I am. It feels limitless but claustrophobic at the same time...shit is this what not being able to move feels like.  
  
Hmm? Wait a minute, I felt something, the ground went a little crazy for a moment and it smells nice. Has it always smell so good outside? From what I remember is was mostly trash, weed, cheap perfume and really bad BO from trashing really hard.  
  
Whatever it is, might as well enjoy it.  
  
...  
...  
  
Okay after a minute of being alone in my thoughts it actually feels nice, why the fuck haven't I done this in so long, probably because I was way too busy trying to not think about everything. Wait isn't this like meditating? Meditating and being calm while doing nothing? Seems about right. Right now I'm taking some deep breaths and loosening my body up. I don't know if this is normal or not but I feel...weird. I so gotta tell Max. I open my eyes and-  
  
"Whoa!" Max is right front of me laughing and covering her face. Her cheeks are pink-ish.  
  
"Max how long have you been here for?"  
  
"About three minutes or so. You were making some pretty big weird faces. What were you thinking?" So that nice smell wasn't nature? I feel silly now and no way in hell I'm saying that to her.  
  
"Just some stuff, nothing exciting, worth mentioning."  
  
"Really? You weren't happy, excited or weirded out?"  
  
I turn myself to the side and close my eyes a little bit and give her a deep stare.  
  
"That question is oddly specific, why?"  
  
"Well you were smiling a whole bunch just now, you were giggling Chloe and your nose was moving everywhere and right at the end you were grinning and made a circle with your mouth."  
  
Man she's nosy. I move my arm towards her and put my hand over her face and just cover her eyes.  
  
"Max don't move."  
  
"Okay?"  
  
"Now stop talking and see the darkness."  
  
"Is this you trying to bring me to the dark side and make a Sith out of me?"  
  
"Yes! So don't talk and look at the darkness. What do you think?"  
  
"I think you're crazy Chloe." She moves my hand and looks confusingly at me.  
  
"Are you sure you're not stoned, what was that all about?"  
  
"Just now as I was laying down with my eyes closed I kinda started thinking. Just looking at nothingness and really taking in everything around me but like without seeing it. It was peaceful but weird and felt kinda great. You get what I'm trying to say?"  
  
"Yeah, I do."  
  
Bzzzzt  
Bzzzzt  
  
Shit. Must be her folks worried about her.  
  
"Let me guess, Vanessa calling you?"  
  
She gets her phone from her pocket and puts it down at the grass, making this same expression she did earlier, this tired frown.  
  
"Yeah its her."  
  
"You don't want to talk to her?"  
  
"Of course not, it makes me angry just remembering those things she said."  
  
Hmm, she does seem angry about it, her face says it all. Makes me happy to see her care.  
  
"What are you smiling for?"  
  
"Oh nothing, just glad that you care about me."  
  
Bzzzzt  
Bzzzzt  
  
"You should answer her, at least let her know I didn't kill you."  
  
"Sigh, yeah I will."  
  
She gets her phone back up but before answering she looks at me and starts moving closer towards me. Not junk to junk but pretty damm close.  
  
"I'm starting to like your weird faces."  
  
All right she got me good. Laying so close to me that we're practically breathing the same air does get me flustered. She gets her phone up and answers.  
  
"Hey Mom."  
  
She's so close and I can even her Vanessa on the other side.  
  
"Thank god you answered Max, I was so worried."  
  
"I'm fine, no need to worry. I'm with Chloe here."  
  
"How is she doing?"  
  
I'm doing better, I mean you said I was basically stranger, a danger for Max and a wreck but other than that I'm all-fucking-right.  
  
"She's doing okay. She's great."  
  
"Max please tell her I didn't mean anything, I'm all wired up and I wasn't thinking well and she-"  
  
"I don't think you should be saying this to me. Is Chloe who you should be telling."  
  
...  
  
"Sigh you're right sweetie. Will you girls be coming back now?"  
  
Max looks at me and I might have an idea for what to do. I move my head up and down to let her know.  
  
"Not yet, maybe later."  
  
"Well be careful okay, we'll see you both when you're back and please be safe"  
  
And that's that. Max was a bit distant, it makes me feel shitty because I'm the reason for their fight and I don't think Max should be fighting with her. Been there and doesn't end well.  
  
"So Chloe what do you have in mind?"  
  
I quickly stand up and move back a bit to show Max my body.  
  
"Are you seeing this?"  
  
"Yes I see you. You're beautiful."  
  
"I'm wh-no that's not what I meant."  
  
I think Max is enjoying this a little too much already, I'm gonna have to raise the bar now.  
  
"You get so mushy so fast."  
  
"We'll see how you get when I kiss you in front of your folks."  
  
"I dare you, I double dog, double dare you." Damm, she's cute.  
  
"You got it freckles. I say while throwing a wink at her.  
  
"But I meant the blood. We need clothes and I need something more adequate for me."  
  
"Yeah this mom look isn't totally you."  
  
"Oh so this doesn't turn you on?"  
  
"Gross Chloe, they're my mom clothes."  
  
"Okay you're right there but point is the same. How about we go shopping for some clothes, somewhere where a rocker girl can get some hella nice clothes." Max gets up and seems to agree with me...and her ass is now green.  
  
"Well I do know this store that has some really go-I mean hella nice punk clothes."  
  
"My sweet summer child, still trying to get hella into your brain?"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"But yeah, so we're good? Off to this store?"  
  
"Sure, might as well and get something for me too. Something fitting of a punk/hipster young woman now that my wardrobe is empty, or at least anything without blood."  
  
"There we go, and also a pair of pants since it looks like you shit yourself."  
  
"What do you mean?" She turns and looks at her butt and turns back to me with this simple, surprised expression.  
  
"Chloe! My ass is green."  
  
"Yep it sure is Max. Your ass is green and its mine."  
  
"Perv."  
  
"You know what, keep those pants on. I'm going to paint my hand green so guys know who it belongs too."  
  
She pushes my shoulder and smiles while doing so. She pulls a bunch of weeds from below and hands them to me.  
  
"Here you go, now just walk with grass on your hand all day."  
  
Pft, like I won't do that just to prove my point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, three weeks later and still here...still living and writting.  
Hopefully you're still enjoying this story and its slow pace.  
Even though it may not appear the story is developing and more events will continue to happen that come together for an (enjoyable, serious) conclusion to this arc of the story which is still a while away thanks in large to its slow development.
> 
> Again all type of feedback is welcomed, appeciated and always helpful.  
Be safe and keep on reading.


	9. Tremors around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa's words were hurtful and surprising to everyone, their meaning revealed here while Chloe and Max look to enjoy themselves and avoid the problems that keep following them.

Earlier on the Caulfield Residence  
  
Well I didn't expect that, her getting all teary like that and running off to the bathroom after what Ryan said to her.  
  
I turn around and see Maxine and Ryan, both of them sheding some tears and cleaning their eyes because of what just happened. Both of them look so warm, peaceful, accepting and relieved...then why do I have this concerned feeling in my chest, a whisper telling me to watch out. Ryan talked to both of them and said what we had both discussed earlier so why am I feeling different now?  
  
Max dating Chloe a girl that is, well its a shocker of course since she never really had any interest in girls nor boys for that matter but its okay. Its as Ryan said, we love her and support her in every decision she wants to go forward with no matter what. What is making me nervous is not Maxine, but Chloe. She's like a daughter to me, she really is and I want to protect her and help her as much as I want to help my own baby but my instinct is telling me otherwise.  
  
I truly sympathize with her and I whole heartedly agree with her having these emotional moments, she should be angry and hurt and so her outburst from earlier makes sense and I'm with her. She needs to release her pain but that also means she's dangerous.  
  
She's a thug, a thug and not the sweet girl we remember from before. Why isn't Max seeing that? She's not innocent or pure and doesn't look as caring as she once did so why is Max attracted to her? Did Chloe already put her claws on her and is only fooling with her as a distraction? My baby doesn't know any better so she doesn't know anything. Having her mind so distressed doesn't help either, she must be so vulnerable and Chloe could had taken advantage of that.  
  
Maybe I'm overreacting and blowing things out of proportion.  
  
Chloe has been through various hardships up until now, not even counting her childhood she's had to lose her mother like that and on top of that her home, I can't imagine what's going on in her mind...so why am I still getting this voice telling me to watch her, to be wary of her, because of this feeling I don't want her to be with my little girl. What if she harms her? A girl with this many difficulties must have issues, alcohol and god forbid drug problems.  
  
I'm starting to get this pain in my chest , this hurting feeling just by thinking these horrible things about her. She deserves better, someone to understand her and help her.  
  
I do understand that Max cares for her so much, she obviously can't hide her affection. My girl looks so nervous and happy around her, I haven't seen her like this in a long time. Her joyful face really warms my soul and puts me at ease knowing that she's happy but then I look next to her and see Chloe. She on the other hand looks rough, violent and likely to influence her in a negative way.  
  
I'm not willing to let her jeopardize her life like that. No I won't let her, she's still young, she still doesn't know better so its my job to do what's right for her.  
  
Yes I have to, Chloe is dangerous and she's going to be a bad influence on my baby, I have to protect her before she gets injured or tangled in some sort of trouble. Even if she ends up hating me, I'm sure she'll understand where I'm coming from. Here it goes.  
  
"Max honey?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
My little girl, you look so happy and have this beautiful smile right now, your eyes are so bright and cheerful. You're anxiously waiting for Chloe to come back aren't you? I love you so, so much and that's why it hurts me to do this. I'm so sorry baby, I'm about to do something horrible to you. Please I hope you understand what I'm about to do but I can't let you ruin your life.  
  
"Mom? Are you all right?"  
  
"Max...I don't think you should be with Chloe." There I said it, now I need to properly explain myself, I need to make her understand, I need to get her to my point of view.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Noo, don't give me that look, don't give me those shock, hurt eyes. I'm doing this for your own good please believe me.  
  
"I don't think you girls are in a good state of mind, you two need time to recover from your situation and think clearly of what you're doing. I'm sure that at the moment being with her is just a phase and is making you feel better now but believe me that in the future it'll make everything more complicated and create all kind of issues that'll end up making matters worse for the both of you."  
  
"Mom I don't understand, what you're saying?"  
  
"I'm saying that it might be better to break off this thing you have going on with Chloe before it gets too serious."  
  
Ryan leans closer and puts his hand on top of mine, he looks at me with his eyes bewildered and confused.  
  
"Vanessa what are you doing? We decided to accept and support them in their choices, no matter what."  
  
"Yes we did and at the moment I too agreed but now..."  
  
I turn to Max and see her face, its gone from the bubbly smile she had to this deep, sinking expression that is pulling me down, bringing this sharp pain to my heart and mind.  
  
"But now Max, I'm worried about you, about Chloe. She's not who we remember. She looks so different that she's basically unrecognizable and I'm not saying that she's bad or evil but she's-"  
  
I stop myself as I start feeling both of Ryan and Max eyes on me, the whole room is drenched in this heavy atmosphere and its all coming from me, even I can tell.  
  
"She's what!?"  
  
I truly regret what I'm about to say but its the only way I see that I can make her understand. Even if she despises me, she'll know I'm right and eventually she'll see it too and be cautious of her.  
  
"But Chloe will be your downfall Maxine. She's only going to drag you down further away from reality, she will make you lose yourself, hurt yourself and eventually end up as her."  
  
The whole room goes silent and she's staring at me, my baby who is wearing a pair of jeans, a white shirt with a panda and a black sweater with a hoodie on top of her is looking at me...no she's stabbing me with her sight. Her eyes are piercing at me, she's not sad anymore. Her eyes are furious, almost as if she was hitting me with her look. Why? She was never like this before, I'm...feeling intimated by my own daughter?  
  
"Mom, we are dating. I didn't ask for your permission to date her, I wanted to tell you because I love you so please...don't talk about Chloe like that ever again, you don't get to say those things about her. You don't know her."  
  
I-I what? Usually she would had only gotten angry or sad, but calm and controlling herself but now, ri-right now she has this tension in her eyes, her voice is strong and directed at me with confidence...I, I don't know anymore.  
  
No I need to remain composed and stand by what I said. I can't back down now and its for her own good, yes I-I'm doing this for her. Emphasize on their mind being a mess and be rational and don't force anything on her.  
  
"Sweetie I'm not trying to say you're wrong in your emotions but are you sure? You two just came from a traumatic experience and have all of your emotions and thoughts scrambled. I think it would be best if you at least took that in consi-"  
  
"Mom please stop, I love Chloe. I'm not asking for permission or anything, I wanted you guys to know. This isn't a thing or a phase or whatever you're trying to say. Why are you saying this?"  
  
"Just give it some thought okay. I'm just worried about you and we haven't seen her in so long that we don't know who she is anymore and look at her. She looks like those girls out in clubs that are drinking and causing trouble, she might even be doing stuff like drugs. I'm just saying she might be troublesome and if I'm right she's bound to get herself or you hu-"  
  
Thump!  
  
"Mom! Shut up, you don't know nothing about her or what she does or what she doesn't do so shut up!"  
  
What? Those eyes are there again, she's holding her ground and pushing me back. This isn't my little girl, what happened to her? Before she wouldn't had never raised her voice like this or even talk with this tone in her. I can hardly keep my breathing even. I turn to Ryan and even he appears to be amazed by this behavior.  
  
"Ryan are you hearing her, please say something to her."  
  
"Vanessa dear, we talked about this. We agreed on this, we discussed this already and I certainly thought we were on the same page, I meant what I told Chloe. Every word of it and I'm not fond of the things you're saying about her."  
  
"So what? I'm the villain, for being worried about my daughter wasting her life, for being preoccupied with whom she's spending her time and risking her future on a girl who is so clearly a wre-"  
  
Slam!  
  
Oh no. NO no no no. Chloe just left the bathroom and has gone out of the house.  
  
She must have heard everything I said. I didn't want to hurt her, I didn't want her to hear me. I only wanted to-to. I turn up and see Max running off before Ryan calls for her.  
  
"Max wait."  
  
"Dad don't, I need to go get her, she's not okay. She needs me!"  
  
"I know, please just wait, I want to tell you something."  
  
No no no, oh god no. This is terrible, how could I say all those things about Chloe with her hearing everything. I'm starting to feel dizzy and the whole room going dark, I'm even starting to lose myself but I manage to sit on the chair. I hold my head with my arms on the table and can feel my ears ringing and receiving all sounds with a high pitch, my eyes burning and itching and my strenght escaping out of me. I'm so ashamed of myself, she will never forgive what I said, nor Max will either.  
  
"I'm sorry Max." I say to myself and I don't know if she's still here or not but I'm sorry. Feeling something on my shoulder I turn and hope for it to be my baby.  
  
I turn and see Ryan. Its Ryan and he has this heavy look in his eyes, his eyes that are avoiding mine. Even he doesn't want to look at me right now and I can't blame him, what I said is unforgivable and I don't even know why I said it now. This feeling just overcame me and made me say all those things.  
  
Still holding my head with my arms, my head slowly killing me and my breathing so badly out of pace that I'm beginning to feel lightheaded. Ryan's hand grips me harder and he begins to speak.  
  
"Breath slowly sweetie, its okay. Try to calm yourself and take a deep breath." His caring, loving voice is flat without emotion. No that's wrong, its resentful and angry. I begin breathing better and get myself together. Getting a better look now and turning to him I observe an indignant look on him, ready to say something but he seems to be holding himself back.  
  
"Feeling better sweetie?"  
  
"Yes, thank you."  
  
...  
  
Silence, there this dreadful silence after the horrible atmosphere I made. This silence reminding me of Chloe's face as she was leaving. Her wet face trying to hold her sadness in. It was only for a brief second but I saw her, she was without hope, broken and because I called her so many horrible things.  
  
I turn to Ryan again and he says nothing, only remains with me while still avoiding my look.  
  
...  
  
"Vanessa, why did you said all those things?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"I don't know won't cut it. What you said was...what you said was wrong. I've never seen Max respond so aggressively like that and I don't want to imagine how Chloe is feeling right now. They just arrived here and I know it was a surprise to know they're dating plus the fit you had with Chloe earlier but that's nothing. Them being here, them being alive. That's more than enough sweetie, anything else can go out the window. Why did you said those things?"  
  
"I don't know! I really don't. I...I-this fear came onto me of Chloe being a danger for our girl. It just came to my mind and it-it made me say all that. I started thinking of how Chloe looked and how she might drag our girl down a path of drugs and alcohol and-sigh I know it was wrong of me."  
  
He doesn't say anything, he looks surprised, as if he's processing what I just said. He lets out a big sigh and starts scratching his beard.  
  
"Chloe needs our help, our support, but most importantly she needs Max and so does her. Right now they are the only ones who understand each other and the only ones capable of healing their pain, together the two of them. Do I believe that they are dating out of their shock or that this is a phase that will pass? No, I don't. Do you believe that?"  
  
Gulp, Ryan is talking with this serious tone not angry but not sensible either.  
  
"I-I do. I think they are helping each other now but later on they might break the whole thing up and be worse as a result."  
  
He shakes his head, sits in the chair next to me, grabs both of my hands and puts them in the table.  
  
"Did you see how they were looking at each other last night?"  
  
"Last night? They were a mess, nervous, happy but they looked broken."  
  
"You're wrong, that's far from it. Try again."  
  
I try to remember how they looked, how they acted but I don't get it. Did I miss something?  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
"Whenever they look at each other they were happy, whenever Max looked at Chloe she would smile. Chloe looked genuinely happy, her smile was so contagious that even I started feeling good. And so with Max, both of their smiles were genuine and honest. And the same applies today, earlier I was with them and their whole energy was this warm, fuzzy feeling coming from them. They aren't together out of their troubles, out of pain or any other reason, pity, fear or misery. They care for each other, they love each other and its so strong that I'm sure they both feel that way. That's how I know. Their smiles say it all."  
  
I start remembering last night, them together holding their hands, in the morning when we were with them their faces were radiating when they looked at each other, even when they were sad or troubled and just now too. Max had this grin on her face, one that reminded me of when she was little, this caring smile that she always used to have.  
He's right, he is but it doesn't change the fact that I'm worried, my concern doesn't go away. I turn to him and pull my hands away, covering my eyes and taking a big breath.  
  
"What am I going to do Ryan?"  
  
"Give them some time and space, is the only thing you can do."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"I know, it might take some time but I'm sure Max will understand. We can explain it to her after everything has settled down."  
  
"No. I'm sorry but I still don't approve of Chloe."  
  
...  
  
...  
  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
What's wrong with her? Why did she said all those things? Just remembering what she said its making me turn furious again, Chloe being dangerous and even calling her a wreck! I don't think I'll be able to forgive her and I don't care for her reasons. I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for Chloe, she's my everything. My guide, my support, my partner...my girlfriend. Pft, I can feel my whole face turning red right now. But still, if Chloe wasn't with me I don't think I would be able to manage anything, she's the only reason I survived all those things.  
  
'Max? yeah I know, what was I thinking I'm already tired of her pretentious fake ass'  
  
'Max? Pft she's old news'  
  
"Chloe!?" I turn around and look for her but I don't see her.  
  
"Still changing Maxs, geez I know you rather see me without clothes but keep in your pants. I'm almost done."  
  
What was that? That was…Chloe, it was her voice. I'm feeling so weird, I was hearing her voice so clearly saying those things. I'm starting to feel out of breath now. No Max, calm down. Breath and calm down. Chloe is here with you, remember you're at a store trying some clothes.  
  
'Max? Like she cared when she left and abandoned me for a better life at Seattle.'  
  
'Max? Screw her, I never liked her anyway.'  
  
I turn to her dressing room and she's still there. What's going on with me? What is that voice? It feels like that time I passed out during the storm. When I was in that nightmare and I was seeing Chloe but its different now. I'm only hearing her.  
  
'Max? Fuuck that and let's bail on the bitch, like she cares about anyone but herself.'  
  
No no no, its not real, that's not real. She's never said any of those things about me, they're not real. I sit back down and hold my head down, closing my eyes and reminding myself where I am. You're not going crazy Max, you're just a little...a little off.  
  
"Reeeach for the sky."  
  
I open my eyes and look up and see Chloe wearing a cowboy costume. Some dirty old jeans with a black shirt and a vest. A hat and everything with a couple guns too. Aiming at me with that playful smile she has.  
  
"Oh no its sheriff Chloe, somebody do something."  
  
I feel so silly right now.  
  
"Thought you could escape the law freckled bandit. Your days of crime are over."  
  
Freckled bandit? I move my hand to my face and touch my cheeks and I really can't hold it in. I just burst out laughing.  
  
"C'mon Max don't laugh, it took me like 5 minutes to come up with that."  
  
Her face goes red, still holding the guns and looking embarrassed. I hadn't noticed earlier but her blonde hair gives her a different look, a more cute look.  
  
"Sorry, sorry. I like it, freckled bandit."  
  
"Yeah yeah right, so what ya think? Sexy, dangerous cowboy or what?"  
  
She starts posing with her guns aiming at the mannequins and showing her cool look. Kinda like those old Clint Eastwood movies. She puts on this serious look and tucks her mouth outward.  
  
She looks so beautiful and seems to be enjoying herself even. Sigh looking at her I'm feeling the urge to take a picture of her. I won't forgive myself if I don't take this chance.  
  
"Chloe stay still!" She freezes and moves her eye to me.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
I move my hand to my waist to get my bag and-  
  
Shit I forgot I...I don't carry a camera with me anymore, forgot about all that for a brief moment. I-I have to take one of Chloe, just one will be fine. I pull my phone out and aim at her with its camera. Lining it just right...her head turned to the right, the guns right next to her face aiming up and her sweet mouth turning into a smile as she sees me.  
  
Snap!  
  
'That's wonderful Max, just like I told you. Always, take the shot.'  
  
...  
  
"You took picture! Umm, that's great right!? How is it, did my awesomaness came out?"  
  
...  
  
Where am I? Everything its black, cold and empty.  
  
Clap, clap, clap.  
  
I turn around and see Mr. Jefferson walking from far out...suddenly re-appearing closer...and closer to me.  
  
'You can't escape it Max. You. Have a gift.'  
  
'Go away, you're dead. Get out of my head'  
  
'Oh poor Max, seems like you still don't understand...I'm always in your head'  
  
...  
  
  
I come back to the store and feel this tightened pressure on me. Its Chloe hugging me in her arms.  
  
"Chloe?"  
  
She pulls away and grabs me by the shoulders, looking at me directly at the eyes. Looking scared and worried.  
  
"You scared the shit out of me! What the hell happened just now?"  
  
"I don't know, I just took the picture and was gone." I was gone into that void with that monster, what was it that he said?  
  
'I'm always in your head.'  
  
I suddenly jump back and out of Chloe's arms. Breathing harder that before now.  
  
"Hey what's wrong?" I heard it, I heard his voice again.  
  
"Its no-nothing, just a bit shaky."  
  
"Shaky my ass. You freak out o me, you suddenly black out for a minute, you jump back and you're just shaky?"  
  
"Chloe I'm fine I swear. Its just taking that picture kinda took me back you know."  
  
Chloe seems to understand what I meant, her face turns into a frown and her eyes fall too. She comes closer to me and pulls me into another hug.  
  
"I'm sorry, I got all excited when you took that picture and thought you were getting over it. Look I know its tough but you can't let that shit stop you from enjoying yourself, you love taking pictures so let's keep it up...just at a slower pace."  
  
"Sure, a slower pace."  
  
...  
  
"Hey c'mon let's get the mood better, don't think you're getting out of this."  
  
She goes to the clothes hang in the stands, grabbing a couple things and comes back to me with this silly grin on her face and she's handing me a pile of clothes.  
  
"Now go and get changed, I can't be the only looking this rad as hell."  
  
"Chloe you're dressed as a cowboy. Or is it cowgirl?"  
  
"Its hella cool that's what it is and besides its almost Halloween so might as well and get something you know."  
  
She's right, I had completely forgotten about that. With everything that happened I haven't been keeping track of time. Wait is she excited about Halloween? I'm so going to tease her later with that.  
  
"I know what you're thinking so stop grinning allright. Now go before I change my mind."  
  
She's gets flustered so easily. I lean in to her and give her a kiss on the cheek. I can feel the heat coming off from her and it makes me happy to know she's enjoying herself, hopefully she's not thinking about earlier.  
  
I leave her and start going into the dressing room to change into what she got me. I look at the mirror and look at myself. I kinda forgot about the hit on my nose and all the blood on me. I got most of it off from my face but its still kinda red-ish and my shirt is all red, I look like a victim from a horror movie. I touch my nose and augh-it still hurts, actually what did Chloe said when she elbowed me? That she thought it was someone else. I'll ask her later and I'll for sure rub some alcohol on me...but it'll burn so much.  
  
Never mind that for now, bloody clothes away.  
  
...  
  
Okay I better start grabbing what Chloe gave me and take a good look at it before she comes in and sees me still undressed. I lean down to grab the colthes and put them in full view and-  
  
Nope, I am not wearing this.  
  
"Chloe are you serious?"  
  
"Isn't it freakin awesome?"  
  
"This does not suit me."  
  
"Just give it a chance and don't even dare not show me, I'll undress you and change you myself if you don't."  
  
That's funny to picture, her coming in and doing all that.  
  
"Calm down you perv, I'll try it on but you better not take any peeks or I swear I'll rewind"  
  
...  
  
...  
  
"Hey you okay? Max? I can come in and help you."  
  
Why did I said that? I can't do that again, I won't and besides I don't even know if I can anymore. I haven't thought about that since everything happened, I just avoided it all that time. I hear something behind me and see Chloe coming in from the mirror. I feel her getting close to me, her arms going around my stomach and resting her head on my shoulder.  
  
"Hey its allright, you don't have say anything."  
  
I look at her and then at me. I look horrible, a broken face, my skin glued to my bones and white as a ghost. Is this me now? A broken, ugly mess of a person? I guess it suits me, me being a monster and all.  
  
I feel a kiss on my shoulder, her grip letting go and her eyes now on me through the mirror. She cleans the tears falling down my cheeks and flinches when touching my nose.  
  
"Sorry about that. What are you thinking?"  
  
"I'm a mess."  
  
"No you're not, you're beautiful. Besides now you look badass, a little added bonus maybe?"  
  
"More like Frankenstein."  
  
"Hey c'mon don't say that, you are unbelievable pretty, smart, funny...um...artistic, take hella good pictures, have a trillion freckles-"  
  
Oh my god she really is coming up with so many things to say, why am I smiling?  
  
"and you're making one beautiful smile right now, so don't think that a little bruise is going to turn you into a monster and if anyone says anything about it I'll give them a ten times worse look cause me, Chloe motherfucking Price is one protective girlfriend...and sorry about hitting you again."  
  
Sigh only her can make me feel normal again, all those things she's saying...I don't know if they're true or not but I know she is. She really means everything she's saying and that makes me feel so joyful. I turn back up to the mirror and see her grinning so hard, almost as a clown but much more cuter. Her golden hair, her blue, glistening eyes and that radiant, sweet smile.  
  
"There we go, Frankenstein doesn't hold shit on you."  
  
"Shut up, and you act all tough but you're a real softie deep down."  
  
"Keep talking and I'll squeeze your ass, then we'll see if you keep saying that."  
  
"Keep talking and I'll squeeze yours."  
  
"Oh really? Well then as I was saying, you, Max Caulfield IS SO BEAUTI-"  
  
I quickly put my hand on her mouth before she keeps this up and gross, she just licked my hand.  
  
"Gross, you're a like a dog Chloe."  
  
"Woof woof."  
  
"I'm going to have to train you."  
  
"I'd like to see you try, this girl is untamable."  
  
I think I can change that. I turn around and get a hold of her face. Cupping my hands in her cheeks and coming closer to her, to her face, to her lips, grazing her breath...and I stop.  
  
"Untamable?"  
  
"Woof!"  
I lean in and kiss her tender lips, her sweet mouth caressing mine, warm, it feels right to connect like this. I slowly pull away and I can see the need for more in her eyes.  
  
"You are sleazy Max."  
  
"Keep being good and I'll do more than that, now get out I still need to change."  
  
"Okay so you're going to be like that but on a side note, you're beautiful Max, don't forget that." She looks at me and I feel her eyes going from my face all the way to my toes...and know I realize I'm on my underwear and she's staring at me from head to toe so I push her outside and cover my face in embarrassment.  
  
"Gosh Chloe, you could've at least closed your eyes."  
  
"And miss out on the goods? There'll be something seriously wrong with me if I had done that."  
  
I look at me again and I look so happy now, stupid Chloe. Well might as well and try this thing on.  
  
...  
  
"Okay I'm coming out Chloe and don't laugh."  
  
Can't believe I'm actually wearing this, its not bad and I actually kinda like it but sigh, really?  
  
"Say it, say the line."  
  
"What line?"  
  
"You know the line you movie nerd."  
  
"Like you aren't one yourself. Okay here I go."  
  
I open the curtain and look at Chloe who's standing with this big grin all over her face and her arms on her waist. Waiting for me to say it. I make a gun with both my hands and raise 'it' to my face pointing up.  
  
"The name's Caulfield. Max Caulfield."  
  
"See? You look amazing in that tux, WE HAVE TO TAKE IT."  
  
"I am not taking it."  
  
"Oh come on Max, are you really going to deprive the world of the awesome adventures of Max Caulfield: Agent of good?"  
  
"Yes, I am."  
  
"Pleaseeee."  
  
Chloe makes this sad puppy face that makes it so hard to say no to.  
  
"I'll take it...if you buy a dress."  
  
"You are evil."  
  
"Yes I am, so what will it be dress or no dress? That is, if you want to keep seeing me in this tux."  
  
She starts thinking and pondering over it while taking glances at me.  
  
"How about this, let's flip a coin. If I win you'll take the tux and wear it all day for any day that I want and if you win I'll take any dress you choose and wear it whenever you choose to. Sounds good to you?"  
  
"Allright, let's go. I can't wait to see you in a dress and high heels."  
  
"I didn't said shit about heels, only the dress and keep on dreaming cause this girl is goddam full of luck." She goes over to her clothes in the dressing room and comes back with a coin.  
  
She throws it at the air and catches it right on her palm and covers it.  
  
"I'll give you the advantage, pick. Heads or ass?"  
  
"Tail Chloe."  
  
"Ass it is, okay." She slowly pulls her hand away and turns her sight to me.  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
Well at least we managed to get a change of clothes after the whole costume show. I'm for one I'm glad I don't have that blood all over me anymore.  
  
"I feel so much better now, like I just dropped this whole weight out of me."  
  
"I think you mean the bag of clothes on my hand? And why am I carrying it again?"  
  
"Because I told you to."  
  
"Say that one more time and you'll gain that 'whole weight' back."  
  
"And because you're awesome?"  
  
"That's more like it, but you're right you know. It does feel great to change into something that feels like me and not that hip-mom thing I had going on."  
  
"Yep and you're looking way better too."  
  
"You bet your ass I do and with this fresh new beanie I look so fucking good. Right?"  
  
She does look amazing. She got herself some dark, faded, rough jeans. A new pair of military, black boots and a red shirt with this punk-ass logo of a hand's outline punching the law and this black, warm jacket perfect to warm me up. And without fault a new black beanie.  
  
"Yeah you without a beanie is like batman without his cape. I'm glad I got changed too, the blood all over me was really bothering me."  
  
"Shit, I know I've said a bunch of times already but sorry. I still feel like crap about it, how is it feeling? Does it still hurt when you touch it?"  
  
I feel my nose up and I flinch a little, it still hurts like hell.  
  
"Fuck I'm sorry Max, I really am a piece of work."  
  
"Don't worry about it but...now that I remember you said you thought it was someone else?"  
  
"Yeah...this girl from a liquor store was being an annoying piece of shit and she got on my nerves. I thought it was her cause I took the bottle from the stand and left. Then suddenly felt someone pulling me and you know I wanted to lash my anger on her and stuff but it was you instead."  
  
"You stole the bottle?"  
  
"No, I didn't steal the bottle I left her some money I just don't know how much. Maybe a dollar, maybe a one hundred dollar bill, not really sure."  
  
Hmm, well that sounds like something she would do.  
  
"Did she chase you or something? I mean you did hit me so maybe she did something to make you angry?"  
  
"Augh, no she didn't chase me or did anything particularly to anger me but I was all moody and shit and I thought she had come over or something and you know...you ended up on the ground instead."  
  
I feel horrible because of what mom said about her and I really want to mention it to her but I don't think she wants to talk about it just yet. For now I'll just help her forget about it, I'm sure my parents will be enough of a reminder when we get back.  
  
I grab onto Chloe's arm and lay my head in it, walking in silence on the street. Her jacket really is comfortable.  
  
...  
  
...  
  
Growl  
  
"Hey Chloe."  
  
"Yep, what's up?"  
  
"I'm getting hungry, how about we find some place to eat?"  
  
"You hungry? What else is new?"  
  
She starts looking around and then turns to me.  
  
"I see a pizza place over at that corner, you down?"  
  
"For pizza? Always."  
  
"Allright then, pizza place here we go."  
  
A few minutes later  
  
"Chloeeee. I can't, you're going to have to carry me back home."  
  
"Max three things. One, I'm already carrying this bag. Secondly, you're hella crazy if you think I'm going to carry you right now after you ate four giant slices which sure were pretty good and thirdly the day isn't over yet so let's see what else we can find around here before crashing down."  
  
"Yeah it was a bad idea to eat four of them but they were so good, I kinda stopped thinking after the second one."  
  
"Well you know what they say."  
  
...  
  
Hmm? I turn to her and see her smiling while looking at me with this grin and eyebrows raised all the way up.  
  
"What?"  
  
"The tastiest things always come in small packages." And she winks at me while looking down at me. Wait does she mean-  
  
Oh my dog, really Chloe? I can feel my eyes turning inside and almost popping out.  
  
"You're gross and no one says that."  
  
"I say that and yes I'm gross and you love it."  
  
"No I don't."  
  
"Admit it Caulfield you live for these-hey look! I think I see a couple clubs down. What you say we go and have some fun and shake these bellies we just grew."  
  
I'm way too full to shake anything right now, but I do love seeing Chloe in her world.  
  
"Sure, let's go and thrash-umm thrash the place out."  
  
As soon I said that Chloe makes this cringing face and grits her teeth out.  
  
"Max you REALLY need to get these words right before you say them out in public."  
  
"I don't know what you're talking, I'm an authentic rocker and always ready for the mosh-pit shaka-brah."  
  
I say and give her this cool look to verify my words.  
  
She smiles and grabs my hand, warm and still smiling as she has been since we were at the store. She pulls me and begins walking down the road, not saying anything, just looking ahead.  
  
"I love you Max, I really do."  
  
Where is this coming from? I mean I'm happy but-no, I don't care, I'm happy too. I lean in closer to her and hug her arm, resting my head on her. I know I've been doing this all night now but it just feels right to do and she hasn't said anything so it's okay.  
  
"Me too."  
  
"So you better not pull out on me, I want to see you thrash the place or at least let's make it our own."  
  
"Pff, of course Chloe. we're going own the floor."  
  
"Oh shit, allright then let's get going."  
  
I'm still holding onto her and she's now running to the club and pulling me with her, damm I'm still too full to run but this is fun, its fun to be doing this with her.  
  
"Chloe slow down, I'm going to fall!"  
  
"Not on my watch, c'mon you can do this. Run like the wind freckled bandit."  
  
She's still running, pulling me with her and we're both laughing and I'm loving it...I'm so going to get her back for making me run.  
  
...  
  
...  
  
My hair going up and down, left to right, the sweat forming in my shoulders and dropping off my fingers. Moving my body to the rhythm, seeing and then not seeing anything at all is invigorating and just sends this tingling feel to my entire body.  
  
Chloe being right in front of me just makes it all even powerful. Moving her body everywhere without a care, letting go of everything and enjoying every moment of this. Our bodies pushing and rubbing in between everything, her skin sweaty and warm and with every touch my heart getting faster and faster, my own breathing getting heavier as I set my eyes on her and my saliva turning heavier.  
  
"I KNOW RIGHT? JUST WAIT UNTIL WE'RE ALONE."  
  
Oh god am I that obvious, I must have stared at her without realizing. She's still dancing but now she's looking at me, her gaze at my face, my eyes, my lips...its getting too much now and I really want to kiss her, to feel her lips touching mine, biting her and getting lost in the feeling. Her gaze is still on me but she starts leaning towards me, towards my face. Getting closer and pressing herself against my lips.  
  
It feels...amazeballs. Grabbing my head with both her hands, her biting my upper lip gives me a warm feeling inside and makes me want to fall on my knees. I push too and savor her, push my tongue and I see her opening her eyes. I can play this game too. I'm starting to feel the need for air but I don't want to let go, I want to keep feeling her like this, her together with me, her air in me, her energy, her scent, her whole being, her-  
  
"DAMM, WHOA MAX...THAT WAS...THAT WAS HELLA INTENSE, WHERE DID THAT CAME FROM?"  
  
She has this breathless face on her, we're both out of breath and it makes me feel even happier because of it. She's visibly excited, happy and tired all because of me and now I'm super embarrassed and don't want to look at her, its the first time I do something like that and in public too, even though everyone is too distracted to notice. I just fall on her chest and try to get some breaths in.  
  
"YEAH ME TOO LET''S GO GET A DRINK, COME ON."  
  
She grabs my hand and starts guiding me to the seats.  
  
"You weren't kidding earlier, you got moves Max and I don't mean those lame moves you used to do."  
  
"I'm saving the best for last, don't wanna wow everyone that soon, but seriously I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just moving the way you do."  
  
"So...what you think? Seems to me like you're enjoying this as much as me, am I right?"  
  
"Yeah it really is great but I don't think this is my scene, I'm only doing all of this because you're here with me. Me here by myself I don't think so, its too much."  
  
"Well then you don't have to worry about that cause I'm planning on more of this stuff, I hadn't been like this in a while too you know. Since I was looking for...for Rachel all those months I really hadn't been doing anything like this and last time well you remember that asshole tried to grab you and shit. Its fucking great that you're into it, actually I was kinda worried I was just forcing you to be here."  
  
Chloe really is happy about me being here, she sounds almost like wanting to cry out of joy and is looking so open too. She really was alone during all that time, no one to hang out with or have fun as she had with Rachel...I'm glad we can have fun together like this and yeah this might not be me but if this makes her happy then it makes me even happier.  
  
"As long as you keep dragging me to all these places I'm sure we'll keep having great times. Hey so how abou-"  
  
"Here you are! You girls were smoking back at the floor and by smoking I mean freaking hot!"  
  
This girl just came towards Chloe and I, looking excited and is coming even closer to us.  
  
"Yeah...we were. And what's that got to do with you?"  
  
Chloe just suddenly turned serious and is giving this girl a glare, has she always been this way? Or maybe she's just worried about me? Either way I hold onto her hand and give a nod, she doesn't need to be worried all the time, I'm fine...or at least not a mess.  
  
"Take it easy girl, don't need to kill me with those eyes. I'm Veer."  
  
"Hey Veer, I'm Max nice to meet you. This angry girl is Chloe."  
  
"Yeah her girlfriend."  
  
"And here I thought you were just friends with benefits, tsk. So not open to a third party?"  
  
What? Did she seriously just came over to try and hook up?  
  
"Nope not interested, might as well and ask a rock."  
  
"I'm kidding of course, you girls can't take a joke...but if you ever change your mind me and my friends will be over there. Hey, say you girls don't want some company? We're only talking over there if you want to come over."  
  
I look next to her and see a couple girls only at the table that Veer is pointing at, no guys so that makes me calm. I look at Chloe and she looks at me, giving me a no signal I think. I just shrug, if Chloe doesn't want to then its fine. We're having a great time, why ruin it.  
  
"Sorry Veer maybe another time, right now we're hang-"  
  
"We got a couple joints and brownies as an added bonus? Just in case it wasn't already an attractive offer."  
  
Chloe looks backs at me and gives me pleading look, sure why not. I want her to be happy so I nod back a yes at her.  
  
"Allright then come on girls and what were your names again? Mars and Carly right?"  
  
"You got it."  
  
We start walking and I tug at Chloe's shirt.  
  
"Carly?"  
  
"Just go with it, I want to check the people out before giving anything out and don't drink anything, you don't know what's on them."  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Okay here we are. Hey bitches, I brought the two models that were practically sucking each others throat. Carly and Mars."  
  
"Sup, we're here strictly for the weed."  
  
"Then you are in the right place, come on over and take your pick."  
  
"Carly, Mars this is Carrie, she has a golden heart and is like the mother of the group. If you have any troubles she'll listen to you, isn't that right Carr?"  
  
"You wish, I am not going to hear any sob stories, I got my own drama going on and Carly?"  
  
...  
  
"Carly?"  
  
"Umm yeah?"  
  
"Like I was saying, do not come to me for your troubles but if you want to have fun and dance around I'm your girl."  
  
"Sorry but I'm going to have to pass, I already got my partner here with me and she ain't going anywhere."  
  
"Allright now that Carr is done, here over there we got Tina, she's a plain bitch."  
  
"Fuck you Veer, just because I don't want to lend you money doesn't make me a bitch. Don't listen to her, nice to meet you Carly and Mars."  
  
"Nice to meet you."  
  
"And me of course your host, the most beautiful girl in here, Veer the goddess."  
  
...  
  
...  
  
"That's how it is then? All right then no weed for anybody."  
  
"Veer shut up and bring the stuff back.  
  
"Anyway, here's the group girls. We got someone else but she's busy at work, what do you think?"  
  
"Well other than Tina here all of you look like psychos."  
  
"She's kidding, nice to meet you all."  
  
"And you're mostly right, if I were you I would leave and never turn back haha. These girls will drag you do-"  
  
"Shesh, Tina that's not funny."  
  
"I know."  
  
...  
  
"So c'mon sit down, don't stand there all night."  
  
Chloe is still holding my hand and leads me to the table, her sitting first and me following next to her. These girls look..normal I guess. Tina is somewhat punk looking, seems cool and is wearing some green denim and a black tank top, Carr which is short for Carrie I think? is hanging in some shorts with a blouse and jacket and Veer...looks plain. Like I can say, she's in a regular outfit, some jeans and a vest.  
  
I feel Chloe hand tightening and her turning to me, almost as if she's checking on me.  
  
"So Tina, you're the bitch of the group?"  
  
"No I'm not, the only reason she says that is because I refuse to lend her any more money....don't ask me for money."  
  
"Please you make it sound as if I ask you for money all the time...only every couple days don't exaggerate."  
  
"Yeah right and Carr here does give it to her so I become the bitch."  
  
"Yeah I give it to her but at least she's good on it, she does pay you back...eventually."  
  
"OMG Carr I told you I'm working on it, I'll give it to you next week."  
  
"If you don't inject it before that is."  
  
Inject it? That's an odd word to use.  
  
"Well no worries here Tina I won't be asking for money, owing money is something I rather not do again."  
  
"Bad experience?"  
  
"Yeah, you could say that."  
  
"Then by all means welcome and don't leave me alone with these two. Hey and just so you know I love your look, it really suits your face."  
  
This girl is biting her lip and giving my Chloe a very flirty look. Is she seriously flirting with her? Oh hell no, no flirting with my girlfriend.  
  
"Yep, she really is beautiful." I say while caressing her cheek and staring at her eyes. Her cheeks are getting s full of color.  
  
"Damm Tina, that's clearly a back the fuck off."  
  
"Or maybe an invitation to join in? Which one is it?"  
  
"Back the fuck off."  
  
"Back the fuck off."  
  
Both Chloe and I say at the same time and end up laughing.  
  
"Well messaged received then. So Mars how you got that nose job? Trouble in paradise I presume?"  
  
Does this girl really want to get on my nerves or something? I think I can see why Veer said she's a bitch.  
  
"Nah nothing like that, just an accident. Hey Veer I can see why you call her a bitch, I agree."  
  
"I know right! She acts all nice and stuff but deep down she's one of those that stabs you in the back when you least expect it."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"Oh yeah, here you go Carly. In case you're still interested in taking a hit."  
  
...  
  
"Carly? You there?"  
  
Chloe is the one who wanted to keep going with this and she's the one spacing out.  
  
"Oh yeah for sure, c'mon pass it here."  
  
"You sure space out a lot Carly, you know we won't take this cute girl away from you."  
  
"Like you could and yeah just got some shit going on my head."  
  
"Don't worry about it, we all got our own shit going too so we get it."  
  
"Again don't come to me."  
  
It feels kinda nice to hear that, that we're not the only ones with shit going in our lives. Makes me feel normal for a change.  
  
"What about you Mars? You in or you out? This is some good shit."  
  
"I think I'll pa-"  
  
Bzzzzzt, bzzzzzt, bzzzzzt, bzzzzzt  
  
I feel my phone vibrating and I grab it to check who is it, even though I already know.  
  
"Is it them?"  
  
"Yeah, probably wondering about us."  
  
"You girls are on a curfew or something?"  
  
"As if, but we aren't dicks either. Probably be heading in a bit, so you know."  
  
"Hey Carly, so if you and Mars want to hangout again give us a call. I can give you my number."  
  
"Sure, give it to me. I'll save it for later."  
  
"There, Mars you come here too. Don't let Tina scare you off, we'll make sure she stops trying to get your girlfriend."  
  
"Believe me, I'll rip her apart if she tries too."  
  
...  
  
...  
  
All of them stay in silence and look at each other, I guess that was a bit too much. Shit now they're going to think I'm a monster, the monster I am. Don't Max, stay calm and don't sta-  
  
"You better believe her, so better stop those jokes or she'll seriously kill you."  
  
Thank god Chloe said that, the air was getting all heavy and weird. All of them laughing now and Tina just scowling at me.  
  
"Mars don't kill me."  
  
"I won't...for now."  
  
"Tina you already fucked up, see I told you. You are a bitch so since you don't want to kill us come here and get my number too you baddass. And here I thought Carly was the dominant one."  
  
Chloe looks at me and winks me with her teeth showing through her smile.  
  
I lean in and get Carr's number too. As I stand I notice something on her arm, some weird marks in it, like spots or something. Weird, I turn around and see both Veer and Tina's arms and they're the same.  
  
Tina notices and quickly hides it, she turns and avoids looking at me. I wonder that it means?  
  
"So will we see you girls again?"  
  
"We'll see about that. Veer, Carrie and Tina?"  
  
Chloe lifts her hand up and gives flips them off as we walk away. The girls looking okay with it and continue talking on their own world. I don't know about them, something felt off but I can't quite put my finger on it.  
  
Chloe and I are walking out now, probably for my home to put my parents worries at ease. I still haven't call them back, sigh I really don't want to but I guess have to. Will do after we get out.  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
Okay I'm tired already, its been a long walk and I'm ready to sleep. I so wish Chloe had her truck right now. She on the other hand is looking wide awake, somewhat different actually.  
  
"Had a good time?"  
  
"I had a blast, I'm still feeling all jacked up from dancing earlier, just remembering how you were moving gets me so hot right now."  
  
"I'm flattered, and what about Veer and the girls, what you think about them?"  
  
I want to know what she made of them. I'm not sure myself but I feel that we shouldn't see them again, something just felt off.  
  
"Not much really, they seem like a couple friends just hanging out and wasting time...which is something I know all about but like they're allright I guess. Wouldn't mind seeing them again and hang a bit you know. What about you?"  
  
"I don't know, I don't hate them but didn't you think they were strange? Or something felt mysterious around them?"  
  
She turns to me and makes this smile, looking amused tight now.  
  
"Are you worried that Tina will make another move on me?"  
  
"No Chloe I'm not worried about that, she doesn't stand a chance against me."  
  
"You sound confident. You sure about that?"  
  
"One hundred percent, you're mine and I'm yours."  
  
"You're goddam right, partners in crime."  
  
"Partners in time."  
  
...  
  
...  
  
Sigh, here we are. In front of my home again but it feels different this time. Neither of us wants to be here. I turn to Chloe and see her fidgeting around, making this hurt expression and her eyes turning glossy. She starts moving around and lays on the wall next to my house.  
  
I start walking down to her and staying next to her, holding her hand.  
  
"I'm sorry Chloe."  
  
"Its not your fault Max, you didn't say anything wrong and neither did Vanessa. Everything she said was true."  
  
"No it wasn't, you're good to me. You're sweet, caring, protective, funny, loving and beautiful."  
  
"And dangerous don't forget that."  
  
"Chloe if you are dangerous then I am too, she was wrong and she doesn't know you. I do and love you for it. I love who you are and what you are. Screw everything she said, she's wrong."  
  
"I don't know anymore, I don't even trust myself around you. I might hit you or hurt you again and I don't want to cause more trouble for you, that's the last thing I want to do."  
  
I can't hear her say these things, she's clearly so troubled, she really believes that she's bad for me. I walk up and face her, face to face and get a hold of her hands.  
  
"Chloe sit down." She makes this confused face, didn't expect that I guess.  
  
"On the ground?"  
  
"Yes, come one."  
  
Both of us start going down at the ground, me still holding onto her hands.  
  
"Give me your beanie."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Give it to me, I want to do something."  
  
She reluctantly takes it and slowly hands it to me with a puzzled face on her. I put on my head and she starts making this weird face now.  
  
"Max if you want one we can go back to the store, you know that right?"  
  
"You heard what my mom said right?"  
  
"Sigh yeah I did, the parts of me being a danger and a wreck."  
  
"Everything that she said is complete bullshit, you are so much more than that."  
  
"Look I know what she said, I've heard it a bunch of times before from so many people so I'm not holding a grudge or anything like that but it still hurts. People seeing me as this piece of shit is old news for me, yeah Vanessa saying all that...it fucking sucks okay, it really fucking does since I never thought she or Ryan would think that of m-me. I-fuck me allright, it sucks to hear it from them."  
  
Hey eyes getting red and the water flowing down her cheeks and dropping to the ground, I hold onto her hand even stronger, looking at her and nodding. Reassuring her to keep talking.  
  
"I've known them since I was little and hearing her say all that after what Ryan said. Being the most fucking happy since I don't know and then her turning like that, it was fucking brutal and I don't know, I kinda believe her because how can she be wrong. She's better than me, I respect her as I did my mom but now she thinks I'm this garbage that does drugs and gets drunk? I fucking do that Max! So yeah, she's not wrong and that makes it even worst, what she said fucking fits me to the bill."  
  
"But Chloe you are not those things, like you said you've heard it all before from people who didn't know you and-"  
  
"You can't just undo this shit Max, its not that easy. "  
  
I can't keep still now, I need to help her but I don't know how. I let go of her hand and try move up and hold her head but she pushes me away. I get a hold of her hand again and astand up, pulling her with me. She's not crying or anything but her eyes are solemn, sad and angry.  
  
I put my head on her, bury myself on her and wait for her to hold me but it doesn't come.  
  
After a bit she pushes me away and moves away. She moves even further and slaps her face a bit. Her eyes still red and glossy.  
  
"C'mon let's go in already, your folks probably worried enough for a day."  
  
"Chloe I know its tou-"  
  
"I don't want to be a bitch but fucking stop allright, I already said enough shit for the both of us so drop it."  
  
Oh, I guess she doesn't want to talk about it anymore.  
  
"And can you please stop making that sad face, It’s just making me feel shittier."  
  
I know she's hurt, I know she's in pain and needs her space but it still makes me feel horrible. I can feel my heart beating faster and this hole forming inside of me, hold it in Max. You don’t need to make her feel even worse, keep it in and bury it.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
She starts walking down and goes to the door, waiting for me to go with her while she waits impatiently but doesn't look at me. She still has this sorrowful look, angry, sad, like wanting to cry and punch something.  
  
I start walking and go next to her without saying a word, I can't. If I do I'm sure I'll just end up crying.  
  
She knocks at the door rather strongly and goes for the doorknob. Its open, she goes in and rushes upstairs but stops herself. I start going in too and see no one inside, its empty and Chloe standing still on the stairs. I wonder where Mom and dad are? I turn and close the door and lock it.  
  
"Hey Max you got like a spare room or something? I rather sleep by myself tonight."  
  
"Yeah, its upstairs. The door next to mine has a bed, Chloe you don't need to be by yourself."  
  
"See ya tomorrow Max."  
  
And off she goes upstairs, leaving me here all alone. Its cold, dark and alone.  
  
'Perfect for one of my shoots wouldn't you agree?'  
  
No, no not right now. I shake my head off and try to think of other things. I'm home, I'm at my home with Chloe and my parents. I'm safe, I'm safe, no one can hurt me anymore.  
  
'Too bad I can't say the same, being all burned isn't exactly fun Super Max'  
  
'Well at least you're only burned, me on the other hand can't even move. I have all my bones broken, thanks to the mysterious Max here'  
  
No, this isn't real, this isn't happening. Stop it please!! I run upstairs towards my room and get in, expecting to see Chloe I forgot she's not here. She's not here, I'm alone. I'm alone now.  
  
I start walking to the mirror in here and look at myself.  
  
My whole skin goes numb, my eyes almost popping out of my face, the air suddenly feeling heavy and so do I.  
  
'Hello Max, long time no see. Did you miss me?'  
  
I can't speak, I can't close my eyes, I can't move.  
  
'Well no worries you cheap, looking imitation artist, now we have the whole night to catch up'  
  
Victoria, its her. She's looking the same way she did that night. Wearing that perfect, expensive and beautiful outfit. Standing and walking with elegance as if she was a queen or royalty but her make up is all wrong, its all splattered and watered down her face and she has-  
  
She has two...holes going through her head...with blood flowing down, red, a dark red coming down, a red looking heavy with a thickness in it.  
  
'So Max what's up with you? What have you been doing since you left me with that monster? Since you! decided that your Chloe which on a side note, got tired of your skinny ass, is worth more than a whole town'  
  
"You...are not real Victoria, you are dead and not in my head."  
  
'Well isn't that just mean from you? But I just want to talk Max, what's the harm in talking? Wasn't it you who wanted to be friends?'  
  
"No this isn't happening, go away Victoria. I'm so-"  
  
Gaauuugh! I can't, I can't look at her. I crouch down and close my eyes, shut them down to avoid her sight, her face. Its her, it really is and I miss her, I miss everyone.  
  
Tap...tap...tap  
  
I can hear her footsteps coming closer to me, her presence.  
  
Tap, tap, tap...thump.  
  
'Maaaax? C'mon open your eyes. Or you rather see the Katie instead? Now she is a sight for sore eyes with her face all messed up from the fall that you failed to prevent.'  
  
I open my eyes and stand up, looking for Victoria to stop her, make her stop and get rid of her once and for all. I need to stop her, put a stop to this torture that I'm creating but I don't see her. She's gone.  
  
...  
  
...  
  
"Oh thank god, its over now. I better go to sleep and rest my mind from all tha-"  
  
Clack, crack  
  
Crack...crack  
  
Thump, crack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thirty two days later but still here, still writing.  
If you're interested in the story and are intrigued in what might happen next be assure that this story still has some steam and will keep on delivering until the planned conclusion arrives.  
And if you're still reading this story you have my gratitude for continuing with me on this journey.  
Hopefully the story will keep being entertaining for you and I will continue to try to keep this expeience enjoyable for everyone.
> 
> P.S.  
Have any thoughts? Why wasn't Vanessa or Ryan waiting for Max and Chloe? Is Max okay? Where is that bag of clothes that Chloe was holding and did they bought the tuxedo, dress or maybe both?


	10. Troubled Minds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Chloe's arrival to the Caulfield residence brings joy to Ryan and Max, one other person remains conflicted. Vanessa's problem with Chloe unbeknownst to Ryan is revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be a short chapter based on a single scene that I forgot to add but that did not happen so instead this is a complete, full-on release, one that became highly enjoyable to write. Hope you enjoy it.  


Troubled Minds

Its been more than a few minutes since Ryan left outside now and every second is only making me more and more tense. He knows this only makes me nervous and he does it anyways, I should go get him and make sure he's okay but first I do need to clean my face. I can already see myself being a mess with my mascara all ruined.

I stand up from the table, walk to the bathroom, take a look at the mirror but before doing anything else I notice some drops of water splattered on the ground. Its not much, only a small amount of it but crouching down to see more clearly its obvious this isn’t water. There's this small puddle of tiny droplets, they’re tears…they must be Chloe's.

Remembering her as she was leaving, her eyes painted red with signs of hurt in them, the way she suddenly left and slammed the door. I can picture her standing here and listening to every word I said.

The skin of my of back pulling itself in and my senses going cold as I realize once again the words I said. I turn to the mirror that she was looking and see a similar reflection as the one she probably saw, a woman in pain, my makeup all splattered over my cheeks and eyelids, just as the terrible witch that I must appear in her mind.

"You've always been so dramatic."

I should clean myself and go outside already, that is before I turn to a little girl and cry my eyes out too.

...

All set now, I turn and get out of the bathroom, making my way towards the front door as Ryan still seems to be out of the house. Opening the front door I look around but can’t find him, I look farther away and see our car parked a block away, he’s sitting in the inside of it on the front seat, making this deeply focused expression. I walk to the car and knock on the window, surprising him as he was deeply lost in his thought. He turns to me and looks disappointed, expecting Max and Chloe I believe. Without much hesitation I open the door and sit on the passenger side, feeling the cold air impacting my entire body at once.

"H-honey don't you think the air is cold enough? You must be freezing all closed up in here."

"You know me, I'm a big ol polar bear. Roar and more roar."

He at least seems to be in better mood, already being a little playful and he knows I love this side of him. Even when clearly bothered he’s always trying to make me smile. I want to say something back, say a flirty comeback but it doesn't feel right, he still doesn't seem all okay with me.

"Honey, what are you thinking? You seem to be...distracted?"

He turns to me and gives me this look, not wanting to talk about it but going to anyways.

"Yes...that's one way to put it lightly. I'm distracted, I'm...angry Vanessa. I keep thinking of what just happened, I try to see it differently but I still don't understand it. I can’t comprehend how you could have said those things! Even more how you can think this badly of Chloe when all she has is Max! I'm sorry I didn't mean to raise my voice like that."

He's clearly hurt, he's turning his sight away from me but this time to hide his face, the tears forming up in his eyes and slimming down his cheeks. He's always been my sweet polar bear.

I grab his hand, his big, warm hand and grip it to my side. As I do his mouth opens but starts quivering and seemingly unable to speak any words, instead cries come out, a sound that breaks my soul. He shakes himself off and starts over with some power over his mouth.

"I...I thought we lost her, for a brief moment in time I thought the worst, that our precious, sweet child was gone and nothing was going to bring her back. I felt that my world had ended, my life had lost meaning, nothing mattered anymore. Not my stupid job, credit, money, me nothing compared to the void I felt for our daughter."

Not being able to hold on anymore he's letting it all out and dropping his act, the strength he was holding to and the sobs he's been burying since we saw that tornado on TV. The cries coming out of him would break anybody, the cries of a strong, burly man with the face of lumberjack are cruel, too cruel even for him and because of that I can't cry, I can't join him in this moment because he needs me. Its costing me a great struggle, too much to not turn into a crazy mess and fill this car with tears of my own. I keep holding onto his hand, not letting it go but carrying his pain and sadness in it.

"M-my baby! My little girl who’s barely a child Vanessa… My life means nothing if I lose her again. I can't feel that way again, I won't survive it!"

"I know dear."

"Then...then why are you saying those things, why are you hurting her when she's here, when she's happy and full of joy. I don't get it, I truly don't. I don't give damn! If she dates boys, girls or anything she wants, just seeing her happy is all I need...seeing her here, being able to hug her, kiss her and know that she’s safe...god."

Shaking without control, covering his face with both his hands, hiding the sudden rush of blood to his face...he's getting to me, he's right, he really is. Seeing her here really is more than enough and I shouldn't care for anything else, I shouldn't and yet the same thought lingers in me. I don't say anything for a while, instead I let him regain his calm, to get some air in so he can get some sort of composure back.

...

A few minutes pass and he seems better, his face still fill with pain, disgust, joy and regret. Now he needs to hear me, he needs to understand why I said what I said. As wrong as it may appear I know he will do his best to level with me, he's always been rational even in the worst of situations, even when I'm wrong he has given me the time and patience to listen to my words. This time I'm sure he'll agree with me, he will since it is for Max's own sake.

"Honey will you hear me?"

Letting go of my hand and instead putting them on top of his legs he focuses on what I said and only nods.

"You know I feel the same way as you, she is our daughter and she's wonderful and remembering that moment is something I rather not do again. Its a memory I want to forget and to never experience for a second time in my lifetime."

I'm about to get to the hard part, I ready myself and put my hands on the plastic panel on front, stretching my chest, taking a big breath to ready myself. Just get over with it.

"It scared me, but that fear is gone now and I will not allowed it to control me. I'm trying to be here, in the now and focus on her as I have been doing since the day she was born and that's by being her mother. As a mother I want the best for her, the best life, the best job and the best partner. Now just as you, I don't care who she dates and I mean it. Chloe being a woman doesn't affect my thinking on any way, what worries me is herself."

I grab his hand again and that seems to catch him off-guard but doesn't really flinch or anything, he knows I need his support for this, I don't even need to tell him at this point.

"I'm worried as a mother that Chloe might not be the best thing for Max, not that she might not be a good friend or acquaintance but as a lover it worries me. Back in the day I knew girls as that, troubled girls whose life were full of tragedies and mishaps that shaped them as rebels. I don't blame Chloe for what has happened to her, I feel horrible for everything she’s had to go through and I want to take care of her, to make this home a place where she can feel safe, safe enough to trust us."

"Then why did you react the way you did?"

"Because like I said, I know her type. I am sure this 'girl' is nothing but trouble at this point, she already seems to be drinking as a distillery, smoking weed until she can't stand anymore and...and most likely even partaking into heavier drug usage. I've read and met with many professionals of the field in subjects such as these and its always that. Professionals have done studies, dozens of studies that have always given similar results. They explain that the range of people who are most likely to end up falling on drug addiction are children who have endured intense trauma and pressure throughout their early years of development. Based on my own understanding I realize that these troubled children tend to express themselves by being reckless to themselves and others, over the years if this type of behavior is not controlled it more often than not results in these teens now grown into adulthood turning into the world of addiction. Addiction which brings with itself violence, both physical and mental violence inflicted to everyone around them and more so to sentimental partners. Both Max and Chloe already appear to be close enough to declare their love to each other just because they used to be best friends when they were little! Now after a week, three weeks at most Chloe has been with her and in this short time look at what she has done to Max. She is not doing all right, she looks unwell and I don't mean her being socially shy or her lack of nourishment, we both know she's been dealing with this issues since before and has continue to show these signs many times even after I've talked to her and tried to help her, but now her aura is drenched in this darkness, her energy is almost as if she had endured something traumatic in this period of time. Her face is full of regret and stress. It…I’m sorry but it makes me think…sigh makes me think that Chloe could be forcing herself or has done things to our baby against her will, I mean she's not well and I'm worried, makes me think all kind of these dangerous situations. This is not something I want for Max."

Oh my, I really said everything. I didn't mean to, all of it just came out of me, even the things that I hadn't yet thought of but were there subconsciously hidden in my mind, but I'm glad they did. I'm sure that with this now said, with everything I am thinking now in the open he can see my point of view and come to some sort of understanding with it. I'm sure he will, he's my sweet, caring and loving polar bear who makes me feel precious and understood.

He lets go of my hand, his expression turning to anger and fury, with heavy force he gets out of the car, slamming the door and walking and pacing in front of our house. I turn the car off, get the keys out and get out to his direction. What's wrong?

"Ryan honey what are you doi-"

"Vanessa you are full of shit!!"

"What?"

"How do you even managed to say what you just did? That-that-that nonsense that you spouted out to me. Trying to make me see Chloe as a problem, as a thing that's hurting and abusing Max, as an addict when the only thing she has done to us is show us her pain, her cries and her joy of being here, with us, with Max. I just-its-I don't get it! I truly don't and I don't even want to try to anymore. I can't hear you say such idiotic crap about her."

"Ryan calm down, let's go inside and discuss this over in the kitchen. Not here where everybody can see us."

"Vanessa are you being serious? Now you're worried about what they neighbors must be thinking? I don't give a damn about them!! Screw Charlie and Maria and anybody who is listening in, to hell with them!! Right now its me and you talking about Max and Chloe, not these nosy assholes!! Who can’t get a goddamn life!!"

"Okay but calm down, you're getting all over the place, you're not thinking well."

"Of course I'm not thinking well, I'm so damn furious. Chloe is not a problem child. She's not a junkie or a 'type of girl' that you are comparing her to. She is Joyce and William's daughter, she is our daughter's girlfriend and she is a precious member of this family so don't you dare! Say those things about her because we will have issues."

Ryan? He's so enraged right now, I've never seen him like this. So altered that he's actually releasing his anger, because of…Chloe? I don't know what to say to him at this moment, I've already said everything I had to in the car and now I'm out of it and shocked.

"I didn't mean-"

"Oh you meant it Vanessa, you did. I heard you, Max did and so did Chloe so don't go and be backtracking on your words because the deed is done, you've hurt them in more ways than you can imagine."

"I'm sorry, I didn't think you would get this worked up over it."

"What did you expect then? For Max and I to both agree with you and kick Chloe out to the street? Throw her out when right now the thing she needs the most is a safe place where she can feel at ease, a place with people that love her. She is a kid Vanessa, she's nineteen years old and is alone, lost her dad, her mom and now you want to take the only person she feels close to. That! That I will not allow it."

I can't even speak, I can’t utter a single word to him. Not because he's so obviously shaken and clearly angry but because I feel like its not place to say anything. I shared my opinion and he shared his, we both know what we both are thinking right now.

...

…

No one has said a word yet, only standing outside, both of us avoiding ourselves, not ashamed but more of protection, before either one of us says something we will regret. Him still being oozing with frustration I come near him and put a hand on his arm, his sight turning to me and staying in gaze. I nod at him and let go, walking off into the house.

Every step sends this sharp sting to my feet, a pain that is telling me to go back and scream at him, tell him he's wrong, tell him that he should not raise his voice at me, tell him so many things...but I won't. Not right now, we're both too emotional to talk, too rattled to speak right.

I keep walking and sit on the couch in the living room, staring into the blackness of the TV and trying to believe what he said.

...

...

But I can't, I don't believe I'm wrong in my thinking. I do not want Chloe with Max and that will not change and if Ryan doesn't agree with it then we have to talk it out, come to an understanding on this issue because Chloe is here and clearly, she is not leaving any time soon.

Hold on a minute, its been far too long and Max hasn't contacted us since she left. I quickly grab the phone from my pocket and dial her name, calling her and standing up, walking around the house as if maybe she'll answer if I do.

Nothing, I don't get nothing back so I call again and wait for her to answer...please answer Max I need to know you're okay…I'm sorry but I don't trust her, I don't…I can’t.

As I'm waiting on her to answer Ryan enters and looks at me, his face still showing a shaken emotion in it, not the calm, serene look he always has.

"Is Max calling?"

"No, I'm trying to reach her, I remember she hadn't call or anything so I deci-"

"Leave her be sweetie, we both know she won't answer."

He's right, she probably already saw who it is and put the phone down. God she must be thinking the worse of me.

"Sigh, you’re probably right. I’ll sto- "

"Hey mom."

She answered!

"Thank god you answered Max, I was so worried."

"I’m fine, no need to worry. I’m with Chloe here."

Oh, she’s with Chloe already and she decided to tell me that first? Maybe I shouldn’t start telling her to stay away from her, for now I’ll be friendly about it.

"How is she doing?"

"She’s doing okay. She’s great."

I need to make her think I’m not thinking like that anymore, that I won’t judge her or bother her with these issues now.

"Max please tell her I didn’t mean anything, I’m all wired up and I wasn’t thinking well and she-"

"I don’t think you should be saying this to me. Is Chloe who you should be telling."

I look up and see Ryan moving his head left and right, smiling in a specific way, as if he was laughing at the words I just said. Don’t Vanessa, ignore it. Don’t let it bother you.

"Sigh you’re right sweetie. Will you girls be coming back now?"

"Not yet, maybe later. "

Not yet? What on god’s earth could they be doing right now? And where are they? I want to ask her so many questions, I want to know where they are and go get her…but I shouldn’t. From her tone and her responses she must not want me near her.

"Well be careful okay, we’ll see you both when you’re back and please be safe."

Did she just hang-up without saying goodbye? I swear, these small actions are the things that worry me. I know I know, I’m exaggerating and being paranoid but I can’t help it, she’s too good for someone like Ch-

"Vanessa?"

Hmm? I turn and see Ryan sitting on the chair, holding his head in place and closing his eyes with his palm.

Snapping from my thoughts I shake them away and begin walking towards him, I notice the lack of tension in his body, almost as a sign that he doesn't want to be here right now.

"What is it Ryan?"

"I think we should both leave for tonight."

What?

"Why would we do that? Are you telling me to go away because of what I said? I only said what I was thinking and you're suggesting for me to leave? This is my house and I won't let Chloe send me away."

He says nothing, still in the same position with his hand now pressuring his face and massaging himself.

"Sweetie I said we both should leave, not just you. Sigh, I think right now it would be for the best to leave them alone. For a night at least and we can come back in the morning."

So Chloe can manipulate our daughter even more in our own home? I immediately open my mouth but close it again, probably not the best thing to say right now and he did say the both of us, that doesn’t sound too bad. I do feel we need to resolve this argument and doing it here would mean Max and Chloe coming home and catching us fighting, giving these poor girls another wave of guilt.

"I...think you're right."

"Thank you."

He says in this low, tired voice. Moving his hand he stretches and holds onto mine, his thumb caressing my hand, his eyes now turning to me. Already showing fear and regret in them, already feeling guilty because he hates falling to anger, I know he does. I do my best to sound cheerful and open my mouth.

"Of course honey. Well come get up, we should get something to eat."

"I'm not hungry, I think I just need some water."

I can't let him beat himself up this badly, he's worried about me and feeling bad because he hates when we fight, he sure is sensible.

"Don't give me that Ryan, let's go get dinner and then we can find ourselves a room."

With almost no energy left in him he does the best to push himself back and stands up, as he does he grabs me and turns into a hug, embracing me deep in him. His breathing is heavy, every breath fill with emotion. The touch of his body is frail, like a crystal figure in the borderline of cracking.

"Vanessa...I'm just happy they're here."

"I know, I am too."

...

...

...

October 22nd, 2013

7:00 AM

Sigh, I had hoped Ryan and I could had talk more and discussed what we both are thinking but nothing came about. As soon as we had left home we went out and got dinner, it was nothing fancy or special and not like I was expecting something but it was simply dreadful. The whole time we were eating he just sat there, staring onto nothingness and only making sounds when moving in and out of place. His eyes were without focus even while driving and in all honesty had me worried that his senses weren't there. I even tried calling Max to have some news of her, I say that but in reality I was longing for her voice, I was curious if she was still holding her emotions against me, probably still is and the worst thing is that she didn't even answer me when I called again, Ryan again told me to drop it, that was one of the few things he said all day. After we were done with our meals we went off to this little motel a couple miles away from our home.

Well I say little motel but all in all it was nice, less of a common stop and more of a travel inn built in a home-fashion sense. The floor of the office covered in wood and the walls were just as the ones you would find in a cottage, wouldn't mind coming there again with Ryan, especially in better circumstances and a much better mood. I know why we were there, me being all intrigued in that place and trying to make the best out of the situation doesn't mean I stopped thinking of the girls. I was only making the mood less tense, but it was fruitless.

We arrived at the inn, covered the fee for the night and went to the room. I keep saying we but Ryan wasn't even there, I think I can recall everything he said since we had left to eat. He's kept to himself, lost in his thought or maybe just lost in general. Night came and we went to bed together but neither of us got much sleep, I can guarantee he didn't get any sleep. Woke up early myself, around 3:30 AM and I could feel the stiffness from his body, the weight he was carrying even at that time. I couldn't muster the strength to move or even get up. Unable to talk to my own husband I laid there in my own thinking, thinking of what Max and Chloe were doing at the moment. Were they home? Together the two of them doing what exactly? Was Chloe being right to her and treating her properly...I keep seeing Chloe abusing Max against her will, she isn't strong, she's not good in pressure...but earlier she was. Max was strong, she was brave. She questioned me in a way that she had never shown before, I don't really know what's going on in her mind but maybe I am wrong, maybe Chloe isn't what I have conjured of her.

Chloe is troubled but she was never bad. Max is different too, she's looking concerned as if something was holding her back but I should trust her, I always have trust her judgement in people. Sigh maybe Chloe really does love her and treats her right...god and I said all these things to Ryan and her.

Well no point in mulling over it, we're already going home, rather early but I couldn't stay like this any longer. Haven't heard from Max for almost a whole day and its driving me crazy, I'm sure Ryan is feeling the same too. All day yesterday since our discussion he's been without light in his eyes but suddenly this morning after I came out of the shower he was already showing better signs, not as usual but his demeanor sure felt different, much lighter than he was.

"Ryan, honey?"

He's driving and doesn't even turn to me, only gives me a sideview.

"What is it Vanessa?"

"We need to talk, all day yesterday we barely left any words out of our mouths and now we're going back home. I wanted to discuss this without the girls but you're not giving me the chance."

He still doesn't turn, he only sighs and scratches his beard, digging his hand into his face and pressuring his bones.

"You've said enough dear, I heard you and I don't want to listen more. I'm not saying I'm angry because I'm not but rather I'm saddened. I want to talk, I want to listen but...but I can't. I can't listen to what you're saying about Chloe, I know you're not thrilled about her. I know but we can't refuse to help her, I won't abandon her. Not now…not tomorrow."

"Ryan I never said I didn't want her in our home, in our life. Its just-"

"Its just you don't want her with Max? Yes I remember. I understand what you're saying, I do but sweetie?"

I turn and look at his gaze, he's now looking at me too. If we weren't at a red light I would turn his face instantly.

"I can't see us agreeing in any way, not after everything you said and the way you hurt them...that's something I won't forget."

The light turns green and we keep on going and so we remain silent throughout the rest of the way home.

7:23 AM

We're here, well near our house since a certain beat-up, old truck parked in our spot so we're walking. It feels dreadful, Ryan and I didn't say a word on the ride since he basically accused me of being the bad one. I'm not the bad one, I'm only concerned with out daughter's wellbeing and I won't let him make me feel guilty because of it.

Now standing in front of the door I walk first, pass him and open it. Walking and hearing nothing. Its still early so I don't expect them to be awake yet, but it feels weird. It feels cold, almost as if they weren't home or didn't even move a thing in the house.

Could Chloe have been aggressive with her and Max ended up running away from her? Maybe they were drunk and ended up having sexual relationships while under the influence? What if Max tried to stop her but she got angry and-

Sigh, I'm doing it again. I'm going overboard in all my worries. Maybe they just were tired and went to bed as soon as they arrived. I turn around and see Ryan going to the kitchen, grabbing a cup and filling it with water while taking it in a big chug as if he was cleaning his body with it. He puts it down and walks towards me, his body language saying the opposite. His arms leaning more to the back, his eyes avoiding mine and his legs requiring more force than necessary.

"Sweetie, I think I'm going to get a few minutes of sleep. I couldn’t get any rest back the motel."

"Sure honey, I'll stay down here and wait for the girls to wake up and don't worry I'll…do my best to be understanding. You were right about them being vulnerable at the moment, I'll let my opinion out of it for now but I'm still holding my ground on the issue."

Again, his face shows the same expression he's been carrying, heavy with tiredness in his pupils, the mouth restraining itself from lashing and his hands letting go of all force. He doesn't do the effort to even look at me and keeps on moving upstairs. He slowly moves up, as if his weight was in the tons.

Sigh, I wonder. Until when will he be able to talk with me. I need a drink and I didn’t mean water, something a bit stronger, something to loosen my nerves or anxiety before meeting up with Max and…Chloe. I start walking and about to grab my bottle to ignore-I mean prepare for late-

**THUMP**

The loud noise rattles me and makes me drop the bottle, leaving a mess on the floor with all the broken glass mixed up with the wine.

God what was that? I immediately start going upstairs and rushing myself and abruptly stop on the hallway. I stare to my front and do some breathing exercises to not panic, to not think the worst.

I notice that Max's door is open...please no. Don't tell me I was right, god please let my assumption be wrong and just show me Max sleeping, please let her be okay. I’ll forget everything and take Chloe as she is but don’t make me right.

Slowly walking and barely opening my eyes I start going in and hoping for the best...but I was right. My...my baby...she's on the ground...pale...immobile and hurt. Her body is full of marks, bruises…her wrist, her face and her neck.

I want to scream, run towards her and wake her up…but I can’t. My body just lost every sensation but this excruciating pain crushing my whole being and mind. This agonizing lack of air and reality disappearing.

Everything around me disappears, my thoughts aren't even clear anymore. The only thing in my mind is why is my baby hurt? Who did this? Where is Chloe?

I start walking back without thinking it and hit the wall, continue walking back again, hitting the wall, hitting myself, hoping that this isn’t real…but it is.

"Please, **PLEASE WAKE UP BABY! WHAT HAPPENED? PLEASE!**"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Chapter incoming in three days so please wait a bit more for more of actual Max and Chloe.  
P.S  
Thank you for reading and I hope this chapter was...enjoyable left you intrigued for what's to come.  
If you have any comments or thoughts don't think too much about it and be sure to drop it down below.


	11. Turning Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe and Max now finding themselves in different rooms their minds become vulnerable and their emotions become stronger. As they're physically separated their feelings and thoughts take a bigger effect over their minds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all of you for reading, for your time and do enjoy this chapter.

FUCK! FUCK, FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCK!!

Gritting my teeth so hard they might as well break, clenching my fist and digging my nails all the way to the bones. I can't believe you, you shit show of a person can't hold it in for a goddamn day!

Walking and pacing in this small ass room I'm just getting angrier and stupider with each step. We were doing so good, we tried some clothes, made her laugh and shit, we ate so damn much, danced like crazy and even met some girls to hangout with, so why the hell did you have to blow up at her last minute. Its not her fault Vanessa thinks shit of you, fucking Vanessa, fuck her and everything she said, because of her I got all dumb and had to leave Max alone.

And why is Max trying to fix me right now, I don't want to be fixed, I don't want her help or her worrying for me, I just want to forget everything and go with the flow, is that too much to ask? To not mention my feelings, what I'm thinking or her giving me those eyes, that touch that makes me break down and cry, those silly things she does to make me feel happy.

Argh you stupidass! She was only being nice because she cares and is worried but nope you can't have that right? Love from someone else? Well too fucking late now you miserable piece of shit.

Now walking to the window I stop and rest my head on it, pressing it against the cold, chilly glass while looking outside where Max and I were just sitting. Her grabbing my hand and giving me that smile that she loves to show, when she's happy which hasn't been that much.

Sigh she was only trying to help me, to make me feel better.

Dragging my head down and letting it fall, this pitiful sigh comes out naturally.

"Why can't I just...forget everything…bury it all and enjoy these moments with her."

I push myself away and walk to the bed, sitting on it and putting my head between my knees. Breathing with my eyes closed, hugging myself and trying to think of nothing. Its hard not to think when all you want to think are reasons of why you're so shitty and I got a bunch of those.

Reason number one, my dad died. Reason number two, Vanessa is a fucking bitch because she said some hurtful crap to me and reason number three, everyone I have ever loved has either abandoned me or died, plus my home being wiped out by a tornado doesn’t help much. So yeah, I got my fucking reasons.

I pull myself up and lay down on the bed, grabbing a pillow and pushing it to my face.

"Would I even die if I slept with a bunch of pillows on my face? Nope, tried that years ago and woke up the next morning, experiment failed I guess."

Moving the pillow under my head I stare at the roof and realize that it was wrong of me to act that way, Max didn't deserve that. Is she okay right now? I don't think she'll want me near her right now, besides she's probably sleeping already. And what am I going to do about her folks?

"Hey Vanessa, I know you fucking hate my guts and don't want me to date Max but morning! Fuck me I don't even know what to do anymore, how to act or anything."

I know I shouldn't care, its always been the same bullshit from people I don’t give a crap about and I haven't given a fuck about anyone saying those kind of things for years and I've been doing fine so far! Its just that this isn't some random person or a stranger walking on the street, it's Vanessa saying those things about me, I mean what the hell. She knows the fucking shit I've gone through and she still says all that, its like she doesn't give a flying fuck about me.

...

...

Wait, hold on a minute...I'm so fucking stupid!! How come I didn't think of this sooner. She doesn't give a crap about me, I'm just her daughter's childhood friend, a nuisance around her. All those nice things she did like hugging me when we came, her telling me that she loves me like a daughter, they were all lies. I'm nothing, and here I am crying my heart out because of what she said? Because I was thinking so much of her when she doesn't even care one bit for me? Yeah it makes sense, back when dad died they left so soon, why? Cause they didn't give a fuck for my dad, Joyce and least of all for me.

Makes me think that Ryan is the same as her...but I don't think so, or at least I don't want to believe it. He...what he said about us, what he said to Max and I...

Fuck my eyes got full of water without realizing, my mouth getting all watery and dammit. Please just let those words be true, please let Ryan be the cool dad that he appears to be...but what the fuck do I know huh? Here I was thinking so much of Vanessa when she clearly wants me gone so Ryan is probably the same right? A lying, deceiving asshole who hasn't said a single honest word to my face. Maybe I was right, I'm alone in this world and I just got a shitty life and it will end shitty.

'She's wrong Chloe, she doesn't know you. I do and I love you'

'she will be your downfall'

I immediately get up and pull my hand up to my chest. My heart beating faster and faster every second, the burning sensation in my eyes rising and this slippery feeling in my mouth.

"FUCK! It still hurts me, I thought I would be safe here, I don't know why I guess because I'm with Max and she said so and I believed her, I still do and that's why it hurts!"

Pressing my hands against my eyes and trying to stop the tears from coming out, my chest rising and falling as I do so. I really want to punch and kick something, but I don't want to get kicked out just yet.

"I still want to believe what Max said, I don't know maybe it was a misunderstanding or something, maybe I didn't hear well, maybe Vanessa said something else and I misheard her...yeah not likely, she was really gunning on me being Max's downfall or some shit like that."

Taking a few moments to ease my heart I drag myself to the bed and let my useless weight fall on it, burying my face in the covers and pillows.

I just don't know, I feel so angry, so out of place, so guilty because of the pain I'm causing her. She says she loves me and that makes me really fucking happy, gets me smiling like a lunatic and I freaking love her too, but I keep thinking that maybe Vanessa's right, maybe I will be her downfall, maybe she really is better off without me. If only I could make all these problems go away, all these worries gone, puff just like that…sure Chloe just go get a pill and everything will be okay, more like chug a whole bottle of pills and be done with this crap. Yeah do that and make Max feel even more alone, leave her to suffer with even more guilt because you couldn’t take a small portion of the shit she must be going through every day.

…

"You’re getting stupid again Chloe, you gotta stop thinking that crap."

I really need to chill before I start getting all depressed and get even worse.

Moving my arm to the right to grab Max-shit. Forgot she's not here, I instinctively tried to touch her hair.

Funny, I just noticed that I feel a thousand times worse without her by my side. She says that I make her feel better, that I make her feel safe. If only she knew that I feel dead without her.

…

Doing circles with my hand in the space where Max would be I remember how she always gets when we’re in bed. How she snuggles against me and presses her body on mine, the way she caresses my entire self with her fingertips, how she sometimes even does it while awake and I pretend to be asleep. How she moves left and right until I hug her, how she makes so many cute faces that make me feel so damn lucky to be alive.

…

Yeah she does all those things, but she also whimpers, cries out people’s names in her sleep, she hasn’t talked much about her nightmares so she probably doesn’t know she does it...I wish I could be in her place and endure her terrors, protect her from those memories that won’t let her even be at peace for a freaking moment. Its fucking bullshit that’s what it is.

She does her best to move forward and keep on living after everything she’s gone through and for what? So she can end up reliving all the terrible crap she already suffered? How’s that for fair? Its not, all she wants now is to be happy…that’s all she wants so…so why can’t she? Why can't we?

I move over and grab the pillow, pulling into a hug and picturing Max in its place, holding her tight and burying my face deep in her neck, remembering her scent that has become my pacifier, her warmth that embraces my everything. I hold her tighter, as if could protect her from all the bullshit trying to bring her down.

"Good night Max, hopefully you won't have any nightmares tonight. Sorry I'm not there with you to make the bad dreams go away…sorry I’m such an ass to you, such a bother, such a bitch when the only thing you’re doing is giving me your love…I’m sorry Max, I really…fucking am, sniff."

Closing my eyes and hoping that she's okay, maybe dreaming of something happy, in her happy place. Maybe I'll dream of my happy place, which is any place with her.

…

\---------------

_Hey Jude, don't be afraid_

_You were made to go out and get her_

_The minute you let her under your skin_

_Then you begin to make it better_

_And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain_

\-----------------

No...no, no just no fucking way this is happening, this isn’t possible…Max you need to wake up. YOU NEED TO WAKE UP NOW! WAKE UP BE-BE-BEFORE-

Words stop processing, a blockade forms in my mind from the swirl of emotions that are crumbling through my brain, body and senses.

This can’t be real, first Victoria and now Kate. Why are they doing this, why am I being haunted? Is this my punishment? What I deserve for taking the lives of thousands of innocent people?

Crack, snap, crack, thump!

Kate’s slowly creeping from away, slowly showing me her shallow self, her severed body that shouldn’t be standing, much less moving towards me.

Crack

"Ple-please! Go away Kate, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what happened but-"

I can't do this, she's not real yet she's here. Its my mind I know that, I know that but she's here. The blood on her face is there, her smoldered, flat, broken expression is there, her eyes looking at me, her eyes devoid of life, her pale skin and her heavy, broken gasps are all here.

Taking some deep breaths I try to calm myself and clear my thoughts but I can't, she's not going away. She only keeps walking in front of me, staring at me with her swollen, beat up, smashed eyes. Blood splattered all over her body.

She stops, sitting on the ground and pulling her knees to her chest.

'Max why would you say that? I-I only want to talk. Am I not your friend anymore? I feel so alone in this place.'

Don't get in my head, don't get in. You are not Kate, you will never be her. Don't look at her Max, its not her. Wait, I’m hearing some cries.

I turn my head up a bit and see Kate crying just as she was in her last moments. Letting out sobs full of emotions that pull my hairs to stand up, her expression showing a look that I recognize, its the same as that time on the roof. She looks just as Kate did, so hurt and full of guilt. I shake my head and look back down, shutting my eyes tight. If I let her in everything will only get worse.

'Max, why are you avoiding me? I thought you said you'd always be there for me. I NEED YOU!'

Just hearing her voice makes my chest hurt, I do want to help her, I hate seeing her like this but this isn't her. Its my fault she's not here anymore.

"You're not her, Kate is dead. I'm sorry, I was supposed to save you, to be there for you but I wasn't and I feel so guilty because of it, that's something I will always regret for the rest of my life but please...go away."

I begin to scratch, pull and pinch my whole body to wake up. Punching my legs, clawing my nails into my arms, tearing my hair from the root, pressuring both my wrists, crushing my neck, anything that can get me away from her.

'Wh-what are you doing? Don't do that, you're only hurting yourself. I'm your friend, why are you-'

"**STOP THIS...I CAN'T HANDLE THIS ANYMORE!!**."

...

...

Everything turns silent, I look back up and see nothing. She's gone and only the cold, quiet air remains in her stead.

...

I really do miss her, I miss her presence so much but not like this. Kate wasn't like that, she was happy and hopeful, her last days only reflected the world around her, what they turned her into. She deserved better than all that bullying and hate she received, she deserved better than friends who ignored her, better than people like me who abandoned when she needed me the most.

I stand up and press the palm of my hands to my face. It feels wet and swollen.

Shit, I think I might be more fucked up than I thought.

"I'm sorry Kate, I failed you and I'm sorry for that, but I promise to do my best to remember you as you were, as my friend and as a wonderful person. The same goes for everyone else, Arcadia Bay too. All victims of my decision."

'Bravo Max, nice speech there.'

What? I look behind me and see another ghost of my past, Mr. Jefferson. He's standing still, smirking and looking at me. Now slowly walking towards me.

'Now see, I know you meant what you told Kate just now but don't you think its unfair to speak such- forgive my words, bullshit when referring to dead people. That you failed her? That you failed to protect anyone? Tell me Max why is it that you are telling such inconsiderate lies? To yourself no less? Now we can't have that, after all you're an everyday hero.'

He's still walking towards me, with that creepy, disgusting smile on his face. He can't touch you Max, he's only a figment of your imagination, your guilt is making you see thi-

'Now hear what I say when I speak, you stupid bitch!'

He's grabbing me by the neck and pushes me to the wall. It hurts, I can't breathe...but how?

'Now listen well or I might just not hold myself back, okay Max! Like I was saying before you spaced out as you always do, you are lying. You are deceiving yourself, you didn't save anyone, and you didn't fail to save anyone because you never truly tried. Everything you did, every thought and action has been for your own gain, your own benefit. Tell me Max, was it worth it? To sacrifice your sanity for your 'Chloe'? I mean I apologize for my bluntness, but she has already moved on, hasn't she? She finally came to her senses and has now realized who you are, what you are, a vile monster that chose to murder thousands of people without a care.'

N-no he doesn't know anything. Th-that’s not true! I’m not a monster...Chloe doesn’t think that, Chloe loves me...she has said so herself and I believe her. She's angry, she wanted to be alone that's all. She's doesn't think that of me. No, she doesn't hate me, does she?

'I wouldn't call myself an expert on the topic, but I did have my share of punk girls following me around and by the looks of it, your Chloe doesn't want to be with you anymore. Haha, I find your position to be quite idiotic if I'm being honest.'

Everything is starting to get blurrier, his voice disappearing from my senses. Am I waking up or maybe passing out? I don't know but I just want this to end already. I don't want to listen to his words anymore.

'What is it? Oh it seems that your consciousness has started drift, maybe I am putting too much force into you. I apologize Max, it seems you are more pitiful than I thought.'

His grip starts to loosen, but still holding my throat to the wall. He remains with that gross smile staring at me, observing me as if I was his prey. Makes me feel so dirty.

'Now returning to your idea of love. You kill an entire town for her, her own mother and you expect her to love you at the end? She doesn't love you, she doesn't care for you and she never will. You scare her, you’ve become the sole reason for her misery, you are her living remainder of everything she has lost. She despises you, cowers in your presence and dreads the moment she lays eyes on you.'

He let's go of me and I fall to the ground, grasping for air that I desperately need. As soon as I can I move away from him until I can't anymore, standing by the other side of the room, eyes wide open and thinking of what to do.

I can't do anything, he's not real but he's hurting me. Is it...me hurting myself, no that's- that's not possible.

No,no,no,no,no! Stop this Max, you can do it! Its all in your head. Its you who's doing this, think, please think of something to stop this nightmare already...wait maybe this really is all a nightmare, maybe this is a nightmare and I’ll be waking up no-

'Oh but believe me, this is just the beginning.'

He's right in front of me again, choking me by the neck with both of his hands, pushing me down onto the ground. His grip tightening and digging into my mind.

My thoughts seem so far away now. His hands wrapped in gloves digging into me, sending this dreadful pain to my senses, I can't breathe, I can barely keep conscious anymore. I don't know what happening anymore I-

Thump

\--------------------------------

**THUMP**

Hmm? What the fuck was that noise? Shit what time is it already?

I lazily and so freakingly exhausted grab my phone and check the screen, seven thirty-three. I put it back down and into my pocket and my head following the center of a pillow. Too sleepy, too tired to care.

Thump thump

Augh, looks like the Caulfields are early birds. Shit, might as well wake up.

"Max come on, wake up already. You need to wake up so you can wake me up."

...

Hmm, I check for her and feel nothing. Oh yeah, right. I was a bitch last night and went to another room. Keeping it real classy asshole, I do my best to stand up and still feel all weird from sleeping all crooked. I touch my face and feel some saliva on my mouth and cheek. Fucking hate when I drool all over myself.

"-ease wak- -aby. -at -ned, ar- -uo -kay?"

Sounds like Vanessa is talking rather loudly, either that or they're watching some fucking novella. Wonder what it is? Maybe getting herself into another fight? I think I should go check now that I'm here. Still with my boots on and fully dressed since I was too angry to take anything off last night I walk to the door and open it. As soon as I do I hear clearly what's going.

My eyes immediately open wide and I feel this sharp, horrifying burst in my heart. My breathing racing so fast that I can feel my lungs expanding up and down.

"Max honey, what's wrong? Who did this to you? Please answer me or anything, Ryan let's go to the hospital hurry!"

Without thinking I dash myself to the room with all the voices going on and come to a complete stop.

I see Max on the ground, drop de-no, she's unconscious on the floor. Her eyes look swollen and dark, she has marks all over her neck as if someone was hurting her. Was she crying last night? No, not when I last saw her...did she do this because of me? Is it my fault? She has red marks all over her hands, her legs and neck too. Why the fuck does she has all these bruises around her!?

Ryan crouching down, paralyzed with fear in his whole body, his eyes lost, confused and tense. He's gently holding Max in his arms. Vanessa is standing in front of them, shouting and screaming but Ryan isn't responding, he's frozen.

I run to Max and hold her too, grab her head, her arms.

"Max? Max? Wake up!!" I look to Ryan and he's still in shock, not really there anymore. I can feel my whole self dropping and sagging. It hurts, everything hurts right now.

"Wh-what happened? Vanessa why is she like this! What-"

I try to talk but gibberish comes out instead, this crying sound forms instead of words.

"**YOU! WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?!**"

Vanessa's whole expression went from worry to this hateful, sorrowful look in her eyes. She’s glaring at me as if she wanted to murder me. She walks directly to me and pulls away from Max by the arm, gripping onto me so hard I can feel my muscle bursting in pain.

"I-I didn't do any-"

"**SHUT UP, YOU MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING, WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER? WHY IS SHE LIKE THIS!**"

"No, I didn't do anything we only talked last night. Last night...I got angry at her and-"

"**YOU CAUSED THIS! I TOLD YOU ALREADY. LEAVE HER ALONE, YOU ARE ONLY HURTING HER!**"

N-no, she's wrong. I didn't cause this, did I? I just noticed that I'm shaking from toes to head. Still locking my eyes on Max. Looking at her still on Ryan's arms. Noticing all these marks on her I try to make sense of it, why does she have them? I know she hasn't been that well, but I didn't think she would do something like this.

With Vanessa still grabbing onto me I stay there, trying to come up with an explanation. Why is she like this? She was so happy last night, we were having tons of fun all night...did I really make her do this? Hurt herself like this?

It’s hard to breath, it’s hard to think. Still seeing Max lying in Ryan's arms, her whole expression showing hopelessness, misery, like she’s still going through hell in her own head. Hearing everything Vanessa just said it makes something click. I stand up and look at Ryan and Vanessa, both worried, both scared and Vanessa showing anger above all else while Ryan is completely is out of it.

"I-I'm so-"

"**LEAVE!! I DON'T WANT YOU HERE ANYMORE!**"

My whole body, skin, bones, muscles ache from within and tell me the same thing as Vanessa. With streaks of tears falling, and with air seeming non-existent to my lungs I dash out of the room, going downstairs and outside. I get to my truck, put the key in and turn it to ignition. Without even thinking anymore I pull the handbrake off and leave, drive off to the streets without knowing shit of where I'm going and I don't care, I don't know but I just want to go away.

...

...

Driving for what seemed to be eternity, I stop in this dark alley, hidden between some apartments.

I stay still inside, staring into nothingness, thinking of nothing. The only thing I can feel right now is my anger, my worry and my guilt. I throw a stump to the floor, elbow the door and do my best to remove the steering wheel with all my strength and failing to do. Using every ounce of strength and muscle in me I start hitting everything around me until I can't anymore, until the pain becomes too much or the blood drains out of me.

"Why...why...WHY...WHY...**WHY WHY DOES THIS SHIT KEEPS HAPPENING. WHY DO I!! HAVE TO CAUSE SO MUCH PAIN TO EVERYONE AROUND ME. WHY DO I FUCK EVERYTHING UP...**sniff"

Feeling a heat like fire emitting from my face and coldness as glaciers inside my lungs I fall to the side and lay on my shoulder. Hugging myself like a desperate baby, a beat-up decrepit coward longing to end this pain, this void of loneliness that just keeps expanding. My legs pulled to my chest, my head draped down trying to hide myself in anything.

I'm such a mess, such a stupid, useless trash of a person. Shaking without control and losing air by each breath I take, I try to stop but I can't. It's like my body wants to suffer, like it has so much emotion in it that it can't control itself anymore. Tears feel heavy and thick, my nose throwing mucus and shit everywhere and wiping it all in me.

...

...

I stay like this for I don't know how long but long enough for it to leave me tired and without energy. Still cradling myself in the seat, holding myself on my own I stare to my front, looking at nothing, only thinking of Max.

I truly fucked her up didn't I? Why did she have all those marks? Why did she hurt herself? Because she cares about me? Enough for her to be devastated because of my stupid actions? I don't deserve her, I only hurt her and this time I got to see it firsthand.

Bzzzt

Bzzzt

"Shit!"

Fucking scared the crap out of me. Wait, maybe it’s Max? Maybe she woke up and came to look for me like yesterday?!

I go for my phone but I don't feel it in my pocket, I look around and see it on the ground. I immediately get a hold of it and answer without looking at who it is.

"MAX!"

"..."

I don't hear anything, shit. I just want to hear her voice to know she's okay.

"Max please talk to me, I'm really fucking worried and scare. Please just say anything."

"Umm well this is awkward."

This is not Max.

"WHO THE FUCKING HELL IS THIS AND WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH THIS PHONE YOU FUCKFACE!"

Did she drop her phone last night or something?

"Whoa calm down Carly, its just me-"

"Who the fuck is Carly and who's this? "

"Carly? Girl drop the act you know who this is."

Ah fuck, it must be a chick from last night. I don't want to deal with any of them right now.

"Hey are you okay? You sounded really bad, if you want you can come with me and talk. Seriously you sounded li-"

And I hang up. Rather not deal with another person who isn't Max. Should I call her? What if she's still unconscious? What if she tells me to come back? I don't think I could handle her voice, but I still want to hear her. Hug her and never let go, tell her how much I regret being a bitch to her and how much it hurts me to see her like that, ask her why she-.

**AARGHH!**

I don't know what to do. I miss her and want to go back and see her but everything I do ends up backfiring and hurting her. I just want her to be okay, I only want her to be happy.

...

...

Growl

"Great timing Chloe, perfect time for a snack."

Sigh, I move up sitting right and drop my face to the steering wheel.

"What the fuck did I make her do? She wasn't that bad last night, really she wasn't. I mean putting everything aside yes, I was stupid, really fucking stupid and she got me all emotional and I don't want to get like that anymore. Pretty sure to avoid remembering Joyce. Well I got all stupid and I did blew up on her but not enough to make her-"

Just remembering how she was, her wrists were all red, her neck wrapped deep in bruises and scratches and her eyes...her eyes dropped as if she was de-dead. Fuck me it reminded me of Rachel. I know its completely different and has nothing to do with each other but seeing her like that scared the shit out of me...oh god Max please...please be okay. What the fuck am I saying of course she's not okay, you're breaking her into little pieces.

Growl

"FUCKING SHIT. I get it, might as well and get something to shut this thing up. Maybe Max will call me on the meantime too."

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One hour later

Tapping my foot over and over as if time will go faster or something. Turning and seeing the same old waiter bored on his phone, the old fuck in the kitchen, people coming and leaving smiling all happy and shit. Fuck them all.

Holding my head up with both my hands, closing my eyes to trying and not to see her anymore in there, not like that. Why hasn't she called me yet? Is she not awake? What the fuck I should just go and see her instead of running away like a coward.

"Miss if you're going to be here you're gonna need to order more than a cup of coffee."

I turn up and see this guy, looks bored as fuck like he doesn’t want to be here yet he tells me to leave? Well guess what? I’m really not in a good place and he's fuckin going to get it.

"Look you fucking prick! I bought something off your damn menu so if you don't want to get your face bloodied and broken by this fork stay the fuck away!!"

His face paled, drop the things he was holding and took a few seconds to actually move his stupidass. The fuck? Can't he see I'm all stressed and shit over Max and he has the nerve of coming here. Tsk, I know its me who's the problem, but I don't care right now. Closing my eyes again and thinking of what to do, go back? Call her? Go away and end this miserable journey that I call life?

"Whoa, way to scare people off"

What the hell is going on with everybody now, can't they mind. their damn business.

"Look I already told the other guy to leave me alo-" As I open my eyes I see someone familiar, a girl with a weird earring, I've seen it before. Its that annoying bitch from the liquor store.

"The hell are you doing here?"

She slides into the other side of the table and grabs the menu, humming and smiling like a little kid. What the hell is she doing here, and does she want me to beat the shit out of her? Because I sure would love to do so.

"FYI, this look fits you much better than that other hideous thing you had going on yesterday. I just love this whole aura you're emitting. You're so pissed right? I bet you are."

Staring at her and I'm pretty sure I'm giving her this serious look without blinking and yet she's still here, still smiling as if she knew something. Calm down Chloe, don't get yourself into more trouble, calm down and leave her bitch ass.

"Look girly I don't kno-"

She puts her hand over my mouth and dares cover it. The fuck she thinks she's doing, I instantly grab her hand and slam it down at the table.

"Ow, are you nuts. Let me go, jeez you can't take anything."

"What are you even doing here? And why are you covering my mouth with your disgusting hand?"

"You said girly, I'm not girly. I'm Rene and you are?"

"None of your damn business."

I don't want to be dealing with this kind of crap right now, got too much to deal with like what do I do now? I get up from the table and move over to pay for the coffee I bought, I leave the three dollars they're charging for a shitty cup of coffee and head out to my truck.

"Hey come on don't leave yet, we haven't even hung out yet. Ooo! Is this yours? Hmm, it kinda looks like you."

I stop right in front of my truck and scratch my head, why is she still talking to me. I turn around and see her still with this carefree smile, looking at me directly in my eyes. It's weird, for some fucking reason it kinda feels...good.

"Chloe, I'm Chloe."

"See that wasn't so hard right. Chloe meet Rene, Rene meet Chloe, and this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

"Look Rene I don't know what you want, why you're talking to me or how the fuck you found me but I can't deal with you, I got too much shit going on with myself right now so drop whatever act you're trying to pull."

Her face turns even happier, her smile grows more than before and begins walking towards me, pacing around me as if she's looking inside of me, inspecting me. I push her to the side but as soon as I do, she grabs my arm and leans herself on me. I don't know what the fuck is going on, but this shit is just pissing me off. Only Max gets to rest her head on me like this and not some fucking whore trying to get some pussy.

"Look I can tell you're goi-"

I don't even let her finish whatever she's saying but I punch her in the face so damn hard that blood spills to my knuckles and she ends up a couple feet away. That felt good. Her being hit kinda surprised her I guess, she touches her blood with her hands and her smile turns serious and glares at me.

She doesn't say anything, but her face says it all, she lunges at me and pushes me to my truck and FUCK that hurts. She throws a punch to my face and then throws me at the ground.

"What? You thought I was just going to cry and run away? Please like if your punch even did anything."

Shit, that throw really did a number on me. My ribs are killing me, and my hands are all red and scrapped already. I hastily stand up and grab a rock that’s nearby and throw it at her...and missing her by a long shot of course. She stares at me with this unbelievable look in her eyes and puts her hands on her hips.

"Are you serious? How in the fucking hell did you even miss? I'm literally in front of you."

She starts laughing and shit, resting herself on my truck and trying to get her breathing under control. I just remain sitting on the ground, feeling this pain in my whole body. Movies are so full of bullshit, fucking lies, it hurts like a motherfucker when you fall on the ground.

"Hey so Chloe, right? You want to accompany me and get high over at my place? Seems like you need it, like reeeeally bad."

I don't want to, I really don't but I also really want to stop thinking.

"How...how far away is it?"

I reluctantly ask but I know that it will really help me stop thinking about everything, at least for a bit. Her smile turns even wider and winks at me, walking and giving me her hand to stand up.

"It's right next to…hurry your lazy ass before I throw you around like a hag and slam your head into the ground, okay?"

...

The fuck she just said?

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After a few minutes of driving around we arrive at this apartment, where Rene is apparently living and we go into her room which she shares with some other ‘skank-ass bitch’, her words.

"So just sit down over there and wait for me and don't you fucking dare take my stuff and leave, I'll gut you alive if you do."

She turns and leaves off to another room, man she's fucking weird but in a not so bad way, not good either, but confusing. I look around and check her place out, pretty fucking small and messy as hell. Maybe as messy as my own place would be. Walking to the living room I see a TV on the wall and a couch in front of it, another one piece couch with a bunch of needles lying around...okay that's actually unnerving, and a coffee table with some joints next to a lighter apparently waiting to be smoked by me.

As soon as I bend down to grab one of them, I remember Max. It's been almost two hours and haven't heard back from her, shit I'm getting worried again. Why hasn't she called yet? She must have woken up by now so what's holding her up and what am I doing? Am I really going to get high with this random girl when I should be with her?

I pull myself back and turn around, making my way back out the door, but just when I’m about to grab the handle Rene comes back out.

"Leaving already? Come on just stay for a bit, I know you have shit going but stay with me. Only for a few minutes...I promise its some good stuff."

Rene pulls these bag with some weed and shakes it in my face with a smile splattered all over her. Maybe some minutes won't be so bad.

"Argh okay, just for a bit."

"Great, follow me."

She grabs my hand which by the way, still burns like hell from grazing the ground earlier and leads me to the couch. She changed from her get up from earlier into some green shorts, yellow tank top and is barefoot. Sitting with her legs crossed she gets the weed out of the bag and starts rolling some joints, weird?

"Hey why don't you just grab those at the table?"

She turns to me and gives this devilish grin, looking like a kid doing something bad on purpose.

"No can do, those are specially made for my roommate. They have a special ingredient that you really don't want to know about."

"Did she steal your boyfriend or something?"

"Nope, no boys here princess. I mean I'll fuck them, but I can't here, or else my roommate will get all moody and I can't stand her when she gets like that so yeah, in here only girls are allowed."

She pulls her eyebrows while she says that and continues doing rolling a couple of joints. Whatever like I care who she fucks, she could be doing a donkey for all I care.

"Hey so what's up with all these needles? Don't tell me you're like a full blazed junkie?"

She stops and takes a second to actually think what to say, did that actually caught her by surprise? They're literally right fucking there.

"Not exactly, my roommate is a nurse and she sometimes gets some fentanyl here and there but don't worry I'm good. I give you the Rene-aproval."

Shit, that's like some serious stuff they're taking.

"Oh come on don't tell me you've never tried some of it? Its actually not that bad, just get some little by little and soon enough you're feeling like a million bucks."

She's making it sound like its all goods and glory, but even I know the shit this stuff does to people.

"Yeah thanks for the suggestion but I'll stick to my weed, I kinda like having a conscious mi-"

Okay I think I just realized why people used it. I turn around and take a look at them, there's a bunch of them just lying there...maybe a tiny bit won't hu- No fuck that, don't even dare Chloe, as soon as you try it you'll be going straight into shit...not like you're not there already.

"Nah I'm good."

She looks just as happy, just shrugs off my comment and lays on her back, she stretches and passes me one joint and as I grab it, I notice a familiar bag on the ground. I move and stand up, pick it up and freeze in shock.

"Hey that's my roommate’s, I fucking hate her but you can't get he-"

"This is my shit!"

Its our clothes from yesterday, I totally forgot about them. Wait, what are they doing here? We had them last night until we arrived at the club.

"Hey Rene, is your roommate by any chance Veer?"

Rene makes this surprised face, looks like I just guessed who framed Roger Rabbit.

"Yeah, she is. So you're the girl she's been raving about?"

She stops and takes a good look at me, scanning me from top to bottom as she did earlier.

"I get her, I would be all crazy too if I had seen what she says."

I put the bag down and go back to sitting in the couch, now holding both the joint and a lighter.

"Let's see if this really is good or not."

I start this joint and pull myself down on the couch so it can start the magic, close my eyes and bury my head on the cushion of the couch. Trying to clear my mind of all my worries and-

I suddenly feel something on my lips, warm and something pushing in and breaking my wall, a force holding my body down and grabbing me intensely in just a matter of a seconds. I open my eyes and see Rene's eyes directly in front of mine, her green eyes and brown hair touching me and at the same time bombs going away in my brain. Forming a fist in my hand with all the strength in me I make sure to aim at her face just in the right spot but...she's good. Its like she knows what I like and isn't afraid to do it...making me stop thinking, making the unnecessary worriedness go away

\------

One hour earlier

"N-no, stop this. Please go away!"

I start feeling something on my cheek, a warm hand caressing me but its different from what I'm used to, its warm and heavy with a familiar tenderness to it.

"Its okay baby, you're okay."

I slowly and tiredly open my eyes, seeing dad in front of me, holding me in place, looking tired with darkness under his eyes.

"What's going on?"

As I said that, dad's gaze opens wide and starts crying and shivering, he has a saddened expression, this broken look, happy, sorrowful, but mostly scared. He grabs me and pulls me up to him, his grip feeling so strong but not enough to hurt.

"Da-dad what's wrong? Why are yo-"

"I was so worried for you, so scared tha-."

He doesn’t even finish speaking before his words fall through and sobs come out instead. I had never heard him like this before, he’s holding onto me as if I might disappear, shaking without holding himself back. Receiving his emotions is making me turn into a mess too. I can't stand to see him like this, and I don't even know why he is are but I'm just the same now, hugging him just as hard as he is and burying my face in him. As I hold onto him, I get this sense of security one that’s familiar and assures me that everything will be okay.

As tears, sobs and memories begin to come out I start remembering. Kate, Victoria, Mr. Jefferson they were all with me last night, all haunting me. Being reminded of them is making me turn just as dad if not worse, I feel safe in him but not enough to forget everything.

Hearing footsteps I look up and see mom coming out too, running towards us and gripping onto me as well, a blubbering mess and letting cries so horrible that mi insides start hurting, gasps and shakiness that don't stop.

Being embraced by them right now is weird, depressing, but also calming, its soothing but not in the way I'm used to, not like when Chloe holds me in her sweet embrace…Wait? Where is she? Wouldn't she be here? Wouldn't she had come out already? Is she gone? Left me? Tired or scared of me...I pull my hand away and clean my face of the tears that were falling out of me.

"Hey guys? Where's Chloe?"

I don't see her, but I can feel both of their bodies turning stiff, as hard as rocks, their expressions turning down, avoiding my look, looking with regret and full of guilt. Why? What happened? My breathing turning faster, rigid and getting painful to swallow, my every thought and muscle screaming for some sense, for calm, for Chloe.

Fearing the worst, that my nightmare was right I pull my voice together and hope to be wrong, hope that Chloe is still with me, that she hasn't left me.

"Mom, dad, please tell me where's Chloe!?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this was a fun wasn't it? If you're here it means it must be somewhat good and because of that I'll continue writing this story until it reaches its conclusion and that...is closer than before.  
Next chapter will come along in a similar time frame of a month, a little less or a little more but written in just the same way that you guys find entertaining.  
Again, thanks for being here and remember that you're awesome!  
P.S  
If you're feeling down or troubled remember that there's someone who cares for you, if you can't think of someone know that me, I cared enough to write stories for YOU. You aren't alone and if you need to talk here's an ear.  
P.P.S Here's the link for the song "Hey Jude", by The Beatles which is used above.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_MjCqQoLLA


	12. Running

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for you lovely people reading  
P.S.  
Thanks to two amazing people who helped beta this chapter, came out much better and many issues were fixed.

Breath, calm down Max. She must be sleeping upstairs. Yeah, that's probably it. Listen to what they say, it's probably okay. Chloe must be sleeping or just busy doing something else, right?

"Max, baby don't panic. Calm down, she's not here, Chloe isn't here, she-"

WHAT?! What does he mean she isn't here? Is she gone?

As soon as I hear this my breathing turns faster, each breath taken shorter, ragged, and uneven as I keep repeating the words dad just said.

'Chloe isn't here. Chloe isn't here. Chloe isn't here.'

"Don't worry baby, you're home! Mom and dad are here. What do you need!? Talk to us sweetie."

I need Chloe! I need to know she hasn't left me. That she doesn't hate me.

"Dad! Please tell me where she is, I-I need to know where she is. Did she leave me? Why did she leave me?! Is it because I'm a monster? Is she scare of me? Tell me please!"

I can't. I can't stay still. I break free from my parents grasp and scramble to my feet trying to figure out what's going on.

It hurts. It hurts…nerves consuming me from the inside as if telling me to stop. To stop trying and give up. My lungs pulsing and vibrating from within, the air becoming thinner and thinner. My skin flashing from cold to hot, boiling in agony.

Feeling heavy, dazed, I can feel consciousness slipping away. Wrapping my arms around my chest, covering in an embrace to assure myself that everything will be okay...Chloe has told me that...yeah everything is fine. She'll be here any minute now.

"Everything will be okay. She told me so, she did...Chloe told me, she told me so, she-"

I turn to my parents and see them, they're bodies almost turned to stone with their gaze petrified at me. They're looking at me with horror in their eyes, fear engulf in their expressions...I think I'm not okay, I think something is really wrong with me.

Trying to say something, to explain but I can't speak, words aren't coming out. I can only stare at them. I tighten my grip to resist the temptation, shake off the thought to cower in the ground and sob like the abomination I really am. Like the vile, rotten creature I am.

Before I even look away dad's arms find me again. He's talking to me, saying something but I can't hear him. I can't hear anything but my own thoughts that are revolving around the same thought.

Why isn't Chloe here with me?

'She's gone Max, can't you get it over your head already or has stupidity finally drill deep enough in your head?'

'Good for her! I mean at least she was able to leave alive. Unlike me who…you know, ended up burned to ashes…followed you until the end. Guess everyone was right, you never did care for no one other than yourself.'

No, it's not true! it's not true!! I didn't-It wasn't my fault, I-I thought-I was thinking-

Grabbing my head with both hands I start shaking, shifting frantically to left and right. Anything to make the voices go away, to remove them from so I can stop thinking of everything, of all the pain and death I've caused everyone.

I really am a monster, I'm a murderer, and I don't deserve anyone. Chloe finally realized it. She must've left last night. She came to her senses and it's probably for the better. Who would want to be with me after knowing everything I've done, everyone I've killed.

I turn up and look at dad again, he has a desperate look in his eyes. He's crying, eyes full of fear and seems to be screaming something. His features deepening to his bones, his mouth opening in desperation and a darkness to his color, but I can't hear anything. I can only sense this anxiety from him...or maybe that's just my own mind breaking into tiny pieces. I turn left and see mom. She's frozen, sitting on the ground with a puzzled look on her, trying to figure out something in her thoughts but failing.

I just realized my body has stopped breathing. I can't feel any air in me, my head feeling numb, only emptiness remains. I close my eyes and open them once more. Maybe it's just my imagination, but I still feel nothing.

Yeah I think there's something wrong with me, if there wasn't I wouldn't be alone. Chloe would be here with me...but she's not. She's afraid of me. She despises me. She hates me and wishes I were dead. She wants me gone from her life…I know she does, that's why she's not here. Why she said all those things.

I again close my eyes, feeling a clenching pain on my chest and letting out a desperate cry for air that won't come.

I don't know what's going on. Everyone was right, I'm not supposed to be happy, I'm supposed to be alone and no one will ever understand me, no one to help me. No one, no one to stop these nightmares from eating into me.

I open my eyes and see dad and mom over me.

I'm in the ground and they're getting a syringe, drawing something into it before stabbing my skin and pumping the fluid into my arm.

**GASP!!!**

Every sensation I was missing comes back and immediately hits me with full force. The pain in my chest exploding by a tenfold, making my heart and lungs shrink into nothingness. The stinging pain in my skin driving me to scratch and pull my every limb and clothes on me, the wetness of tears falling down my cheeks and dropping to the ground.

Holding onto oxygen as if it could leave me again, I breath so much air that my face resembles a fish on land as I manage to suck in a breath, losing the only form of composure I had left. My hands moving down to my chest, holding my weight to not fall. Every sound, every wave screeching to my ears and brain, every hurting sensation hitting me like a train.

**I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!! WHY DOES EVERYTHING HURTS!! ARGHH!!!**

**IT'S OKAY MAX. IT'S OKAY** **MAX. IT'S OKAY MAX IT'S OKA-**

"MA-MAX BABY WHAT'S WRONG? OH MAX PLEASE STAY UP, STAY UP BABY DON'T-"

Mom crying and sobbing uncontrollably, her face showing a fear like I've never seen and screaming at me, screaming her heart out. She's grabbing my head with both hands and staring at me with her eyes falling apart. Dad is the same way, even worse than before, he drops everything to hold me, to shield me from everything. Both of them showing horrible faces full of fear and despair over me.

"It's okay baby girl, go to sleep. Everything will be allri-"

Nothing will be all right anymore. She's gone. She's gone and she's only getting farther away through every passing second. Maybe I can still get to her! Maybe she isn't that far, I can still call her and tell her to come back! To help me.

"Breath baby. Just as we used to do remember? Ju-just breath Max. It's okay! We're here for you so please breath and don't panic. Chloe is gone but I'm here."

No I can't do this, I can't relax, can't think, can't be without her. If she's not here it means everything was for nothing. I killed everyone for nothing, killed all my friends...ended Joyce's life for nothing if she's not here! If that's true, if that's true then I can't do this! I can't, I won't!

Shaking and holding hands against my face, teeth sinking into my palms and screaming in torment because of the pain. The misery driving to my every thought into agony!! I can't take this pain! It's too much!! I can't deal with this and I don't want to anymore!!

"**ARGH!! MOM!! DAD!! I CAN'T! PLEASE STOP THIS!! STOP IT! STOP IT! ARGH!! GET CHLOE HERE. I NEED HER PLEASE!!**"

"Ry-Ryan do something, she's not well anymore, call 911! Anyone please! She needs help!"

"H-hold her down Vanessa! I'll be right b-back."

"Hurry!...Max sweetie it's me mama, it's me darling. What's wrong? Why are you like this? Shu-shush everything will be okay I promise. Think of nothing, think of nothing and breath. Come on sweetie just as when you were little, like we used to do when you were little, remember? Please nod if you remember, do you? "

"Argh! Stop this! I need to go, let me go already!"

"O-one big br-breath in…one, two and…and then out!"

Kicking, hitting, moving left and right trying to get away from everything, from everywhere.

The pain is still here, my mind is circling and circling and circling with my thoughts being everywhere and all of them telling me the same thing.

"Chloe! MOM! Call her please! I need her! I can't-"

SLAP!

I feel this sharp, sudden pain to my cheek. A vibration and ringing going through my ears and skull.

I look up and see mom still holding onto me. My sight fuzzy, I can barely make her face out. She's glaring at me with a deep fury in her, it's not the worry from before but an anger that's scaring me, making me feel tiny and wanting to shrink into nothingness.

"**MAX FORGET ABOUT HER! SHE'S GONE AND SHE'S NOT COMING BACK! WHAT DID SHE DO TO YOU! WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED ABOUT HER?! SHE'S GONE AND SHE'S NOT COMING BACK SO SNAP OUT OF IT! FORGET HER AND CALM DOWN!! CALM DOWN!!**"

Her voice drenched in a desperate cry, a pitch so high that it's piercing my head, breaking to my very core. Tears stream from her face, falling on me as her face softens, an expression fill with a melancholic sentiment. Her hand now letting go of me and instead caressing my cheek, cleaning my eyes and leaning in for a hug. She's holding me tightly into her arms in a shaking embrace full of worriedness.

"We're worried Max, that's all. We're worried for you, so please tell me what's wrong...tell me what you need, but don't call for her. She's not good for you. I am, your dad and only us are."

WHY IS SHE SAYING THIS!? I need CHLOE! Where is she?!

"NO! Let me go!! Let me go!! I need to find her! I can't! I can't do this anymore!"

As soon as I see a chance I dash away from her and run away but as I'm rushing I hit something and fall to the ground, it's dad. I notice he's holding something in his hand and without hesitation he grapples me into a bear hug, chaining me in place. Holding me without any room to escape, he buries his face in me, crying and his whole-body shivering, trembling with nervousness.

"It's…it's fo-for your-"

His voice…his voice is broken, shattered with a sentiment that would break anybody.

"It's for you own good!...Don't be scared baby girl. You're going to sleep now. We'll be right next to you the whole time. I pro-promise."

Again I feel a sharp sting in my arm. This is different, my mind drifting away, muscles and mind losing strength. My will to remain awake fading into the air.

"Dad, I need t-to go. I need her with m-"

Everything is going black, every sound disappearing. My body feels heavy and I don't have the strength to stand up anymore. I need to hurry, I need to find her... I…need her…I need to find her…

Hmm. I feel strange. Everything is soft, my body is free, my mind swaddled in this fluffy feeling invigorating my senses.

I open my eyes, but I can't look, it's too bright. I lift my hand up to cover the shining beam hitting directly at me. It feels fresh in here, there's a breeze touching me and a golden shine that's so dazzling that I can barely see anything.

"Where am I?"

With my sight still blurred I begin to stretch my legs and arms. I pull my body up and lift myself with my hands, but as I do a strange sensation flows over the nerves the tip of my fingers something fresh and alive intertwining with all over my hands. There's grass around me, dirt and a nature-like feel to everything.

Trying to figure out where the hell I find myself I start recognizing the landscape around me. I see trees, hills and everything in view looking just perfect; A blue sky slowly moving to the east, a round, golden sun positioned far in the horizon with rays of light shooting to where I am. I begin walking and feeling my body freshened by the life in this place.

"This is amazing! I feel so great I could run just for fun. Maybe I will!"

I begin taking my shoes off, throwing them away and before starting my trail I take a deep breath as I admire the serene scene in view. I begin running with my whole body feeling as light as a feather with an energy surging from my inner self as if happiness were being injected directly to my veins.

Giggle giggle

As I run this giggling and joyful feeling starts manifesting around my whole body, a weirdly, but exciting emotion that's giving me this limitless laugh with air floating my problems away, problems that I can't seem to remember and frankly I'm too damn excited to care.

I stop myself in the middle of the field with my breathing just fine, I'm not even tired and feel like a million bucks. I turn around as I continue being in awe by the beautiful scenery in front of me but stop as I see something even more beautiful, more liberating than anything I can think of.

It's Chloe. She's wearing her dark jeans and black boots, her brown jacket over her awesome white tank top and her beanie covering her enchanting blue hair. She's staring at the sun, stuck in a tranquil gaze with her body mimicking peace itself.

Without even stopping to think about it I run to her and let myself fall on her back, holding her from behind with a goofy smile plastered over me. Pressing my mouth, eyes and nose against her body I begin digging my entire being on her. Her scent, her feel and everything is her pure self. Its Chloe, I know it's her and not an illusion.

"Heya Maxaroni! What took you so long?"

She turns around and holds me in the sweetest embrace that you could feel and holds my head with her hands; she presses her head against mine and gazes at my eyes with her own showing a passion that words couldn't even begin to describe. Her smile full of joy, her expression radiating with love and a warm acceptance that's inviting me, calling me to lose myself in her stare.

Tears begin dropping out of me as I lose myself in her. So many emotions are coming back, all those thoughts and horrible memories from before, all of them shooting to my mind in a moment stretched to eternity, far too many for me to contain and hide them. I won't, I don't want to lie to her. I want to bury myself in her and stay like this forever.

"I'm so happy Chloe! I was so lost without you, all alone with everyone torturing me and saying how you were gone, how you hated me and were never coming back! The-the voices aren't leaving me, they just keep telling me that everything it's my fault! That I'm a monster, I-"

As I let out my painful and hurtful words to her she presses her finger at my lips, with her smile not straying away but remaining in the same calming, beautiful manner. She presses my cheeks with her palms and cleans me of my tears. She leans down and plants her warm, soft, tender lips against my skin; it feels magical, with just her touch I can feel my mind and heart healing, taking the pain away as if it were never there.

"Max."

"Yeah?"

"Why are you here?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what are you doing?"

"I…I don't know."

She releases me of her arms and instead gets a hold my hand, guiding me towards this hill where a cliff suddenly appears.

She stops and moves my hand to her face, presses it against her cheek as she closes her eyes and drops kisses in them.

"Chloe I-"

"Max what are these voices saying? What are they doing?"

With pain once more forming in my chest, and thoughts regressing to me, my eyes begin to get wet and full of emotion again. Chloe only stays the same, her expression deepening against my own.

I open my mouth and start the recollection of words that have repeatedly tormented both my dreams and reality.

"They…they blame me for their deaths, they ask me why I left them to die. Why I choose to kill thousands of people. It's horrible, they attack me and hurt me Chloe! Jefferson too, he tells me you don't love me, that you are afraid of me, that you despise me and want me gone. He…hurts me like really hurts me physically. He grabs me, chokes me and makes me believe that everything is my fault. That I'm all alone. That everything really is my fault."

I stay fixated on place and muster all the courage in me and look at her without flinching, forming a smile as calming as hers.

"But…he's wrong, everyone is wrong because I have you. You tell me that it's not my fault, that I'm not alone, that you're with me. You remind me of why I did what I did; A life without you is not something I could endure, I'd rather die than to live any second without you by my side. I know that the two of us, together can beat any obstacle ahead of us."

This, this is perfect. The sun is shining behind her, illuminating her frame in this godly light that creates this mystical look to her. I can see that she's still looking at me with her eyes holding the same fire in them. The burning passion that tells the love she has for me, the trust she chosen to put in me.

She moves my hand once again and kisses it again as if it were natural for her, and it is.

"Max."

"Yeah?"

"You're so…fucking naive aren't you?"

What? Her expression is still looking the same as before, her eyes observing me with love and joy, but her voice is not, just now it wasn't loving or playful. Her voice had anger and hatred in it.

"You really think I love you? Please, you must be dumber than I thought. Who could ever love you after what you've done? Max! WAKE THE FUCK UP! I don't love you. I never did and I never will."

No…no, no th-this isn't happening. She isn't saying these things. She isn't.

I let go of her and begin taking a few steps back, still holding my sight on her and gripping to my clothes as if they could calm me.

"MAXARONI! YOU KILLED JOYCE! YOU KILLED WILLIAM! FUCK YOU ALMOST KILLED ME DIDN'T YA? BUT NOPE DEATH WAS TOO MERCIFUL SO YOU INSTEAD LEFT ME TO ROT AND SUFFER A SLOW DEATH! OTHERWISE IT WOULDN'T BE FUN RIGHT?!"

What's going on? Why is she acting like this?

She's walking closer to me, slowly shortening our distance; she still has that same sweet smile on her lips but now it means something completely different. She's looking at me with intent, a passion in her eyes but it's different, her body having this weird sense and despise in her movement.

I keep walking back until I can't. I feel the cliff behind me, its gravity wanting to pull me down, bury me in its solid, rigid texture. Chloe closes in and grabs me by the collar, one hand holding me and the other ripping my cheek.

"You poor Max, you really thought I was going to be with you forever and ever? As if you ever did anything for me. Your so damn selfish, and people say I only care for my own ass, but not you. You're fucking perfect, so precious, so loving and couldn't harm a fly. You're a fraud, you are heartless, a killer. You are cold and alone. You spread death to those around you and if you don't believe me just remember me!! Remember how YOU! Ruined my life!"

Her head slowly moving back, just enough to have her eyes in front of mine. She stares at me with a smile on her lips and remains still without moving, only looking at me, sending chills and daggers to my mind. I can feel her gaze crushing all the hope I had left in me.

"You. Are. My. Curse, super Max."

Her hand tightening against my skin, her eyes wide open with blood engulfing them all and her skin turning white and cold. The ground below me disappearing little by little with me and her on top of it. She's not letting go, her grip still on me she leans closer, her breath hitting me directly.

"**I FUCKING HATE YOU MAX. HOPE YOU DIE AND ROT WHEREVER YOU ARE.**"

I can't feel the ground anymore. She let's go of me and I'm now falling down the cliff, I'm falling but I can't feel anything, Chloe's words still roaring inside of me.

Nothing matters anymore. I deserve this, I deserve everything I've suffered and more. I really don't have a reason to fight. Everyone was right, I'm alone. Chloe was right, how could she love me? How could I been so foolish to believe otherwise. Chloe is right.

Falling down alone I look up and see Chloe, she's standing on the edge and staring at me. Somehow I can clearly see her face, smiling just she has done so, her eyes full of joy and hatred at the same time as she keeps staring at my demise.

With the ground getting closer and closer only one thought lingers in my mind.

"I'm sorry."

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"God! Hurry up!"

Her left hand moving up to my hair, digging her nails against my roots and throwing my beanie to the ground.

This exciting pain sending chills over my spine and getting even better as her right hand starts caressing, and sliding under my shirt, grazing my skin with her wet, warm hand all the while her lips and tongue keep playing with mine; she's biting my lower lip and pinching me with pleasure driving me crazy as she playfully teases me, her movements guiding my own. Her body dancing around me in this sensual rhythm that doesn't even require me to think, hell I'm doing nothing but enjoying her touch. She's been doing everything and for once I'm letting someone else take the lead.

Her hand searching my skin, rubbing deeper and deeper into me until she crosses my waist.

My heart is beating like crazy, waiting for her to hurry up, to do it already, to stop this fucking tease and play with me for fucks sake.

Her nail flipping my belt and reaching under, her hand digging under; Max's hand closing in and-

WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING!?

As soon as I get my sense back and see the shit show that's going on I immediately pull my arms up and push this bitch away from me, throwing her down at the ground.

What the hell?? Did I was really going to go all the way with some random girl just to be distracted?

I look down and see that my hands are shaking, still warm, and both my skin and heart pulsing from the excitement I was craving just moments ago.

"Ow, what the hell Chloe?"

Fuck, I can't believe what I was just doing? I'm betraying Max with this fucking slut just because I'm a mess? FUCK FUCK FUCK!

"Hello, Rene to Chloe. Are you still there?"

I don't even reply to her, I keep staring in front of me, thinking of why I'm here. I mean what the hell am I doing here?

I come back as I hear something, I notice that Rene is slowly crawling towards me, her eyes staring at mine as if I were her prey, her body moving in this erotic manner with her chest showing everything to me. She reaches for me and holds herself onto my legs, giving me a look that's desiring my touch, her eyes longing for my hands to do something to her.

I stand up and rapidly move away from her. Putting my hands up to my head and pressuring my eyes to alleviate the anger steaming in my mind, to wake up and get out of this trance I'm in.

I stop and look towards her, the girl who was seconds away from touching me. She's sitting on the ground with a puzzled look in her eyes, her hand gesturing something.

"And what's wrong with your mind? Don't tell me you're a virgin because if you are that'll be seriously funny!"

Shit shit shit!

"Shut the fuck up!"

I shouldn't be here, I should be with Max, taking care of her and making sure she's okay, not here almost fucking another girl.

"Excuse me? You better calm down Carly before I shut you up. Not my fault this Mars can't get the job done."

Mars?

"The hell you're talking about?"

I look at her with anger in my eyes, a fury boiling from her fucking fault and my own for letting my own ass get dragged here.

"Mars the hot, short girl you were dancing last night. What? Veer told me about it, and from my point of view maybe she isn't all that much since you were practically drooling over me. So come over here and let me finish the job, come and I'll make you scream more than that shorty ever could."

Forming fists and drilling holes in her face with the look I'm giving her I can barely contain myself to not go and kill this bitch this instant.

I take a step towards her and lift my arm without letting go of one ounce of strength and raw fury.

"If you! Mention her one more time, I swear I'll beat the shit out of you!"

I need to leave, I don't care where I go but I'm not staying here with this stupidass. The hell was I thinking and-wait a minute, she said Mars? And called me Carly too.

I stop myself and stay still for a second, trying to make sense of it. I turn towards her and see her bored, playing with hair like a little kid. She notices me and smiles again, a smile that still creeps me out.

"What did you call me? "

"Carly, isn't that what you told the girls yesterday? So what's with the whole fake names anyways? Pretty sure this Mars girl has another name too, right?"

Fuck I told her my name earlier and because of that she already figured it out, since Veer is her roommate and all.

"Yeah, it's none of your damn business!"

Rene stands up, slowly and in a very erotic way begins walking to the kitchen. Barefoot and propping herself on the counter, moving her legs and putting this sexy show on before stopping and pointing her hand at me.

"Not of my damn business? Well I think it is, I mean I was about two inches away from your crotch wasn't I? Kinda makes it my business and besides I'm curious about her, Mars. The way Veer was talking about you two was pretty spectacular. She came last night raving about the two ‘most sweet, amazing, and incredibly beautiful girls' she'd ever seen in her life. In all honesty that kinda hurt me, made me jealous. I'm literally here and she's calling you two beautiful? Yeah it's my business."

What? What the hell is this bitch talking about? I can't and won't deal with this stupid crap.

I turn around and begin walking out with my mind still a mess with all this shit I just made. With a few steps before reaching the door's handle I feel a pull at my hand, I turn and see Rene grabbing it, smiling and staring at me with a look in her eyes. Her eyes wide open, her body language signaling some sort of dominance and her grip strongly attaching to me.

"Chloe, Carly or whatever…it is my business. As a matter of fact, I am very interested in meeting this Mars girl, won't you let me meet her? Pretty please? Who knows, maybe she'll be into a little fun with me? I can even give her a little push…if you know what I mean?"

She's staring at me with this smile that already turned seriously weird and taking a better look at her now without all the glamour and shit I can see the cracks in her. Her skin that I thought was smooth and clear is instead dark, muddled with cracks in this odd way, her eyes instead of soothing are more unsettling than anything; her gaze now feels menacing, soulless.

Taking the fact that she appears to know some type of fighting shit, more than my street knowledge I know I can't overpower her, so I need to surprise her, now at this very instant because I'm starting to get a bad vibe from here.

"What's wrong? You don't like my idea? It'll be fun! I'll bring some more weed next time you come, but you gotta promise. Promise me that we'll hang again some other time."

With her still not letting of her hard grip from my hand I instantly shove my shoulder against her and push her down at the ground.

I look at her notice that she stays down, but it's deliberate. She looks at me and gives me that same smile she's given me that I saw at the liquor store. Before she even gets up I decide to get the fuck out of here. Running down the stairs and rushing myself to my truck I get in, lock the door and fucking reverse the shit out of here without looking back.

"What the fucking hell? That was some creepy shit I just went through."

Looking at myself at the rear mirror I notice that I forgot my beanie.

"Shit! Don't think I can go back and get it."

Seriously what the hell is wrong with me? I was angry, crying and got all moody because I'm worried for Max and next thing I know I'm on a full on making out session in which I was pretty damn close to fucking a psycho junkie!

OH SHIT!

As soon as I look in front of me I see a car in front of me, I step on the brake and maneuver the truck to the side. Remaining in place, on top of someone's yard I stay still and stop to think.

I was about to crash onto a car just now, wouldn't that be just perfect! Considering how my day's been going doesn't seem too far off.

"Get your head together Chloe! Stupidass! Damn all this fucking crap too, as if today couldn't get any worse."

HONK! HONK!

I look back and see some cars waiting behind me. Looks like they can't go to the side, bunch of assholes.

HONK!!!!

"ALLRIGHT ALLRIGHT I GET IT YOU PRICKS! I'm going now."

I move out of the way and start driving to who knows where, not like I have options to where to go.

"So where to now Chloe? Back to being a sad piece of shit, crying on the inside of a beat-up old truck? Or maybe go back to the Caulfields where you aren't wanted, but at least you'll be with Max right? All happy and shit? Wrong! You're only making shit worse for her so that's pretty much out."

Sigh, am I really hurting her? I don't know maybe I am, maybe I'm not. Why the hell was she all fucked up like that?

"Well either way I'm out of options here, can't go back home anymore, Max made damn sure of that didn't she! "

As soon as I say these words this painful excruciating feeling hits my body and makes my teeth grind in anger and fury for the selfish crap I'm spouting at the only person who has cared enough for me. The only person who's proven to me that I actually matter.

Not being able to stay still anymore I hit the steering wheel and grip it as hard as I can.

"Argh! I DON'T MEAN THAT!...sigh, I'm only angry and stupid because I don't have anything, this anger is the only thing I can call my own, without it what do I have besides this truck which is shit."

And a red light comes on. Okay Chloe so what now, at least you still have a couple grand in your pocket so you're okay for a few weeks at best. That is if I don't spend it all on dumb shit. Wait, where is the money? I haven't touched it or used it since last night.

I check both my pockets and nothing, check the truck's compartment and nothing. The ground, and behind the seat and nothing but bunch of random crap.

Don't tell me I lost the money, could I have lost the money? Maybe it's at the Caulfield's.

"WELL FUCK ME! What else can go wrong?"

HONK! HONK! HONK!

"**MOTHEFUCKER!**!"

I get my head out through the window and look at the guy behind me, this old bastard hurrying me up. I flip him off with both hands and stare at him.

"The fuck's your problem asshole! Just go around me dickhead!"

I get back in and stay here without going, turning the radio on and putting the volume all the way up to ignore the honking from the old fart.

_Trying to bring me down_

_Trying to bring me down_

_Oh life can't you give a break and stop this rattling trip_

_Oh life can't you stop miserable pain_

_Can't you give a break_

_Can't you help this weary soul-_

Thump Thump

Crack

"Argh! The fuck?!!"

I turn around and see the guy from behind hitting my window with this lug wrench, hitting and cracking the window with bits landing at me.

Shit shit shit! What the fuck!! What do I do!!

I can't even feel anything right now, the only thing I feel is my need to get away.

I immediately pull the car on drive and press the pedal all the way down and hurry away from here.

Taking deep breaths I try to remain calm, I look to my hands and see them dirtied with blood, they're stained in red. A red liquid dripping to my pants. I realize that my window is broken, so that means that the blood is coming from me. I keep looking at my hands, they're covered in cuts, pieces of glass ingrained in them.

"Wha-what the hell I can't even feel shi-"

THUMP!! THUMP!!

I don't know what's going but everything is moving one side and my whole body is being pulled by gravity to the left with my head and body glued to the door. Pieces of glass and scrap floating in the air.

THUMP!!

Beep beep beep

Beep beep beep

…

…

My head is killing me, shit what the hell just happened? My whole-body hurts, my skin is bursting with pain as if ants were eating at me and my head has this drowsy weight to it.

I pull my hand up to the panel and- argh! It hurts! My hand hurts!

I open my eyes and see blood coming from it. Pieces of broken glass all around me, on the panel, the ground, the seat, and the whole truck seeming as if a tornado just came through it. I take a better look at it and see the door of the passenger is bulged in. I shake my head and move my hand, trying to see things clearer.

"Oh fuck me bad."

There's another wreck car next to me, I think I've just been in a car crash. Shit, was it my fault?

I hold my head with my hand, and I can feel both of them harnessing a pain with cuts in every creek, my head hurting and pulsing as if it were going to explode. I can feel every wound without even touching. I let go of my head and grab the handle of my door to get out, but as I do I hear something outside, some men talking.

"Told you not run the light asshole!"

"Shut the fuck up will you! There's no one around so no one saw shit."

"We have to check on the truck, maybe she's alive. We have to help her."

"Are you out of your mind? No way in hell we're doing that! Been here before, believe me she's gone and we're alive. I'm pulling out before anyone comes and gets our info."

"Wait! Let me just check."

"Like hell you are! We're gonners!"

Screech!!

I can't even see anything clearly, but I can at least hear the sound of tires squealing away until it drifts off into the distance.

Well at least it's good to know it wasn't my fault, but shit everything still hurts. Might as well rest for a bit.

I move my arm and let it rest on my stomach but as soon as I do this pain comes over to me, the pain is strong enough to make me shed tears, this torment hitting my entire body like cracks opening everywhere.

"Fu-fuck! Argh! Happy life? Is this what you wanted, to make sure I die? Is this my fucking destiny or some shit, to die alone? Well mission fucking-complished! You can take me now, I'm all alone. I really am this time so if this you telling me to die, who am I to say no."

Without any strength left in me, with my body all injured, cuts in more pieces that I can mention, hurt in more ways that I can take and hope all but lost I let my last tears flow down my face. Them passing through my cuts, adding to the pain this sizzling feeling to it.

I can't even move my legs anymore, I don't have the strength to raise them and hold them, can't even talk without my voice scratching my throat or even let out my last feelings of raw anger at my surroundings because my body and muscles are already torn pretty bad.

There's only one thing on my mind, besides thinking of mom, dad and every shitty thing that's happened to me, the only remaining bright spot in my miserable, pitiful life is Max. She's the only regret I'd have if I am to die right now. I don't know maybe I am exaggerating, maybe I'll just pass out and wake up in a hospital, but I fucking miss her.

With that thought done I end up without resistance and end up sobbing, shaking through the increased pain in every part of me. Every fiber of my being hurting more by the second, but none of it compares to the thought of me hurting her, or in this case the memory of me screaming at her face…me actually saying all that horrible stuff to her face.

…

…

…

Ring ring ring

Sigh, who is it now?

I slowly move through the pain and take my phone out of my pocket, pull it up to see who it is so I can at least know who to fuck off before I pass out into oblivion.

I look at it and see a name that makes my mind regain its energy and make the pain go away as if it was never there.

Max! Without thinking I answer it as if I didn't have any cuts or broken limbs.

"Max!"

"Chloe, this is Ryan. You need to come home."

Why is Ryan calling from her phone? And why is he speaking in this way? I can feel some serious gloom from his voice.

"Ry-Ryan where's Max? Is she okay now?"

"…"

"RYAN! IS SHE OKAY!?"

Don't tell me she's worse? God you better not fuck this shit up or I swear I'll die and fuck you up.

"She's sleeping Chloe, but you need to be here. She needs you please, please come home as soon as possible."

Without a second delay I drop the phone, look for the key over all the shit thrown on the truck, grab it and put it in ignition. I turn the key while praying for a miracle.

Vr-vro-vroom vroom vroom.

As I hear the old engine spur to life I press the pedal and fly away from here to the Caulfield's. I don't care about the pain, I don't care about my own safety and I could die but not until I know she's okay but why is she still sleeping? She should have woken up by now.

With all these thoughts I speed through the streets and ignore every light, every stop and almost run over so many people, but I don't care, I only care for one person right now.

…

…

I'm here parked in front of Max's house. I'm here but why aren't I getting out?

"Get moving you fuck! Why aren't you going!"

I reach for the door's handle and hold onto it, but I can't gather the strength to open it. My mind isn't letting me.

Fucking emotions aren't allowing me to move. Stop thinking of Vanessa, Ryan or anything else. Screw them all I don't care for them and I'm not here for them, I'm here because Max needs me, because I'm so worried about her that I can feel myself having a heart attack right now!

I turn up and look at the rearview mirror, stare at me and begin changing my expression. Not this crying-baby face I have and change it to one full of determination, full of courage as if it would make me go and get down already.

"GO! Dammit, she's there already. You heard Ryan already."

I pressure the handle and get down, slowly lift my head up and see the house, the door and the windows on it.

Gulp

I begin walking to the door, each step becoming faster, running now through the stairs, grabbing and pushing myself through the entrance. I don't even turn or look but I dash upstairs to her room, but she's not here.

"Where is she? "

I turn around and sprint downstairs, running so fast I almost fall while skipping steps as I keep thinking of her, of how she might be.

I reach the living room and see her.

She's there. Laying on the couch with a calm expression in her face. Sleeping peacefully as if everything from earlier was a dream. As I keep looking at her my face begins to betray me, the strength I was falsely trying to hold leaving and pain exchanging it as I keep seeing her like this.

I hear some steps and turn around, it's Ryan coming from the table.

"Chloe, I'm so glad you're he-oh God what happened to you?!"

His eyes are drawn to my arms and hands, dirtied in red and full with bruises.

Play it cool, don't make a big deal out of it.

"It's nothing, just a little accident but its fine, don't worry about it."

Ryan's expression changes. Eyes wide open, his mouth frozen in air, he steps forward and pulls me towards him. His arms wrapping me in an intimate embrace, his head placed above my shoulder and his body resembling the form of a scare child.

I can feel his heart beating, it's fast. His breathing turning erratic and sobs coming out of his mouth. His arms closing even tighter, pushing me into a hug I can't get out of. Its familiar, in a way just as dad used to hold me when I would get hurt.

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry."

"H-hey it's fine really."

"No its not. You're hurt because of us, we hurt you and I'm sorry for it. You're a part of this family and we haven't treated you as one. You need to know that, you are precious for us and not a stranger. Please forgive me Chloe, us for not being the family you need."

…

Feeling Ryan's whole range of emotions directly like this is making me feel strange. He's still not letting go, doesn't stop weeping and sniveling, his breathing only becoming stronger, fill with a sense of terror in it.

"I was just so worried about you, so scare that something might happen while you were so gone. Please don't leave again! You're welcomed here, this is your home, never forget that."

"But I thought-"

"You are family and you will always be welcome here no matter what."

"I umm, I don't know what to say."

"It's okay, you don't say anything."

He's still holding me, embracing me as if I were his kid or close enough. Sniffing and shaking from his chest, trying to stay calm.

"I know you've gone through so much and I feel horrible for us not being there for you sooner. You must probably hate us, I wouldn't blame you if you do. So don't feel like you're not part of this family because you are, we love you. We will protect you, and make sure you're happy I here with Max, we love you both the same and don't even think of what Vanessa said, you are family and we will always take care of you."

Honestly, this is getting to be too much. Why is he acting like this? He's supposed to be an asshole, a dick who wants me gone. I don't want to believe him, I don't and yet, why am I feeling so happy

He let's go and avoids my look, now looking uncomfortable and scratching his beard for some reason.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to do that."

"NO! It's fine-actually, thanks."

Now taking a better look at him Ryan I notice that he looks like shit. His face appears weary, exhausted as if he had the run of his life, his eyes covered in dark bags and why are his arms covered in scratches?

He sees me looking at them and covers his arms with his hands.

"Look Chloe, something happened. We need to talk, come over here."

"But what about Max, you told me she wasn't fine but she's just sleeping now."

"That's what I want to talk about Chloe, she's not. I gave her an injection to calm her down, she was screaming, hurting herself, hurting us…I had to do it…I didn't want to, I wanted to hug her, to calm her but…sorry."

Ryan is now hiding himself, trembling and quivering in place, putting his face down.

"I don't know what happened with her, she started saying these things that we didn't understand. How she's a monster, how you must hate her and screaming her heart out about how she needed you! It was terrible, it broke our hearts so see her like this and- I'm sorry Chloe, I need a second to calm down, I'll be right back."

He leaves and heads upstairs, walking and hiding his heart-breaking sobs, his solemn expression that in a way resembles Max's.

I turn and see her, she's sleeping soundly. I begin walking towards her and sit next to her while touching her hair and hand without much force. I drown in her view and feel a pain as I where they injected her, next to her two syringes. Trying my very hardest to not let out any cries or sounds I grip myself and bite my tongue. The twitchiness being born in me is telling me to break everything apart and lash out at god for being so damn cruel.

What the fuck! This is bullshit, you're supposed to take care of good people not fucking destroy them, so what the hell is going on! Max is the sweetest thing ever for crying out loud and this is what you do to her? Well fuck you and your whole damn shitty ways, I'm done with everything. The only thing I'll hold on to is her. She's done more good that you have, she's helped people out of her own kindness, without expecting any rewards or anything; people should be praying to her instead of you.

Well I'm not making the same mistake twice, I'm not abandoning her and if Vanessa or anyone else wants me gone to hell with them. I'd like to see them try to break me apart from her.

I lay down next to her side, slowly positioning next to her, I stretch my hand and hold her warm, shaking self. Hold her shaking arm, her cheek and push my lips against her hair.

"I'm here Max. I'm here and I'm never leaving, not ever. I'm with you all the way, even if you kick me, hit me or even despise me I won't leave you because you are my new god…and don't even think I'm saying this again, so you better be awake. I will not repeat this you dork, don't want your head to get bigger than it already is Maxaroni."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well as promised, here it is. Twenty-nine days later and new chapter released.  
First of all I want to say how difficult this chapter was to write, some scenes took a long time to come out as I wanted them to have a 'feel' and hopefully that did came out on the writing. I won't say which scenes but I hope all of them feel equally enjoyable to read as all those that have come before.  
And in case you're thinking that Rene, Veer and the girls won't appear again rest assure that they will. They weren't written for one chapter but it'll take time. I don't want to say too much but the story is progressing and the bag of clothes in Rene's apartment will come back too.  
  
At this moment I can't tell when next chapter will be released, maybe within a month give or take, maybe sooner or later than expected because life can really suck sometimes but rest assured, it will come.  
Like always thank you all for reading and to those who comment I can't say how much I appreciate every single one of them.  
You guys are awesome!


	13. Check up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

“-don't want your head to get bigger than it already is Maxaroni.”

That and you’ll never stop reminding me of it.

Well if the only thing I have left is you Max then…then I better make sure to get my shit together because I’m not going to let you down, not anymore.

Being next to her like this is calming, it feels right.

I close my eyes and enjoy this feeling of peacefulness swallowing my whole being.

…

…

Wait a minute, why is my body starting to hurt all over?

“Argh!”

No shut up, take the pain and shut up.

A sensation is coming all over my arms! It feels like they were being rubbed against a barbed wire, the pain reaching everywhere as if something were crushing me and god my ribs! A sharp sting digging at my stomach and twisting my intestines.

With my arm hurting like hell I try to hold the pain, gripping onto the air as if that’ll help. My expression full of tension because I’m doing my best to hold my voice from coming out, but my eyes are giving up. They’re burning and aching with what feels like blood coming out of them.

Shit I think I’m going to pass out either because of the pain or my jagged breaths, damn this feels horrible. Can’t even move my legs or anything and if I do I’ll probably wake Max up. Shit just endure it Chloe, it won’t be long before it stops. Yeah just take some breaths and it’ll go away. Come on take a breath in…and out, in…and out.

…

Fuck! The pain isn’t going away, it all hurts so goddamn much that I’m gritting my teeth and grinding them to not scream. A throbbing suffocating pain it’s engulfing my mind, making me want to shove my head down because I can’t take it.

Slowly laying down I move away from Max, only a few inches away but at least enough so she doesn’t feel me tensing up. I press my face against the warm wool of the couch, it’s getting hotter and hotter because of me. Air feeling lighter and heavier at the same time while my sight is getting all fuzzy.

“-ney I just want to make sure she’s okay. I don’t hate her, I still get preoccupied about her-”

Fucking great, now Vanessa is coming downstairs to say more crap about me. I really don’t feel like listening to her shit right now, got enough of a headache going on all on my own.

“Chloe are you okay! Oh god you’re sweating bullets dear and-you’re covered in blood!”

I don’t know if it’s her or the pain is just getting worse but my head is killing me, my legs and arms feel so weak and either the room is freezing or I’m sick cause I feel cold as hell.

“What do I do what do I do? Oh my! You’re shivering and look pale as a ghost.”

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! For once shut up already. If my whole being didn’t hurt right now I would be screaming for you to leave me the fuck alone.

“Hello Paul? Yes this is Vanessa please you have to help us it’s an emergency!”

“Yes we need an ambulance right now!”

“No it’s not us it’s for a friend of Max…but she needs help too. Please send an ambulance to our home as soon as possible!”

Shit is she calling for an ambulance? Am I that bad or something. She must be exaggerating, just leave me alone and it’ll go away. I just…I just need…FUCK I can’t even finish a goddamn thought.

My fingers feeling numb and my head having this lightheaded feeling to it, like I’m missing blood or the whole world is upside down.

“I need to sleep…that’s all.”

“Hold on Chloe, help’s on the way already just a bit more and-”

Augh I can’t listen to her. Her words keep bouncing on my head, ringing and echoing inside of me.

I shake my head or a least I think I do, since I can’t feel any strength to move I can’t feel shit anymore.

Trying to stop her from talking anymore I wave her to shut the fuck up! She needs to stop talking for fucks sake.

…

What the hell? I don’t hear anything anymore, it’s way too fucking quiet now. I open my eyes and see Vanessa still in front of me, her face full of worry and holding my arm up and checking my elbow’s pit for some reason.

Everything is circling now, like a bad trip where everything is moving and nothing makes sense. Rather than feeling all happy and shit I instead feel nothing but a deep sense of dread in my mind, a pain drilling to my every limb and nerve.

Vanessa’s still in front of me, still holding me I think but I can’t feel her touch. The pain doesn’t let me and frankly it’s making everything lose focus. My sight is beginning to go away too, everything is turning bright, white and a sense of nausea coming to me but there’s nothing to come out, rather consciousness is getting away from me.

I keep trying to stay awake, to stay focused on Vanessa or the room but I can’t. The only thing still with me is the crushing sensation wrapping itself around my entire being.

I just remembered, I was on a car crash just before I came.

“Fuck me.”

\------------------------

Hmmm?

What’s this feeling? It’s cold, fresh and it smells weird. Not bad but definitely not good. My arms feel strange too, like I’m trying to move them but they aren’t really moving, my whole body is like that but it doesn’t hurt. It’s mainly numb and heavy, even my face feels tired, so tired that I don’t even want to open my eyes, just want to stay down and rest.

But…where the fuck am I and why am I feeling a breeze on my toes?

I try to open my eyes but even that’s hard to do, try to move my hand as well but I can barely stretch the tip of my fingers. Fighting the urge to stay down I open my eyes with some crazy ass effort for such a simple task and argh!

It’s too fucking bright!

“Can somebody turn the fucking lights down!”

“Huh! Chloe You’re awake!”

Before I can even make sense of what’s happening or even react to that voice I feel a touch way too fucking heavy pulling me in and with it bringing the unforgiving pain running through my back and front.

Feeling my whole shoulder almost exploding I instinctively let out a scream as sharp as the excruciating pain I’m feeling.

“FUCK! MY SHOULDER.”

“Oh I’m so sorry Chloe I forgot you were hurt, I was just so happy when I heard your voice.”

Well good to know at least my ears still work.

“Yeah no shit Max, you almost ripped my arm off. Sorry I’m just grumpy from waking up in…?”

With Max retreating s few steps back my eyes are now adjusting to where I am and to what’s around me. I’m in a small room covered in four white walls with rainbow colored teddy bears running towards a baby…guess that baby is dead now. Other than killing bears there’s an uncomfortable looking ugly chair where Max was just sitting, a curtain hiding the side to my left and a TV hanged in a top corner. Plus a machine injecting some liquid into me, kinda hard to miss.

Looking down to my breezy toes I notice the lack of boots…and clothes for that matter. Where the fuck are my clothes? I’m wearing a gown without any underwear down there. It’s making me pretty fucking angry.

I turn to Max again, look at her and speak with my voice coming sharper than I wanted to.

“Max what the fuck is going on?”

She holds herself, grabs her arm and puts her head down.

“You’re in a hospital Chloe, you don’t remember what happened?”

“The fuck you’re talking about? I was just sitting with you on the couch and next thing I know I wake up in here with my clothes gone and being injected who knows what!”

Yeah I was sitting and then I started to get this killing pain all over me, Vanessa came and that’s all I remember.

“Chloe I think you were in a car crash.”

A crash?...I was on my truck…and then everything started to fly around…how could I had forgotten that? Then that means I was never with her back home? It was all a weird dream or something?

Making what I think is a confusing face I turn to face Max and stare at her, looking at the expression she’ll make out of my question.

“Then, I wasn’t with you home?”

“You were, you came but you soon passed out, or at least that’s what dad told me. You lost a lot of blood and were injured.”

Everything she’s saying makes sense. I remember being in a crash and I know for sure that I was with her, god knows how I managed to reach her home but I did. I was coming from…that crazy ass bitch Rina, no that’s not it…it’s Rene and then a car came from nowhere and rammed into me.

I look back to her and realize that she’s looking the same as when I saw her sleeping, still wearing the clothes we bought yesterday, still looking as if the world were crushing her spirit. Probably not as bad as me but she looks like she doesn’t have any strength, even here with me she looks scared.

Feeling something weird on my whole body I start looking at me and holy shit! I’m covered in stitches and bandages covering my whole abdomen. My left hand taped in bandages too, that’s going to make it hard to have fun.

“Max how injured was I? I don’t remember being that hurt, I even came to your house so it couldn’t had been that bad could it?”

…

Max doesn’t say anything, she stays there, standing still with her blue eyes brimming with tears. Her face deepening and her mouth trying to say something.

“You were hurt Chloe, you-you were really bad. When I woke up I was in the ambulance with you, I was scared, confused and lost. I looked around and that’s when I saw you, my whole world came crushing down in that moment. You were full of blood, your face, arms, chest and your whole clothes were drenched in it. I was terrified that you weren’t going to wake up…and I thought it was all my fault. I thought you weren’t breathing, you weren’t moving and the medic wasn’t doing anything fast enough I-I”

She doesn’t finish her words and instead comes forward and buries her nose on me, rubbing her tears in me, her nails touching my bare skin without any pressure, her short wavy unkept hair rattling my ears and her scent engrossing me.

“Hey hey Max it’s okay, I’m here. Nothing’s going to happen to me, I’m invincible remember?”

“Sniff, funny last time I check you were dying over a bird shitting you.”

“You don’t know what that bird had eaten? What if it ate some shit and it had landed on my face?”

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

…

We stay in place for a while, linked together by her arms, resting on each other’s silence.

Thank god she calmed down, if she had continued getting like that I’m pretty sure I’d gotten a heart attack. It feels nice being embraced by the person you love…pft I’m so fucking romantic.

Taking a big breath to start letting go of her, I slowly back out while getting hold of her hand, or at least put my hand over hers since I can’t really grab her.

“Hey I know you were scared but don’t be, I swear I’m not going anywhere.”

“Pinky promise?”

What a dork, and what a bigger dork I am for grinning so hard right now.

“Mega super extra pinky promise Maximax.”

She laughs and gets her smile back, that sweet, beautiful smile full of unlimited freckles. Wait a minute, taking a better look at her I see some stitches in her head.

“Max! Your head?”

“Oh, I uh- they’re nothing. I got some stitches when I was in the ambulance. After you started to get better the medic decided to patch me up.”

“But how did you got hurt?”

“I umm…I don’t know.”

Her voice suddenly changed from the small happiness it had to one with guilt and fear, she’s now again backing up, again hiding her eyes from me.

“Max you can talk to me, I’m pretty fucked up but I can listen. What happened last night?”

“It’s nothing really, I don’t really remember anything anyways.”

“You sure you’re fine?”

“Ye-yeah I’m fine, mom just thought it might be a good idea to get me checked up since I was kinda crazy before but I’m ok.”

She’s looking down again, her eyes looking at the ground and with a troubled look. She’s holding her elbow and moving left and right.

“Max you’re not crazy, you just had a little moment. Come on it was only a little thing, nothing to worry about.”

I say that with a smile but I am worried about her, her getting checked up here might be a good idea. Didn’t think I’d ever say that.

“I…I am crazy Chloe, I know but right now that doesn’t matter. I’m worried about you, how did you got in a crash? Dad told me your truck was wrecked.”

Ah shit, yeah I kinda forgot that for a moment.

Moving my hand up to press my eyes or trying to and failing at that I start getting this bad feeling all over again in my stomach. Not the pain but just something bad.

Max looks at me with her worried eyes staring at my forced smile. She comes closer again and touches my head, grazes her hand against my forehead and moves it down to my cheek.

Her hand is warm and soft, it feels good.

“Some guy crashed into me I think, and then left as soon as he could. Guess my luck never stops does it, at least I’m here with barely any scratch on me.”

She’s still holding onto my cheek, standing still with only her expression growing sadder and sadder, her eyes filling with tears at snail pace and her fingers warming to my skin. She moves even closer and slowly with barely any pressure she embraces me, her arms barely touching me but her breathing turning deep and heavy. She’s trying to not get agitated, I can feel her limbs wanting to hold me tight but she’s knows I would probably break a bone or something.

“Chloe please…please, please be careful, you can’t be getting hurt. Seeing you like this is worse than anything you can imagine.”

Her tender, soft embrace now removed of its hesitation and fear is reminding me of my injuries. My arms and back suffering a killing blow that’s making me want to cry, it’s tighter and it hurts so bad that I want to push her away but I won’t, if I do that right now she would feel a hurt worse than mine. Instead I make my best to stretch and hold her too, her small frame that’s glued to my badly bruised arms and injured chest. Trembling with worry in her whole self.

“I’m here Max, I ain’t leaving you anytime soon. I promise.”

She pulls back and looks at me with fear in her eyes, almost as if she just remembered something horrible.

“Then why did you leave?”

Right, that’s probably why.

“It…it’s complicated.”

“Chloe you…you don’t have to be with me if you don’t want to. I won’t keep dragging you around against your will.”

“Max what are you talking about!? You’re not dra-”

“Thank god! You’re awake Chloe.”

I turn around and see both Ryan and Vanessa walk in with smiles on them. Well what are they happy for?

I turn back to Max and see her walking back and hiding her face again, straying into the wall with her gaze everywhere but at me.

What the hell was that? Dragging me around? Why would she say that it doesn’t make sense, I love being around her.

“Hello Chloe, good to see you better now. How are you feeling?”

Ryan talks with an even bigger smile now, crossing his arms and not taking his eyes off me.

“Uh pretty good, at least good enough to leave this place by today.”

“Ha I don’t think so, you must still be feeling pretty sore don’t you. Don’t worry about anything, just focus on getting better.”

Yeah right, I’ll do that in a hospital.

“Chloe, I’m so glad you’re awake. I-”

Vanessa turns around and looks at Max who’s now pretty far back into the wall for some reason.

“I wanted to apologize for before, what I said…you didn’t deserve that. I was scared, scared for my baby and I thought…I thought so, so wrong. Please forgive me.”

I’m not buying this crap, she’s not saying this because she feels bad about it. She’s only saying it to feel better about herself and save her skin, if it were someone else I’d just told her to fuck off but because she’s Max’s mom I ‘ll play along her little act.

“Yeah it’s fine Vanessa, no hurt feelings.”

She knows I’m not buying her crap, pretty sure Ryan and Max both know it too. With everyone quiet and avoiding looking at each other there’s now an awkward silence in the room.

“Chloe I want to ask you something, how come your truck is crashed?”

Straight to the point don’t ya? I really don’t want to tell Max why I was running away from a crazy girl and why I was making out with her. I will, but not now. I don’t think telling her now after how she’s currently doing is really the best time and besides, I’m for sure not telling Vanessa and her judgy ass.

“I was driving on the street when another car ran the light and hit me on the side. Pretty obvious from looking at the truck I would think.”

“You sure it wasn’t you who crashed? Maybe you were drunk or high and didn’t notice the other car?”

Is she really saying this crap? After almost fucking dying, after giving me a false apology? She couldn’t at least hold herself until I got out of this place.

“Vanessa just stop this.”

“Mom!”

With everyone now on edge a discussion is sure to come, Max coming out of her space glares at Vanessa and Ryan making a tired expression that isn’t angry, more like exhausted it’s a better description. Looks like he’s getting tired of her shit.

“Oh please as if I’m the only one thinking it, we both saw the reports. We know she was drunk.”

I can’t listen to this I’m too tired to even fight. I drop myself and lay on the bed, closing my eyes and drowning in my own thoughts. I know I might not the best, fuck I know I’m a shit show but can I not be reminded of it for a day? I can still hear them talk about me as if I weren’t here, Ryan defending me, Vanessa being rational and saying my truths and Max, well she’s backing me up too.

“Cough, excuse me I’m here to talk to Chloe price. I can see that she’s awoken already.”

I open my eyes and notice a doctor coming in. Short, brown skinned and seems pretty young for a doctor.

“Yep Chloe’s awake. I guess you’re my doctor.”

“Yes I’m Dr. Baltazar Felix. You can call just call me Baltazar if you please, excuse me but would everyone but the patient leave the room. I think it would best to talk to Ms. Price privately.”

Ms. Price never thought I’d be call that. Makes me think of mom instead.

Everyone seems to agree with only Vanessa having to take some breaths in before taking a step. They begin walking out the room one by one. Ryan and Vanessa full of tension, probably continuing to talk about me. Good got enough of her shit on my ass but Max, I don’t want her to leave. I want her to stay.

“Max can you stay here?”

I ask her with my voice full of emotion in it, maybe a bit more desperate than I wanted but I don’t want her to go.

“Is that okay Dr. Baltazar?”

“If the patient wishes it I see no problem.”

She comes near me and grabs the chair to my right, pulls it over and sits with her hand over my shoulder.

Smiling like a fool I turn embarrassed from her, reminding myself that there’s someone else in the room.

“So Doctor, is there anything wrong? You got me kinda worried with everyone leaving.”

That seems to make him laugh and drops his shoulders, looking relax as if he was stress for some reason.

“I apologize Ms. Price, please don’t be worried. To be frank with you, we referring to the hospital staff and other patients outside could hear the discussion building here and I decided to aid you from it. Was that good on my part or was it perhaps unnecessary?”

“Sigh thank you doctor, it’s my mom. She’s…she’s been very stressful and somewhat difficult to be around lately.”

“I would say another word but yeah, has been stressful as fuck and could you drop the Ms. and call me Chloe.”

“Of course sorry if I offended you and well that’s good to hear then, I may be a doctor but I still get nervous around people fighting. Never been good at handling people arguing over such petty stuff.”

Well look at this guy, he’s a wuss! Not the image the word doctor brings up to my mind but this is better. He doesn’t think himself better than everyone else, he’s just like any other person.

“Moving on to your question, no there’s nothing wrong with you. Well besides the obvious injuries such as the many bruises your body received everything checked out okay.”

Max’s hand pressuring my shoulder without her realizing, she looks at me with worry in her eyes and a care that can’t be mistaken. She turns back to him and asks a question.

“Is anything bad or life threatening?”

Ray drops his hands and smiles plainly without any judgmental thought over Max’s actions just now and shakes his head.

“Nothing at all young ones, Ms. Pri-Chloe here is on a path to recovery. As long as she doesn’t partake in any extraneous activities or is victim to another crash she should be okay. Her ribs were severely bruised but with the given treatment she should be getting better, her hands suffered cuts but again thanks to the help of our nurses they should be back to normal in a matter of days and from then just taking it slow. The blood loss was worrisome at first but is wasn’t all that bad, it was enough to remove your consciousness but not in any way life threatening, it was highly smart of Mrs. Caulfield to call our friend like that, had it been an usual call to 911 then maybe it would had been more serious but thank god it wasn’t.”

What does he mean by ‘friend’?

“Friend? You mean she didn’t call 911?”

“No, she called one of the hospital’s board members. Because of that you both had more urgency than other callers.”

“Didn’t know Vanessa had that kinda connections.”

“That’s what friends in high places can do for you. Well before taking my leave I wanted to inform you that you are free to go, no need for you to remain here if you wished but it was arranged for you to stay one night to continue checkups in case something were to happen due the blood transfusion. There’s no signs of any issue I assure but it was requested by Mrs. Caulfield if you so desired it.”

Of fucking-course.

Before I even speak Max stands and walks towards Baltazar and stops front of where I’m lying.

“Yes that would be great, thank You Dr. Baltazar, and is it okay if I stay the night with her?”

What? I didn’t want to stay here, why is she saying that and wait she’s staying? If that’s the case this might not be so bad.

“I see no problem with it, I’ll let your parents and the medical team be aware of it. If there’s anything either one of you needs please be sure to let us know.”

And with that Baltazar leaves with a smile on his face, closes the door and only Max and I remain.

“So we’re staying the night?”

“Sorry did you not want to?”

“You kidding me, I didn’t but if you’ll stay here of course I do. I’m feeling so weird about going back to your place with Vanessa and all.”

Max let’s out a big sigh and turns her back to me, resting herself on the bed and putting her hands on it.

“I know, I don’t have all the details of it but I get that she was…bad and blames you again for something you didn’t even do.”

I can see her body tensing up, her muscles looking stiff and fixed on their position as if she were holding the world in her shoulders. Without making any noise and barely hurting myself I open my arms and pull up to where she is. Flexing and moving so fast hurts like a motherfucker, but it’ll be worth it if it helps her even a little bit.

I lunged in towards her and pull her inwards so she ends up lying with me on bed.

“Wowser!”

Oh fuck me bad…that was a really bad idea. At least it seemed to work on Max, she’s let out a WOWSER so cute that it almost made me forget the pain but not quite.

Without screaming or making any sound I pressure my mouth and stiffen my body as hard as I can because Max is on top of my arm and pushing against my leg and chest. I don’t know how being tortured feels but I’m pretty sure this as close as it gets.

FUCK! And Baltazar said I only had my ribs bruised, I would fucking die if they were broken.

“Chloe?”

Play it cool Chloe, pfft this is nothing. Nothing to make you squeal.

“HEY MAX!”

Shit I let it out.

“Chloe why are you screaming?”

She turns around and the expression in her eyes seems to figure out she’s destroying the remaining bones in my arm.

“God Chloe why did you pull me on top of you?”

She moves her weight from me, stays on the bed but turns so she isn’t crushing my me, or killing me for that matter. She’s now resting on her side and looking at me with either worry or confusion.

“I wanted to be sexy Max, you know lying together on bed like they do in romantic movies. I just forgot that I’m injured, a slight miscalculation on my part.”

“And you call me dork.”

Dammit she has a point, not like I can help myself and besides it worked, look at her now. Using those small lips of hers to smile and stare at me, her being here in this position is really making me forget about everything else, but her being here also gives me a better view of her stitches.

I move my right arm that wasn’t injured by the weight of Max and slowly hover it around her head, just touching the part around her stitches.

“It’s not that bad Chloe, I don’t even feel it.”

I don’t say nothing, I keep my hand on her, my stare on her eyes and freckles; me smiling because I’m truly happy right now, but also worried. I want to talk about last night, I still can’t get that image of her on the ground like that.

“Max?”

I ask with worry and an insatiable curiousness in my voice.

Her eyes open wild, they go crazy and her pupils dilate as soon as I called her name the way I did. Her chest begins rising and her face stiffens like a bone.

“Hey what’s wrong?”

She begins turning her head left to right, observing everything as if she were doubting everything was all real. She moves both her hands and grabs mine, pushes it rather strongly and damn it hurts.

I pull it away from her and look at her with worry.

“Ouch! What the hell Max?”

Her face blinks and seems to come back.

“So-sorry Chloe, I umm…I just wanted to check something.”

As she says that tears suddenly start to flow down her face, doesn’t even faze her or does anything, her eyes go blank and she soon begins to hug herself. Her voice letting sobs and whines out of her mouth without any apparent reason.

Without even thinking I grab her and push her in towards me, receiving her warm, sudden breaths going in and out of her as if she just got punch with something. Her legs rising to her chest, crying like a scared child now.

“Shs sh shu shu it’s okay Max, it’s okay nothing is going to hurt you anymore, remember I’m here with you.”

She says nothing, only stays still with her eyes buried in my chest, while letting my touch steady her breathing and take her cries away. After a few seconds she calms down and feels better, no longer whimpering or trembling in my arms. She pulls back and cleans her face with her sleeves, again not looking at me but away from my stare.

“Max, I know you don’t want to talk about it but something happened last night. Talk to me, don’t push me away like this. I can help you, partners in time remember?”

“I don’t want you to hate me Chloe.”

Her voice full of emotion, of a sadness that turns my throat to block itself and break my heart.

With a heavy soul after hearing her say that I move my hand or claw since it’s all bandaged and clean her tears, her boogers too.

After cleaning her face I now look at her with a passion in my eyes that hopefully she can feel.

“Max, that’s the only thing I could never do to you. Why do you think that’s even possible?”

She doesn’t say anything. She grabs my hand, my hand wet of tears, full of mucus and pushes it against hers.

“It’s nothing, just silly things really.”

I want to know. I want her to talk to me, to cry and sob and to tell me what’s bothering her but I’m not going to force her, not going to make say anything if she’s not ready. I may be a dumbfuck but after our time together I’ve learned how to listen to her and how to help her. She needs me and me forcing my questions on her it’s not the best, she’ll tell me when she’s ready. I just hope it’s sooner rather than later, I don’t think I can keep seeing her like this.

“Hey I’ll be right back, I should let my parents know that I’ll be staying here. Don’t want them waiting on me.”

“Sure thing Max, I’ll be right here. Not like I can go anywhere else without shouting for pain at every step.”

She lets go of me with a hurting expression in her eyes, gets down and starts walking away, grabbing her left arm.

“Max?”

She turns back with a smile that looks happy, too happy to be sincere.

“You sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

“It doesn’t matter Chloe, I’m fine really.”

And off she goes, moves the curtain and I hear the door opening.

Sigh.

“It doesn’t matter huh Max? Fuck now I’m more worried than before, what the hell are you thinking Max?”

Now being alone in this room with nothing to do I go back to lying down on bed, staring at the roof and focusing on whatever that’s on my mind.

…

…

Growl

You son of a bitch!

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sigh

No Chloe I lied, I’m not okay in any way whatsoever. Last night I was going crazy, I keep seeing the people I killed and worse is that now they’re becoming more and more real every time.

Oh and these marks and injuries all over me? I did them myself to wake up from it. The stitches on my head are there because I pulled my hair so hard that a wound opened. So yeah, I’m not okay but I can’t tell you that because you probably hate me, you despise me but won’t say it because you feel sorry for me. You hate my sight, you’re scare of me and you’re so desperate to get away from me that you got in a crashed yesterday, you’re so desperate that you almost died getting away.

Or at least that’s what everyone keeps telling me in my dreams, even you did. Aren’t I supposed to forget dreams? Why in the fucking hell am I remembering them so vividly then, I can still feel Jefferson screaming at me, his gloved hands grappling all over my neck and- sigh I better stop thinking about that.

It’s okay Max, take a few moments and focus on something else, don’t want anyone to think I’m a mental patient here…They wouldn’t be wrong.

Seeing a chair a few steps down next to a wall I begin walking and sit my tired ass down.

Sigh what should I even tell Chloe, I know she won’t let this go and why would she? I had a fucking nightmare that made me screamed and act like a crazy person. I ended up not being able to think after waking up. I still don’t understand why I was like that. I just woke up and felt this pain my chest, a need in my mind to have Chloe with me, I needed her to calm down and everything was wrong because she wasn’t with me, she would had fixed everything that was wrong, or at least that’s how it felt back then.

Dad injecting me also freaked me out even more, what the fuck was even that? A fucking syringe reminding me of that creepy monster by my dad not once but twice! Of course I was going to freak out even more. Sigh but I get it, it wasn’t the first time that it had happened to me and it must had been hard for them to see me like that after so many years. Back then I was so alone and hopeless that school gave me so much pressure and anxiety, being the lonely girl in the cafeteria and being mocked by every student was pretty hard for teenage me but at least I got better I mean found friends and eventually, I got better.

Dad I get him freaking the way he did, I’m sure it hurt him to do that to me but mom slapping me? That was…I can’t believe she did that, I don’t get it. I’ve never seen her so worked out over someone and because of Chloe? I can’t trust her anymore, not after everything she’s done to Chloe and me. I don’t care what she says or does but I’m not letting her have any control over me anymore, screw her.

“Max! Hey honey what are you doing over there? Como over with us.”

I jolt back up over mom’s voice. Really? It had to be her? She’s with dad by her side, they’re talking with Dr. Baltazar. Probably going over with them about Chloe’s condition and all that.

I should go with them now, maybe he’s saying something important.

I begin walking with them and see them somewhat relaxed over what they’re hearing, good to know it’s all good news. Something good happening for once.

“Oh hello there Maxine, I was just telling your parents about Chloe. How she appears to be in great condition given everything that happened.”

“And once again Dr. Felix, thank you so much for all your help. We’re truly indebted for your assistance and that of the medical team.”

“Please Mr. Caulfield there’s no need for such warm thank you. It’s my job after all to help people, it’s the least I could do.”

“Cough Dr. Felix and about what we discussed before, is there truly no way to check if there’s traces of the substances, surely it can be done. I mean the equipment is here and you seem more than capable of-”

“Mrs. Caulfield like I said before it’s not that we can’t but more so that the patient it’s of legal age and it would only happen if she were to give her explicit consent. Ignoring the fact that she’s over the age of eighteen, you are not her parent nor legal guardian for that matter, and it would break state laws if I were to agree and display such information to your knowledge against the patient’s will.”

What are they talking about? I thought everything was okay with Chloe, why would she want to do more check-ups?

“Well if that’s your opinion then I guess I can take this issue further with Mr. Stanworth.”

“As I’m sure you’ll do. If there’s not more I can do for you I’ll be taking my leave, there are patients that require my assistance. Mr. and Mrs. Caulfield, Maxine.”

Dr. Baltazar leaves with a sour expression on him, appearing uncomfortable and disgruntled, I can see why. Mom practically threatened him to do what she wanted.

“Mom what was that all about? We already know Chloe’s fine, all the tests have come out okay and he told us that she can leave if she wants to.”

She sighs and shakes her head, looking frustrated towards the hospital staff.

“It’s nothing sweetie, forget what just happened I’m just worried about her and I want to make sure she’s really okay. I worry about her too you know, I might had said some things that were mean before but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about her.”

I don’t feel like talking to her at the moment, I turn and instead face dad who’s face seems extremely exhausted, his eyes are dark and sagging.

“Dad you should get some rest. You look so tired and worn out.”

He smirks and nods with a smile on his face.

“You are right Max, I’m close to passing out as we speak.”

After saying that he stops talking, he begins to take a few breaths and looks at me once again.

“Honey have you given more thought to what we talked about before?”

He must mean me meeting a therapist over what happened.

“I did dad and I don’t want to, I don’t think me having therapy would do any good at the moment.”

“Sweetie please let’s just have one session, it’s all we’re asking for. We know you’re not big on them but they can help you, they can help you understand your issues.”

“Dad I don’t need someone to tell me of my problems, I know my problems and I don’t appreciate someone else who doesn’t understand me to explain them to me. I know what they are! I don’t need help.”

“Max we’re worried about you, we’re your parents and we don’t understand. We’re concerned over your health, you’ve gone through so much that it’s understandable, it’s okay to feel like you do. We’re only acting on what’s best for you.”

Is she really saying that? Have her actions been what’s best for me?

“Like when you hit me mom? Was that the best for me huh? Slapping your own daughter because she was clearly having a panic attack is what’s best for her?”

Her face goes blank, eyes turn surprised and silence overcomes all three of us.

“Vanessa dear what is she talking about?”

Oh dad didn’t know?

“She hit me, I remember. I was calling for Chloe because I felt alone, I needed her and then she slapped me and told me to forget her. How’s that the best for me mom?”

“I-no sweetie that was a misunderstanding. I was-sigh. It just happened, I didn’t think about doing it I swear.”

…

…

“Vanessa this is just too much now, I don’t even know how to react to what I just heard.”

Dad’s face is turning so weird right now, he looks angry, hurt, beaten as if he didn’t really understand what was going on.

Remaining still he stares at nothing, scratches his beard and takes a few seconds to get his thoughts straight.

“Vanessa do you mind if I leave you alone for a few minutes, I uh…I need to take a minute and get my bearings together.”

“Honey are you all right?”

Without looking at her or blinking he answers back.

“No…I’m not all right dear. I need some fresh air, I need to do a little thinking. Max sweetie?”

I turn to him and notice the look in his eyes, a sadness growing in them. His face barely containing itself from trembling, he stares at me as if begging me to not say anything. He pulls me into his chest and hugs me dearly, doesn’t say anything but holds me for what seems to be some ten seconds. He lets go of me and lands a light kiss on the top of my wound.

“I’ll be with you in a few minutes. I’ll be going to Chloe’s room in a bit, I need to talk to both of you girls.”

Mom’s face opens up in surprise, her mouth set back and her brows pulled downward.

“Ryan what is it that you want to tell them? We haven’t discussed anything.”

He moves his eyes and looks at hers, his expression unchanged from his fragile expression that seems to be holding itself together by a thread.

“I know, it’s something I just thought of. Give me a couple of minutes and I’ll fill you in.”

With that he leaves, walking away from us with his head looking forward, his big, strong back holding itself together. Still, he looks defeated, there’s something coming from dad that’s debilitating, as if he had lost all his strength.

I hear mom letting out a deep sigh, I turn to her and see her just as I saw dad. She wants to fall down and get some rest, without any motivation to be here.

“Honey, I know you probably don’t want to listen to me but can you hear me out. At least before we leave?”

I don’t want to, I don’t even feel comfortable around her anymore. It’s not just the slap she gave me, the way she’s treated Chloe since we came it’s something that has been bothering me the entire time. If she can’t accept her then I won’t give her the time.

“I’d rather not mom.”

Before she even utters a word I walk away and get far from her.

Shit. Stupid shit! I feel so terrible! I’m breaking my family apart now. It’s not my fault, she’s the one that has been the worst to Chloe, she’s the one that hasn’t stopped from hurting her…Then why do I feel so shitty!

_‘Uhhh because you just tore your parents marriage apart? God Max how stupid can you really be?’_

Shut up shut up! You’re not real, you’re just a stupid voice that I’m creating because of my own shit.

I look ahead and see the cafeteria. Next to it there’s a clock, taking a closer look I see that it’s already six o’clock. Might as well and get something to eat for Chloe and me.

Can I get even more fucked up now? Now I have this new guilt for destroying my parents life, god I hope this doesn’t get serious…No fuck that! She’s been a total bitch to Chloe and me.

…

…

But she’s my mom, I love her and I need her. I don’t want her to go away, I don’t want anyone to go away. I just…I just want to be okay…I just want to be happy.

What the fuck am I doing.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Welp this is fucking boring.

“Helloooo! Anybody hereeee!”

…

“All right no echo in hospitals rooms, that’s one thing not to do.”

Hmm? I hear something, a door opening and I see that Max is walking over here. YESH! AND SHE HAS FOOD!

“Max you’re literally saving my life, I’ve been starving for the past thirty minutes and this button here doesn’t work at all. I’m so suing this hospital, what if I had died of hunger!? It would’ve been a tragedy.”

She doesn’t say anything, she just stays over there far from me. Still hasn’t walked from where the curtain is. She’s holding a tray with both her hands and…she’s crying.

I swallow before speaking and make sure to not sound angry or desperate because I am, I do my best to sound compassionate and worried because I am.

“Max, what’s wrong?”

She begins walking, her blue eyes brimming red as if she had been crying. Her arms and form showing almost no strength and no will to stand anymore. She puts the tray down on the chair next to me and climbs the bed where I’m at. She doesn’t say anything, she doesn’t even look at me.

She lays on the bed and puts her head on the side, I do the same and lay with my head facing hers. She’s barely holding her sobs in place, her nose and chest wanting to erupt like volcano full of pain.

“Chloe…am I just a walking bomb?”

“What? What are you talking about Max, you’re an angel.”

“I’m serious Chloe.”

“So am I, you don’t need to ask me twice. I’ll give you the same answer.”

“Everything I do only causes destruction, I already ruined my parents’ marriage.”

“What do you mean?”

“They’re fighting because of me, because I’m so stupid and only make things go to shit.”

“First of all, I’m pretty sure that role goes to me trust me and secondly that’s a load of bullshit. If you’re talking about Vanessa being a total bitch that’s not on you, you’ve seen how she is around me, the fucking shit she’s saying and accusing me of being this total wreck. How is that your fault, besides your folks marriage isn’t over. I don’t think two days of me being here can do that, I’m good but not that good Max.”

She laughs a little at that and comes closer to me, snuggles to my chest burying her entire self on me.

“You mind if I stay like this for a while?”

She’s adorable.

“Of course I don’t mind…but I need something first.”

She pulls her head up and comes inches away from my face, me making a weird face because what? I didn’t mean this but hell I’ll take it. I come closer now but before doing anything else I stop. I notice tears dropping from her eyes. Fuck I feel my lungs shrink for being so stupid.

“It’s okay babe let it all out, come on lay down with me here.”

I pull her down and she comes without much effort of me, she again puts herself as she was but now her face wetting my gown which isn’t that thick so my entire chest is getting wet.

“Sorry Chloe, I keep making everything about me. Here you are injured in a hospital bed and you’re the one taking care of me. I’m sorry for being so selfish.”

Again with this pity shit.

“Max you are not a bother, this isn’t something you should be apologizing for. You’re hurt and you trust in me right?”

She doesn’t reply anything back but only nods.

“Right, so let me help you in any way I can. If you want to mope all day, all week, all fucking year then fucking do it cause believe me I won’t get tired of it. I’m sure you would do the same for me and you have. We’re a fucking team so stop saying how sorry you are.”

…

After a minute nothing is said, she stays glued to me and only moves her face from time to time. I know this is rough for her, and she probably is pretty comfortable but damn I’m hungry and with the food right next to her I can barely contain myself.

“Hey Chloe?”

Oh shit I kinda lost myself there.

“What’s up Max?”

“You’re stomach’s been moving for a while now, you weren’t kidding when you said you were hungry.”

“You little brat! And you haven’t given me the food yet!”

Her hands gripping to my gown because of how hard she’s laughing, her sweet laugh that fills me with joy, joy but not food so I’m only getting hungrier.

I move a little back and as I see her laughing face-laughing at my poor stomach suffering hunger- I pull her nose just enough that she stops.

“Ow, that was uncalled for.”

“Yeah yeah, shut up and pass the food you gremlin.”

She leans down to the chair without getting out of the bed, pulls it over to us and hot damn! It may not be much but right now these grapes, muffins and pair of sandwiches look downright mouthwatering.

As I’m going down on one triangle cut sandwich I notice that Max has been looking at me as I bite down at it.

With my mouth still full I ty to talk.

“Wak? Hunge Mx?”

“Sure I’ll take one, but Chloe?”

“Eah?”

“You need a shower, like really bad.”

She tucks her nose in and makes this disgusting face while looking at me, trying so hard not to laugh.

I swallow the rest of my food and get ready to talk.

“Oh yeah? Good thing you’re here then, you can give me a sponge bath after this meal.”

Her face turns so red, I can barely see any freckles now.

“And yes I’m serious Max, remember I’m all injured and shit right?”

“I’m going to clean you so well I won’t leave any dirt.”

Oh fuck! Now I’m the one getting all red, I can feel my cheeks burning up. That and something else getting hotter.

…

…

…

Hmmm. That was awesome, feels like I haven’t been this relaxed in weeks.

Looking around I notice that sun is now gone and the moon is out, must be pretty late already. Heck yeah after eating and being so silly we just fell asleep.

I turn around and see Max sleeping next to me, good thing the pain is almost gone by now. Man that was so much fun, just Max and I having fun talking shit and eating together. Sigh hopefully things just get better from now on, I sure fucking hope so.

I hear something, the door opening and someone’s coming in. I can’t see their face but I think it’s a nurse.

I speak in a very quiet voice to not wake Max up.

“Hey nurse, we’re good. We don’t need anything right now.”

“Oh my god! Carly is that you? And Mars? What are you two lovebirds doing here?”

Ah shit, I think I jinxed myself just now.

Squeezing my eyes I try to make out the face and try to remember…shit it’s Veer, right I think I remember that bitch Rene told me she’s a nurse. Huh? What are the odds.

“Hey Veer, yeah it’s us. What’s up?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! Twenty-nine days later but here it is. Thanks to all of you awesome people for reading this chapter and every previous chapter, I hope you've enjoyed them as much as I did writing them.  
Yes Chloe is in the hospital and Veer is working in the hospital, what are the odds there?  
Max is still dealing with her problems and they seem to be only getting worse by the day with Ryan and Vanessa now more keenly aware of them.
> 
> What will happen next? Will Veer cause trouble and does she know Chloe was with Rene in her apartment and where is that bag of clothes?  
And thinking back where was Ryan, why didn't he go talk to Max and Chloe?
> 
> Again thank you all for continuing reading this story, and if you have an opinion (good or bad) leave a comment below because all of you guys are great.  
Have a happy day/night.  
P.S.  
Bonus chapter for the long waiting time.


	14. Goodbye for now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Max had left to see Chloe Ryan and Vanessa were busy doing something else, they were away from the scene in their own world, away from the main spotlight.  
They're own set of actions separated from the girls, this is the other moments and struggles that they face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like chapters with Ryan and Vanessa...because this is one of them

**Moments after discovering Vanessa hit Max**

Now outside the hospital I’m able to think clearer. Funny, my mind feels emptier but this just means that what was so difficult to think moments ago is now at the forefront of my thoughts.

Sigh.

“I’m at a loss, what in the name of god am I supposed to do now?”

With nothing but the picture of Vanessa hurting my little girl entering my mind I can feel a confusing rage forming within me, a fury that I despise even more because it’s coming out of Vanessa’s actions, my wife who keeps being irrational. The woman I love with all my heart. How dare she hurt our little girl. She who barely escaped with her life a few weeks ago, who had to witness and suffer the loss of a friend right in front of her eyes!

Of course she’s not well! I see that clearly. I may not know the reasons of why she’s having these episodes or why she’s nervous and scared but I can easily gather an idea. Why can’t Vanessa understand that? Why can’t she let go of her judgmental views for a day and let her be.

Feeling the weight of the world on my tired legs I go sit down at the bench a few steps ahead of me and take some pressure off my mind.

I sit down hoping to be alleviated only a little but it’s for nothing, the only difference is that now the pressure that was on my legs is now crushing my back. If anything it’s making me think of everything else that’s happened today.

Max not listening to us or making any sense while she was having her panic attack, it was horrible. Her face was scared, her eyes frantically looking everywhere as if she was looking for an exit, a way out. She was so desperate I ended up with a few scars on my arms, good think I changed my shirt, better not let her see them.

I should had endured them, let her take her pain out on me instead of injecting her like I did. Just remembering the syringe becoming lighter as my little girl started to get heavier it’s enough to bring my eyes to their weakest point.

Feeling her small frame going still in my arms…just dropping like that!

Trying to hold my voice I pressure both hands on my mouth but it’s useless, broken sounds come out of me, thankfully the noise of cars and people walking take the attention away from me.

My own pathetic wimps and moans surrounding where I am, my body and head heating with pain, worry, misery and a feeling I can’t even begin to describe.

I’m really too out of it to know what I should do. With Max having this issue now and Chloe hospitalized I’m barely aware of what’s going on anymore. That poor girl needs help, needs care but Vanessa keeps pushing her away, keeps hurting her when she should be helping her stand and heal.

To think that she was in a crash today. I don’t even care if she was drinking or anything else, the issue is the same. If Vanessa hadn’t accused and reacted the way she did it would never had happened, she wouldn’t be here injured and hurt as she is. The sight of her laying on the ground seconds after I had just spoken to her made me die a second time. The color of her skin had gone pale and her breathing wasn’t there anymore and THERE WASN’T ANYTHING I COULD DO!!

My breathing becoming heavy and fast without realizing makes my mind turn somewhat erratic, better calm down.

Calm down…how I the hell do I do that! They’ve come home from hell on earth and everything seems to be going against them as if god were trying to bring them even deeper into hell, makes me go red and crush the skin of my palms…but thankfully it didn’t go further than a few injuries. She’s here now, better, safe and not even close to mortal danger.

Oh pal I think if you were here you would be dying a second time just at looking at everything your girl has gone through. Your pirate is a tough one I’ll give you that, came all the way from that storm and brought Max home. They both endured whatever issues they had and made it here, I won’t say they’re completely okay but I can tell you with all honesty that I owe Chloe my life, the way Max relies on her and the way she smiles when she’s near her tells me everything I need to know about her. She’s not dangerous or bad in any way, she’s still your sweet child who you loved and Joyce did a wonderful job too, like I said I may not know much but I know enough she was a wonderful mother to Chloe. She has a good heart your kid, you should be proud of her.

Sigh I only wished both of you could’ve been here to see who she’s become, a strong dependable woman.

...

Without even noticing I started to cry all on my own, I can see the drops of tears on the ground.

Cleaning myself I start to breath and regain some composure in my body. I immediately remember why I’m here in the first place, to decide on how I should go and talk to the girls.

Ryan don’t be a mess in this moment, you can’t let your family see you like this. Be strong, be sure and do the best for them.

I remember what the doctor told us about Chloe, how she decided to stay in the hospital. Thank god she did.

That at least gives me time fix everything for when she comes back home, and well Max choosing to stay with her wasn’t what I had in mind but it’s better too. Hopefully it doesn’t come to it but if she haves another…another issue the staff here will know how to treat her far better than I did. I was so worried that I had maybe given her the wrong dosage, I know it was extremely dangerous of me, highly irresponsible and wrong but I panicked, I gave in to instinct and did as I had done before when she was smaller.

It doesn’t make it okay but at least I followed the safety procedure I had practiced all those years ago, relating to how much of the anesthetic is safe to inject. I may be old but I could never forget something like that, anything involving my girl’s health is safeguarded in my brain.

Sigh I need to think what I’m going to do. I want Chloe to be at home, for her to feel safe but she won’t be feeling that way anytime soon with Vanessa around. I was thinking of maybe setting up a place for them. That would be pricey but if it gave them some peace of mind I don’t care about the cost, I’ll do it without thinking but no. That won’t do either.

I was going to do that but after today I wouldn’t feel in anyway comfortable with both of them by themselves. What if Max has another panic attack and Chloe doesn’t know how to help her, yes she’s been with her these past few weeks and maybe she did handle it right but it’s not enough. I need to know she’s okay, letting her out of my sight like that would just give me a heart attack.

So that plan is out the window, leaving me with only the other option…sigh.

Meaning that I’ll need to ask Vanessa if she can leave the house, only for a few days. Only until Max and Chloe start to feel better. Vanessa can stay at a hotel while they recover but knowing her she’ll probably fight me about it.

She’ll accuse me of how I’m sending her away when she should be closer now more than ever, how it’s her right to be here and she’s right. It is her right, as much as it is mine. I feel terrible just thinking about it, but it can’t be any other way, after everything she’s done and said I don’t want her near Chloe or Max. She needs to give them some space and time…I need some time.

I press my hand against my face, pressure my eyes and cheeks, scratch my beard with some hope but it doesn’t do much to calm me.

“Vanessa you’ve done far too much already, too much to Max and Chloe to just forgive you like that. I’m not sure how to feel about you anymore, I love you but I can’t forgive what you’ve done to them.”

“Ryan?”

I snap my head out of the bench and notice Vanessa standing a few feet away from me. How long has she been there? Don’t tell me she heard what I just said?

“Honey what do you mean you can’t forgive me?”

Her face changing to an expression fill with confusion and worry, her fingers barely covering her mouth, her posture leaning back as she tends to do.

I stand up from the chair and take a big breath, taking steps to where she is and stopping at her side.

“Vanessa can we talk?”

I say with compassion in my voice, not anger or sadness. If I’m asking her a proposition this hurtful the least I can do is be understanding. I know my wife. I married her knowing who she was and I would do it again if given the chance, but I will need some time before I can continue sharing my life with her.

“Talk about what? There’s nothing to talk about.”

“There is sweetie. Please come on let’s sit down.”

I grab her hand and lead her to where I was just sitting, not for her sake but mine. I know full well I won’t be able to hold my tears when I ask her to practically leave our house, but before I can begin walking she let’s go and instead stays in place. She stares at me with her eyes determined to put a fight.

“Honey what is this about? Is it about Chloe? Is this because I’ve been ‘unreasonable’ to her?”

That’s one way to put it, but no. That’s not why.

“No, that’s not it. I mean it is that but the breaking point is because you raised your hand against one of our girls you know that.”

Just the words coming out of my mouth are enough to make me tremble again, to fill with water my weak eyes that are staring at her.

“Ry-Ryan please, it was nothing! She wasn’t well at the time. Yes I gave her a slap with more strength than I thought of but it wasn’t like that. It was barely a touch I swear!”

No please don’t do that sweetie, please don’t be like this.

“Vanessa just stop. I want to talk to you, I want to talk but please don’t. Don’t make our daughter a liar.”

She seems to have listened to me, her body relaxing with her shoulders dropping. She says nothing and leads me to the bench. We both sit down and grabs my hand, looks at me in the eyes with dread in hers, a look telling me so many things without her even talking.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean what I said before.”

Her voice stops and instead lets a laughter out of her lips, not a happy laugh but one fill with regret in its place.

“It’s funny honey, I knew what you were going to talk to me about and I started to think of so many things I could say to make you believe me or change your mind but I can’t. I did put my hand on Max. I did and I regret it. I don’t know what came over me, I feel terrible and I could say a million more things of why she should never talk to me. If I were her I would send me to jail.”

She’s laughing again, her laugh turning to sobs instead and her hands now completely covering her face.

“Ryan I really don’t want Chloe near her, all these reasons of why she shouldn’t be here keep coming to me and I don’t know if it’s wrong or not but I am sure of something else. It’s me who shouldn’t be near Max. I know you think the same, that’s what you were going to tell me right? That I should maybe go away, leave the house for a few days?”

She knows me well.

“Yeah, you beat me to the punch sweetie.”

“Well no need for you to give the speech you were preparing for, ha-ha you won’t be needing it. I can see the mess I’ve made all by myself.”

She’s now smiling through her sobs, smiling through the pain that’s eating her. I slowly put my arm around her to hold her, as I do so she lets her weight drop on me. She hugs my arm and tightens it over herself. She rubs the sleeve against her face with it, drenching her tears and mascara all over it.

“Honey?”

“Yes Vanessa?”

“When you see the girls can you tell them how sorry I am about everything. How it kills me to see Chloe the way she is, how sorry I am for the way I’ve been towards her?”

“Sure, I’ll tell her.”

“And can you tell Max how much I regret what I did.”

Without answering her last question I move my head down and land a kiss on her head, embracing her tighter in my embrace.

“Thanks, sniff so what now?”

“Now I should go and talk to Max and Chloe, let them know of what’s going to happen. I pray they don’t fight me about it.”

She turns her head and gives me a puzzling look.

“You really think they’ll fight you about it? If I were them I would be thrilled that the evil mom is leaving the house.”

“You’re not evil Vanessa. You’re a lot, you worry and come up with outlandish thoughts, don’t always think clearly, you let your emotions take over you and do things that you know you’re going to regret.”

…

“But?”

“But what?”

“You said all those things but…what about the good things”

“Vanessa after what you’ve done and said I honestly can’t begin to call out your good points just yet. I love you, you know that and I want you to be happy but I don’t know how to feel about the whole situation at the moment.”

“I know honey and I don’t expect you to figure it out anytime soon, but please believe me when I say that I do truly feel horrible about it, if I hadn’t already cried for hours I would already be crying a river.”

“I believe you, I know you do but it’s not me who you should tell this.”

“I know, and I will.”

Without saying anything I move my arm away her and I stand up, now looking towards the hospital doors and staying in place for a minute.

“I’ll be back in a bit sweetie, I’ll go talk to them now.”

She doesn’t say anything, she nods and puts her head down.

Seeing her like this makes me reminisce of something I’ve seen before, a big, gray statue. It reminds me of the thinker, the statue of the man that’s always thinking something. I always thought that sculpture was rather depressing, always stuck in that position, thinking something with a worrisome look in its eyes, tension in his body as if something were eating him, everyday stuck in that place, feeling the pressure from the world on him.

That’s what she reminds me of.

With the silence around us I leave and begin walking to the hospital, as I do I feel the sickly air in its walls. Much different from the fresh air from outside.

Okay Ryan let’s go to Chloe’s room, Max will probably already be there.

Taking steps down the hall I can’t help but notice the number of people inside, everyone-well mostly everyone looks rather devastated. I guess it’s not a good thing to be visiting someone at the hospital, that I can vouch for.

Looking ahead I see the cafeteria, I think maybe it’ll be a good idea to get something for them. I know Max hasn’t eaten anything and knowing her she’ll probably eat Chloe if she doesn’t get something fast.

Oh god I swear I’m hilarious…actually now that I think about it that’s not so funny anymore. Christ that’s an image I rather not have in my head.

Shaking my head in shame I start walking down the cafeteria but stop at seeing something or better said, someone familiar.

Max sitting on a chair, her back facing me. Guess I was right then, she is hungry. That little monster, I better go and join her then. Maybe we’ll have an eating competition like we used to if she feels like it.

As I walk towards her I see what she’s doing. She’s holding her head with her arms supported by the table, her breathing seeming heavy and fast even from here. What’s wrong? Don’t tell me she’s having another panic attack?

Should I go and calm her down or maybe get a nurse?

I get closer to her but stop before she can notice me, she seems to be lost in her own world. I hear her voice, it’s low but I can make out the words she’s whispering to herself.

“I wish everything just stopped already. That no one hurt us, that everyone left us alone…I’m tired of it, tired of feeling this way. Tired of seeing everyone I care for getting hurt and now even mom and dad are parting away because of me. Stupid stupid, you keep making everything worse. Maybe it’ll be better if I wasn’t here anymore.”

Before even having time to process what she just said I turn around and begin walking back. I don’t look around the place or the people nearby I just rush back with my mind empty of everything. Blocking everything in sigh until I reach the anywhere but where I am.

Now outside I see Vanessa standing in the sun, she sees me and nods with a smile on her face. I walk towards her and the closer I get the more her face changes, the smile gone and a worrisome expression replacing it.

Reaching her I fall on her shoulder and beg for her to hold me the way she always does. Her left hand over my head and her right arm on my back.

“Ryan honey what happened? Did something go wrong with the girls? Did they fight about coming back home? Or was it something else?”

I try to talk, I really do but instead sobs come out and fill the place with a dark mood coming from me. I put my arms around Vanessa, wetting her shoulder with my tears, letting my hot air onto her and letting my spirit break down as a kid does when he’s too sad to speak.

“I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t. I saw her, I saw Max sitting and I could hear what she was saying, hearing her say those things like she did broke me down. Her voice and words were without hope Vanessa! I don’t know why she was saying those things but it was too much! I can’t talk to them, I can’t face them.”

“Hey it’s okay big bear, it’s okay.”

Her hand rubbing my head in circles the way she knows relaxes me.

“We can come back later or tomorrow honey, they’re not going anywhere. They’ll be here.”

…

I can’t speak, I can’t get that image of her away from my mind.

“Hey what do you say we go back home and get started on packing my stuff, would that your mind off things?”

I nod my head with only my deep breathing making noise.

“Okay come on, let’s go to the car and we can talk more over there.”

With me still a mess she leads me to the car, my eyes hurting and each breath I take is sending a blast to my chest that’s filling me with a dreading feeling reminding me or her voice…if only I could take the pain from my little girl and suffer in her stead, I would do anything to take her thoughts away from herself.

We reach the car and get in, she turns the engine on, pulls the car out of the parking lot and begins to drive away from the hospital.

“Hey honey cheer up, it’s good thing this is happening. It means she’s letting her emotions out, meaning that sooner rather than later she’ll be okay.”

I swear she’s so smart but sometimes she can say the damnest things.

“God Vanessa just drive.”

Good thing my ass, I can’t stand seeing her like that for one second.

…

…

“Well I guess that’s the last of it isn’t it?”

Vanessa and I just finished packing her stuff, well only some clothes and essentials that she’ll need plus some of her plushies.

“I still don’t see why you should be taking all the plushies Vanessa? Couldn’t you leave one for me?”

She sighs and walks towards me, dropping her weight on me. Draping her arms around me she starts to scratch the back of my head.

“I know but since I’ll be away from for god knows how long I figured I’ll be needing them. You know how lonely I get without you.”

“I would believe if you didn’t take Hawt dog man, you know how much I like him. Always gives me a laugh when I wake up.”

“That silly smirk he has is adorable isn’t it? How did they even come up with him, a hot dog being a superhero? What’s next a squirrel superhero?”

Should I tell her that there’s a squirrel that has saved the world multiple times? I don’t think so, I’ll just buy a figure of her online and surprise her.

She let’s go of me and instead walks up to the stairs in our porch and sits down, letting out a sigh deeper than normal. I don’t say anything, I understand what she’s feeling at this moment; that face of hers tells me all I need to know.

I walk and sit down next to her, push myself to her shoulder and hold her hand with mine.

“I know you don’t want to but it’s for the best sweetie.”

“I know that and I agree with but that’s not what’s bothering me.”

“Then what is it?”

She moves her hand away from mine and her brown eyes full of worry stare at me.

“What did you meant before when you said you couldn’t forgive me?”

Oh that? Can’t say that hasn’t been on my mind too. Looking at her I can’t help but feel happy that she’s by my side and that we’ve been just as happy as when we first met, but now those memories are tainted, muddled with the things she’s done. I don’t know if I’m overreacting about it or maybe I’m not treating as I should but who in the world knows how to react when your partner hits your child?

Act as if it were nothing and let it go? Get a divorce the very same second? God knows I don’t want neither of those results. We’re not strained in any way that would make me hate her but I’m not ignorant enough to forget about it.

“I don’t know Vanessa, I’m still trying to figure it out myself. What you’ve done to Chloe and Max is not something I can gloss over, if you were someone else I wouldn’t dare look at you, for crying out loud I would’ve press charges against you without thinking about it. I’ve told you how I feel about Chloe, how I want to help her as if she was my own daughter, meaning that I stand behind her every step and I won’t let her get hurt by anyone if I can help it.”

Without getting a reply back she stands up and puts her hands on her waist, looks at the sun coming down, it’s shine already well below the horizon. The sun’s remaining rays turning her outfit to a darker shade.

Her jeans and yellow blouse losing most of their color, almost turning gray because of how she’s standing.

“I guess I should get going then, you sure you don’t want to get some food? Give me some company while I gulp down a burger honey?”

Sigh

“I don’t think so, I’m not feeling hungry and it would be best if we said our goodbyes. You know I don’t do well at these things.”

“Honey you’re talking as if you weren’t going to see me anymore, I’ll be ten minutes away from you and besides it’s not like we’re separating right?”

Her voice has a sharpness to it and gives a desperation that she’s trying to hide. Her face turned towards me with a gaze that’s looking for an answer, a clue or a hint of what I’m thinking.

That’s an answer I’m not even sure myself.

I stand up form the cold cement where I’m sitting and approach her, give her a warm, solid hug and plant a kiss on her left cheek. I let go and take a deep breath.

“You have everything all set and ready at the hotel? You should double check just to be sure, you know how these things always seem to go wrong at the last minute.”

Looking disappointed by my words she lets a sigh that seems to make her more tense than anything, her body brimming with pressure and loaded with stress.

I want to calm her, to take it away from her but I’m too conflicted to do so.

“Yeah I already checked honey, guess I should be leaving then.”

She begins walking away, already losing sight of her as she walks to the other side of the rental truck she got.

…

Weird it’s been more than a few minutes and she’s still here, hopefully I didn’t hurt her with my words. Goddammit Ryan you should’ve assured her that no this isn’t a breaking up or a thing like that.

Already filling with rage and flexing my fist against the cold air I hear the sound of a door slamming against itself. I hear some running steps and see Vanessa rushing down with something in her hand. It’s my-I mean our hawt dag man plushie.

“Here, take it honey. I already got most of them, you should keep him.”

With so many warm feelings arousing in my chest I take him from her hand and without even realizing feel a smile form on my lips. Before being able to say any word Vanessa overtakes me.

“Well then that’s it, see you later my big bear.”

Forcing myself through my emotions I lean in to give her a hug for only a second and whisper to her ear.

“Always sweetie.”

I let go and see that she has smile on her face, tears slowly falling through her cheek, and with that she turns and gets back up. Turns the engine on and takes off to her hotel, only a few minutes away from here, then why does it feel farther than that.

And now me being left alone in front of our house, our empty house for today. The cold breeze of fresh air hitting me and making me shiver.

I sigh and hug myself, turning my head up and staring at the sky.

“I sure feel shitty.”

Looking down to my hand hanging on the side I stare at hawt dog man smiling as he does.

“At least you’re still here, come on in. Let’s get everything settled up for the girls, don’t want them to come home to a messy place right.”

With him by my hand I start walking to the front door, open the door and feel the emptiness from inside.

Sigh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And hello again everyone.  
Like always, thanks so much for staying with me on this story that has continue its journey.  
The story is closing in to an end, not there yet but it's getting close. A guess could be made of what's coming ahead but probably not enough to see it just yet.
> 
> I try to write this in the sense that the story flows in a way that it feels natural and the characters feel and react how they would do without forcing scenes or interactions.  
If that can be felt then awesome, if not hopefully you all find it interesting enough to continue.
> 
> Here's to you, have an awesome time you amazing people!


	15. Looming chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With her stay at the hospital, Chloe now finds herself troubled and confused by Veer's surprising appearance.

Are you shitting me? Can’t I get a break for one full day!

I got a whole lot of luck for this to happen and even better Max is here with me, well in the other room sleeping at least. I don’t even know how I got out of there without waking her up, had to maneuver around her with my body hurting like crazy and move the chair and everything just to leave without making a sound.

And now here I am with Veer, outside the room standing on the hallway with her looking at me with a weird smile that’s really getting on my nerves.

What does she want? Did Rene tell her about me? Does she know I what I did and what the hell is she thinking? I can’t focus or calm down until I know what the hell she’s planning. I need to figure out what’s her angle or whatever stupid shit she’s running through her mind.

“So?”

I look at her with my eyes glaring at hers, my eyebrows tilted down and making what I’m sure it’s a menacing stare…and she doesn’t say anything, keeps looking at me as if she was trying to come up with the right words.

Right words for what? I swear if she tries to blackmail me I’ll pull a syringe out of her pocket and stab her with it.

She grabs a folder that’s hanging on the door, opens it and takes some papers from it. Moves them closer to her and starts reading them. She lifts one of them and puts it in front of my face.

“So your name isn’t Carly, it’s Chloe Elizabeth Price?”

Don’t make me have to explain this, I really don’t want to talk about it.

“Yeah. So what?”

Veer starts making this thinking face and directs her eyes from my face all the way down to the slippers I’m wearing, then turns to Max who’s still sleeping and again turns back to me with an exaggerated frown on her lips.

“Honestly I was already getting used to Carly, it’s such a sweet name. Me and the girls were making a song for you two but now that your name isn’t Carly it’s not so fun anymore.”

Her face starts to pout and drops it on the wall, looking at me as if she were waiting for me to say something.

Wait, she didn’t know my name was Chloe already? Then maybe she hasn’t talked to Rene or she didn’t say anything about me. Okay that’s good, let’s see how this goes just to be sure.

“Well it’s Chloe sorry to disappoint.”

She starts looking at me or rather stare at the top of my head and then moves her hand towards my hair, I keep still to see what she does and…she starts to touch it?

“What the hell are you doing?”

She let’s go of it and acts as if it was completely normal.

“Oh I just noticed you have some blue strands running down your hair, I didn’t see them the other night with the lights on and off plus everything we drank but it looks fantastic! Was your hair dyed blue before?”

“Ahh yeah, it was but I haven’t done it again.”

“Have you ever tried black, you would be a killer. Literally I can already picture you with black hair, a tux and some classy music playing on the background, god that would be so perfect.”

What the hell is she running off about? I was expecting her to start asking all these questions about me being hurt, about Max, the fake names but she isn’t, she’s just talking as if we were friends.

“Hey Car-I mean Chloe you all right?”

I jolt back up and remind myself that I’m in a conversation, I look towards her and see that she’s making this weird expression, her eyebrows lowering and her eyes squinting towards me.

I honestly can’t blame her really. I’m so jumpy right now that I can’t keep still, can’t keep focus on what’s happening. I’m worried that maybe Rene already talked to her or something and all she’s doing right is playing dumb to see if I tell her something. Or maybe she’s just trying to get more information out of me and do something with it, or maybe I’m being a crazy paranoid asshole but how the fuck should I know. Just play it cool Chloe, keep this up, remember she’s a nurse ask her about that.

“Yeah yeah, I umm got distracted for a second. So you’re a nurse Veer? Huh, didn’t think you’ll be one to be taking care of sick people.”

“Okay so completely ignore my fantastic idea, but yeah I’m a nurse. What, you don’t think I have the qualities to not be a piece of shit to others?”

“No don’t get me wrong it’s just, you seem…shit how do I say it.”

“Don’t worry I’m only teasing, besides it’s fine I get it.”

She looks down and stares at the ground for a couple seconds, then slowly rises and looks at me with a sad smile on her lips, her eyes seeming sadder than before.

“I like being a nurse you know, I get to do some good around here, help people get better and everyone-well mostly everyone is pretty nice. It feels great to see people leave this place better than when they came in. Somewhat sad when they leave worse but I like it, I mean I’m not that good of a person at times and this gives me a chance to right some wrongs…although it also lets me continue doing some really, really bad things to me and others.”

Okay I did not expect such a serious answer. And from what I remember I’m pretty sure she’s referring to how she’s stealing drugs from the hospital. No shit you’ll feel bad about that.

“Oh sorry I got carried away there, getting and serious and stuff. That’s what happens when I start talking by myself, I didn’t to mean to get all real like that and start talking some depressing stuff. Ha-ha stupid me right.”

“No it’s fine, I think it’s great you feel that way. Better than being a dick of a nurse.”

She wipes her forehead as she lets deep sigh.

“I know! I may feel like this but believe me some other people here are an absolute piece of shit.”

“Good thing I got you as a nurse then.”

“Don’t you know it, if it was someone else they would’ve come to your room and turned all the lights on, waking you and Mars up just because they’re bored. Instead you got me your humble and elegant semi-god coming to your aid. Aren’t I so nice? I should really be getting paid more for my magnificent effort.”

She’s saying some really stupid crap. Fuck me I think I’m smiling without realizing.

I move my hand up to forcefully remove my smile but it’s not going away.

“C’mon say it.”

“Say what?”

“You’re laughing your ass off right now aren’t you?”

She’s right.

“Yeah I am, I was thinking something and now I’m sure of it.”

Veer leans away from the wall and she tilts her head a little back, her expression now smiling in this nervous manner. Hugging her left arm, her eyes shaking a little and her whole body itching for some reason.

“Sure of what? What are you talking about? Tell me? You have me all nervous now.”

The hell? Why is she looking so agitated, I didn’t even say anything yet.

“Uh you’re a mental patient right? You finally went crazy and they put you here, or did I miss something?”

Her face immediately softens and looks much more relaxed, but still has her eyes somewhat lost. As if she was disappointed or thinking something else. She turns to me and makes this not so convincing smile, the one she usually has on her.

“Ha fucking ha! You’re lucky I’m in a good mood today, otherwise I would wake Mars up just to mess with you.”

Oh yeah, Mars. I’m not sure if I should say that her name is Max, I’m not even sure I want to see her again after this.

“Like you didn’t already try, you talked so damn loud when you saw us that I don’t know how she didn’t get up right that moment.”

“Oh please like you can blame me, here I am a sweet young, beautiful nurse coming to help a random Chloe Elizabeth Price, an unknown injured patient and I find out it’s you, and to top it off there’s a pretty girl sleeping on top of you. Maybe I should get hurt and see if I wake up with her on top of me.”

“Nope, probably some old geezer might find you but that’s about it.”

I forgot how fun it can be to talk to other people, not like I’m tired of Max or anything but it’s just that it feels good to talk to others.

…

Wait what am I doing? I wanted to find out what she knows and here I am just chilling with her, talking and stuff as if we were pals. Actually she hasn’t done anything to me, but I also don’t know anything about her, other than she’s a nurse, steals some real heavy drugs meaning she’s most likely deep in this mess and last but not least her roommate is a crazy ass psycho-junkie. And because of those reasons I think it might be better to just cut off ties with her, I got enough crap to be dealing with this.

Yeah that would be for the best. I mean she does looks to be tons of fun to be around but if she really is addicted to that crap I should get as far away from her as possible, plus there being any possibility of Rene meeting Max it’s a big fucking no.

“So Veer, since we already talked and all I’ll be going back to the room, I’m still pretty bad, like really physically hurt and I also don’t want Max to wake up alone.”

I turn around without waiting for her reply and go to the door with a huge amount of effort because I can still feel some pain digging into my body, especially with my legs wanting to drop down from standing for so long.

Before reaching for the door’s handle I hear her loud voice again.

“MAX? I thought her name was Mars-oh she also used a fake name.”

Great job Chloe, right before you left.

“Yeah…her name is Max.”

I still haven’t turn back to her, I want to leave before she asks about anything else so I again go for the handle, open and push the door but hear her voice before going in.

“Is she okay?”

What? Why is she asking if she’s okay?

I turn back and look at her with fury already growing in my mind but I notice some something in her eyes, concern on her expression. Why does she look worried?

She didn’t even know her name was Max and besides I’m the one injured not her.

“Why the hell do you ask that?”

“You literally screamed at the top of your lungs for Max. Remember when I called you yesterday’s morning and you were a total bitch to me?”

Oh yeah, I did do that, and I’m for sure not telling her shit about it. Like I need people fucking gossiping and spreading shit about us.

“Yeah. She’s fine, it was nothing.”

She steps back and bites her lips, fidgets with her fingers for a bit before letting out a sigh deeper than one would normally let for a stranger.

“Look I get that you don’t want to mention anything about you or Mars-I mean Max, god it’s going to be a hassle to get used to them. Like I was saying I get that you’re being all secretive about yourselves and stuff, I get it I don’t want random strangers poking their fat noses where it doesn’t belong. That’s why I haven’t asked you about why you’re here which I’m really worried about, I saw your report and now that I remember it scares me. I’m also not going to ask you about why you would tell us fake names but you must have had a reason for doing it, I won’t pry into your lives if that’s what you’re thinking so don’t stress about it.”

Looking at her I think she means it, all of it. Her eyes give me a familiar feeling, they don’t seem to be looking for something else or hiding something behind them. It’s weird, they have this weird quality that makes me want to trust her. Shit I-I don’t know. No fuck that I’m not trusting random fucks just because they seem genuinely concerned or worried, fuck them all. Everyone is probably looking for ways to screw us over.

I straighten myself and give her a sharp look, tense my body as hard as I can and make sure to sound serious enough to make my point.

“If you understood it then you wouldn’t even fucking mention it! You say you’re a nice nurse? Then be good and fucking leave! Go do some other shit.”

“Hey I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be weird. I was only worried about you two, you don’t need to get angry.”

Looking at her face I can see the worry in it, the concerned body language. I know it all too well from the countless times Joyce confronted me back then. Back when I didn’t listen to her when I should have.

FUCK!

She’s right, she’s fucking right. Now I’m just being dumb like always. She hasn’t done or said anything for me to be getting angry, hell she practically knows I lied my ass off to her and she’s okay with it.

Turning away from her I cover my face with my bandaged hand, forgetting that its full of Max’s tears and boogers. I notice this because I can feel them as they stick to my face.

“Fucking great!”

“You’re doing all right?”

“Yeah, all great!”

With my eyes still close I hear something, a laughter. I open them and see Veer bursting out and gasping for air, smiling and her face becoming redder as she grasps for air.

Seeing her be like that I can’t help but starting to feel better, the anger evaporating and something else coming instead. Shit I think I’m smiling again. Close your fucking mouth Chloe! Don’t you fucking smile.

“Oh my god! You should see yourself right now you-you-all over your face and-and right on your lip!”

Well fuck it now I want to laugh, her stupid laugh is too contagious.

…

…

After laughing for a short time we’re now calm and sitting on some nearby chairs without the mood from before.

“Sorry Veer, I umm-I went overboard and said some stupid crap.”

She turns to me and her eyes look dead, her whole expression in disbelief.

“Bitch I’m a nurse, people say stuff so mean to me that it would make you cry.”

“Oh yeah try me.”

“Ask me if I need anything?”

“Uh okay, like I’m a nurse helping you or something?”

“However you want just ask me.”

Cough, I clear my voice and turn serious.

“Hello my good woman, are you in need of any assistance today?”

“You must be dumber than Santa Claus on summer if you think the sun is flat.”

…

“What? The hell was that?”

“Some guy told me that yesterday.”

“And that made you cry?”

“Oh it was hilarious, you should’ve listened how he delivered it.”

“Uh sure, sure.”

…

Sigh I think this is enough, it’s been fun but I wasn’t kidding when I said my body was hurting.

“Hey Veer I think I’m going to go back now, feeling pretty tired already.”

“Oh shit, are you okay? I totally forgot you were injured, and I’m supposed to make sure you’re not hurting yourself.”

“Nah it’s fine, besides I had a good time.”

I stand up or try to but before I can actually get up on my own Veer quickly stands up, fucking bragging that she can do it in a second and comes closer to help me out.

She’s helping me and I do need her help, but that doesn’t mean I want it.

I pull my arm away from her and finish the job myself.

“That’s a bit too much Veer, don’t get too comfortable.”

“Someone is sensitive.”

“Yeah, and someone is dumber than Santa Claus.”

“And someone is being naughty, keep it up and you’ll be getting coal this Christmas.”

“Sure thing I’ll keep that in mind, so I guess I’ll see you around, you are my nurse.”

“I am in your service, oh and Chloe if you need anything just press the button next to the bed.”

“Oh yeah, I think it’s broken or something. I was using it earlier and no one came, I was pressing it like crazy and nothing.”

She starts smiling again and shakes her head.

“No it works, I know what happened. The nurse before me…is an asshole.”

“No kidding?”

“Yeah we’re always getting complains from that guy, always ignoring patients and sometimes even eating their food. Can you believe it?”

“So how the hell is he not fired?”

“Ah well, he’s…he’s very much needed here, we all usually cover for him or back him up one way or another.”

“But he’s an asshole?”

Veer makes this face that’s confusing.

Her eyes having this sadness in them that makes me want to dig deeper in her, she suddenly avoids looking at me and I think she wants to say something. She covers her arms, specifically her inner elbow gap with her palm.

“Yeah, it’s complicated you know.”

If she doesn’t want to tell me why the hell should I be asking, she’s not asking about my shit so I shouldn’t ask about hers.

“Whatever Veer, it’s your business. No need to tell me.”

She smiles and closes her eyes, still with that remorse that hasn’t left her face all this time, with a feeling of wanting to say something but doesn’t actually do it.

“Thanks, and don’t worry if you press that button I’ll be there right away.”

With that she starts walking away, still holding herself with something bothering her-oh wait I forgot something.

“Hey Veer!”

She turns back and walks towards me again.

“What’s up miss me already?”

“Ha-ha nope, I wanted to ask you if you could keep this whole thing from everyone else. You know our names and us being in the hospital? I really fucking hate people gossiping about our shit.”

She leans back, presses her lips and makes this throwing a key away gesture.

She stands like a soldier and salutes me away, now walking away from my sight.

Well fuck me I guess, I like her. She’s cool, but I really think we shouldn’t hang out with her. I really want to avoid that other psycho and the one thing I know is that bad company doesn’t bring anything good.

I come back to the room and see that Max is still sleeping, still snuggled up with the pillow on her arms.

With this cold air who wouldn’t want to snuggle, makes me want to lay down and hug her too. As if I needed a reason.

I walk down the room towards the bed and slowly get up on it. I put my arm over her, get real close without moving her and take some breaths to calm down after my struggle of getting on the bed.

This feels great, almost makes me stop feeling sore, and honestly seeing her sleeping so calm and peaceful makes it hard to believe she’s not okay, but she isn’t, and she needs my support.

Well I’m here for her, not leaving any time soon, and especially not hurting her with my stupid emotional crap like that again.

I hadn’t thought about it but I guess it was my fault that everything happened to her. It was my fault that she hurt herself, my fault that I almost died. The whole thing was my fault.

What do you know, you learn something new every day. Or not since I already knew that I’m the cause for every shitty thing happening to us and everyone else.

And now I better shut my eyes, don’t want to get angry all on my own and end up taking it out on Max. Again.

Closing my eyes I welcome the darkness and try to stop thinking of everything, of the responsibilities that I’m avoiding, the results of my actions and all these stupid things that want to stress me the fuck out.

Don’t think of shit Chloe, get distracted and don’t think about anything. Sing a fucking song if you have to…yeah that could work, singing a song does tend to knock me out.

All right let’s see. Well I do know a song about beer, that’s as good as anything to put me down.

_99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer.  
Take one down, pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall_

_98 bottles of beer on the wall, 98 bottles of beer.  
Take one down, pass it around, 97 bottles of beer on the wall_

And now I want a drink, or at least something to smoke. I wonder if Veer will get me something if I press the button.

\----------------------------------------------------------

…

…

Hmm what the hell? What is this?

I open my eyes and see the sun at full blast hitting me right in the face.

Guess it’s morning already.

Turning and looking to my side I see Max still sleeping soundly as she was last night, still laying right next to me.

She must be having a good dream if she’s sleeping this long. I shouldn’t wake her up just yet, better for her to rest as much as she can, especially since we’re going back to her home soon enough. Back to that feud Vanessa has with me.

Trying my best to not wake her up I get down from the bed and quietly move out of the way to close the damn curtains so the sun stops hitting her. It’s like the people here make it on purpose, bunch of assholes like Veer said.

Huh I didn’t realize when I first woke up but most of my body feels much better, not like I can jump or run already but standing doesn’t seem to be bothering me as much as last night.

Okay so I’m awake now and Max isn’t, so what should I do? I could go to the bathroom and wash my face. I’m still feeling pretty tired and I’m one hundred percent sure I will fall asleep if I get back on bed, not like that’s a bad thing but I really shouldn’t.

Getting out of the room and into the hallway I see the staff just as they had been yesterday. Everyone is walking and sprinting with patients and stuff on their hands, they never seem to be resting, all of them looking dead in their eyes too, probably from the countless hours of sleep missed.

Can’t believe Veer’s a nurse either, but then again Rene did say she’s the one that gets her drugs which would explain how she’s getting them in the first place.

Funny, so Veer is the local drug dealer around here, would definitely hit her up for stuff too. Maybe she’ll even lend me weed like Frank used to do. Shit why did I thought of that and why the hell am I remembering her!

That bitch is the last person that should be on my mind.

Taking some deep breaths to calm the rage forming in me I shake head my head and come out heading to the bathroom. I come to the sink and splash my face, cleaning it and really feeling the cold water dripping down my face and back.

“This water is freezing! Couldn’t they have warm instead of cold.”

Pulling back I can see myself and what do you know, Veer was right. I still got some blue hairs on the top of my head, not sure if I want to dye it again, not really in a mood to do it either. I can also see my body in the mirror, the thin gown that I’m wearing barely covering my chest and with my arms and legs at full display.

Hell I hadn’t look at myself all that good but it looks really fucking bad, both of my arms full of bruises, my legs somewhat rough and my face not injured or anything but it looks depressing as fuck. I look pathetic.

“No wonder Max thought I was dead when she saw me, the only thing missing is the tag on my foot.”

Well feeling rather awake and not because of the water I walk back to the room. Making sure Veer isn’t around or anything I come in without making a sound, pass the curtain and notice that Max is still on the bed, still looking as sweet as ever.

I walk to the chair against the wall and sit on it. It’s hard, uncomfortable, way too greasy from the plastic but it gets the job done.

I let my head fall to the wall and stare at the ceiling, sucking air and then blowing it out as I focus on how the fuck I can convince Max to not want to meet Veer again.

I mean what can I say? Hey Max you remember Veer from the other night? You know when I went full berserk on your ass and you ended up breaking down? Yeah well she’s a nurse. My nurse more specifically and also she might be junkie, and also her roommate. Plus I’m pretty sure they’re both bat-shit crazy How do I know this? Well I was making out pretty heavy with Veer’s roommate. When? I’m glad you ask, right after I left you. Went to her apartment and sucked on her tongue. Oh but no worries we didn’t fucked or anything, she just got her hand in my crotch and that’s it. Also that’s why I got in a crash, after leaving her I was ready to skip town and leave you but hey I’m here now so it’s all good!

…

...

And now I feel a need to stab myself at the heart multiple times.

With my hand turn to a fist I can feel a strong need to break something, to explode at everything around me…but instead I restrain myself from actually doing it.

I forcefully open my hand, lift it up, drag it around my face and bury it deeply into my skin. Just remembering how I was desperately losing myself at Rene’s touch for a second makes me want to throw up and rampage everything in this place like a raging bull. Both stupid animals, both pieces of meat that don’t think for shit.

Argh!

Sounds even worse when I think of it and me saying that to Max it’s like me confirming all of her fears. Like how she mentioned that she’s dragging me around makes more sense now. Is that what she thinks? What she’s been seeing in her dreams? I don’t even know what to do or how to react at that. I want to tell her everything! I don’t want to hide anymore shit! I hate that and I despise that I’m even thinking of doing it, but right now it seems like the best option. As shitty as this is making me feel it would only hurt her and destroy the little security that she still has.

I can’t, if I were to tell her as she is it would break her completely, shatter her entirely. At this moment she’s the most vulnerable she’s ever been, she wasn’t even this bad after the storm.

I want to tell her all about it, explain it to her but I can’t. I couldn’t do that to her as she is, but never mentioning it to her is also out of the question. That would be the shittiest thing I could do to her. Almost as bad as the action itself so no, I’m not hiding this. I’ll tell her, eventually.

I’ll explain all of it to her and if she hates me and wants me gone then fuck it! I’ll understand but I can’t do it, just not right now. She needs to heal first, her health is my priority and me being friends with some girl who is or isn’t a junkie doesn’t matter to me in the slightest.

…

But the question remains. How do I explain that to her without telling her.

Hmm, well if I remember correctly she did say Veer and her friends seemed weird to her when we met them. Could Max had seen something I didn’t? Something I missed?

Wait, think Chloe let’s assume Veer is a full-on junkie, could Max had noticed something like that? If that’s what she meant then it could mean they’re all the same? I mean I know Rene’s doing it and I know Veer is the one getting it for her and there were some joints on the table of her apartment with a ‘special ingredient’ so maybe Veer is just as bad Rene. But she did seem sad or bothered about something when we talked last night.

So if I were to assume everything I’ve thought is true, then maybe that could mean that what Max was trying to say that other night has to do with this stuff. That would make things easier, and to be honest if what I’m thinking is true it would be much better to completely get them out of our lives before we get more involved.

“Chloe!”

I jump up at her voice and see Max awake, panic in her expression and her head frantically moving around until her eyes stop at me, her chest falling rapidly up and down with her hands gripping the covers of the bed, holding her weight with tension all over her.

“And good morning to you sleeping beauty.”

I stand up from the hard chair and walk towards her, lean on the bed and sit on its edge.

“I’m here Max.”

“Sorry, I just didn’t see you with me and immediately thought the worst.”

“Yeah sorry about that, I woke up first and didn’t want to wake you up. You were looking so peaceful in your sleep that I didn’t want to bother you. You had a good dream?”

Max’s lips turn up into a smile and her eyes have this shine that makes her look almost god-like.

Fucking sun, with the sunrays barely coming through they hit her just right and make her look do damn perfect.

“Nope, didn’t dream nothing this time.”

“That’s good right?”

“It’s great, I feel totally refreshed.”

As she says that she lets herself fall to the bed and buries her head on the pillow, still looking at me with her innocent smile that makes me forget about the coldness of the room.

“How about you does anything still hurt?”

“Nah everything is pretty much fine now, maybe a little sore and stuff but nothing to cry home about. I told you already I’m invincible.”

“So if I punch you it wouldn’t hurt?”

“Nope, you’ll probably only hurt yourself by doing that so if I were you I wouldn’t even try it.”

“How considerate of you.”

“I know.”

As good as this feels I need to mention the thing that’s bothering me and I need to say it right, otherwise she’ll know something’s up.

I lift myself from the bed and walk to the window, open the curtains with the sun now fully blasting the entire room. I turn around and rest my back on the window, looking at Max who’s now hiding her face with the covers.

“Rude much? Is this you telling me to get up already?”

I just smile and giggle at her.

“This is me being responsible, don’t you know the sun its good for your health?”

“Chloe Price when have you given any care to your health? Last time I check you were smoking a whole pack of cigarettes a day.”

“Touché. Okay you got me I’m playing with you Max, but I need to tell you something and I rather do it now instead of you getting surprised later.”

She swallows and her face turns serious, as if she were expecting something bad.

“What is it? Something came up on your tests? Everything okay? Chloe what’s wrong?”

Dammit, my fault for sounding so serious.

I immediately begin walking towards her and put my hands on her shoulders, looking directly at her scare eyes, I slowly rub her shoulders to assure her that’s everything’s okay.

“No nothing like that! It’s all good Max don’t worry about me I swear I’m fine.”

“Then what is it?”

“I just wanted to tell you about my nurse, Remember those girls at the club? One of them is a nurse and she works here. Her name is Veer, remember the one with the puffy cheeks at the club?”

“Veer? Puffy cheeks?”

Her face dropping the sudden panic it had, her breathing regaining its calm and her expression relaxing as well.

I suck at this don’t I? Fucking dramatic, Chloe just say it without all the suspense for god’s sake.

“Sorry I-I kinda overreacted didn’t I?”

“Nah you’re fine Max, it’s me trying to be funny or something like that. I’m such an idiot.”

She moves her hand and goes towards mine, brings both of them down and looks at me with a weak but real smile on her lips.

“We’re both idiots.”

“We sure are hippie.”

We’re both quiet now, not saying anything but sitting here while breathing the same air, breathing in sync and smiling even more because of it.

But holy shit I scared the shit out of her and myself because I was being so dramatic. I don’t know if I should laugh or worry but right now I all I know is that I just feel awesome being with her like this.

I let a fake cough because I need to break this moment that neither one of us wants to leave, and as much as I want to not mention it I kinda need to tell her.

“So Max like I was saying before I traumatized you, remember Veer? She was with some other two weird girls at the club. Well she’s my nurse. Found out last night when you were sleeping. Surprised me and we ended up talking for a while.”

Max’s expression begins changing and looking weird now.

She’s so obvious, I can see her making a thinking face, how she’s trying to remember but her puzzling look saying otherwise.

“To be honest my memory is a little fuzzy but I’m sure I’ll remember when I see her, I can make the other two of them but Veer? Her face is a bit blurry and can’t really remember it.”

“No problemo Maxo, you’ll see her soon enough.”

“And Chloe you said the other two were weird?”

“Yeah, I can’t remember their names but they were a bit strange don’t ya think?”

“They were all really weird.”

Okay she started it, but why did she say it like that? Her voice serious and flat, as if she means something. That has made me curious.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t really know, something about them felt off that night. I remember the short one saying something strange and the punk looking one giving me a bad vibe. Like I don’t know but it just felt weird to be around them.”

Huh, why didn’t I notice anything back then? Guess I was too into the mood that I kinda flew over it.

“Really? I don’t exactly remember that but you know what, I felt the same thing with this chick. She’s really cool, had a blast talking with her but like you said, something just felt off about the whole thing.”

Max stays silent and stares into nothingness, her eyes seem to be once again thinking something.

“What you’re thinking Maximus?”

“You said Veer was a nurse?”

“Yeah, last night she came over to check on me I guess and when she got close to check up on me I noticed it was her. Scared the shit out of me for a second. Why does that help you remember something”

“It does actually, you know how I told you that the short girl said something strange.”

“Yeah I remember, what did she say?”

“I can’t remember exactly but something about Veer injecting some money? At the time I thought it was weird like who says that but you telling me that made me think of it, and they all had these weirds marks on their arms too. These tiny black dots on them that I thought were odd.”

“You think they might be injecting some shit in their arms or something?”

If she thinks of this herself it would make my job a hella lot easier, I feel kinda shitty for throwing Veer under the bus like this but it’s not like it’s wrong, for all I know she could be just as bad as Rene.

“I don’t know, I wouldn’t really say that but I don’t think it could be something else either. They whole thing just felt weird that night. Like you said it was fun, I really did enjoy meeting them but I don’t know if I would want to see them again. Just thinking about it reminds me of that monster.”

As Max says these things I can see her body dropping down, her excitement from before slowly dripping away and her voice lacking the energy it had.

She probably did enjoy that time with them. Well yeah even I did, I wasn’t lying when I said I had fun. I really did think we could at least hang again but the last thing I want is for any of us to be close to people with needles. I’m pretty sure Max is thinking the same.

Noticing her solemn expression I get a hold of her and hug her, deeply bury myself in her and try to sooth her troubles away.

“Hey Max, I know it sucks but come on don’t get down like that. If neither of us feels good about them then we don’t have to meet them again, fuck just thinking about that crap gets me all nervous and shit.”

“Ye-yeah me too, I even freaked out yesterday when the medic tried to put some morphine in me while we were at the ambulance. It just took me back to that moment you know, the bunker and that asshole. I didn’t blow-up like at the house but it made me feel as I did back then. I could almost feel the same cold air and the hopelessness coming back to me.”

Pulling away I stare at her and hope that my words can help her even a little bit. I hold her hand and massage her palm with my fingers circling around. Hoping to assure her that she’s safe here, she’s safe with me.

But it also reminds me of why she was in that ambulance in the first place, because I blew at her that night, because I was too damn stupid to calm down. Because I’m such a lousy piece of shit that I can’t control my emotions from going all over the place.

“I’m so sorry about that Max, it was all my fault. All of it, this whole circus is my fault and I ended up dragging you in. I didn’t mean to push you through any of it.”

Max blinks for a second and looks at me weird and gets a tight grip on my hand.

“What are you talking about, it wasn’t your fault, nothing at all. You were in a crash Chloe, I should be the one saying sorry for being a crazy mess.”

“First of all stop saying that idiotic crap, you’re not crazy. Secondly, it was. If I hadn’t gotten all stupid that night just because you were worried about me none of this would’ve happen. I know it may sound mad to you but I can’t help but feel this way. You know I’m even a little right and also not being there with you when you were suffering drives me mad okay. I should’ve never left you there.”

Her eyes aren’t confused anymore, they’re looking at me with a care that only she’s given me and it’s making me feel warm inside, a feeling that I don’t think I deserve. I don’t want to feel this way, I don’t deserve it. She’s too good for me, I know that but she doesn’t care. She gives it to me as if it were natural.

I’m starting to get this urge break down, to let the emotions that I’m trying to bury come out but I won’t let them. My heart is beating faster than a motor at full speed and my face is getting this tingling feeling under my eyes but I’m not letting it happen, not now, not anytime soon.

“Well you’re here now, and you won’t leave. Right?”

Her grip gets stronger but it’s different. It isn’t as before, it feels desperate. She speaks with doubt in her voice, as if she didn’t truly believe I’d stay.

Hearing her say that with that tone makes a crack in my throat, it hurts that because of my stupid actions she’s lost some of the security she had in me.

Battling the urge to let tears fall down my cheeks I muster myself and smile through the pain, move my hand away from hers and playfully tap her nose.

“Maxine Caulfield no. I’m not leaving you, you’re stuck with me.”

Giggling at that and not getting angry because I called her Maxine she smirks and pushes me with both her hands.

“Is that how you wanna play, Elizabeth?”

I can keep this up.

“I accept the challenge my queen.”

I say bowing and holding the laughter that just wants to explode at the room.

“Dork, just stop and press that button. Good thing you have room service in here.”

“Hungry already? But we just woke up.”

“It’s never too early for bacon.”

“You got me there, can’t argue with that logic.”

…

After pressing the button for my nurse or better said for Veer to come we waited and talked until someone did arrived, but oddly it wasn’t Veer. Maybe her shift ended or something but anyways we got some fruit, bread, scrambled eggs, water, juice but most importantly bacon. Bacon which for some fucking reason they can only give one strip to a patient so I ended up giving it to Max, how could I say no to her puppy eyes. That and I think she started wiggling her butt when she saw the piece of bacon.

Note to self, will have to test later on.

Anyways that was all good and great, some more nurses came later to check up on me, took more blood out of me with needles and Max was right next to me the whole time. Both of us were really uncomfortable and anxious, neither one of us said anything about it but we both could feel the tension in the room.

She took my hand and helped me through it.

Like I keep reminding myself she’s the one helping me, not the other way around. I would’ve gotten all pissed and shit, maybe even made a ruckus but thank god she was here, she really calmed my nerves down.

Still no sight of Veer, I know I said to myself that I wanted to avoid her and hopefully even miss her completely but I’m not gonna lie, I kinda wanted to see her and talk to her. After eating and getting checked Ryan arrived at the hospital and came to the room. Nothing weird or tense like I imagined although that’s partly because Vanessa wasn’t there, maybe she’s in the car or something. We still haven’t seen her since he came, probably doesn’t want to make another scene in the hospital.

Yep lets save it all for when we’re at their house.

And so with this stupid recollection of my great morning here I am in the bathroom faking a shit. Even though I came to relax and take some breaths to stop myself from getting angry it’s not working, it’s a waste of time that a bunch of useless therapists told me to do years ago whenever I’m feeling stress. And the main reason why I’m feeling so pissed is because I just realized what these fuckers did to my clothes.

Argh! I mean couldn’t they remove them with their hands? Max was right there! She could’ve undressed me all by herself!

Sigh.

“I’m so fucking pissed right now, why the fucking hell did they had to cut my clothes? They were brand new for fucks sake! That jacket was hella awesome, the shirt had this rocking design and those boots!”

Just remembering those boots makes me see red. I know it’s dumb to get angry about it, like really childish but…but they looked so good in me.

And even worse is that Ryan only brought two choices. Two of which were some of Max’s or Vanessa’s clothes. Either some really tight jeans with a tiny ass white shirt barely letting me move or another mom look with Vanesa’s slacks and blouse screaming kill me. I look ridiculous.

Should I even be making a fuss about it? The more I think about it the more angry I get. Fuck it, get over it already and get out.

I got Ryan and Max outside in the hall waiting on me, I should hurry up at least. More so because maybe we won’t get to see Veer again and just forget about her. As if I were that lucky.

After what seems like eternity I take my hands away from my face. I can slowly feel how my fingers were already sticking to the skin after the prolonged pressuring of my face. It feels disgusting. I lift my legs and stand up straight facing the door of the stall.

For a hospital bathroom I gotta say, its not that clean. It has a few writings on the wall to the left. Well they do seem quite new so maybe they do clean, people just suck I guess. Let’s see what they say.

“Six six six next to a pentagram, okay looks like we got some devil worshipers. Next up it says, ‘Don’t drop the soap’. Really that’s the best that person came up with? And last but not least a drawing of some nurses killing what I think it’s a patient. Good thing that didn’t happen to me.”

Man these people really suck at this, if I had a marker I would put them all to shame in an instant. Oh well maybe next time, or better yet I’ll never be back here again.

After reviewing these mediocre sketches I open the stall and walk to the sink. Open the water and thoroughly wash my face.

Get ready Chloe and remember no more getting emotionally unstable or causing trouble. If Vanessa wants to argue or accuse you of something you’re going to have to let it go. You’re going to have to bury the voice telling you to fight and instead stay quiet.

Easy peasy right?

Drying my face now with some paper I take a look at myself and see how I actually look in Max’s clothes.

This is really not my look. Since my only choices were wearing Max’s clothes, Vanessa’s or the hospital gown I went with Max’s and boy is this weird.

The jeans are up to my ankles, the shirt is so small that it’s barely under my belly button and the sleeves are just beyond my arm pits. And the weirdest part? Is not that bad. I kinda like this I don’t know, hipster-beach thing I have going on. Specially with my hair being almost to its original color.

“Fucking Max, she’ll probably be laughing her ass off after seeing me like this.”

While smiling and looking at myself I turn down and see the bag of clothes with the hospital gown and Vanessa’s clothes, better not forget them here.

I walk and grab them, then make my way to the door and outside to the hall now. I look around and don’t see Max, just Ryan talking with Dr. Baltazar. They notice me and call over for me, looking rather happy about it.

Are they buddies or something, they seem too chummy to be strangers.

“Hey there Ryan, Dr. Baltazar. Good news I hope?”

Dr. Baltazar smiles and nods.

“Nothing but good Chloe, I was just telling Mr. Caulfield here about your current state.”

“You’re fine, Dr. Baltazar here was telling me how you won’t be needing any accommodation or treatment after leaving. But he did say to keep an eye on you, make sure you’re not doing anything strenuous to your body.”

“Oh don’t worry about that, I assure if there’s some work to be done I’ll leave it to you Ryan. I’ll just be lazing around and cheering on.”

“That’s what we wanted to hear and be sure to drink lots of fluids. I’m sure you don’t need me or anybody else telling you to be healthy and take care of your body so I won’t.”

“Umm thanks, I’ll be sure to do that.”

“Well since all that is done and the paperwork has already been handled by one of our board members there isn’t anything you need to do.”

Wait what did he say?

“Already been filled out? But I haven’t signed anything since I came? And if I did I was probably out of it. Shit how much will all this cost?”

Fuck I totally forgot about that, I would hate that Ryan and Vanessa had to pay thousands of dollars for my sake. I’m sure this will be a shit ton of money, fucking hospitals drown people in debt.

“Please don’t worry about it, like I said one of our board members took care of it…I’m sorry were you not informed of it?”

Dr. Baltazar looks at Ryan and his are now eyes open wide, as if he got the message Ryan sent him just now. He coughs and turns to me.

“Oh well, I’m sure Mr. & Mrs. Caulfield can explain it to you. If there’s anything else I can do to help please don’t be nervous and give a call to the hospital. Call for me and I’ll be sure to get back to you.”

Ryan nods with a thankful smile on him and Dr. Baltazar does the same, he begins walking away and immediately starts grabbing some files on a table while rapidly reading them. Being a doctor must be tough. But what did he meant with me not needing to sign anything? That everything had been taken care of?

Before I even speak I hear Ryan sighing and notice him turn to me with an embarrassed look on him.

“So guess you want to know what that was all about?”

“Ye-yeah, I’m confused here. Did you guys had to pay for all my shit-I mean hospital bills?”

“No, we didn’t need to. Vanessa is friends with someone who’s a board member here on the hospital and well, he has privileges and so does her thanks to them being longtime friends.”

Oh yeah, I remember Dr. Baltazar saying something about that yesterday.

“Well that sure is awesome news, for a moment there I thought I already made you spend thousands of dollars on me. I mean I have few on me but not enough for ‘this’.”

“Well don’t worry about it, we didn’t have to and Chloe even if we’ve had to do it we wouldn’t had thought twice about it, so don’t worry about those sorts of things. You’re part of this family, always had been and always will be.”

I think I’ve heard him say that about five times already and every time it hits me like a motherfucker. I better say something and change the mood, don’t want to cry in a hospital.

“So where’s Max? I thought she was with you? Is she with Vanessa maybe?”

As soon as I spoke Ryan’s whole body becomes tense, he makes this weird smile that seems totally fake and begins to scratch his beard for some reason. I feel he does that a lot.

“No, she’s not with Vanessa. She left with a nurse, I think she knew her already. Her name was Veron maybe, no wait I think it was Barb.”

“Veer?”

He snaps his fingers and points at me.

“That’s the one, she left to the cafeteria just after you left to get change.”

Fuck please don’t let anything go wrong.

“Thanks Ryan I better go get her, hospitals aren’t really my place and I’m feeling the need to leave already.”

“You and me both Chloe. I’ll be at the entrance waiting for you two.”

After that I turn and begin making my way to the cafeteria, inspecting every corner and hallway because I can’t seem to find the godamm cafeteria in this place. I continue pacing, almost running until I see it and right there I spot Max and Veer. They’re sitting on a table and talking about something. Max’s okay, and Veer well she looks jolly as always.

Max’s looking…well I think. A little tense with her body and head pulled somewhat back, sticking her arm to herself to but other than that she seems fine. Talking to her fine, and Veer well she’s just enjoying herself, laughing and smiling like a crazy person, which I think she is? But so am I so who the fuck am I to judge.

Without really thinking about what to say I rush over to them, after almost crashing against some people on the way I finally reach the two of them.

“Hey hey what’s up, thought I lost you there Max.”

She turns to me and this big grin forms in her lips, her eyes sparking way more than normal.

“Hey Chloe, glad you went with my stuff. Looking…hot?”

What, looking hot? Oh right, I’m basically cosplaying as her. That little rascal.

“Oh like what you see then? I’ll remember that for the bedroom, but seriously I gotta say Max it ain’t that bad. A little tight on the chest area but other than that it fits me just fine.”

Making a smile she stares at me, her face wanting to go down and hide but she keeps at it and her getting more flustered by the second.

“Shut up, as if you’re one to talk. But it does look great, maybe forget the whole punk thing and join the light?”

“Fat chance, me being a hipster will remain in your lewdest dreams Max so keep on dreaming.”

I’m so glad to see she’s really fine, I got worried for a moment there when I heard she was with Veer. I know she might not know anything at all but that’s a chance I’m not willing to take.

Cough cough

Huh? Both Max and I turn up and see Veer staring at us, her eyebrows raised up and her face screaming what the fuck.

“Yeah can we help you?”

“Oh no don’t mind me, you two can continue flirting in front of me without a care. I’ll just watch and eat a popcorn while I wait for you two to finish.”

“Atta girl, better get comfortable.”

“Is she always like this Max?”

“Usually she’s worse, I think she’s behaving for your sake.”

“Ahh et tu Max?”

Max stares at my exaggerated face and posture and gives me another sweet smile of hers, damn she knows how to stop me.

“All right I’ll stop so what’s up.”

“Not much, just talking to Veer. I was waiting for you when Veer came and started to talk to me.”

“You thought you were leaving without giving me the chance to finally talk to Max and not Mars.”

“Again sorry about that, it was stupid of us and-”

Veer raises her hand and puts it in front of Max, signaling her to stop talking.

“Nope, you don’t need to tell me. I already told Chloe that it’s fine, I really don’t need to know your reasons.”

“Still, I feel really shitty about it.”

“Nah don’t worry about it, besides Max fits you way better that Mars. Now that I think about it Mars is a pretty silly name like who has a name after a planet?”

Max laughs at this and without showing Veer she grabs my hand under the table. She doesn’t say anything but holds me tighter, I wonder what that’s about.

Could it be she wants to leave? I try to look at her in the eyes but she has her head tilted down, not really giving me a chance. Maybe she’s not all that great in here, she did kinda realize that maybe Veer might be hooked on something so I guess that could be it.

Since I’m only half-sitting on the table, one leg in and the other out I look at Veer who’s waiting for us to talk. Might as well and take this chance to leave.

“So Veer I’m glad I saw you here and still think it’s awesome of you to be so chill but we do gotta leave. My body is killing me and I for one would totally welcome a bed not from the hospital.”

Without saying anything Veer smirks while looking at me and winks at Max, raising her eyebrows and now pointing repeatedly at Max with her head.

“No I’m serious, I’m dead tired.”

“No you’re not, you practically pushed me out of bed earlier so I would hurry up.”

For fucks sake Max, didn’t you see what Veer was doing. Now Veer is really thinking I want to go home and screw you. Well fuck it I’m not one for games right now.

I turn to Veer and stare at her.

“Yes yes! I want to go home and go down on her, now can you stop smirking like a dumbass?”

Max shocked at my comment looks away but I can still see her cheeks getting flustered, shit even I’m getting a little exhilarated.

“Yes, I can stop smirking like a dumbass. And with that said I guess this is goodbye.”

Veer gets up and gets herself off the table, walks next to it ready to take off after we say our words.

“Yeah I guess, but don’t worry we have your number…umm we can hang out again one of these days.”

No! Max I’ve never thought this but please shut the fuck up. This is our easy way out.

“Oh my god if Chloe wasn’t making that face right now I would take your offer in a heartbeat.”

My what?

“What face?”

“You’ve been making this ‘I want to leave this bitch right now’ face ever since I saw you last night.”

“No I haven’t what are you talking about?”

Fuck now I’m doing it, t’s like I want to get tangled in more shit.

I get out of the table and Max follows me, not really saying anything but staying really quiet, just observing the situation.

“It’s fine, really look I’m not this stupid, dumb girl who parties and doesn’t give a shit about anything okay. I can feel some vibes from you two and it’s pretty obvious that something is bothering you, I’m not going to ask what or why but at least respect me and don’t lie to my face. If there’s one thing I fucking hate more than anything is people lying to me when I tell them not to.”

You gotta be kidding me, this is really fucking awkward now. I’ve been so used to bullshit my way through these situations that I don’t really know any other way, but after everything that’s happened to us it doesn’t seem right anymore. Plus her telling it to my face really puts me on the spot.

My mind is empty. What do I even say? Yeah I think you’re a junkie just as your roommate who by the way I was making out with. And as another plus she’s the reason why I crashed and almost died!

Looking at everywhere but her face I begin breathing deeper, the air flowing through my lungs and out my throat, my skin sweating, my hands having this need to grab something, my brain wanting to smoke to get away from this fucking place.

I take a deep breath and I can feel the words of guilt wanting to leave my mouth, but I hear Max beating me to it.

“Veer look I’m-we’re sorry. You’re right, you’re completely right about it. We aren’t that comfortable but it’s not what you think. We think you’re awesome, even Chloe told me when I woke up how you were really fun to be around and talk to. I’m talking to you and I’m enjoying myself, I really thought we could’ve hung out more after we first met but.”

Veer keeps looking at her and not me, seeing the nervousness in me she probably decided to spare me her gaze.

“But?”

“But something is bothering us, we…don’t really know what it is but it’s making us uneasy. It’s hard to explain and really awkward to even mention it.”

I didn’t even realize it with everything going through my mind but Max has been holding onto my hand and I only just felt it because her pressure just got strong enough to crush my bones. Yep hurts like a bitch but I probably shouldn’t move it right now.

Veer lets out a deep sigh, she smiles and moves her hand up to her chest. I hadn’t given her much attention but her fingernails are painted pink.

“Thanks, I really appreciate that Max. You wouldn’t believe how many people keep lying their ass off even after they’ve been discovered. It’s a relief that you’re not like most people, and like I said don’t stress about it. If I could I’d avoid myself too but I really can’t do that so I’m stuck with me. Sorry that was weird, just don’t feel guilty about it okay?”

Who the fuck is this? A saint or something? How can she be so calm and understanding of our fucking bullshit. We basically said we think she’s fucking weird and how we feel uncomfortable around her and all she does is smile and be kind? Is she really injecting herself with that shit? Maybe she only gets it for her friends and is in it for the money-wait that would actually be way worse. Fuck either way she has something to do with it and no matter what we’re staying the fuck away from these people.

If I don’t learn from all the shit that happened to Max and I then I don’t deserve to be alive, much less have Max with me. Arcadia Bay getting fucking destroyed, mom and everyone else dying for my worthless self is a shitstorm all by itself and I can’t say I’m not close to having a nervous breakdown every day I wake up, but I’m not about to let it get me all depressed and fucked up about it, I already went through that those first few days.

Now what I need to is to be tough and endure all the pain. I need to take it all in and move forward for myself because I need to be stronger, to be there for Max who’s really having it hard. That’s the only reason why I’m still semi-functional and I’m not about to be ungrateful for everything she did. If it weren’t for her I would either be dead or a soon to be dead homeless girl.

I don’t care if I need to be a bitch about it, I’ll be sure to protect her and help her get better.

As soon as I open my mouth I see Veer making this weird face, as if she just remembered something and snaps her fingers.

“Wait, I knew I was forgetting something.”

“What?”

“Do you two remember the night at the club?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Remember that you had this bag of clothes with you?”

Don’t say it Veer, shut the fuck up and don’t even mention.

“Oh yeah! We did, they were some costumes for Halloween.”

Veer smile turns really big and stares at me, me which the by the case I’m holding my mouth from telling her to fuck off before she does what I think she’s gonna do.

“Aha, you left it there. The bartender saw it and kept it, he saw you two with us and asked us if we wanted to give it back to you. Sorry for snooping but I have to ask, is the dress for Chloe?”

Max looks at me with a sweet smile, and I think she didn’t notice the anger growing on me.

“Yep, it is. I won a coin toss so she had to get it.”

“So then the tuxedo is for Max.”

Veer asks me and now I need to talk without sounding like I want to punch her.

“Ye-yeah. We-uh, we were trying some stuff out and we ended up with that.”

“Okay now that’s something I need to see with my own eyes. You’re going to look so adorable with that on.”

I don’t want to ruin the whole magical mood that’s going on, especially how Max looks to be enjoying herself but I really want to end this already, and if I’m right Veer is going to want to give us the clothes, basically getting together again and that means that there’s a chance big of Rene showing up.

“I have the bag over at my apartment, you can come pick it up after my shift is done if you want. It’s somewhat far, about forty minutes from here but it’ll be fun if you want to, my roommate who I told you about last time is there and she’s tons of fun, I just know Chloe would totally hit it off with her.”

Yeah, no fucking way that’s happening.

“Probably not, not feeling the need to meet new people right now. Actually we should get going home already since this isn’t a great time but we’ll see Veer. Anyways great talking and hope you don’t get any more assholes in here.”

Trying to end this thing I wave her off but it doesn’t seem to work, both Max and Veer continue talking about the bag. They’re just clothes! We can buy more at the damn store.

“So how about it Max, sounds good to you?”

“Yeah I think it’s fine, what do you think Chloe?”

Wait what? I didn’t listen to anything they said.

“Think about what?”

“You really want to leave don’t you? I was just telling ‘Mars’ here about going out at least one more time and bring you girls the clothes. You know go out, eat or just go do some dancing and as a bonus you get your lovely costumes back. Max and I already agreed but now we need your take on it? Or if you don’t want to I can just send it through mail, if you reeeally don’t want to come hang out.”

Really Max? I thought we were on the same page here.

She’s looking at me with her eyes almost pleading me to say yes.

Sigh it’s not like I don’t get it, I would be all over it too and said even suggested it myself but I don’t want to risk Max meeting that crazy ass bitch. If only I hadn’t fucked up and gone off on my own I wouldn’t have to worry about this stupid crap.

Looking at Max like this makes it really hard to say no to, I guess we could. As long as Rene doesn’t show up or comes along…it should be fine.

“Sure…why not. A night out a few days from now sounds good.”

“All righty then, don’t worry about anything but make sure you’re bringing your cute butts over. I’ll handle everything and make sure we all have fun. I’ll tell the girls and my roommate who I told you about. She’s a really party animal.”

Hold on a minute.

“Wait Veer, how about we just keep it without her.”

She stops smiling and instead now looks confused, and so does Max.

“Uh and why wouldn’t I invite her? She’s really cool don’t worry about it.”

“Look! I don’t want to be a bitch about it, but I rather not. Why not be just the other two girls from the club and us you know? I’m not really feeling it to meet new people at this point.”

Both of them still looking confused, shrug their shoulders and seem to be okay with it.

“Okay weirdo then just Carr, Rina and us. See that easy, any other requests my dear princess?”

“Bite me.”

“Come closer.”

“Yeah no, stay away you psycho.”

“You know I’m playing, so the two of you just leave the planning to me and be sure to come hangout. This is going to be so much fun.”

“All right then, you have our number so just send us a message when everything’s set and done. Now for real, we’ll be leaving.”

Veer doesn’t say anything, she smiles and waves off as she leaves and walks off outside the cafeteria.

Hopefully I won’t regret as much I think I’ll do.

I turn to Max who’s also looking to be in high spirits. Some fun does sound good, not exactly what I was thinking of but maybe nothing bad won’t happen.

“You okay Chloe?”

Hmm?

“Oh yeah I’m…Max what the hell? I thought we both wanted to get away from them, not hang out again.”

Her eyes go down, bites her lip and holds her arm as she does when she gets uncomfortable.

“Yeah we are, but…I don’t know I just had so much fun talking with her that I just went along with her. She’s really cool, she’s easy to talk to and caring. I…I don’t know I’m thinking maybe I was wrong, maybe what I felt was something else and I panicked.”

“Look Max, I know I get it. I want to have fun and forget all this shit for even a little bit but I’m not getting a great vibe from her and from what you told me you saw I’m getting a worse feeling than before. I don’t think this is such as great idea.”

“You really think so?”

“I don’t know what to think, but my gut is telling me to run.”

She gets really quiet, her expression turning into a frown and lets out a deep sigh while staring at nothing.

“Hey come on Maximus, don’t get down like that. Just because I said it might not be a great idea doesn’t mean we can’t have our own fun.”

Well that doesn’t seem to help much, she smiles but I can tell that it isn’t real.

“Sure.”

Feeling like shit from basically taking the happiness she had I scratch my head and close my eyes for a second, reminding myself that it’s for the best. I turn to her again and grab her hand, look at her and smile true as I can.

“Come on let’s go, Ryan is probably bored to death from waiting for us.”

“Yeah let’s get going.”

Walking down the hall I look for Veer but I can’t see her, probably in another place helping some patients. I do feel bad for making her worse than she is but it’s not like I lied to Max. It’s all true, a little exaggerated but still true.

We see Ryan sitting on a chair, reading a magazine about cooking. He notices us coming and smiles at us, not even appearing bothered as we walk with our hands linked together.

Good thing Ryan isn’t a tool like David, whatever it may be he was a douche. Bums me the hell out what happened to him but saying he was a good man would be a lie.

“Hey girls, ready to leave?”

“Yeah we’re ready dad, is mom in the car?”

“Uh no, she’s not in the car. She’s…busy at the moment.”

Nothing else is said, just an awkward silence.

I for one am glad about it, not really feeling like seeing her.

“Well just sit tight as I bring the car down, don’t want Chloe here to fall down walking down the stairs.”

“As long as I don’t get to walk any more than I need to I’m happy to wait.”

He smiles and turns outside. He begins walking towards his car wherever it is and Max and I stay standing in the waiting room. Not much being said, not much being done either.

Only silence as we wait for the car.

Without saying anything Max grabs my arm and leans herself on me.

“You okay Max?”

…

“I don’t know, I really don’t.”

Feeling this big hole in my chest a sudden pain comes to me, hitting deep inside where my heart is. I lower my head and plant a kiss on her, as I do I let myself rest on her shoulder. She doesn’t say anything and neither do I.

And just as fitting it begins to rain. Not much going on, people walking and talking behind us, the sound of water rapidly hitting the ground and wetting everything in front of us.

…

…

…

“Hey Chloe?”

“Yeah Max?”

“You want to get wet?”

I snort just as soon as she says that and I give her a seductive look. Her face still seeming sad but now with a hint of joy in it.

Trying not so sound too dirty I hold myself back.

“What do you have in mind?”

“Chloe it’s raining right in front of us, don’t be a perv.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all and thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this latest release that became much, much longer than originally planned but hopefully you find that a good thing. That first scene with Veer hopefully gave you a better view at her character, not appearing as simple minded as she did at first.
> 
> This story may be moving slowly, but its surely progressing as thirty days later here's another chapter. A wait longer than I would like but because of life it had to happen.  
So here it is, a chapter with a full take from Chloe's perspective on what's happening around her. How she sees her situation, Max's current state and the problems that she's trying so hard to avoid.
> 
> After mentioning the bag of clothes for so long it was finally mentioned in the story and it will play a big role in what's to come for Max and Chloe.
> 
> And lastly I want to thank all of you for continuing reading even after the many grammatical issues some chapters have had, will have to do a more thorough search for them before posting.  
Hope you enjoyed and happy readings to you all.


	16. Home sweet home

This is weird, why are we just standing in the rain while doing nothing.

I turn to Max who’s beside me and I see that she has her eyes close, she’s standing still and is breathing profoundly with her hand gripping mine. I do the same, take a deep breath, pull her hand and smile at her. She looks at me but she has an empty expression, not angry, worried or anything. She stays silent and goes back to how she was.

Say something, it was your idea to come out. Well if you won’t then I will, something to lighten the mood.

“Max if you wanted to see me in a wet t-shirt all you had to do was ask.”

Her eyes stay close but at least she smiles and lets out a small snort.

“You’re that easy huh?”

“Only for you.”

She let’s go of me and moves her hand, pushes her fingers against her eyes and lets out a deep sigh. She opens them and squints because of the rain coming from above, she looks at me comes towards me, leaning on my shoulder.

“Sorry, for some reason I thought I would feel better if I came outside but I still feel the same.”

Why? Why does her voice still sound like this? So broken and hopelessness as if she were alone. I shouldn’t have said anything earlier, should’ve waited until we got to her home at least. Give her some space and time, you don’t need to not push your own urgency on her. It’s not her fault you’re a fuck up.

Sigh.

“How do you feel?”

“That’s the thing, I can’t even describe what’s going through my own mind and is driving me crazy.”

“Then talk to me Max, you know I’ll listen.”

“What else is there to say, what good does saying the same thing over and over is doing for me? I’m tired of that, I’m angry because I’m starting to sound like a broken record and you’re just listening to me out of pity.”

“Max that’s bull-”

“See! And now you’re going to say how all that is stupid of me to think, how wrong I am and that you don’t mind. That you want to do it and say all these things that you’ve already said hundreds of times!”

She sighs and moves away from me, only takes a step back to have her own space.

Well what the hell does she expect me to say now? She’s fucking right and so what!? Just because she’s tired of this crap doesn’t mean it’ll get better all by itself.

“Then what do you want Max! To fucking get better just because you’re tired of it? Because you’re annoyed at yourself? Just what is it that you want?”

“I don’t know! I don’t know what I want or need, all I know is that I’m tired okay. I’m tired of being the victim, of feeling guilty about everything all the time, of wanting to have fun, of always thinking the worst, of troubling to my parents, you, everyone who’s dead because of me! I’m tired.”

I take a deep breath, forget about the water that’s pouring over us, of the fuckers who’re probably watching us and remind myself of all the crap that the both of us have gone through, of all the shit that hasn’t stopped coming.

“Well too fucking bad!”

“Huh?”

“You’re not the only one hurting Max, I’m a freaking mess and you don’t see me giving me up do you? The only reason why I’m even here is because of you. Me taking care of you and being around you is the only reason I have left so you saying that you’re tired of talking to me, of complaining to me about everything that’s bothering you is like you saying that you’re tired of me. And if you’re tired of me then what’s the fucking point? Why the hell am I even here then if not for you then? Because I’m for sure not here for anybody else.”

I didn’t notice before but her eyes are red, her face is tensing up and she’s now making fists with her hands.

“Don’t say that Chloe! Don’t!”

“Why not! You’re tired of everything aren’t you! Of my stupid ass included so why shouldn’t I? There’s nothing to stop me anymore so screw it! Now we’re both the same.”

She walks over to where I am, grabs me by the sides of the shirt and buries her face on it. I can feel the warmth emitting from her, the strength and tension that she has all over her body.

“Don’t! Please don’t Chloe. Stop you know I can’t.”

Hearing her say that makes my heart beat faster than the rain hitting the ground, brings a burning sensation to my eyes and almost makes me regret what I said, almost but not quite.

“Make me. Make me listen to you as many times as you need to. If you want to cry on my shoulder for the tenth time then go ahead, I won’t get tired of it believe me.”

…

…

“Okay. Okay.”

She doesn’t move from where she is, keeps resting her head on me and cleans her face with my shirt. Her erratic breathing coming to a halt as she tries to calm down.

Coming back to where we are, outside the hospital I notice the rain again, seeing as it falls on us I can’t help but smile at the scene.

She’s a dork, wanting to get under the rain to feel better. What is she a kid?

I raise my arm up and tap her head with the tip of my fingers, lightly touch her head as she breathes in and out.

“You feel better?”

“No.”

“You want to talk about it?”

“Not really. At least not right now.”

“Better than a plain no.”

I move my arms down and embrace her where she is, rest my head against hers and close my eyes as we both continue to be wash by the rain.

Being here with her like this I can’t help but remember all those silly romantic movies.

“Hey Max.”

“Yeah?”

“Was this your plan all along?”

“What plan?”

“To sob like lovers in full love and embrace ourselves like they do in those stupid romantic films?”

“Would you believe me if I said yes?”

“One hundred percent.”

She doesn’t say anything but I can feel her body moving, her air having a lighter weight to it and a warmth different than the one from before.

“Cause it totally worked you little gremlin.”

“You should already know Chloe, I’m an evil genius.”

I snort and hold her tighter, the thick atmosphere from before is still here but a different mood came over too and both of us are glad because of it. I move her only a foot away from me so I can see her face and stare at her glossy, bloodshot but blissful eyes. Those eyes that can’t hide their emotion are showing a joyful vibe to them, something that tells me she’s better.

“No, you’re an evil hippie that’s what you are.”

She moves her hands to my chin and looks at me with something warm and nice radiating from her eyes, her hands as soft as clouds and as soothing too.

She can’t be the only one being all sweet and loving.

I do the same, hold her as she does but with only one hand. I pull her closer with my free arm and catch those lips that make her smile, cry, laugh and gasp.

Being with her like this slowly gives my mind the medicine it needs and lets me feel the warmth not just in front of me but the heat growing inside of her, I can sense as it enters me through her touch. I can feel something else too as she grabs my head and pulls me deeper towards her.

I don’t know if it’s because we’re both broken beyond repair, mentally exhausted and close to passing out or just the rain itself that is making this feel magical, as bad as that sounds.

She pulls away, doesn’t let go but presses her body and head closer to mine. She stays with her sight directed at me, making me smile like a fool.

“So Max, you think you’re wet enough or you want to get wetter?”

“Shut up, I regret saying that now.”

“I’m pretty sure you don’t.”

Just as I’m about to say something else I see Ryan’s car coming up.

“Hey Max, Ryan is coming over already I think maybe we shou-”

Before I even realize what’s going on I feel Max grabbing me and kissing me and letting go just as fast.

“The hell, what was that about?”

She doesn’t say anything, only continues to embrace me with a smile cemented on her lips. Ryan stops right next to us and Max still hasn’t let go of me.

A window comes down and Ryan stays on the car, he coughs and looks at me. I shrug and nod towards Max who’s clearly the one not wanting to let go.

Even I’m getting embarrassed at this point.

“Uh Max I think we should get in.”

“I won’t ever get tired of you. I promise.”

She whispers and let’s go of me, now the both of us enter the car, sit on the back seats and bask in the awkwardness of Max and I kissing under the rain.

…

…

And this is pretty damn uncomfortable. Should I say something? Why isn’t she saying something, she’s the one that kissed me in front of Ryan.

Max is right next to me, she’s holding my hand and looking down.

Oh now she’s embarrassed, not back on the rain when she was being all romantic and shit? Pretty sure Ryan’s feeling just as us, probably thinking of something to say too.

“So girls not that I mind or anything, but why were you two under the rain?”

To be honest I’m not even sure about why we were outside that and I sure as hell don’t know what to say.

I turn to Max, pull her hand to get her attention and make her say something and she doesn’t want to. She just shrugs and smiles diabolically.

She’s evil. Okay no problem, I could say how she wanted to get wet, then we’ll see if she keeps being quiet. Argh but giving that mental image to Ryan might be a little too much, don’t want to get my ass kicked to the street. Think Chloe, something believable.

“Umm because we wanted to cool down?”

What? Really Max that’s the best you came up with?

“Cool down, huh. Ah sure that makes sense…So Chloe, how’re you feeling now that you’re out of that place? I thought you may be hungry since these places aren’t that well known for their prestigious cafeterias so I made you girls some food back at the house.”

“Oh thanks, I uh really appreciate that. I’ll be sure munch down some of it after getting some rest, besides being sore and a little tired I’m surprisingly okay.”

Ryan stops at a red light and pushes his back against the seat, takes a big breath and drops his shoulders as he exhales.

“You don’t know how much that means to me, you gave us quite the scare Chloe. When Vanessa found you lying there with blood all over you god I felt so guilty. I don’t know why I didn’t notice it when I saw you but I feet horrible about it. Believe it or not I almost ended up going to the hospital myself. Came this close to having a heart attack.”

“Shit-I umm sorry, I didn’t think you guys would’ve worried that much.”

“Well we did, both Vanessa and I were frightened, we were so very distressed about you two. Max screaming and saying all those horrible things while having this alarmed look on her took us on a wild trip. We were so shocked to see her react that way, we had to calm her down with an injection but still she-”

Ryan stops abruptly as he realizes what he’s saying, who’s listening to his words. He doesn’t move or turn around but I see him look back through the rearview mirror. It’s just a glance but it makes his whole-body freeze in place.

Max doesn’t move but her touch becomes disconnected, she’s still holding onto me but it’s as if her mind isn’t there anymore. She’s thinking something and she’s entirely absorbed by it. Ryan’s still being quiet, the light turns green and without letting a beep out he keeps driving. He doesn’t speak a single word the entire ride, neither does Max.

…

…

Well here we are, after a trip that seemed to take forever we have arrive.

“We’re home.”

Ryan speaks with his voice clearly showing how uncomfortable he is, he scratches his beard instinctively and continues to do so until he realizes it. Without anything else being said Max is the first one to get out.

She opens the door and gets down from the car, looks at everything but Ryan or me. I follow suit and come down as well, and so does Ryan. He opens the door of the house and comes back for the bag on the trunk. The look on him seems troubled, restless, bothered and so equally distressing as many other words could describe.

And Max is right here standing on her own, she’s looking dreadful and just as before lost on her thoughts.

I push her with my shoulder and smile, trying to alleviate her mood even a little.

“Home sweet home right Max?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

She moves without any emotion in her and enters her house and just as she walks in she starts making her way upstairs. She comes to a halt midway and turns to look at me.

“Hey Chloe, you mind if I go up first? I need some time alone.”

“Oh, sure. I’ll just go up later no problem, but are you sure?”

Her expression slowly changes to a too sudden smirk and tilts her head.

“I’m not sure of shit anymore.”

And up she goes.

I sigh deeper than normal and drag my hand down my face.

“Fuck me bad.”

Cough

I turn around and see Ryan right behind me.

“Hey Chloe.”

When did he got there? Ah well I don’t think he minds me cursing, but I also should take care to be somewhat respectable in his home. Its really the least I can do.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to surprise you, I wanted to talk with you if that’s okay?”

Talk with me? I wonder what’s this about. ‘Get your ass out of my house!’, no that would probably be Vanessa not him.

“Sure, what is it that you want to talk about.”

“Let’s go to the living room, I don’t want Max to hear this.”

What is this about? Max maybe, or could it really be to ask me to leave? In all honesty I wouldn’t be so surprised after all the shit that’s happened lately, one less person here would make things smoother.

Ryan closes the door and we make our way to the living room, sit apart from each other on the couch and we both wait for somebody to say something. Ryan stays silent, he keeps looking at the couch, its centerpiece and pushes his hand against his face.

“Sorry, it’s just this is where you two were when-when Vanessa found you unconscious.”

Oh yeah, I was sitting next to her right here before passing out. Passing out from getting t-boned by some assholes. Assholes who I failed to notice because I was driving without a care for my life because I was fucking furious at myself, so stupidly angry because I was making out with that stupid, psycho bitch when I should have been here with Max the entire time.

Huh, karma at its finest.

“Chloe before saying anything else I want to apologize to you for all that has been said to you this past few days-oh wow. I hadn’t realize it but isn’t it funny, it seems to have been much longer than four days since you’ve been here doesn’t it since it? Guess that shows just how much I’ve thought about this situation.”

He breathes deeper than before, flexes his body and lets go of the tension. Puts his head down and lifts it up with a determined look.

“Anyways I was referring to yesterday’s morning, when Max was-excuse me. When she-”

Stopping mid-sentence Ryan trembles, all the strength and force he had gathered just seconds ago seems to have left him, his eyes are becoming moist and turning to a redder shade.

“The morning when we found Max on the ground and Vanessa lashed out at you, you didn’t deserve that. You had nothing to do with it and still, Vanessa blamed you without thinking. She accused without reason. She was just looking for something to release her anger at and because of it she said some things that she didn’t any right to say. It was wrong, idiotic and abusive of her.”

He lifts his hand and cleans his tears before they can fall on the floor.

“Please I don’ want you to think badly of her, I know she’s been tough on you and that’s putting it mildly, I know but she’s just not like that I swear. Our baby being miles away from us and in danger because of a tornado putted us on edge and she still hasn’t calmed down from it, then seeing her so…so startling now after coming back broke her a little. None of that makes it okay and I don’t expect you to believe me, I’m aware of how stupid this must sound to you.”

His mouth is quivering and its obvious how much strength is taking him to keep talking. He looks backs to hide the tears that he’s unable restrain any further, worse than before he looks at me with something on his look. Shame maybe, guilt, pain or maybe all of it combined.

“I-I feel so responsible for what happened to you, you could’ve gotten severely injured or even died in that crash. I’m so ashamed of myself, If I had said something in that moment or had calmed Vanessa maybe you wouldn’t had left like that. You wouldn’t had feel so attacked and alone and you wouldn’t had gotten hurt the way you did. God Chloe I’m sorry for everything. After going through hell you’ve gotten nothing but torment from us. I wouldn’t blame you if you strike me at this moment, what am I saying I would welcome it if made you feel better.”

Ryan’s gasping for air, crying like a lost kid, making me feel so fucking uncomfortable that I don’t know what to say to this. He’s making me uneasy, I could’ve died so what. It wouldn’t affect him or anyone else so why make such a big deal. He doesn’t give a shit, so why say all this stupid crap that he doesn’t mean.

“Sorry Chloe I didn’t mean to make a mess of myself, again right?”

He’s laughing, laughing and laughing until it starts changing to a sad crying, a desperate cry than now is turning to a sobbing that is beginning to get to me.

I know he’s already told me many times that he cares about me, and every time I almost believe him but not quite. How the fuck am I supposed to believe that after so much shit that I’ve gone through? But he keeps saying stuff like this and crying and breaking down that he’s making me believe him! Well I don’t want to believe this crap! Why should I huh? Next thing you know I’m gonna be told to keep quiet and to know my place! To put my head down and to keep straight! So no, fuck this!

“I know you might never see us a family but please, please know that you will always be love here. You will always have a place in here, on this house and on this family. We’ll take you in for whatever you are and for whatever that you want to do. You have as much say here as any of us and I know all of that might be hard to believe after everything that’s has being said and done to you but know that I mean every single word of it, you are family.”

Huh, I didn’t realize until now but I have some tears falling down my own face, does this mean I believe him this time? I don’t know, to be disappointed again is not something I want to go through again.

“You don’t have to say anything, I know you must be tired of listening to me say it over and over and you might be thinking what a crybaby right? Ha-ha well I am, always have been and will probably keep being one.”

“Well that makes two of us then, Max knows all about it too. She’s the tough one believe it or not.”

Ryan’s sadden expression rises to a smile and puts his head down, lifts it up again and cleans his tears.

“Is she now? She’s always been our little trooper that one, always doing her best to keep everyone else on high spirits.”

…

…

It’s been more than a minute and Ryan hasn’t said anything since, he has his hands stuck together and is staring down. I shouldn’t find this funny but him and Max share a lot of gestures, the way they both aimlessly stare at the ground and think while ignoring others.

“Chloe, the reason why I wanted to talk you alone besides apologizing to you has to do with Vanessa.”

Oh, I guess I wasn’t wrong then.

“I-if it’s about me leaving then I swear I won’t bother anyone anymore. I’ll ‘behave’ or anything but I won’t leave Max alone, I won’t leave her side no matter so I don’t care what Vanessa-.”

As I say that Ryan’s face makes this surprising expression and shakes his head.

“No! No nothing like that you have it all bad. You’ve been nothing but pleasant here I assure you, you haven’t done anything wrong or caused us trouble. It’s the other way around, Vanessa she’s uh-how do I put this? She’s been acting extremely difficult and without reason…**what she’s done**…what she’s done its beyond…**anything any of us could forgive and**-”

Whoa Ryan is getting really heated. More than just annoyed, I mean me being all furious and shit is understandable but for him to lose his cool this way. I don’t know, it doesn’t fit with how he is. It’s not like she’s hit me or anything.

He calms down, takes the anger he had and buries it deep down in him.

I can tell he’s really pissed, that’s what I do whenever something gets me like that.

“Vanessa won’t be around for some time.”

What?

“She won’t be around? What does that mean?”

“She’ll be staying in a hotel for a couple of days, until the air gets clear around here.”

Could this be what Max meant back in the hospital? I thought it was odd for her to say something about their marriage falling apart but makes sense if she knew this.

“Does Max know?”

“No, she doesn’t. I didn’t want to tell her given what just happened to her and you. I wouldn’t want to add more stress to her.”

He sighs and closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and looks at me a smile that looks more like a frown.

“My poor girl has had it quite hard hasn’t she. She’s always been a delicate flower and yet so strong, far stronger than any of us. I remember that when she was really small most of the kids her age thought she was a little too quiet, annoying and because of it they found joy in making her life more difficult than it was. Name calling, pushing her around and isolating her from everyone else for fun…kids can be so cruel don’t you think? She would cry and scream in our arms, begging us to not take her to school. It-it broke our hearts to hear her say that every day.”

He’s crying again, this time slower and even I can feel the emotion in him. I remember that at first Max hated school with a passion, before I got the courage to talk to her she always had a sad look on her but I was too little to understand and with time I forgot all about it since we became friends and we were always playing together, smiling without a care.

He sniffs and keeps smiling with his mouth appearing more hurt by the second.

“I remember that on some days she would hide her little backpack and swear that she lost it and that she couldn’t go to school anymore. She would say how she’d preferred to be homeschooled. Her backpack, she always hid it on the same place, on a corner of my office where it was easy for me to spot. Now that I remember I think she used to put it there so I would find it instead of her mom, she knew Vanessa would take her to school immediately if she found it.”

“And you didn’t?”

“No, most of the time I couldn’t bring myself to take her there. How could I take her after listening to her crying so desperately for my help, her eyes puffed after crying for so long that her eyes were crimson red. She begged us with so much emotion in her. She would sit on the ground and peer at me with her eyes looking so hurt that it made me want to school and do something about it. It was horrible, that’s why I was so overjoyed when she entered 1st grade and suddenly she had made a new friend. I still remember it clearly, her jumping around the house and talking for hours to Vanessa and me about her new best friend who she called her mate! Now she loved school, adored it because she got to play and scheme with her new friend.”

“First grade, that’s when we met isn’t it?”

“Right, it was you Chloe. Now instead of hiding her backpack she would take it with her to bed and anxiously wait for it to be morning again, can you imagine that? So sweet our little girl that she used to hold her bag as if it were a teddy bear just to dream about being on school. Then we got to meet you and your parents who were just the most friendly and loving bunch that we’ve ever met. I don’t know if you remember but when you first saw me you shouted “sasquatch!”. William and Joyce were so embarrassed about it that they apologized and Joyce reprimanded you for it immediately. Max began laughing so hard when she heard it that she then started calling me that for months. It was such a high contrast compared from before, we had never seen her happier than when she was with you. We were so glad she made a new friend and to top it off that friend was just as good as her. You were such an innocent kid too and really protective of her. That’s why we would always bring her over your house and let you two have so many sleepovers. I say sleepover but I’m pretty sure they were more like ‘awakeovers’ right? She’ll talk about what you two did all night and how no one slept with so much excitement that it just made it so much funnier to see her fall asleep on the ride home. Every time it was the same thing.”

I-I never knew Max was so…so in love with my friendship back then. I thought it was just me.

“It really meant a lot for me too, she really changed my life back then.”

“It makes me happy to know that, and again I must apologize. I kind of went on another long talk about her.”

“No, I enjoyed it. It wasn’t much different from my side either. I really wasn’t a likable a gal and other kids thought I was annoying. Max was my first friend as well and hearing that she saw me the same way feels nice actually.”

“Well, if it means anything I thank you from the bottom of my heart Chloe. For being there for my little girl back then when she was all alone, and for being with her now that she’s-”

A gasp stops Ryan from talking and he presses his mouth, he’s restraining his cries from coming out. He clenches his eyes and wimps as he holds himself from sobbing again. He breathes through his nostrils rather forcefully and gathers enough strength to calm down.

“She’s falling apart, she’s not well. She needs someone to help her, she-”

This seems to shatter him, his voice is broken and is trying to stop his tears but it’s for naught. He’s gripping the air and trying to stop but he’s losing it, his body can’t hide what he’s feeling.

“I know it’s unfair of me to ask you, it’s cruel and horrible that I tell you this but I’m worried for her. I don’t know what to do, she refuses to get checked up and and we won’t force her but we’re at a loss. Please I beg you Chloe take care of my baby, don’t leave her alone.”

Snot’s coming out of him, a puddle of tears continues to form under him and his hands are covering his face. He’s closing his mouth but that only makes his voice sound even more desperate, makes the scene even more gloomful.

He’s falling apart because of Max, seeing her as she was must’ve really hurt him. It’s eating him so much that he’s literally begging me for help, me who’s probably a bigger mess than her.

“Of course! I’ll help her, I’m here for her and I won’t let her down.”

This makes him smile even though he’s still tightening his lips and clenching his eyes to hide the pain in him.

“Thank you. Thank you for giving me some peace of mind. I’m not remotely capable of seeing my baby like this anymore. It’s killing me, us in a way that no parents should feel.”

He’s right, no parents should see their child like that but at least they’re here. Both of them are here and alive, they are showing her how much she means for them and telling her how much they love her and how preoccupied they are. They’re here for her and not death like mine.

“Good thing mine aren’t here to see the piece of shit I am then.”

“Oh, no Chloe I didn’t mean to-”

Not listening to him anymore I stand up and clean my eyes, do my best to get the anger out of me and avoid his look, his expression showing how much he regrets what he said.

Well yeah he’s right, I’m not listening to him anymore but I don’t need to. His face has so much pain that it tells me all I need to know. Also how much I don’t want to listen to him taking pity on me, I got enough of that all on my own.

“Ryan, I think I better leave and check on Max. Besides I need to change these wet clothes.”

Not buying my excuse he hurtfully nods and stares at me, a look on his eyes that seem to be asking for forgiveness but I look away. I walk away and begin walking upstairs, I don’t look back or wait for his reply but leave as fast as possible without running.

As I leave him behind I hear something. Some muffled sounds coming from where he was, I stop to listen and realize that it’s him. They’re cries and moans full of pain, regret.

He wasn’t kidding when he said he’s not strong enough for this, shit who is.

Steeling myself to keep going I ignore him as much as I can and with each step the sounds become more distant until I can’t hear them anymore.

Now I’m outside Max’s room, standing still, hoping that she’s okay, that she isn’t as Ryan because I’m sure I couldn’t take it. Any more of it and I might be the one breaking down this time.

Sigh.

I take a deep breath and push the door open not really knowing what to expect and…okay this is good, I think. Max’s sleeping, she’s snuggled on her bed and sleeping soundly with all the lights turn off and windows covered up. The whole room is dark with barely any light and so cold that I think I can see my breath.

Did she come straight to sleep? I look around and sure enough I see her clothes on the ground. I had the thought that she might had showered since we were drenched but wait she’s sleeping? Isn’t it still morning?

I get my phone out of my pocket to check the time and yep, it’s only 11:38 AM.

Is that good? Hell I’m just glad she’s not a blabbering mess. I guess I should shower then, yeah why not. A hot steaming shower to take my mind off this whole crap, of this shitshow of a week that we’ve had and of reminder that Ryan just brought to me.

Sigh, it’s only morning, fresh out of that damn place and I feel worse already than when I woke up.

Feeling a heavy load on my shoulders I walk out of the room, close the door and walk to the bathroom. I enter and immediately take the shirt off, pants, underwear and walk straight to the showerhead. I open the water let it fall on me while it becomes hotter and hotter until I can feel it burning my tension.

“This. Feels. Good.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mm the air is so cold in here, my skin is warm and my whole body feels so heavy that it’s making me want to not open my eyes anytime soon. The blanket over me is just the cherry on top, covering all the light from outside and burying me on the bed, it’s so cozy and perfect that getting up seems like too big of an effort.

Sigh.

If only I could stay like this forever, ignore everything and just focus on this coziness that’s soothing my worries away.

Sigh, a great idea that’s also pretty dumb.

I lazily move the blanket away from me and open my eyes and just as I do I close them again because of the light hitting me right on the face.

I squint my eyes and lift my hand to cover the sunlight, it’s shine following me as I move.

“Finally! I was thinking of either jumping on the bed or putting some ice cubes on your back.”

I press my hand against my eyes to see better and it’s much clearer now, it’s Chloe. She’s sitting on the chair next to the desk and looks different. Wasn’t she wearing some jeans and a white shirt?

“You look different.”

“Oh yeah, since someone had the great idea of standing under the rain! I took a shower and grabbed a change of clothes.”

She’s wearing a pair of black jeans and a red hoodie that seems a little too small for her.

“My eyes are up here Caulfield, don’t be looking at me with those lustful eyes of yours. I know what you’re thinking.”

“That someone went snooping through my stuff again?”

“Like you have anything I don’t already know.”

She stands up from where she is and comes closer to me. She stops and smiles at me with a grin too wide for it to be without mischief. Just as she approaches me she drops herself on the bed and lands right next to me, her bare feet next to my face.

“Augh Chloe move those away.”

“How dare you object my presence, you wound me my dear.”

“Sorry for not wanting your stinky feet on my nose, now get them away.”

I push her feet away but instead she turns around and now she’s on top of me, her chin on my shoulder and her arms spread apart with all her weight on me.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Not really sure myself, since you didn’t like my gesture I thought to do something else. Better?”

“Better.”

I guess this is a good way to wake up.

“Chloe are you bored?”

“So fucking bored.”

“Figures. How long was I asleep for?”

“Eh not that much honestly, probably around some fifty minutes.”

“Seriously?”

“So serious.”

“I was thinking to lay down for a minute or two, not for almost an hour.”

“Seems like you needed it, you were snoring like a bear.”

“I was not.”

Chloe who’s still on top of me moves her hand down and I can feel her grab something.

“I got my phone here saying otherwise.”

“You recorded me sleeping? That’s like majorly creepy.”

“Max the noises you were making are majorly creepy. At first I thought there was an animal outside but I was wrong, it was all you.”

“Yeah right.”

“Oh you don’t believe me, then we’ll just have to play the recording.”

…

Oh my god, that’s me? It’s so freaking loud and I can hear Chloe’s voice in it, she’s talking really quiet and making all these weird gestures around me.

“And in here we can see the mythical creature Max, a beast that scarcely lets itself be seen, its only through these sessions that she’s can be found on sight.”

The worst part is that I can barely hear her over my snoring.

“Did you narrate the whole thing?”

“You know I did, now instead of it just being you lazily sleeping it’s now the documentary of the majestic beast Maxania resting in its natural habitat.”

“Majestic my ass, that’s you creeping on me.”

“Poor Max, that’s what an untrained eye would say.”

“Shut up and delete that, don’t you dare show it to anyone else.”

“Or what, you’ll record me too? Cause I’m game if you are.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re thinking of something else so no, I take it back no recording.”

“You’re no fun.”

“And you’re heavy, get off me.”

I start to move pretty rough to throw her down, rolling left and right but instead it only makes her hold tighter and laugh at it.

“Woop woop all aboard the Max express.”

“You’re such a kid.”

She lets go of me and slowly rolls off to the side, sitting next to me she crosses her legs and looks down for a second, then again turns to me.

Having a better look and seeing her move with more care than usual I remember her injuries, all the pain she must be feeling all over her body, the painful marks that she still has on her as a reminder. For a second there I forgot all about that, I was still hoping for it to be a nightmare.

“What’re you thinking Max?”

I shake these thoughts off my mind and careful to not be obvious I don’t smile or try act ignorant to it.

“Nothing, just thinking about you.”

I lift my hand and bite my finger, look at her and see that she’s looking at me, waiting for me to spit it out.

“Does anything hurt?”

“Barely, just don’t try to punch me because it’ll hurt like a bitch. I already slipped earlier while taking a shower and landed on my side, it was bad.”

“Be careful Chloe, you’re not supposed to be getting hurt anymore.”

“Oh calm down Max it wasn’t that bad. It was just a stupid mistake, no need to worry.”

“Still.”

“Nope not gonna hear it, so forget about me and instead lets focus on you.”

“No thanks, I think I’ll pass.”

I get up from where I am and walk to the middle of the room, stretching and noticing the wet clothes on the floor, the ones I took off when I came.

Thank god I took that shower, now that I think about it was pretty silly of me. But also sweet that Chloe played along on standing under the rain.

“Max come on get over her, I’m serious.”

“So am I, I don’t want to get into it anymore.”

“How about this, I tell you something and then you tell me something. How does that sound?”

What’s with her, why is she so insistent on me talking. I would’ve thought that after coming home she might want to forget all that stuff and take her mind off things.

She’s still sitting with her legs crossed, looking at me and waiting for a reply.

“You really want to talk about this?”

“Not really if I’m being honest but something’s bothering you and I know better than anyone else how that goes. Spoiler, it goes bad.”

Sigh.

I pout and put my head down, follow where she is and sit in front of her. I keep my head down and close my eyes and mouth.

I don’t want to say anything, I don’t want to keep bringing everything down.

“So I guess I’ll go first.”

I turn up and see her smiling weird, her smile looks more sad than happy and her hands hugging each other rather forcefully.

“When I…left you and before I crashed I was pretty fucking bad. I was thinking of leaving and not coming back. I uh-felt like shit, with Vanessa blaming me and screaming at me saying all that shit really fucked me in the brain and when I say leave I mean leave Seattle and do something really stupid. I was so deep in my own misery that I actually believed that you were better off without me and before you say anything I know it’s dumb all right. I know that but when I saw you on the ground and full of scratches it made me think. I was ready to leave but-”

She stops talking and closes her eyes, shuts them tight. She glances at me and is touching the bed, the cover and anything else that’s close, as if she didn’t know how to react or how to be.

“Some shit happened and I came back to it. I was about to do something really…really fucking stupid even for me but I got my senses back and left that place. It wasn’t until the crash that Ryan called me and told me about you, he was really worried and told me how you needed me so I came back without thinking and as you know, I ended up bleeding on your coach.”

Tears fall down her face, she smiles and does her best to keep her breathing steady. I can see how she’s struggling to stay calm. She sniffs and cleans her nose, her eyes and claps her hands loudly.

“Okay so enough of my bullshit now’s your turn. What made you feel like shit this time?”

“What are you talking about.”

“When we came you told me you wanted to be alone and when I came back up I see you sleeping on your depressing cold room with all the lights turned off. I’m dumb but come one give me some credit. Even I could tell that something’s wrong.”

Ugh, does she have to think about everything.

She’s looking at me with that face that seems to understand me, that smile that tells me to trust her, not a stupid happy expression but instead a look that makes me do anything she tells me. Her hand is touching mine. Even the sun behind her is shining her figure, making her features stand out even more than they already do.

“We are not leaving this room until you tell me something, I just bawled myself to you so it’s your turn now.”

“You really want to listen?”

“I really want to listen.”

Sigh, and here I thought I was nosy.

“It’s nothing really, it’s just that when dad said that about me on the car it brought me back, it made me think about it again, the nightmare, I was scared and alone. I felt like the world was ending for me. I don’t want to remember that moment, it felt horrible. After finally waking up I get this weird thing going on in my mind, the best way I can describe is me feeling crazy. Like I wasn’t really in control of my own body, I know it was me doing all those things. That was me wanting to get away and get to you like really bad but they weren’t letting me and you weren’t there. My mind wasn’t thinking right and it was more of an instinct to do everything I did, I even hurt my parents without realizing it. Every sensation I had was like a torch burning my skin and pulling my thoughts apart and then everything in sight felt as if it were getting smaller and smaller. Seeing mom and dad like that in front of me while they were panicked and scared only made it all worse. Their expressions Chloe, they were screaming and grabbing me to stop. They were shouting at me, how do the hell am I going to stop if I’m scared and their voices are attacking me. And then mom she-”

I can’t say it, I can’t say that because if I do it’ll mean that it was real, that she did that to me and I don’t want to accept it. To know that she hurt me when I only wanted to be protected breaks my heart. I’m already feeling my head throbbing, a pain growing within, my skin and my whole body burning up and itching from every limb. I don’t understand why she did that, why did she acted that way? I don’t want to think about it anymore, I don’t want to remember it. I-

As I breathe I feel air becoming heavier, my lungs needing more force to expand, making the simple act of breathing seem like a major struggle. Everything is going through my mind and it’s making me feel without control of my own body again. Air is sticking to my throat and twisting every thought in my head.

Tears drop down my cheeks and a burning sensation runs through my eyes. My hands are sweating and sticking to themselves, I’m feeling like that again, just as I did before in that nightmare.

Calm down. Calm down Max, not again just breathe. Just breathe, breathe.

Just before freaking completely out I feel something, a touch on my hand. Then an arm holding my back and then another. Now a soothing sensation full of warmth is embracing me, tightening itself around my trembling self.

“Don’t be scared Max, remember that you aren’t alone. You never will be, you’re here with me and I’ll take care of you. I promise you that.”

“Breathe. One…two…and out. Yeah take it easy, stop thinking and just breathe.”

She’s here, she’s real and isn’t going away.

My breathing is calming down and my senses are coming back. I can’t feel the ache on my skin anymore, the need to run away is gone too.

“Thanks Chloe, I uh-kinda got bad for a second there.”

“Yeah, you scared me shitless.”

“Sorry, it’s just that thinking about that moment again made me feel everything again. Not really a good place for me, or my parents.”

“No don’t apologize for it, are you kidding me? I should be the one feeling like crap. Here I was trying to help you and I make you cry.”

I move away from her and hold her hands, I smile and look directly at her.

“Thanks, I do feel better if that helps.”

She forcefully looks to me and smirks.

“You’re not saying that just to make feel better?”

“I swear I’m telling the truth.”

“All right, then I guess now you can leave the room.”

“Why thank you your highness.”

“Bite me.”

“But really I do feel better, not good but not as bad as before.”

“Yeah well don’t worry about it, we’ll get there right?”

“Right.”

…

…

“So now what?”

“I don’t know.”

“So what was that whole thing of not letting me leave the room?”

“Oh that was a bluff, you could’ve left whenever you wanted. You really thought I was going to stop you?”

“No, but I thought you had something in mind since you were bored.”

“Sorry to disappoint but I didn’t plan that far ahead. Why you wanted to do something?”

“I didn’t, but now I do.”

“What do you have I mind?”

“You’re gonna think it’s boring but honestly, I just want to snuggle and watch movies all day while doing nothing at all. I want to turn my brain off for a while.”

I put my head down and squint my eyes, look at Chloe and see the grin forming on her face. She extends her arms and grabs me and pulls me down towards the bed. She grabs the blanket and pulls it on top of me and just as she did before she gets on top of me.

“Sounds like my kind of day.”

“Okay, so why are you on top of me.”

“Is there a reason not to be on top of you?”

“Yes, there are many reasons but knowing you you’ll probably ignore them.”

“You know me well. So what you say we go downstairs and get started on those movies, don’t think I haven’t seen that stack of movies you got on your drawers.”

“So you did snoop around.”

“Can you blame me? I had to do something to survive your loud snoring.”

“I’m willing to ignore that if you get off me.”

“Tempting, very tempting Max.”

“If you do I promise to not choose Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within, as good as it is.”

Without even looking at her I know she’s turning her head in so much disapprobation.

“You got a deal, no take backs.”

As she says this I feel her weight leave me and the blanket being remove. Now instead of the darkness I see her face, she’s smirking with her head turning left and right.

“What?”

“Nothing, just can’t believe you seriously like that movie.”

“Chloe. Don’t get me started.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, like always thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.  
Finally releasing this chapter after a longer period than my usual release schedule here it is, not forgotten or abandoned. You can blame life and other projects for it.
> 
> This was a release with less things happening, just the reactions of Max, Chloe and Ryan ad they come home after the events that have occurred. Vanessa still not on sight and Ryan is deeply worried about Max.
> 
> Not much to say here other than this has been fun and I hope the story keeps you entertained as it continues.  
Thank you for making it this far and have a great day/night and remember, you're amazing!


	17. Hollow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With hope to leave their past, pain and memories behind them Chloe and Max continue to do their best to push forward and to find the rest they so desperately want.

“I don’t care how awesome you think it is, we are not watching it. Besides, a deal’s a deal.”

“Chloe, you’re exaggerating. You have to admit, the music is pretty amazing. For its time, the visuals are shocking and-”

“Shockingly awful!”

I can’t believe she’s still arguing about this, but at the same time I’m glad. Feels like we took a huge load off our shoulders. I mean, she still isn’t smiling and it feels strange to be talking about something so dumb, but she’s trying. I don’t know if it’s for my sake or hers but that’s more than enough to put my mind at ease. She’s trying for fucks sake instead of letting things keep her down.

We’re both on our way downstairs and we hear something. We look at each other, stop, and slowly continue descending until we see Ryan. He’s sitting on the dining table’s chair and is focused on something… distracted is a better word.

He’s not looking great, and in all honesty, I forgot about him. Now I just wish he wasn’t here. The last thing I want is to hear him talk about us, about things that would only make it all worse. We don’t want any of that crap; we’re fine. Him reminding us of all that other goddamn shit again is only going to make us feel like hell.

His head’s down and being held by his hands. Something can be heard out of him; something like tiny moans, cries, and sounds muffled as he’s trying to keep it down.

He’s not doing too well, his breathing isn’t letting him calm down and he doesn’t seem to be trying to anymore. Max notices it too. I don’t even need to look at her to understand how she must be feeling.

_Sigh_ we were fine. Not great, but okay. The mood was getting better, and we were about to watch some dumb, stupid movies to get our minds away from everything, but fucking Ryan is still here. I don’t wanna hear what he has to say I know he’s gonna bring shit up like he did earlier and say how sorry he is for me - how I matter to him and everyone. Frankly, I don’t want to hear that. Not now, not later, not any time soon. I want to relax. I don’t want her to hear this bullshit either. The reminders will totally suck for her and that’s only going to make her feel even shittier for things that were never her fault to begin with.

We’re literally running on fumes, both emotionally and physically, and I know he means well, he’s been fucking great, but he needs to stop this. We don’t need it…we just need a fucking break.

“Dad?”

There it is, fuck! I knew it. She only said a single word but that voice… her tone is already telling me how she feels. She’s worried, scared, and lost.

After clenching my eyes down to avoid his broken sight, I turn to Max and I wasn’t wrong. She’s holding herself back; her weary eyes are beginning to show the cracks that have been on for too long already, they’re staring at Ryan with nothing but worry and distress.

Please shut the hell up Ryan. Keep it locked down. Just stay fucking quiet and leave. Please not now… not fucking now.

He’s still doing the same thing, and he seems to be trying to calm down but hasn’t moved or said anything to Max. He’s still on the chair and we can’t see his face but I’m pretty sure we don’t need to, the sounds coming off him are enough to rot our senses.

Our fingers are wrapped together. Max’s small, now trembling hand is pressed against mine, but she’s not really here. I can’t feel her presence anymore, not like moments earlier where we were talking and enjoying ourselves. Sure it was only a little but enough to feel okay. Not like now where her mind’s probably gone to some damn dark place, beating and cursing herself for every second that she’s still able to breath.

Fucking hell! At least respond to her you-you stupid baby! Shit, now I’m worried like crazy about Max, how she might end up after this, and because of that I’m already expecting the worst. All because I’m sure Ryan is about to make her think of everything we’ve been through, of everything that I’ve tried so hard to make her forget. All those thoughts of Arcadia Bay, of Joyce…of me. Of how I don’t want to remember any of this…of all the stupid crap I’ve thought about doing to myself so many times…of all those things that I now regret.

He stays where he is, drowning on his own sobs before taking a deep breath and standing up. His hands slide away from his face and shows us what we already assumed. That falsely tender smile that he shows, is the same one that Max makes when she’s broken and lost without hope.

I want to tell him to shut up, to fucking stay silent and leave… but I can’t. How the hell am I supposed to do that, he’s been too good and kind for me to lash out at him for caring, for showing me that not everyone is against me, that I do fucking matter. I at least owe him for that.

“Hey girls, I didn’t hear you coming.”

He’s nervous, no shit. He’s not looking at us, not even facing us. Maybe he’ll say nothing, maybe he knows I don’t want to hear it, that Max doesn’t need to hear anything else. _Sigh_ I hope that’s what it is.

He runs his fingers through his beard, looks at everything but us, and stays silent. Nothing is being said. I’m not saying anything out of fear of him getting the wrong idea, don’t want to encourage him. I look at Max and she’s the same as before, with a frighten expression and her eyes observing the broken figure in front of her, the man who raised her that was sobbing in such a heartbroken manner.

I hadn’t thought about it that way, from her perspective this must be fucking hell.

“D-dad, what’s wrong? Are you okay? What’s going on d-did something happen?”

Max isn’t holding onto me anymore; she took a step forward but is still tensing the muscles in her body. Her hands turned to fists, her eyes worriedly watching Ryan in way that must be hurting him just as it does me.

Ryan doesn’t say anything, but he now looks at her, forms a slight grin that only helps to make us feel shittier. He steps forward grabbing Max and pulling her in for a hug. He’s holding her in a way that only parents do, no one is saying anything, and they both obviously seem to be hurting in a way that words can’t begin to describe. Ryan sniffs and his body trembles with each taken breath. Max does too but her breathing is more subtle. She’s scared, too scared to even feel comfortable to breathe the same air as him.

Why isn’t he saying anything? She’s waiting for him to speak so why the fuck isn’t he talking? Doesn’t he know this is dreadful for her, that he’s only making her think of those memories full of guilt and remorse. SAY SOMETHING! ANYTHING!!

“It’s okay, sweetie. Everything is fine, I swear. We’re fine.”

He looks at me with tears rolling down from his eyes. He keeps staring at me and I think he’s trying to tell me something. What? That he’s sorry? That he regrets what he’s going to say? Why is he looking at me?

“Sweetie, I just want you to know that no matter what, please don’t feel responsible for anything… okay? This is something that your mom and I both decided on our own. It’s-it’s for the best, and it’s only for a couple of days.”

“W-what are you talking about?”

Ryan takes a deep breath and releases Max. She’s now looking at him with fear… no not fear. It’s something else. Her eyes and pupils follow his own that are dancing around her. The way that she desperately tries to catch his sight tells me something terrible. She’s desperate, anxious and I’m sure it’s because she’s thinking it’s her fault again. She doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about but she’s already blaming herself.

You got to be fucking kidding me, of course she’s going to think it’s her fault if you say that you mother-argh! There’re better ways to say that whatever crap you’re about to say, Ryan.

“Your mom will be gone for a few days. She’ll be staying at a nearby hotel. It’s nothing serious. W-we’re waiting for things to clear up, for us to deal with…I mean for you two to recover. You can-”

_Sigh._ I can’t listen to this crap, and I’m sure Max can’t either. I’m looking over at her and only her; fuck, she’s gone. She’s not even looking at him, not looking at anything. The intense focus that was so desperately on her is not there anymore, there’s nothing on her eyes. She’s not lost, she’s gone, away from this moment and onto somewhere else, just as it has been occurring as of late whenever she’s overwhelmed; something that makes me taste the faint drops of blood coming from my cheek.

I want to remove her from his presence and take her away to anywhere but here…but I shouldn’t. Her father is with her, and I’m only an outsider in this place. No matter what he or she says, I’m not as important. I know that, I do. But I still want to help her, to make her ignore and forget all this crap that everyone seems to be reminding her of at every turn.

But I can’t do anything, and I can’t be here with her either and do nothing.

I better leave before I make things worse for them. They’re dealing with their crap, their own issues and none of it involves me. None of it does… so why does it hurt so much? This stupid little voice inside of me doesn’t want to let go, it’s telling me take her, help her, talk to her or anything rather doing nothing. Right or wrong I don’t know anymore but the more I keep thinking of it the louder it rings in my thoughts, the more strain I can feel in my muscles and nerves whispering me to take action.

Their breathing is loud, jagged and you can feel how each of them is only tightening the place around them, leaving me without any room to be in, without air left to breathe.

The front door is at my sight and everything else muddles for my lack of focus and extensive rage that keeps growing at my own self. I close the distance from it and midway through my crippling exit I see a picture of them. A photograph with all the Caulfields together, smiling, held together by one another with such glee that it’s enough to crushed the few barricades I built for myself.

Must be nice, everyone together like that and posing so fucking happy. I wouldn’t know, dad died so family pictures weren’t a thing anymore. Step-douche then came and those smiles became impossible and now. Now she’s dead, burned beyond recognition and David is-uh he’s… who cares where he is!

Fuck this, I need to smoke.

I look away from it before I become a mess of my own and reach the door’s handle, only stopping inches away from it as I hear a loud thump on the ground.

“Chloe!”

Without thinking and waiting for that voice to end, I immediately turn around and before seeing or doing anything else, I feel a thrust pushing the air out of me. My hands fly at impact, but I don’t get angry. I’m not surprised nor bothered. I’m happy, but a heaviness comes to my chest, the pain from before leaves me and instead now I feel a hand crippling my heart. It’s Max, she’s buried her face on my chest, her trembling nails clawing at my cold skin that’s now being warmed by the hot air coming from her desperate cries.

I hold her just as she does to me, putting my chin on the top of her head. I push her body towards mine, but I don’t say a word. I don’t know the words to say to help her. To be honest, I’m just like her. I don’t want her to cry anymore, to feel this way… but it’s hard. It’s hard to keep seeing her so beaten, to watch her break down as life continues to punish her.

“It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault, I know it. Everything is. Everyone knows it but no one wants to tell me. Chloe tell me, tell me it is. That-that… I-I…”

I can’t. I can’t even open my mouth and tell her that it’s not. This is too much for me to handle. I don’t know. I don’t know. What the fuck do I do?

“Tell me, Chloe, please!”

She’s crying. The hot air throbbing from her is hitting me and making the small consciousness I have left turn to despair.

It’s not. It’s not your fault Max, why can’t you understand that? Nothing is. You’re a goddamn angel… so why are you saying all of this?

I can’t look at you, if I do, I’ll only make things worse, confirming the fears in your head and bring you down to my level.

“Chloe! It’s me! I know it’s me! All of it is because of me!”

Please stop Max, you’re so, so wrong…you’re not making any sense. Your stupid, senseless fears make no sense whatsoever so why are you falling into them. You’re smart. You’re good. You’re…you’re-

“Say something Chloe! Please! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to happen. I didn’t want this. I-I’m sorry. It’s all my fault I know it. I know it!”

…

“But it’s not. Nothing is, Max.”

I take a deep breath, my chest rises, and I can feel Max’s face still pressed against it, still crying and beating herself over things that aren’t her fault.

“You haven’t done anything wrong. What have you done Max, huh? Tell me what the fuck have you done that’s making you think this?”

“Everything, Chloe. I-I left everyone to die, to-to burn, to be swept away by a tornado. You-you-you hate me and so do my parents now. I-I-I…”

NO. NO. NO. This is wrong, none of it is true, no one hates you. No one died because of you. This was just some stupid shit that had nothing to do with you. You didn’t cause the tornado. You didn’t kill Joyce. You didn’t ask for any of this.

…

So why can’t I tell you that!? Why can’t I look at you and say that it isn’t your fucking fault? That there’s nothing to forgive because it was never in your hands.

I don’t know if Ryan is still here, if he left or if he’s still crying, and quite frankly, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass if he is or isn’t. The only thing in my mind right now is Max; how she’s grabbing onto me so tightly that she’s starting to tear my clothes; how her legs and hands have been shaking and supporting themselves on me, and how with each breath she takes, her words seem to slice deeper into my heart.

“It’s not true. It’s not true, Max, so stop saying that. No one hates you. We love you. I love you, so stop this, whatever you’re thinking, forget about it.”

“B-but-”

“But shit. That tornado was not your fault, Joyce wasn’t your fault, and your parents don’t hate you. Believe me they don’t. Vanessa fucking loves you so much she’s trying to get rid of me for your sake, and Ryan here is a fucking teddy bear. He couldn’t hate you; you’re his daughter, their daughter, and you have parents that are alive and love you so fucking much! How do you think that makes me feel! To hear you say that they hate you when you know Joyce is dead! Who do I got! Who do I got Max!? I got no one! So stop being so ungrateful and don’t say anymore stupid shit!”

“Chloe-”

“No!”

“Chloe I-”

“Don’t. Don’t go there Max.”

…

Argh! WHY DID I SAID THAT!!

You stupid, senseless asshole! Can’t keep your mouth shut for a fucking moment! Why do you have to go and mention that, no one has said anything about her, no one is thinking of her. It’s only you, only you remember her. Not Max, not Vanessa and not even Ryan. All everyone seems to care for is Max and who can blame them. She’s here, she’s breathing and she’s a mess.

I shouldn’t bring her up. I shouldn’t, this is not about her. I need to forget about it, to move on and focus on what matters.

…

I didn’t notice but after the stupid crap I said it’s gotten quiet, the walls around us seem to have taken all sound and left us with only our breathing and gasps for air. Gasps that for some reason are louder than anything else; only our pitiful sounds and our desire to not feel the crap that’s lingering in the air. I don’t want to even think about what’s going through my mind, that only means going deeper into something that’ll hurt me.

I push myself away from Max and see her, take in the awful sight that she’s displaying.

Her eyes are open, not looking at me but around me, her hands following mine with fear, as if they were being pushed by a magnet they float above my fingers. Her expression isn’t fill with fear nor worry, no this is something worse. Guilt, horror or maybe disgust?

And I’m one thousand percent sure that it’s because of what I just said to her; sigh don’t screw this up Chloe, don’t you dare say another hurtful word. I won’t forgive you if you do. This isn’t about you, not about Joyce…it’s about Max so let’s keep it that way.

I take a deep breath…and out.

“Max, listen to me. Whatever happened, happened. Whatever you think you did or caused…doesn’t matter. Just look at me, I’m what you caused. I’m what you affected. I’m the result of your actions okay.”

Her mouth opens, her tongue rises and so do her teeth but nothing comes out. Her hand moves and shakes but it’s not able to resemble anything close to a sign. It trembles, flexes without control until I stop it, until I hold it.

Her mouth again rises, slowly this time and her hands steady themselves and grow warm at my touch.

“I know. I know…and it’s not fair, it’s cruel and horrible. I didn’t mean for it Chloe, I didn’t. I-I tried to help, to make everything better but I failed I-”

“Stop that. It’s not your fault.”

“It is Chloe it-”

“It’s not your fault.”

…

The room is still quiet, it’s still empty of all soundwaves other than ours. Her pupils shake in her now rosy eyes, her lips wrinkle in an extreme manner and her frame gives sight to a sickly shape that only helps to show in how much misery she must be.

“It’s not your fault Max. You know I’m as fucked up as it gets, but I’m alive. As much as I sometimes wish that wasn’t the case I am, and it’s because of you. You and you alone, nobody else but you. So focus on that, on me. Only on me if that’s what you need.”

“But what about-”

“On me. I’m here, I’m real. Everything else can go fuck itself.”

“But…Joyce. It’s my fault.”

Sigh. Don’t Chloe. Don’t, she doesn’t need this crap right now. You’ve done it before, just keep doing it until it goes away.

Her words aren’t what hurt me, it’s the way she says it. How her touch disconnects every time she think she’s hurting me, how her voice almost touches my heart in a way she’s pissing me off and embracing me at the same time.

“It’s…not Max. That…that happened and there’s nothing we can do about it. Let’s not think about those things, they don’t matter. We do, you, me and everything else can go fuck itself.”

With pain coming back to me, filling my entire chest with remorse and memories flooding back to my mind I do my best to hide the emotions being born within me and smile as truthfully as I can. I even manage to not cry as I look at her.

“I can’t Chloe, I can’t-”

Bzzzt

Bzzzt

Something rings loudly in the rather quiet room and makes both of us jump in panic. We look towards the sound’s origin and it’s Ryan’s phone. He hasn’t realized it is since he still seems to be engrossed by the drama happening in front of him.

He notices this and he now rushes his hand to his pocket. Takes his phone that’s both vibrating and ringing, turns the volume down and sighs with an embarrassed look on his face.

Well that’s a mood changer.

I turn to Max whose face was showing signs of wanting to cry and she’s not in front of me anymore. She’s besides me, now looking away and hiding herself from me.

Sigh Ryan you need to fucking leave this room and leave us alone.

And what the hell is he still doing here, I forgot he’s been sitting there the entire time. So this means he listened to everything we said? All that stuff about Max feeling guilty and it being her fault? Great! More things for him to worry and asks questions about.

He looks up from his phone, opens his eyes and seems to catch on what I’m thinking.

“I uh, umm-shoot.”

He stands up, begins to pull the strands of his beard and stretches his cheeks rather strongly; red marks appearing on them.

“Girls I’m sorry I uh-I need to leave. I have-”

He’s pacing around the entire place, his head looking everywhere and looks like a crazy person. His hands move to his face and he pressures his eyes, stops and stretches his jaw in this weird way that seems to hurt him.

“Dad a-are you okay?”

“I’m fine sweetie, I just need to leave. I’ll be right back don’t mind me and if you need anything call your mom’s or my number if anything happens.”

As quickly and strange that he speaks he leaves and shuts the door just the same. The door creates this loud, annoying sound that shocks Max and makes her jump at it. I walk towards her, move my arm up and just as it is mere inches away from touching her she notices me and flinches away.

She looks at me surprised, her eyes and mouth having this pained sentiment that came instinctively to her. She hugs her elbow and looks down at the ground. Without saying anything she speeds to the bathroom, gets in and waits a few seconds before slamming the door against its wooden frame.

What the fuck just happened?

…

…

I feel so fucking strange now, watching this boring-ass movie with Max laying on top of me is not what I thought we would be doing given what happened earlier.

I mean what the hell!? After staying on the bathroom for twenty minutes she comes out with her eyes looking like she had just cried a river, her hands placed behind her and all while looking at me with the creepiest smile I’ve ever seen on her. I was worried, surprised but more than anything I wanted to hold her and listen to her talk about everything that was bothering her now that Ryan was god knows where; that’s a whole other issue that’s still on my mind.

But instead of continuing where we left off she casually mentions to me about watching a movie, brushes off the dry tears on me and acts as if nothing had happened. I wasn’t going to mention anything if she didn’t want to, I know better than push her when she’s like this. I’m not about to force her do anything that she doesn’t want to but still, it doesn’t feel right. She doesn’t feel right.

She was smiling and talking with something on her voice. It wasn’t joy, sadness or pain like before, no it was something else that doesn’t sit well with me. It’s depressing and that’s me putting it mildly.

I wanted to ask her if she was okay, if she wanted to pick up what we were talking about but I couldn’t, not because of her but due to my own mixed feelings. Do I really want to tell her how I still have issues regarding Joyce? Not that she didn’t pick up on it when I carelessly mentioned it to her.

Sigh I know Ryan noticed it. It was his damn fault that I was thinking of it to begin with and because of him I was stupid and let it out on Max, right at the moment where I really shouldn’t had.

Maybe she wants to avoid the topic? Forget about it like she’s been saying and have a break off everything?...Tough chance, she’s not even close to being that dumb to purposely do that. Man she must be hella freaked out if she’s acting this odd.

So here we are, watching a movie that I have no idea why we’re still watching. It sucks, I know this is not one of her movies, must be one of Ryan’s. All it has shown is old men talking seriously about serious shit and the only remotely interesting thing has been a man waking up with a horse’s head next to him.

Max is resting on my shoulder. I’m not even sure she’s watching it, I can see her face and she looks out of it. She doesn’t even look as if she’s thinking about something, more like…blank? Empty? Oblivious?

Her eyes haven’t moved either, her breathing is slow and the only reason I know this is because she hasn’t moved a muscle in the last thirty minutes since we put the damn movie.

Should I do something? Ask her what’s wrong? But what if she doesn’t want to, what if she’s trying to have a good time and me bringing what happened earlier only troubles her more?

Argh what do I do!?

Oh look, another scene with men talking serious. I can take this chance and get her to talk.

“So the old’s guy son is a spoiled rich kid and the dad is too afraid to sell drugs? Even though they all literally murder people without a care? That’s’ fucking bullshit!”

Expecting something from her I turn my eyes to the side and wait for her reply.

…

And nothing.

“Uh Max?”

She jolts back and looks towards me with a puzzled look.

“Oh sorry Chloe, you said something?”

I’m worried, I want to ask her, to know what’s bothering her but I can’t bring myself to do it. Not when I know there’s a chance of me screwing things up.

“It’s nothing Max, forget it.”

I feel like a piece of shit for doing nothing about this. It’s just that I know that if I do say something I’m going to let my piss-off emotions get the best of me and then as a result some other bullshit is gonna come out and hurt her in the process.

…

But…maybe I won’t have to, maybe I don’t have to tell her anything. Maybe I can show her instead of opening my mouth.

“Hey Max?”

This time she turns around rather quickly with a smile that I don’t buy at all.

Nope push that pain deep within your skull Chloe, all the way down and don’t bring it up.

Gulp.

“What you say we leave the place and get some fresh air?”

Her mouth doesn’t move, her body stays in place with that frozen smile that only helps creep me out more than I feel comfortable with and her eyes, her blue, pretty eyes aren’t the same that I like to watch.

Say something Max…come on…come on don’t just look at me like that.

“Sure, why not.”

Okay, that sounded monotone as hell but I guess it’s better than anything.

“All right then get your bony ass off me Caulfield, as much as I enjoy rubbing against it you’re too heavy for me.”

“Sure, like I’m sooo fat Chloe. I think you’re just weak.”

“Easy there, you don’t want me to unleash my fury at you.”

“If by fury you mean your unrelentless tickles attack then come at me, I’m ready for you.”

No, no this…this isn’t right. It’s-she’s acting strange. What with this sudden behavior of joy and smiles when it was anything but that minutes prior? I uh-I’m confused. She’s not happy and I know that because I know her, we’ve talked about our crap so much and so much has happen that is fucking weird for her to be like this. Should I keep this up too? No, no I shouldn’t…but why is she?

Is this the fake it until you make it crap? Maybe she’s doing this to actually feel happy? No she’s not that a dumbass to do something like that but we are pretty bad, like mentally exhausted. maybe she’s taken more than she can handle and is…is trying to remain sane?

Maybe it’s good then, at least it shows that she’s trying. I hope that’s what it is.

If…if she’s willing to try this out then, then maybe I could help her? Sure, I can act dumb and smile as if everything was okay. If this is what she’s doing then fuck it. I’ll play along with her this as fucked up as it is.

“Oh yeah? Okay just be sure to remember that next time you find yourself at one of my surprise bombings.”

Is this good? I fucking hope so.

Sigh, if she’s trying to forget about earlier then I guess I should do my part too. We can go and do something fun, maybe we’ll have a good time and then she’ll then want to talk right? This could be some sort of crap she’s doing to fill her psyche up, to calm her mind and not go crazy.

She’s still on top of me and I can’t move her, with more force than I thought I get up, pushing her to the side rather gently. She smiles in this way that seems more like she’s mocking me.

“Chloe I think you need more muscle.”

“Pfft working out is for the weak.”

“Uh I think you have it backwards.”

“Nah uh, I think you’re thinking too much so scram it. Let’s get going.”

Max turns towards the door but before she can open it and walk out I rush in and make sure to carefully hold her from behind. I slow down before actually touching her and do my best to be as caring as I can.

I know maybe I shouldn’t do it, but I can’t help myself. I want to her to be sure of my feelings, that she understands what is it that I’m trying to say.

“Max, would you believe me if I said I’m glad to be with you; here right now on this moment of time.”

She doesn’t say anything, doesn’t touch me either. My arms embrace her torso and I can feel the vibration from her breathing.

Without saying anything or even acknowledging what I just did she brushes me off, removes my arms and steps forward. She looks back at me, still with the same smile that she’s had since she began acting in this strange way.

“Come on Chloe let’s go.”

Max? This is wrong, it feels wrong. Is she really so bad that she doesn’t want to deal with anything, not even with me.

Still with that same expression, with that stiffen frame she uncaringly walks out, opens the door and exits.

This hurts, I can’t put a finger on what could be going through her mind but it fucking hurts. I don’t like this, I don’t care why she’s doing it but it’s not right, this or whatever she thinks it is isn’t not working.

Each step I take leads me outside, to her and I know she’s not okay but I can help. As soon the view it hits me. The air’s cold, the wind soothes one’s worry and most importantly, my truck is totaled and most likely won’t even start anymore. Not with the pipes and other crap on the ground.

Fuck, I forgot about that. And here I was thinking of exploring the city with Max and maybe help her relax, ease her mind of worries avoid any more unnecessary crap; guess this was wishful thinking of my part, well thanks a whole fucking bunch god. As if such bullshit existed in this place, if it did none of this shit wouldn’t even be happening to us.

Sigh I’d be lying if I said this crap wasn’t enough to dampen my mood, with Max acting cuckoo crazy I don’t know how I’m still able to walk. This misfortune not being enough for me I’ve now lost something else; The last thing I had as proof of my existence is gone. This is all I had left and now I really got nothing to show for it. I could use the cash we have and try to fix her up but in all honesty I don’t think it would be worth it.

No, I don’t think this piece of crap is ever going to run anymore. The passenger’s door is smashed in and the cabin is bent much more than it should be; surprisingly it’s sharp angle didn’t reach my head. Both left tires are flat and I’m pretty sure the rims are fucked up as well and if that wasn’t enough a surprisingly large amount of oil is dripping under it.

“Chloe what are you doing let’s go this way.”

I look at her and she’s not looking at me, her head is facing forward but her legs and arms look full of energy. Huh, maybe she’s just as uneasy as I am, maybe this is her dealing with all this crap. Whatever it really is, it’s pissing me off.

Really Max? Can’t I have one goddamn second with my piece of junk truck.

I know it’s not a pretty sight, even before it was ugly as hell but it had some charm to it. I don’t know what it was but I liked it, that’s why I got it up and running all those years ago. Sure it was rough but it worked, all it needed was a little bit of love. It took me to places, to parties, to raves and gave Rachel and I so many awesome experiences but now…now it’s really gone. No amount of fixing is going to bring her back, she’s already way past that point.

Letting go of it’s cold, sharp, crippled hood I take one last long stare before making my amends and throw all the feelings I have towards it.

No point in being attached to something that doesn’t work anymore.

“Yeah I’m going Max, its just, I was thinking. This truck, I’m really going to miss it you know.”

“Why not fix her up? With time and money it could be done.”

Sigh, shut up Max. I rather not listen to you if you’re going to talk as if everything was okay, nothing is okay and especially not with that bullshit tone you’re doing.

“It’s not that easy Max, it doesn’t work that way.”

“Why not we have the cash?”

Don’t Chloe. Don’t you fucking do it.

“I’m sure it’s doable, dad knows-”

“It’s fine Max! Let’s not focus on it too much.”

“But Chloe-”

Oh for fuck’s sake! Give a fucking break will ya!

“Look at it! It’s wrecked! There’s no point in wasting any of the cash we have left-”

THE CASH!

I completely forgot about it, last thing I remember is me looking for it before crashing. Yeah I was thinking that it might-hopefully be in the room where I slept that night.

“Max wait right there, I left something back in the house. Uh I’ll be right back just hold on.”

Immediately turning around and ignoring Max I rush in through the door, dash up the stairs and before stopping to think about anything I’m already in the room.

“Okay where are you, where are you packet of two-grand in cold hard cash?”

Somewhere on the bed? Not there. Under it? No there either. I swear if I lost it I’m going to beat myself to death, there’s no way in hell I managed to lose that envelope. No way in hell. Okay think Chloe, first of all check the room out. It’s been cleaned, yeah someone came in and cleaned it. Shit.

No wait wait, even though it’s cleaned I’m pretty sure Ryan wouldn’t had taken it…but Vanessa on the other hand?...I’m really am a piece of shit for thinking that.

Sigh as fucked up as she’s been to me I also remember all those times when I was little. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt. Hmm, I haven’t checked the drawers. Maybe she or he putted in one of them.

Walking to the small drawer next to the bed, I crouch and with all the hope I can muster I slowly open it and-

“Thank fucking god!”

It’s here, all of it. Passing my fingers through the bills it feels just as heavy as before and that’s enough to calm my nerves.

“Phew, at least this is one less thing to worry about. Now to get back to Max and try to have some fun.”

Wait a minute, did I…just blew up at her? What the hell’s wrong with me.

Remembering the intensity in my voice when I spoke brings something within me, fury, rage and a need to punch something.

I slam my hand against my face, feeling it’s sudden, sharp pain as it impacts my forehead, the scratching sensation it gives the rest of it as I forcefully drag it down to make sure I root the pain into my mind.

How much do I have to hurt her before I understand. How much should I lose before it sticks to me the amount of stress I’m sending her way. Answer you piece of shit!? You want to see her have another shitshow of a night? More nightmares full of guilt or maybe it’ll be enough when she’s in the hospital against her will?

I hate myself. I despise my stupid, idiotic self who can’t seem to learn shit!

The fact that I keep hurting her in these times is enough to take my strength away, my legs wobble without resistance and the ground closes in with me not giving any fuck.

“You asshole! Why can’t you keep your damn mouth shut!”

The ground is cold, hard and empty. It hurts, dropping to it hurts more than I thought but still it’s not nearly enough, not even close to what I deserve for all the shitty things I keep doing to her. She’s trying, she’s doing something to help herself and what the fuck do I do? I shout at her for being creepy as hell, yeah it’s weird, strange but it’s not like I don’t get it, or at least I think I do.

I kick the air, slammed my foot against it as if it would do any good. I kick it, punch it, stare at it and dammed it for not fighting back, for not taking the anger that I have.

“This can’t keep up, it can’t and I don’t say it for her sake. I say it for mine, anymore of this shit and I don’t know what could happen.”

Sniff, get up. Get up and stop this pitiful shit.

Not wanting to keep Max waiting for me, I straighten my legs, lift my body and take a deep breath to calm down. I clean my nose, rub my eyes for any tears and start making my way downstairs.

Stop being like this, stop this and help her. Why can’t you do that, don’t think, stop thinking and go with whatever crap she’s doing. Maybe it’ll be for the worst, or maybe for the best but any of those two options it’s better than you losing your shit at her.

She’s acting weird, too fucking strange and abnormal as heck, but it’s because she doesn’t want to deal with her crap, neither of us wants to

…

Okay then, I can play along. I can smile like a fool, lie my ass off if I have to and make a dumbass of myself for her sake. If that’s what she wants-no if that’s what she needs then I’ll do it. If it’s for her I’ll do it.

I take a deep breath, hold onto the door’s handle and just as I’m turning it a light shines on my face.

What’s that?

I crouch down and see something small, it’s on the ground looks like somebody threw it down. Getting closer I see it clearly and hear a vibration. It’s a phone. I pick it up and see who’s calling, it says Love of my life.

Pretty sure this is Ryan’s phone and the one calling is Vanessa.

“’Love of my life’, that has a nice ring to it.”

I can’t believe he would actually put her as her name, funnily it sounds like something he would do. But why is it here? Earlier when he interrupted us someone called him, I didn’t see him answer but I figured he had taken it with him. I wonder why it’s here.

It stops vibrating and it shows something on the screen, a bunch of missed calls and messages. They’re all from Vanessa, damn twenty missed calls. Why wouldn’t he answer her. The two of them can’t be that bad right? I mean he said she wasn’t going to be around but I figured it was because of me but to ignore her to this degree? Seems a bit too much, yeah she’s been a bitch and I would totally ignore her but that’s me, not him. Maybe he’s more sensible than I thought?

Well whatever it is, it doesn’t concern me. I can’t focus on other people shit when I keep messing my own.

I put it down, leave it exactly where it was and open the door, leaving that issue alongside with it. No need for me to bring that up to Max, other people’s problems is what we need to avoid, so I better keep my mouth shut. All smiles and joy is what she needs, and that’s what I’ll give her.

Being outside again I notice Max, she’s staring at the truck. Here eyes are focused, her mouth in a frown and her hand is on broken driver’s door. It’s rubbing against something, it’s red, a darker shade of it and there’s more surrounding the area where she’s touching.

“Hey Max, I’m back.”

She jumps back and struggles to focus her eyes on me, her shoulders move back and puts her arms down, clenches her hands into fists and takes a few deep breaths.

Be cool, don’t overdo it. Just watch over her and makes sure she’s okay.

“Kept you waiting huh?”

“Did you find what you were looking for?”

She’s smiling, her mouth now changes to a smile, her eyebrows rise and her eyes have a sense of glee to them, but it’s not real.

I can’t, I look away from her for a second to pressure my eyes, to remove the need to cry and as an excuse to pull the envelope out of my back pocket. Trying to fool her I hide my eyes with the money and lift the envelope up to my eyes and wear it as if they were glasses, smiling just as she’s been doing and do my best to hide the gloom in my voice.

“Is that-”

“All of our cash? Why yes it is.”

“Don’t tell me you thought you had lost it?”

That’s it let’s keep it up, let’s keep this happy act for as long as I need to. As long as it takes for a real smile to reach her lips.

“Really Max? You think I’m going to lose all of our money just like that? C’mon give me some credit.”

She closes her mouth, stares at me dead straight and doesn’t move.

“You were totally freaking out weren’t you?”

“I was freaking so fucking much. So where to Max?”

“You’re asking me?”

“Aren’t you a Seattle citizen? I’m just a tourist here.”

“Chloe we’ve gone over this, I’m as much of a tourist as you are. All I know is my house, my old school and the major touristic spots.”

Maybe we can go over some places she’s been before, yeah that could bring her some good memories and get some peace of mind.

“Uh Max need I remind you that I haven’t seen any of these ‘major touristic spots’?”

“You want to go and check some of them out?”

“Hell yeah I do! Come on show the way and let’s go see something cool, like that monster under a bridge. What is it called?”

“You mean the Fremont Troll?”

“See, you know so much more than I do.”

“Chloe, have I ever tell you that you’re a dork?”

“I don’t seem to remember that, but if you were to do so I would have no choice other than to tickle you right here in the middle of the street. Why?”

“Oh no reason, just curious.”

“I got my eye on you Caulfield.”

“Don’t you always?”

“I-uh hey that’s not fair.”

“You’re such a big dork.”

Is this real? Does she mean all of this? Her smile, her words? I’m feeling happy, it’s fun talking with her like this but I don’t know if she means any of it. I can’t help but doubt everything she’s saying and doing. Is this what she wants then, to act as if nothing was wrong and there isn’t anything holding our minds back?

I don’t know if I can do that, but her acting this way it’s…somehow making me ignore it, all of it. No wonder she’s doing this weird thing then, I feel happy but that’s only because I’m actively blocking everything else.

I look up and she’s there, still with the same expression, the same voice. I might be fooling myself but it’s sure better than feeling like crap all the time.

Well here goes nothing, I hope this thing works out.

…

…

“Yeah yeah here’s your damn money! Now get the fuck out of here before I beat the shit out of you!”

Asshole, what his problem?

“It’s okay Chloe, it’s not a big deal.”

“Max it is a big deal, I’m not about to let any prick tell us what we should and shouldn’t do, much less a fucking cab driver who has no business with us.”

If Max hadn’t been with me I swear I would’ve kick him in the balls and knock him the fuck out of the car. What the hell’s wrong with him? Never seen two girls together or what, motherfucker lucky Max held me back.

“Ch-Chloe please! Let it go, let’s forget about it. We-we should get going instead.”

I don’t want to calm down, I don’t want to let this go. My whole body is already aching for a fight and there’s no one here to lash it on, except for Max. And if I know any better I think it might be better to calm down.

“Max how can you be okay with that guy saying that crap to us!?”

She comes closer to me, leans on my chest and sticks her nose to my chest. Her breath is warm, her body is frail and tense.

“I’m not okay with-it Chloe, I might even be more piss off than you.”

Her hand touches mine, pulls her head back and looks at me with a faint smile. Her eyes having this sense of desperation, of pleading to listen.

“I just don’t want to focus on this, on the comments other people might make about you and me. I only want to listen to you and no one else, not even myself really. Is that so bad?”

Sigh you sure know how to make me want to smile and cry at the same time Max.

“All right, I’ll stop myself from ruining the mood.”

“You’re not ruining the mood, it’s sweet actually.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot me being angry turns you on right?”

She snorts and buries her face deeper, lowers it and grips my hand tighter with each laugh she tries to hold.

“See, I know what you like.”

“I take it back, you’re ruining the mood.”

She removes her body from mine but still holds my hand, pulls me and drags me towards the troll’s direction.

“So Max is this troll as awesome as everyone says?”

“Hmm, well I don’t know if it’s awesome but it is incredible. The first time I saw it I was in awe! It was amazing, the way it looks at you with its eyes pleading you to help it is really ominous, it’s hands desperately clutching to the car and that in itself almost tells you how trapped it must be. Before I used to think that it was mostly done in reference to fairy tales, I thought it might be a cool thing to see once but after coming with some friends I-”

Look at you fanning so much over a troll, you really are adorable. I don’t think I’ve seen you talk like this about anything in the past few days, even for me it’s refreshing. Moving your hands up and down as you explain all these artsy elements is so sweet that I stopped listening, your face looking at me so seriously fascinated with it and I love how blood is coming to your face and making it have some color.

Sigh, I guess coming here was actually a good idea. Wait a minute, maybe this means that coming to more places like this might be good for her. Yeah why not, she enjoys looking at art and so do I, as a plus she’s able to forget about all the other crap happening around us without acting like a complete psycho.

“Are you listening to me?”

Shit what?

“Hey Max.”

And now her smile goes away, her arms go down and instead she squints her eyes and puts her hands on her waist.

Maybe getting lost on my thoughts wasn’t such a good idea.

“Uh you were saying about the troll?”

“What about the troll?”

“How…umm how creepy it is?”

She sighs and drags her hand down her face.

“You seriously didn’t listen to anything I said?”

“Umm, would it help if I said I was charmed by your beauty?”

Thank god that seems to fix things up, she still has her hands on her waist but her eyes can’t lie. She’s trying to keep the ruse up but it’s not working. Pfft I can see her mouth shaking and how her cheeks are slowly rising.

“N-no, it does not.”

She lets go of my hand and turns around, I bet she’s smiling so hard right now. Before she’s able to turn with what must be a stern look I rush towards her and hold her in a hug, put my chin on her shoulder and begin pushing her as we both continue forward.

“C’mon Maximus I did listen, partially. You were saying how you came here and saw it with some friends right?”

She seems to calm down or accept the futility of her act.

“Yeah, Kristina and Fernando. My buddies here in Seattle, we came down here to see it as well and we had a great time.”

Oh yeah, I don’t think she’s ever mentioned them before. Weird that she’s never done so, probably because she figured that it probably would’ve piss me off and rightly so. All those years that’s all I thought. How she left me and forgot all about me with her new trendy Seattle friends.

I still don’t know if I should ask about them, weird that she hasn’t tried to contact them, or worse that they haven’t tried to get on touch with her. Their friend goes to a distant town and that town gets blown over by a tornado and they don’t bother to make sure if she’s still alive? Yeah never mind, fuck them if they don’t care.

“You’re not curious about them?”

“I’m good, I rather hear more about this troll thing or even other spots that you’ve seen. Tell me all about it Max, let your inner geek drown me in art facts!”

“Art facts?”

“Yeah, like you were saying earlier about the troll. How ominous it looks and that it looks kinda sad in how it’s trying to get out. Isn’t that what you said?”

“Chloe those are not art facts, they’re my opinion.”

“Even better, bombard me with Max facts!”

“That sounds like a bad informative tv show.”

“Hey if someone made a show about you believe me, the world would go crazy. Who doesn’t want to know more about-woah!”

Holy shit she wasn’t kidding.

“Isn’t it incredible?”

“That’s so rad! Can we climb it?”

“Yes Chloe, you can climb the troll.”

“I think you mean WE can climb the troll, come on I race you to the top.”

She acts like she doesn’t want to but she does. Man I’m in bad shape, I haven’t been smoking these past few days and I still have shitty lungs. And here I thought I was going in top shape by now; nope this’ll take a long time. First I’ll need to quit, whenever that comes to happen.

But still, this is something else.

“Max you weren’t kidding, this is amazing. How old is thins thing?”

“Pretty old, I think it’s been here since the 90s.”

Feeling somewhat unstable because of my own lack air I think it might be better for me to get down. Thank god this thing’s made out of solid rock.

“Hey Max!”

She wakes up from whatever she’s thinking and looks at me.

“I love you so freaking much!”

I really do and I’m not just saying it for fucks sake. I want her to know it and to not forget it for even a minute of the day.

She blushes and slowly comes down, looks around for something and makes this strange face while looking at me.

“Chloe shut up, that was…hella embarrassing.”

“You even used hella, it must be serious.”

“I mean it, what if someone hear that?”

“If someone didn’t hear that I scream it again.”

“Dork.”

“I’ll let that slide only because this time, it’s true.”

“Dork. Major dork, Romantic buff, silly dork.”

“Done?”

She looks up and her cheeks are so red, her freckles are at full sight and her palms are wide open as if she were trying to cool down. She walks inches away from where I stand, she stands on her toes and lightly kisses me on the lips.

Freaking hippie, now I’m the one smiling silly.

“Dork.”

…

…

Oh man going to that troll sculpture was a great idea, the ride to get there not so much but after arriving Max and I had such a great time that I didn’t even thought about anything else. I still can’t believe how much of a riot Max was. A riot, a word I never thought I’d use for her, especially how crazy she was acting before.

Maybe coming here was a great idea, so good in fact that it helped Max feel normal I think, hope, pray or whatever is it that I’m trying to say. I don’t know when exactly she started to stop acting that way but I could not give a fuck of when she snapped out of it, she’s good now and that’s as much as I need to stop worrying to death about her.

Sigh I don’t know if I should I keep thinking about these things, she doesn’t look as bad as before, or maybe I’m just not looking hard enough. I mean of course she’s still not well, it’s no wonder she’s been acting as high as a kite, she must be trying her hardest to stay well minded. Look at me, here I am losing hair and sanity because I can’t stop thinking if she’s well or not and I’m so fucking sure she’s noticed. She basically tells me to drop it with her eyes moving all over the place. I’m the one making her batshit crazy so all in all, it’s my fault, again. What a surprise.

But that’s the thing, I don’t know if it’s really me or she’s just getting good a hiding her crap. Yeah sure she’s been somewhat off at times like not responding when I call her or how out of nowhere her hands begin to tremble for no reason but that’s understandable with everything that must be going on her mind; it’s okay for her to be a little crazy, unstable and weird. Which does make this whole thing feel more surreal than it should, she was…I don’t know how to describe it exactly but like…everything was too good to be true? If that makes sense.

Almost like a dream, and we all know dreams are bullshit and don’t exist so obviously something must be going on, something real bad, or I’m just desperate for drama in my life. Maybe I’m looking for a reason for things to spiral out of control and I end up at fault, that would give me another reason to hate my sorry ass. As if I needed more of them.

Sigh.

It’s probably nothing, must be my head wanting to fall into dark thoughts like it does all the time, …

Yeah well fuck all of it. Max and I had a hella fun time and we didn’t even do shit. All we did was talk and walk about the troll and other shit we can go and see. It sounds so boring now that I remember and yet I feel so fucking happy. Like I keep wanting to explain to myself why it was so good but I don’t even know why it was. Somehow feels like I’m still dreaming on that hospital bed.

Huh, wouldn’t that be a bitch.

Who the fuck knows, if this is a dream then I don’t want to wake up. I prefer to stay happy like this rather than endure anymore crap.

The best of all of this or the better said, the most corniest shit of it all was actually leaving that Fremont troll. She grabbed my hand, asked me a question I don’t even remember and before we knew it we were off the troll’s home and walking on a street we didn’t recognize. We even walked past a red light as we were lost in our world.

And so here we are now, in a new shitshow trying to come up with a solution.

“Max, just no.”

“Chloe it’s not even that bad, come on.”

“Are you kidding me!?”

She can’t be serious about this sort of crap and she better not give me this story that she didn’t know about it already. She’s not fooling me again.

“Trick me once shame on you, trick me twice screw you!”

“I already told you I’m sorry, I didn’t know it would be so spicy.”

“Uh Max I’m pretty sure we both know enough Spanish to know what caliente means, and in case you don’t it has all these little flames above it so shut it.”

Yeah right like I’ll believe her.

We come here to some weird Mexican food truck since we forgot about eating with all that crap from earlier and since neither one of us can actually read the menu we ended up ordering randomly, and wouldn’t you know it, now I have my mouth on fire. This is no bueno.

This is burning my cheeks and tongue like a bitch. I’m sweating and breathing so hard that the only thing on my mind is water, ice or whatever that’ll cool me down.

I can feel the sweat falling form my forehead, how my skin crawls up with shivers from the cold air and a faint annoyance from sensing Max smiling at me.

“Don’t think I don’t see you Max, this is not staying like this.”

“Ooh What are you going to do, put a pepper on my taco?”

“Pfft of course not. I’m not that obvious.”

Dammit, I already have them in my hand.

“So is it any good?”

“What this thing? Yeah, it’s all right. Definitely not as filling as a greasy burger but it gets the job done.”

I don’t even know what this is but eh, it’s pretty good for something I can’t even pronounce, Hmm, I think it might be some sort of hot salad? It has greens and lots of reds but isn’t spicy. Better not think too much about it.

And what does she has on her?

“What about yours?”

She’s adorable, just as I called her she turns around and is still biting on her food. She’s such a big baby.

“Eets pruuty guud.”

Her cheeks are so full of it she can’t even talk right, she knows it and does it anyway. I guess that means she must’ve liked it, whatever it has inside.

She gulps the food down and taps her chest as she swallows. Let’s out a deep sigh and shrugs as she looks at me.

“It’s delicious Chloe, you have to try it.”

She hands me food and oh shit it’s heavy for such a small thing, I grab it with both my hands just to keep it from falling and it makes me think how in the hell did Max eat any of this.

“What even is it?”

“It’s a taco but it looks more like burrito. A really, big burrito.”

“You think? How did you even fit this big buy in your mouth?”

She looks at me with her smile gone and lowers her head.

“Chloe you don’t have to make everything sound dirty.”

“I make you sound dirty, you seem to like that.”

At that she turns red and looks down, probably from the people nearby who might’ve heard that.

“You know you love it Max.”

“I can’t believe you.”

“Believe it sista, there’s more to come. And now I’ll try this monster burrito to see if it satisfies my delicate palate.”

“Says the girl who eat greasy burgers.”

“Wrong, delicious greasy burgers.”

I lift this thing and take a bite from it, it’s so big that I need to open as high as I can just to bite it properly.

It’s hard, crunchy from the outside but as my teeth perforates it’s thick skin it softens. Something comes out, a watery liquid that burns my insides but it’s not spicy; it has a strong flavor that hugs my tongue. The deeper I bite the more I taste, there’s no meat in it only what I think are spices, some peppers that instead of making me desperate for ice give me a soothing sensation that makes me want to eat more.

Mmm, this… is not bad, not bad at all. I really got no idea what this thing has inside but hot damn it freaking good.

“So what do you think?”

I see Max anxiously looking at me, waiting for my verdict.

“This is amazeballs!”

She smirks and now looks at me with some sort of superiority stance, pfft she’s so going to make a big deal out of this and I know just the way to level the ground.

“See I told you- hey no, give it back I’m still eating it.”

“Tugh lak.”

I can’t get enough of this, it’s not like anything I’ve ever eaten before. If only Max wasn’t pulling my arm as I try to take another bite. Come on, just a little further. Almost there, and-

Just at it touches my lower lip, before I can rip another piece of it, it disappears, pulled from under me and just as I turn I see Max with stains all over her, her hand drenched in red and her mouth in green. All the while chewing on that exquisite burrito.

“This is mine Chloe, eat your salad.”

I love the way she looks right now, how her smiles is as wide as that of a clown and the air around her feels lighter but the thing that makes this even sweeter is the fact that the peppers that were on my hand are no longer on them. I knew she was going to take it from me, Max is anything but a big eater.

She’s chewing, still hasn’t realized or the spices haven’t kicked in yet. She stops chewing, her eyes stop dead straight and she pulls her hand up, covers her mouth in shock and turns to me which by the case I’m smiling as deviously as I possibly can.

“Tsk tsk tsk, you should’ve shared Max.”

“Chloe you-fuuuuck this is spicy.”

Okay maybe I shouldn’t be laughing at her, but c’mon I can’t help it. This is too much, she’s gulping down her bottle and looks like a chipmunk with her with her cheeks inflated like that.

“W-water. Can I have another water. Fast, like now fast.”

Pfft oh fuck my stomach hurts from laughing so hard.

“Ha-ha oh shit Max that was hilarious!”

She stops and puts the now empty bottle down, breathes heavily and puts her hand up, signaling me to stop. Yeah right like I could stop from laughing at this sight.

She seems to recover from it and straightens herself up, looks at me with a serious look on her and sighs.

“You are so going to regret that.”

“Oh yeah what are you going to do about it?”

She leans back and changes her serious expression to a smile, a devilish smile that seems to already have something on her mind.

“Hmph, you’ll see.”

“All right enough of this then, if you’re not eating that burrito anymore I’ll gladly take it from you.”

“Oh so you think you can handle it?”

“Pfft, Max look at me. I’m the definition of caliente.”

And she’s not buying it.

Shit, I let my mouth talk so much that Max’s now expecting me to actually take a bite from it. I can’t back out now and I know for sure this will knock me the fuck down. I can’t handle spicy food, not even the slightest.

Maybe I can take them out without her watching…nope not a chance with her looking at me like that. All right then, no problem it can’t be that bad right?

Who am I kidding of course it isn’t, Max just can’t take its heat but me? I’m made for it.

I take the plate from Max, handle her my salad thing and now I have this burrito on my hands.

Here goes nothing. Sensing Max’s stare I gulp and stick the burrito closer to me, feeling it’s crust already I take a bite from it, enjoy it’s flavor and swallow already expecting the worst.

…

That’s it? That was barely spicy.

Max’s still looking at me, her arms cross on her chest and apparently waiting for me to break down just as she did. Well tough luck hippie, I’m stronger than mountains and hotter than the sun so there’s no way something as tiny as this can-

Shit I’m feeling something.

“Max…why don’t you pass me that water you got there.”

“What was that?”

“Pass me the water, please?”

“Oh you mean this water? But I thought you could handle it?”

This is some instant-karma type of shit.

…

…

“So we agree then, no more spicy food for the rest of our lives?”

“I don’t know about that, seeing your face red like a beet was pretty fun.”

She must be enjoying herself so much…this is so fucking awesome. It feels just like it did earlier at the troll, and just as before while snot came out of her when I took a third bite of her burrito. The things I do for love, no more like the things I do for Max. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to help her feel better, to forget everything and smile without a care.

Everything is just perfect at this moment. Her soft, warm hand embracing mine and the atmosphere between us is so different as how it was before, you would think we’re in a dream and that’s because it feels like one with the way things have been going around.

“Hey Max?”

She doesn’t look at me, doesn’t move or reacts. Seems to be thinking something, her eyes focused and unshaken by my voice or the sounds around us. It’s a little weird, she’s smiling as she’s been doing all day but at what?

“Max?”

She jolts back and looks confused, lost. She shakes her head trying to remember where she was, as if she were waking up from a dream.

Dammit I think I sounded too worried, I didn’t mean to alarm her.

“What don’t tell me you’re still embarrassed about earlier, we are so coming back to eat there again.”

Wait what? Why does she sound so…off.

“Hello? Chloe to earth you there?”

It’s…it’s probably nothing, yeah. Yeah must be my head playing tricks on me, well fuck you! I know better than to rely on my mind when it comes to these things, everything’s good, she’ good, we’re good.

“Yeah yeah I’m here, just thinking something.”

“Thinking something, is it something interesting?”

“Nah nothing that matters, just some stupid shit. What about you what’s on your mind?”

Still smiling with her hand gripping mine she takes a deep breath and lets it out just as deeply. Her gaze looking up at the now blackened sky, at the few stars above us that seem to disappear with each step we take. She doesn’t utter a single word, not one peep seems to be coming out of her and oddly doesn’t seem to be bothered by anything. She almost looks oblivious to our surroundings.

“I’m thinking…I’m thinking that I regret not taking a picture of you back at the food truck.”

And here I was expecting some deep crap about life, about us or how even though we’ve been through so much we’re still here. Instead she says wants to take a picture of me, I don’t know if she’s teasing me or actually means it.

But still a picture? That means a lot coming from her, especially because I know how much this still haunts her.

“Well wouldn’t that be something. Something pretty badass actually, c’mon let’s go right now why wait for another time.”

Hell yeah! I hope this works, with her still grabbing my hand I pull her in towards me and pull her from the waist, push her against me and quickly pose for a selfie. Get my phone out of my pocket, fiddle as quick as I can with my phone to put the stupid camera already and-

“Chl-Chloe no! Let-let go of me!”

She pushes me away, her hands hits my chest like a truck and blows the air out of me. It hurts, a loud crack or thump could be heard as she did but all of it was overshadowed by the sting expanding all over me, from where she practically crushed my heart all the way to the blood flowing in my brain. It hurts, stings and feels like bones snapping within me.

Aw! Motherfucker that hurt like hell! Fuck breathe, don’t get angry, hold up and keep breathing goddammit.

“Fucking hell Max! What the-”

Just as I get up and recover air that left me I see her, I see Max ventilating. Her posture leaned down, her face with anxiety marked all over her. Her eyes wide open and her palms stretched open trying to grab air, her bony fingers flexing exaggeratedly.

What the fuck I-I didn’t do or say anything!

“Max come on just take it easy, don’t panic. Don’t panic Max just brea-”

“Chloe shu-shut up!”

What? What did she just say?

“Max I’m just trying to-”

“No no I’m sorry, I’m sorry I didn’t mean that-I meant-I meant…give me a minute, please just-just let me handle this.”

Is this my fault? Shit I shouldn’t pushed her like that. Urgh! I had to go and push her for a picture. Stupid stupid goddammed stupid! She only said that to make talk, or maybe she was hopeful and started to feel good but nooo! You had to go and made your own choice without asking her and interpreted what she meant.

You know all that’s going through her head, you understand her perfectly right! Argh! Just stop screwing everything up! Why can’t you just have a good time without ruining it at the end.

“I’m all right now Chloe.”

At sound of her voice I turn around to immediately tell her to not feel shitty, to not think that anything’s her fault because I know her. I know she’ll blame any little thing to herself and not me like she should. She should blame everything at me because it is my fault, all of it. I don’t want her to keep feeling like that.

Before even looking at her I already have my mouth open to begin her defense but I can’t, what I’m seeing is worse than her face showing sadness or any sort of pain. She’s smiling, looks happy just as she has looked all day since we left the house…but she’s not. I-I know she’s not so why?

“C’mon Chloe let’s keep walking home, I don’t want to worry dad any more than he already is.”

I can’t react, can’t wrap whatever is happening right now. I don’t…I uh-what? No, no what the hell?

“Chloe? Don’t worry about anything I’m fine I swear so come on, stop making that silly face and grab my hand.”

Being frozen and still shaken from her strange behavior she comes towards me, her steps and the way she moves is brimming with joy. She pulls me and continues to walk as we were before. The weirdest part that it feels just the same, the sentiment breezing off her is similar to that of when we were playing on top of the troll, off when she was laughing at me at the food truck.

This is not right. This is wrong. I need to tell her something, have to…or not? It’s my fault she’s like this, because of me she’s-

Bzzzt

Bzzzt

The fuck is that?

Max pulls her phone from her pocket, looks at who’s calling and answers with that same smile.

Okay I’m really getting bad vibes from this shit now.

“Oh hi Veer.”

“Yes she’s here with me and we’re doing great.”

“Of course! We’ll be glad to, what day did you had in mind?”

“Oh, that…that should be fine.”

Yeah it’s not a problem, okay see you then bye.”

“The fuck did she want?”

“She was just asking me if we were still good to go and meet. You know for the clothes and all.”

“And you said yes?”

“Y-yeah…I uh-said yes?”

Sigh, I want to tell her what the fuck’s her problem. Doesn’t she understand nothing good will come off those crazy bitches, we know they’re drug-addicts and I don’t know about her but drugs like that are the last thing I want to be near to at this moment.

Rachel died because of them and I certainly don’t plan on throwing my sanity to them any time soon if I can help it, but I may not be able to do anything if my mind isn’t able to stay stable enough to not fall into despair, which the way things seem to be going might not be for long.

Sigh

“Max, really this isn’t-”

“It’s just one night Chloe, one night away from all of it. You understand what that means right? I know it’s dumb, stupid and I’ll probably regret it but I need this. I can’t take this anymore. You- you know I’m getting worse. I know it okay, I know it and I’m running circles around everything, trying to make things look better in my head but I’m on my last straw. Please just give me one night away from the real world.”

For fucks sake. We shouldn’t. We better not. This is bad, so fucking bad. I know it’s best if we don’t. I know that, she knows that so why does she still want to meet them? Shit shit shit, it’s because she doesn’t know.

She doesn’t know about Rene and that’s how I want to keep it. She can’t know about her, if she were to find out that I betrayed the trust she has in me when she thinks everyone hates her it would break her; I don’t know what would happen, what her mind would do to herself. She already thinks everything’s her fault, that she’s alone; except for me. She knows I love her, that she can rely on me and even so she manages to think that I hate her, if she’s this bad now I don’t even want to think what would happen if she came learned what I was doing.

It still pisses me off that I even did that. She needed me, she was looking for me and I wasn’t there, instead I was desperately making out with her Rene. It wasn’t out love, need or even pleasure, it was just me distracting my mind. The reminder of that makes my blood boil, I should’ve been with her. All the shit that’s happening could’ve been prevented, all of it. Vanessa and Ryan wouldn’t be fighting, Max wouldn’t had to suffered that horrible experience. Most likely she wouldn’t be how she is now. I wouldn’t doubt her smile, her eyes, her voice…but I wasn’t there.

I want to say no, to shut this thing off immediately without caring for how she might react, whatever happened would be a thousand times easier to deal with than the alternative…but hearing her voice, having her eyes and all of her will literally begging me to say yes, to help her is something I can’t say no to.

Sigh.

“If you really want to, then why the hell not Max.”

I hope I’m wrong about this, that Rene’s name doesn’t comes up in the conversation. That everything goes smoothly with everyone laughing, talking about dumb crap and that at the end of the night we leave with that motherfucking bag of clothes that is the cause of this shit in our hands.

That Max doesn’t end up worse, that’s all I want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all, like always thank you for reading this and hope you enjoyed it.  
This release took much longer than expected, you can blame life and it's unexpected events but after forty-two days here it is.
> 
> As a good thing, or not so good depending on your enjoyment for this story this release became much, much longer than originally planned. The first half of it ( before Max and Chloe leave the house) was majorly a difficult section to write and making sure that things felt natural, or well paced was fun but exhausting. Not so say the rest wasn't but that section did slow down this release, hope you enjoyed it and feel satisfied with the result.
> 
> I've already said this before but it is true; the end is near and the story will be coming to a close in a few more chapters. It's hard to accurate to say when that will be but I'd like to say sooner rather than later.
> 
> And to end this, thank you for continuing reading this project of mine and like always, have a good day/night.


	18. Heavy hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, another chapter focused solely on Ryan and Vanessa.

Why is this light taking so long! Turn green already! For the love of god turn green goddammed it!

And just as that last syllable comes out of my mouth the light goes from the bright, flickering red that seems to mock me on my wait it to the equally ridiculing hue of green that is telling me to go, to escape from the cruel torment that keeps tormenting my thoughts.

It takes all the strength in my nimble body to not smash the pedal into the ground, to not rip the steering wheel from the dashboard as the traffic light changes at what appears to be my command. People are honking at me, I’m still in the same place even though I want to be as far away as possible; slowly and with the blood within me boiling I push my foot down and so the car accelerates only the necessary to move forward, a breath escapes my quivering lips that are only trying to keep still.

“Where to now. Where do I go.”

After seeing my baby girl like that I don’t want to think. I don’t know what to think. I don’t want this.

I don’t even know where I’m going and at this moment it’s not something I’m worrying about, it’s the last thing on my mind. I’ve been driving for god knows how long and because of it I’m in a part of town I don’t recognize anymore. I don’t know where I am, buildings blend in with each other, the people all look the same and the lights turn and switch as I close and open my eyes.

Looking ahead I see the sun and notice that it’s in a different position from where it was when I had just gotten inside the car.

“Wait what? What in the hell is the sun doing there? If it’s there then it means that it’s already way past eleven but that can’t be, I’ve only been driving for-”

I gaze down at the analogical clock put on the dashboard and see its content blinking the current time; hours, minutes and seconds tickling down.

“One thirty-four? But it can’t, I can’t have been driving more than ten-fifteen minutes at most…have I been driving more than an hour? But I thought-”

As reality begins to sink in, the fact that my consciousness has been gone for not minutes but hours with me driving on the road without any sort of awareness, putting my life at risk my heart freezes and what could’ve happened.

I pull over next to whatever street is closest to me, not caring if its allowed or not. I move hands to my thighs and drown on the disbelief that I’m in a condition far worse than I had thought. I move my hand again from the warmth of my thigh and aim for the phone in my pocket.

I reach in, but there’s nothing; an empty space with nothing in it.

“That’s right, I don’t have it with me. I left my phone back at the house. I threw it away when she called…why did I do that.”

Stress coming back to me and bringing with it a deep, and now familiar pain to my head, a sensation that feels like massive bells turning and hitting each other without stopping, each hit generating a greater force than the previous one, the ringing getting louder with each turn and in turn scrambling my nerves and thoughts with each passing second.

I raise my hand and naturally begin rubbing my eyes, pressing my thumb and palm against my wrinkling expression, pulling and stretching in a plead to take the tension away I drag my palms down with enough force to leave marks on my burning skull; digging even further in I move to my beard only now instead of scratching as I’ve been doing I clutch it with the intention of ripping it off my skin.

I can feel the root of the individual hairs grabbing onto the border of my chin, how each strand of beard seems to unearth it’s still planted length and a liquid that sticks itself among my straining fingers ripping the stiffen strands before their time.

Not resisting the excruciating pain for a moment longer I open my eyes and everything’s muddled, objects being barely visible beyond a short distance. Everything’s quiet too, there isn’t a single sound except for that of the car’s motor running and the air conditioner. I turn the ignition keys from on to off, now engulfing in total silence.

I leave the keys in place but leave my hand still attached to it; hand glued to the plastic wrapped around the it’s body with my eyes staring at a defeated, crippled excuse for a body that seems to have been robbed of its soul and energy, a body of a man whose ape-like characteristics are an exact copy to that of mine, and that’s because it is. A defeating view that’s visible from the rearview mirror from which my eyes can’t move from.

For some reason observing myself in this state I can’t help but feel angry, furious and full of rage, the more I keep looking the more this sense of desperation increases as I don’t even know at what this hate is directed; too many things have happened to point at just one; at myself for the lack of action that I’ve taken, at Vanessa for hurting my baby girl, at the world for being so cruel to Chloe? Could be that I don’t want to think about what just happened and the reason for my hollow state is that it helps me to take problems off my flimsy mind, to forget that look on her face that keeps coming to haunt my senses at every instance that my eyes see darkness? Or maybe the fact that I keep finding myself frozen, unable to move or speak against the injustices of life, the fact that Vanessa has attacked relentlessly at Chloe and I’ve done nothing but hear and watch!!!

Realizing the path which my mind is about to fall into I stop myself and clench my eyes close. Using all the strength left in me I inhale as much air as I can, and exhale all of it as well with hope to stop the trembling of my arms and legs…but it’s all in vain.

I open my eyes, let go of the key and push my back on the seat but my sight remains on my own decrepit self that hasn’t changed from its soulless appearance.

“What are you doing? What in the hell are you doing? What in the fucking world are you doing!? You! Do something! Anything!!”

With my hand now free a tingling sensation springs to it, it makes me want to do something, release my anger onto the first thing that touches it and so I make a fist, not sure of what I’m going to do I continue to stare at my own empty set of eyes that only help to raise my anger at the world.

Thump!

Thump!

Thump!

What am I doing, why am I hitting the steering wheel! What is this going to do!!

“Nothing!…that’s what this is doing. Nothing at all!…**nothing!!**”

Sniff.

I open my mouth to demand answers from myself, to see if I can gather an understanding of what I’m feeling but instead I feel the strength that was so desperately clenching to my every finger and yet my lips quiver the moment they open. Teeth, tongue, lips and even the heart in my chest lacks the force to form any coherent move, sound and only a cry is heard, a moan of desperation, of pain and full of misery, alongside a hand clenching and grasping for hope, reaching but grabbing nothing but the emptiness of air.

Again I try to create words out of my mouth, this time I don’t plan what to say but only say whatever is it that wants to be heard.

“Max baby…please don’t cry. Please don’t cry baby everything will be okay…everything will be fine I-I promise. Your dad promises…**I PROMISE!!**”

This doesn’t help, it only makes all of it hurt more. My heart beats with such strength that each pulse brings forth a sharp pain that puts forth strain all over my chest, a potent tug to my mind and sense of regret for not staying with my baby girl…my pumpkin who needs her family…love, protection and care.

…

Heh, I can’t help but laugh at what I just thought of. I’m laughing, smiling and all while tears begin falling down my weak eyes, shoulders drop and lose their strength as I remember her in that moment.

We haven’t given her love or protected her since she came home, we’ve only attacked her and Chloe. They haven’t felt comfortable, protected or safe, all we’ve done is made these past few days a torture for them. It doesn’t matter that it was all Vanessa who caused it, I was there and I should’ve done something about it, said something but I didn’t…I did nothing. That’s what I did and I thought it was enough. I thought that they would recover and heal on their own, that together the two of them were strong enough to pull themselves together, but I was wrong, they weren’t and I should’ve made a greater effort, tried more to talk to them through their issues…but I didn’t!

**Argh!!**

“**I didn’t do shit!**”

All I did is leave them to worsened in front of our eyes. I only spoke and told them how much I cared, how much I worried for them but I never proved it, never showed that concern, that love that I so much told them of…how were they supposed to believe my words when my every action was demonstrating the opposite. It was stupid of me, I expected them to be better when at every turn they were harmed, attacked and made vulnerable at the one place they hoped to gain some peace of mind, of rest.

…

All this thinking is reminding me of when I finally saw the two of them standing at our doorstep, how nervous they were when I had first opened the door and the look on my girl’s face as she me…but then it again it brings back the reason of her sudden return.

Sniff.

“I still remember how it felt, to see on TV a tornado harassing the town in which my baby girl was, too see all those body bags being transported and reported as numbers.”

No I can’t, I can’t think back on that. It was horrible, devastating, one of the worst things I’ve felt. I know it was brief before Vanessa reached her on her phone but those few seconds where anything was possible were enough to kill me. I felt my heart stopped, how blood suddenly had left me and air seemed non-existent.

“I-I kept picturing her in one of those bags…memories of her childhood flood back to me, her laugh, how she’d hug me and say that she loves us.”

As I talk I can feel my face becoming engulfed in tears, saliva increasing in production as I think back on what could had been.

I don’t know why I’m thinking about this, it doesn’t matter anymore. She’s here, she’s here and that’s what matters and not what I felt back then, not what almost was…but I can’t stop thinking about it, the thought keeps coming back to me as if I had to take it off my mind. I try to avoid it but it’s not going away.

I clean the sea of tears off my cheeks, chin only to realize the puddle already formed beneath me. I take a deep breath to calm down, to continues trying to get this need that I have if only to remove this off my mind.

I had lost hope, the will to live had gone off me but I thank god that it didn’t came to be, she had answered Vanessa’s call and within a few days of intense worry and dread she was there, they were. Here outside our door, we were happy! I was just as broken then as I am now but out of relief, joy and pure bliss to see her in front of me, to feel her at last after all that excruciating wait…but it didn’t last that long, the moment I was able to calm down from that initial sense of assurance we knew she wasn’t okay, not that we expected her to be but the feeling we got from looking at her and Chloe wasn’t what we were expecting; worse, it was much worse than I was capable of dealing with.

…

They weren’t just tired, exhausted or troubled. No, their eyes were almost devoid of life and their bodies were and still are alarmingly thin and unhealthy as if they hadn’t eaten since they left town; the uncertainty of them getting home was gone but now something else had replaced it. I didn’t want to accept it, I didn’t want to meddle with their troubles. I thought that us trying to help would affect them for the worse, I wanted to think that they were strong, that they were capable of enduring whatever it was that they were dealing with. But then we found Max collapsed on the ground, lifeless,…she wasn’t reacting to my voice, my touch and I froze, instead of helping in any way I again fell to despair and thought the worst.

“I can still feel her hands clawing at me, how desperately she was trying to run from me. She was creaming, shouting with that alarmed look on her face, those eyes full of despair and fear and I could feel as if it were directed all at me.”

Gasp!

“My girl!! My child!!”

In an effort to calm down I tighten my arms around the steering wheel, strap myself against it and close my eyes but it doesn’t help, it only makes the hurting grow with each gasp for air. The only thing I see is that moment again, it pushes it to the forefront of my thoughts and poisons me with it. That dreadful memory that I wish to forget, that I regret to have seen; surprised, shocked and terrified is everything I felt.

I can still feel her cold, feeble arms pushing me away with all her might, with an urgency that she seemed to be escaping for her life. I scared her, made her fearful and hurt her rather than protected her. It was horrible, devastating and all of those thoughts that were lingering in my head on that moment are still there, still haunting my very core.

Today was no different, she had the same expression today, those eyes that not only made me run away from her but that keep me from calming my beating heart, it breaks my will with every breath I take.

Gasp!

I can’t! I can’t!

Why can’t I stop seeing that look of panic in her eyes! Those blue, beautiful, round eyes that before brought me unlimited joy now give me fear, worry and a pain that seems to be sucking the blood from my body. Her facial expressions all signaling her despair, sorrow and anguish!

Aimlessly staring at Chloe’s horrified casting eyes are the same ones she had that morning. I saw it then and I saw it now, how Chloe was in as much pain as I was, I could tell from how she had initially reacted; hands shaking beyond control, her breathing already in disarray and her legs wanting to give up, but they didn’t. She wasn’t like me, she was stronger. At that moment I had turned my sight and suppressed myself but not her...Chloe held my girl’s body in an embrace that not only restrained her but calmed her, looking at her with such care that even though it was a horrid moment the love she has for my girl shone even through her alarmed state.

Gasp!

But it doesn’t matter! All of this shouldn’t be happening, why does my girl has to suffer! Why does she has to carry that burden in her mind!?

I don’t want to remember that sight of her, those words she said, her expression that again was showing a fear that just breaks my heart. A desperation in her eyes that were pleading Chloe for help, support, protection; something that makes me realize how much she needs her, how much she’s suffered. Both of them have gone through so much, more than two young girls should endure.

Sniff.

I was there the whole time, I saw and heard everything and yet it’s all a blur. I can’t remember anything that they spoke to each other, the only thing I took of it is how much they need each other; the tension in their bodies, the sadness and despair in their eyes and how with each movement of Chloe’s lips Max somehow seemed to regain a small portion of composure.

…

…

Sigh, that’s the only reason that keeps me from losing my mind. To know that my baby girl isn’t alone, she doesn’t need me to come rescue her as much as I want to be there for her, she doesn’t need my and most importantly I couldn’t even if I tried. I’m not strong enough…that was Vanessa’s part, but that doesn’t seem be an option at the moment.

Huh, well this is weird. I’m not shaking or sobbing like a baby anymore but instead my chest hurts, it now feels hollow.

Not in a state of emergency anymore I press my palms against my face, take the keys off the ignition and get down from the car.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes as I do so.

“Fresh air sure feels nice, better than suffocating with my own hot air in the car, I almost suffocated myself in there.. huh I should really let the windows down next time I break down on like that.”

I guess I should take a walk, it’ll help to clear my mind and not drown in my…in my difficult situation.

There seems to be a lot of people around, not surprisingly since they’re all small, social restaurants and bars for people to get pissed drunk. Something that seems rather appealing at the moment but I will refrain from that. Drinking is not something I rather do, things are pretty complicated as they are so why go and make them harder on myself.

People are all staring at me as I pass them, youngsters gossip as if I didn’t notice, others of my age group disapprove with their heads and others blissfully ignore me. I must be a sore sight for the eyes then, I haven’t look at how my face must be and I won’t. As if it mattered what they make of my red eyes, my puffed cheeks and overall sorry state.

Still walking and looking ahead I keep seeing people everywhere, couples who seem happily enjoying their time, families with their kids and even groups of friends all having a great time. I don’t envy them, it doesn’t bother me to see them but it does make the hole where my heart is supposed to be grows by the bounds, the hollow feeling keeps growing the more I stare at them.

I wonder. Is this feeling because at these moments I want to return to those times, or because I miss Vanessa?

Argh, a sudden sharp pain came to my heart as I say that.

Already knowing the answer to my question a smile forms instinctively on me; I can feel my eyes wanting to let tears flow down and my heart wanting to once again, beat as fast as it did before.

The mind doesn’t lie. I do miss her, now more than ever.

I love you Vanessa, I know you and you know me better than I know myself. There hasn’t been a day that I’m not grateful for you taking a wimp like me as a husband, for giving me a life that I never thought to be possible. Every day with you has been a treasure, sure we’ve had our share of problems here and there but that’s how it’s supposed to be and we’ve overcome all of them, I’ve always thought that’ll be the case. I’ve been wrong so many times and so have you, we know that. That’s why we’ve always strived to grow better , together, that’s what we’ve always done.

You’re so passionate and full of energy that you always make me feel small in comparison, your emotions are so strong, so real and unashamed. I love that about you, no matter how ridicule, disliked or well liked anything is you’ve always been true to yourself without caring for how others might see you. That’s something I’ve always admired about you, unlike me who’s always trying to be nice, who doesn’t want to offend others or cause misconceptions; you are so different from me that I can’t understand why you’re still with me.

I don’t understand why you’ve always supported me for so long either. I’m not strong like you, I’m not made for hard situations like you are even though I’ve gone through so many of them, the only reason why I’ve managed myself in my adult life is because of you.

Vanessa sweetie you have always been there behind me; I don’t have a backbone, you’re my support, my strength and my heart.

…

And I need you now more than ever…but at the same time I can’t!

I can’t face you like this…not after what you did.

My face again lacks the strength to remain stable, eyes wrinkle, mouth quivers and tears begin to flow down at the sight of everyone around.

I gasp for air, hide my face and stay in place all the while standing in the sidewalk next to stores and onlookers alike.

“Sweetie I miss you, I need you…but why!? I know you, I know how you feel and what you think just as you do for me so…so…why!!”

Every word I say, every syllable spoken drains the blood out of me, takes all of my strength, pain and hurtful sensation and blasts it into my face whose skin is pulsing, veins pressuring and becoming visible, cheek hurting because of the extreme force my words are carrying and so do my hands, arms and legs; this body is already way beyond its exhaustion point and yet it still stands, it still moves and hurts out of desperation; a plead for help is what it is, a resignation to life in exchange for peace of mind.

“I know your worried about Max, scared for her health and you only want the best for her but that’s not the way. Yes Chloe is different, she’s not as she was before but she’s not bad. She loves our girl and wouldn’t hurt her in any way! I see that! You’ve seen that so why don’t you let her be! They’re both hurt, tired and need our help so why are you like this!”

Finally after much pressure my blood give out, I’m know on the ground; palms and knees holding myself from the cold, harsh pavement all the while everything else becomes a blur to my senses. Tears fall down marking my sorrow, nails break themselves as they try to clench at the ground and blood keeps pumping to my already numb skull that’s lost all of its composure.

“Our baby needs you, I need you…so very much.”

I don’t know how to fix this, I don’t know how and I know that it can no longer be fixed…but I don’t want that. I want you with me, with Max, with Chloe, all of us together pushing against the world but it’s not possible…it’s not…I can’t even face you anymore, but I can’t forgive you either…I can’t. No matter how much I think about it you’ve hurt our baby in more ways than one and that’s-that’s argh!

I gasp for air and let out a cry, a wail that’s alarming those around me, some come near me and offer their help, they ask if everything’s okay, but it isn’t, nothing is.

“Vanessa please, please…please!!”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Vanessa’s POV

7:36 AM

Take a deep, deep breath. In through your nose, hold it for as long as you can and…out through your mouth.

Sigh all that tension does seem to be leaving if only a little, I swear my shoulders and neck are killing me. I should really get an appointment with my massage therapist and get this taken care of, although I’m sure it’ll would only ease the tension for a day at most before coming back stronger and sharper. A simple massage won’t stop the guilt from rooting itself into my subconscious again.

All these thoughts in my head are too much, they make me want to go take a nap which I already took by the way but it didn’t help, they’re still there. I can feel them revolving around my skull as if it were devoid of everything else.

I shake my head and lightly slap my cheeks as a way to ease their weight on me, place my palms on my waist to have a more supportive posture, open my eyes to refocus as I look at the reflection on the mirror in front of me. I take a second to breathe and exhale with each puff of air serving as a reminder of where I am.

That’s right, where am I again?

I’m in a bathroom that would probably give fear and desperation if I were afraid of small, contained spaces. Its bright, plain and has four white walls with a sense of uneasiness that seems to grow more the longer I focus on it, a chrome generic sink place in a white faux-granite counter that is chipped from the sides and it’s being illuminated by an old, clearly clouded yellow lightbulb that sticks out like sore thumb because of its horizontal placement on the wall, and finally the wide, tall, dirty and muddled mirror fixed in front of where I’m standing.

And on its reflection is me, still standing with my hands unmoved from my waist, eyes staring at their own maniac look and my lips forming a false smile that could be spotted from a mile away, and without question my body all but relaxed.

Breathe in…breathe out.

“This is weird, I feel strange, odd and I’m not really sure why. I’ve already been awake for two hours and I thought it was because I’m not home but that’s just not it. I even did a somewhat similar routine to the one I usually do every day but it didn’t work, I still feel off. I don’t get it, I woke up early at five in the morning, got myself ready just in case Ryan or Max needed me, I did a light workout to remove that awful morning grogginess and I then proceeded cool down and took a warm, relaxing shower to soothe the tension away. I then put on my makeup, got dressed and I’ve already called the hospital just to be sure everything’s okay with Max and Chloe and I’m happy to know that everything’s okay, I truly am but I’m still feeling like I’m missing something but I can’t quite put my finger on it.”

Who am I kidding, why am I playing dumb when it’s only me here. Maybe to fool myself? I’m not so dumb witted to not realize it, of course I know what it is but I don’t want to say it. Saying it would only make it real, it would make a connection between the pain and the root of the issue, that issue being me and none other than me.

“Fine! I’ll say it, and I’ll say it to my crazy self loudly that way I can’t keep avoiding it. I miss Ryan, his morning cuddles that always get a hold of me without me asking him to, those bulky warm, hairy arms of a bear that he has and that makes me feel loved; that man that has been with me for more than two decades, that man-child that has protected me and heard every stupid little thing that comes out of my irrational mouth without ever saying that I’m wrong or right even when I’m not!…I miss him”

I miss my man.

I think this is the first time in twenty years that I’ve woken up without him by my side… It’s a strange feeling to wake up alone, I don’t like it. I hate it. I want him with me, I want us to be together in the morning like we’ve always been…but as things are now that’s impossible, I know he’s not particularly fond of me at the moment, with any luck I hope he misses me.

Maybe he’s feeling just as me. Maybe he’s also uncomfortable and uneasy. Should I call him? A message at least or go and surprise him at home or the hospital?

Sigh no I shouldn’t, that would only bother and increase his misery even more. Besides it would incredibly selfish on my part, he doesn’t want to see me, hear me or know about me and I don’t blame him.

As I focus on the mirror after my little internal crisis I see my expression and notice how much strain there’s on it. My lips pushing inward with a trembling trapping the area around, eyes having this crazy sense to them and my nails digging into my clothes with enough force to rip them apart.

To avoid ruining my mascara I lightly press my temple and leave the confines of this claustrophobic space. I grab the door’s handle, push it open and walk out.

Now the clear, gray light of the sky is illuminating my face as it passes through the transparent sliding doors on the veranda.

Now the hotel’s room is in front of me, the bed’s already made, a hot pot of coffee that’s half full since I made for two people and a veranda with a view of the city, the only thing in this place that helps me have some peace of mind.

I make my way towards it, slide the door open and immediately feel the fresh air hitting my face. What short distance there is between me and the fatal drop its gone as I walk and lean on the tempered glass that’s marking the end of the road. It has a solid bar attached to it, I lean down and put my chin on it and remember the first thought that came to mind as I saw it last night.

“This is so dangerous, they should really make this more childproof. If a child were to come here it would be really dangerous for them, I’ll make note to tell the manager later.”

Ignoring the obvious hazards and holding myself securely I look down and lay my sight on the city, on the cars and the people who are all focused on their own lives, their own problems and turbulent moments that must be weighting their minds, and yet no one looks like it. Everyone looks happy, overjoyed and untroubled by family drama…I wonder if that’s what I look like, a happy woman enjoying herself and basking in the fresh current of air coming her way without worries or problems in her perfect little life.

If only that were true, if only Ryan were with me that could have a little truth to it but that wouldn’t change anything. Maxine would still hate me and she has all the right to do so, from her point of view I’ve been nothing short of a cruel monster who’s been cornering her and Chloe ever since the moment they arrived.

And all of that is true, it is but that’s only because she isn’t seeing it from my angle. If she saw things from my side there’s a small chance that she wouldn’t have such a hateful view of me. She’s a smart girl I know that but her mind’s clouded, it’s not right and again I am well aware of it, whatever that’s going through her head is okay. She’s been through a lot and I don’t blame her or purposefully hold any anger towards her but I would be lying to myself if I said I didn’t have a shameful anger growing within me.

I’m ashamed to even think of this but I am angry, more than angry I’m furiously aching to do anything I can to fix this problem, to get rid of what’s distorting her thoughts and emotions, of what isn’t letting her think well. She isn’t strong and her having more things to worry only hurts her. She needs her space, she needs an empty mind and I want to give her that and more but she isn’t letting me.

Sigh she isn’t letting me help her and I can’t do anything for her to get rid of the problem that’s bothering her because she loves that problem, she wants to help that problem and doesn’t think there isn’t anything wrong with it.

That problem is Chloe, if she weren’t here my girl wouldn’t be in such state but she is. She is and because of it my family now despises me, doesn’t want me near them and it’s all because she’s here. It’s all her fault, all of it.

…

I grip the bar with all my strength in hope to break it, with a need to hurt as I beat myself for the absurd train of thought that’s been going in my head. I let go of it, walk away and close my eyes as I take everything I just thought of. I take a deep breath of cold air and exhale even more than I had inhaled.

“I cannot believe this, how is it possible that even after being kicked out of my own house, told to basically get away from my own daughter by herself and even hurt the man I love most in the world, and I still don’t get it through my head!”

She’s a little girl whose only crime is to have endured such a harsh life so early on. The dimwitted things I’ve thought are unbelievable and even worse is that I’ve said all of it to her and Ryan. I truly am heartless, their nothing more but the creation of a worried woman without any sort of concrete basis, I can’t believe how I so nonchalantly mentioned those reports of children who have grown up to become delinquents and mental issues to Ryan. How the events of Chloe’s life are proof of her being a bad influence to Maxine…I’m a terrible person for it and I don’t think I’ll be able to face Chloe after this, I mean I hope I do but I don’t know what I could even say other than wholeheartedly apologize but even then she would still see it all as an act of me trying to be nice. I think I’ve burned that bridge pretty badly and this is something that I’m going to have to come to accept.

…

“Well at least from that part I’m glad I won’t be at home when Chloe gets discharged, I can’t imagine me welcoming her home being something she wants, more now than ever since she needs to take it easy and not stress her body in any way. Not with her injuries…and not with her delicate mental state.”

Pfft, all this crazy talking and thinking has me feeling rather tired and out of air, I should take a step back and sit on the chair behind me. If only to not let people see the tears flowing down my cheeks.

“Wouldn’t that be funny, people seeing me and thinking how much of a mess I am, how sad it is to be crying alone…as if any of these strangers cared for it. I need to stop worrying about such unimportant stuff.”

I sit down on the chair accommodated by the hotel, grab onto its low, slippery armchairs and lay down in its cold, metal body that for some reason doesn’t have any cushion, only a layout made up of multiple rectangular metals in their place.

Sigh, this chair isn’t at all comfortable and I already regret sitting on it. I was better off sitting on the ground than this, but maybe this is better, being so uncomfortable is helping me concentrate on my actions. This is something that I should not try to avoid, as much as my mind wants to do.

…

But yes, I’ve been nothing but a ‘major bitch’ as Chloe would maybe say.

“No wonder things have escalated so quickly. I’m all by myself in here and I’m already hating myself for the things that are coming out of me so of course I can understand what the girls and Ryan thinking of me just fine. I’ve been saying the first thing that comes to my head ever since Max arrived without me stopping to think of their implications. I should know better, I’m a grown woman, a mother and I should help Chloe as much as I do Max…which funnily it seems to be exactly what I’m doing.”

Heh, I don’t do this often do I? Talking to myself like this, it’s so strange but what’s even stranger is that this is actually helping me see things better. It’s making me look back at everything I’ve done and said and helps me understand why I’m all alone in here, makes sense really.

“When Maxine and Chloe just arrived I was so happy that didn’t care for anything, I really didn’t. I was the happiest I’ve ever been just for knowing that my girl was alive. I had burst out in tears the moment I saw her, I didn’t even see Chloe when I opened the door at first, I had just lunged at her with everything else blurring out. Then I noticed something blue hanging next to her and it was Chloe’s hair. Then I looked back and saw a face and realize that it was Chloe and she had a nervous look on her. She looked like a lost puppy who didn’t want to be there, it’s as if she knew what was coming when she saw me. Looking back at that exact moment I don’t know how it was possible of me to have said and done everything I did. That face of hers was looking for help, for a family to take care of her and I robbed her of it, I took that plead for help and broke it apart didn’t I?”

Sigh.

“Maybe I should get out this place and go get something to drink problems away… is that a good idea? Maybe not but any more thinking of this and I’ll die of remorse. The more I talk the more I realize how much I’ve hurt them all, we could all be at home right now. Chloe wouldn’t had been in that terrible accident and she would had been at home when Maxine had her episode.”

What should I do Ryan? You always tell me that everything will be okay. I need you to tell me that everything will be okay. I know I shouldn’t but I need you, I really do at this moment.

I stand up, come back in the room and walk to the counter where my bag is. I open it, grab my phone and look for Ryan’s number.

“Just a short message won’t be too much, I’m sure he’ll reply back to me.”

_Good morning sweetie, I wanted to tell you that I love you and if you could please let me know when go you pick up Max and Chloe_

Sent.

…

…

8:15 AM

The original Coffee & bread

“This is good coffee.”

Black, boiling hot, no sugar and no cream. Freshly grounded and directly drained onto this cup for me. Honesty even if I wanted to complain about something I couldn’t find anything to fault, too hot maybe? Who I’m kidding the hotter it is the better it is.

With the cup between my hands I feel its warmth barely passing through its ceramic border, its aroma leaving a trail that seems to enter my lungs and fill my mind with nothing but a strong, forthcoming scent. It already being so close to my lips I push it in and sip only in small amounts as it’s still boiling and burning my throat with only a few drops.

“If only I could drink this all the time, but no can do. Too much of this and my teeth will surely end up looking like little pieces of chocolate.”

Sigh this is so exquisite that it almost made me forget why I came here in the first place, to gather my thoughts in a coherent manner and avoid putting everyone but me as wrong.

I always end up feeling trapped when it comes to me being wrong or being told that my rationality is wrong which is not always the case, I mean it happens but not that often and even when it does Ryan is always there to back me up, but not this time and it’s for the best.

I’m wrong, I’m so very wrong and I know it and not because Ryan and Maxine have told me in ways that have broken me to pieces but because I feel it…I know it. And that’s all I’ll say about that, I rather not let my emotions run all over the place.

Well then I better start now that I’m already thinking of it. I need to gather my pen and notebook to write everything down, good thing I took them all with me when I left the house.

With my bag on the chair next to me I lean to it, grab and pull out my little, cute, pink notebook with hearts all over it and a slick, elegant, black pen with our initials engraved in gold. An ‘R’ for the love of my life, a ‘V’ sticking to the ‘R’ and a little, tiny ‘M’ near the end of it, right near the nib to always remind myself that everything I write, everything I do, everything I feel is for my little princess.

I should start writing, this is exactly what I need to focus on and I want to be able to read it later so I can reflect on the kind of thinking that’s been running amok in me.

_Everything that I do is for the sake of Maxine, she’s the reason I live and the reason why I keep striving for more. Everything else doesn’t mean anything; the friends I have, the money I earn and the work I do is all meaningless when I think of my family. Yes the friends I have are all dear and have given me their support in those times that I have needed them. The money I have well its money what is there to say about it and my job well, yes I enjoy what I do. I’m grateful to have the opportunity to contribute to such organization by managing others, and in doing so accomplishing a safe environment for everyone involved but it’s not like I love it. Its work, my life is my family and not the other way around._

_Ryan who I have come home for more than a decade knows full well how demanding it can be at times. Just by the sound of my voice he can tell how exhausting my day has been, if it’s a good one he asks how it went, if anything exciting happened he makes that silly smile that’s so characteristic of him and starts cracking those bad jokes that I can’t get enough of... they’re so silly and dumb. I love how he props himself in the counter before starting one of his many performances. He’ll do so many poses while exaggerating his expression and gestures, he’s been doing this for so long that I can’t keep track of all the stunts he’s done over the years. I wonder how he comes up with them, maybe he rehearses them before hand? Who knows but they’re lovely, sometimes he can be clown, a wrestler, a comedian or a bear <strike>scratch that he’s my bear</strike>; I don’t know but it’s clear that he loves every minute of it._

_And when my voice is out of it, without energy he knows I’m not in the mood for any of those silly gestures. He can tell the bad days as soon as I enter the door. He’s so sweet that he doesn’t ask me about my work, my day or anything regarding me and that’s just what I want on those moments. When those days do occur the last thing I want is to think back on them, such as when management doesn’t do their job as they should. I mean why can’t they get their heads around that people aren’t disposable, they can’t just expect everyone to work as mindless robots for hours while also treating them as trash to be thrown away!_

_Those people who are doing the ‘dumb work’ as they put it is the reason why they can be at peace! Without them nothing would get done, no one would get paid and everyone would panic. But no! They shouldn’t be given that level of importance, they’re useless, brutes! and…sigh this is getting out of hand._

_This isn’t supposed to be a rant about work, it’s about working my emotions on the chaos and mess that I’ve done._

I let go of the pen, leave it on the table and pick the still raging, hot coffee and take a much needed longer sip from it.

“So good.”

I can’t believe I got so sidetracked with work now of all times, I asked for two weeks off work as soon as I could to focus on getting better and to not being a wreck when Maxine came home since I was thinking of taking care of her and helping her through the issues she might have had but that obviously didn’t go as I had hoped. I’ve only made everything harder for the two of them and I know it’s wrong of me, I know but at the same time I know I’m not. It was never my intention to harm her, never and I regret hurting her but I didn’t mean it like that, I didn’t.

I shake my head and let a sigh deeper and louder than required, bringing with it the attention of nearby onlookers.

One step at a time Vanessa, one step at a time. Let’s go back to where you were and follow that path. I need to slowly unwrapped the working of my mind and trace the specifics of what’s actually revolving around my brain…so where was I?

Oh yeah, I was discussing how Ryan has been to me this whole time before falling into the dumpster pit of my job.

_Well to cut that short, Ryan is my husband who loves me and understands me better than anyone, and that’s why it’s so painful to have heard him say all those things to me. Now don’t get me wrong I know he’s right but to hear the words and tone he was making, the look on his eyes that seemed to be holding fury and sadness towards me, his wife hurts. It doesn’t just makes me want to fall on my knees, it breaks me, my soul and everything else as well. Ryan is the one person who has always had my back, his support is something that I’ve always counted on without a doubt, but not this time. This time even he’s against me, I’m glad he is, what I’ve done is without words really, but it doesn’t stop the sense that I have being betrayed by the one person who I thought could never do so._

_I want to point at him and judge him! How dare he attack me like this! Wasn’t it in good and bad? Till death do us apart? I’m not death so why is he not with me? Ryan you’re my husband, the person who I love and treasured most of all only behind Maxine so I want to know why are you doing this, were your vows a lie? How am I supposed to trust you after this!!!!!!!!_

Droplets fall on the paper, shocking me out of the moment. I let go of the pencil to touch my face and I feel more than a single trail of tears on my cheeks. My eyes are wet, tears have fallen off me and onto the paper where my emotions have been written onto.

…

God, this just comes to prove that I am in fact being extremely irrational about everything, my feelings are all over the place and my actions have been nothing short of comparable to that of a mental patient and even then it feels like I’m understating everything. I just feel so incredibly absurd, ridiculous and stupid. I’ve done nothing but hurt those that I care about.

I take a moment to read the last of what I just wrote on the paper and a sense of disbelief springs to my mind.

“Wow.”

I’ve only read the last section of what I wrote and I don’t know if I should laugh or cry, maybe both.

Betrayed, attacked, till death do us apart? I’m so much of a drama queen, a bad one at that. Is it really me writing all this? I know I started writing so I could read it later and reflect on it but in all honesty I think I won’t be doing it after all. I’ve only read a small part of it and I can already feel my nerves burning from the clearly idiotic and seldom coherent mumbles of a crazy person.

Sigh but this is good, I’m seeing how senseless the things I’m thinking really are, I’m putting things into perspective and clearing the gutter out of my mind.

…

“This is useless.”

Even with all me going over my thoughts and putting my logic to test I still feel just the same; none of it feels right, everything that I’ve written so far are things that I already know and haven’t changed one thing, but these aren’t the issues that are clouding my mind. I know Ryan hasn’t betrayed me, I know he loves me and all of this must be so very confusing for him as much as it is for me.

I’m not saying that everything I’ve written and thought doesn’t matter because it does, if anything its helped me be clearer on my rationality. What he and I are experiencing isn’t something to shrug off and leave for time to heal, if we don’t do something about it the pain will only grow and I don’t even want to imagine what would happen if its left unresolved.

But for now this isn’t what’s making me lose my nerves, I’m bringing all these issues of work and Ryan just to avoid what’s really been eating me inside, what makes me ashamed of myself.

It’s my princess, my dear girl…and Chloe.

Those two girls that are stressing me beyond my threshold with all those issues that shouldn’t be on their minds. So much catastrophe has revolved around them in such short period of time that it’s hard to wrap my head around it all. I’m well aware that if it were me in either one of their places I would had given up a long time ago; the fact that they came through all the way here from Arcadia Bay is commendable enough.

The sudden and inexplicable size of that tornado at the doorstep of Arcadia was a barreling of stress to their young minds, all those deaths that became apparent to them and then driving past all the rotten bodies is something that would be consider a trauma of its own…but that wasn’t the least of their problems.

I don’t want to compare of lessen the impact of it but this wasn’t nearly as taxing for Maxine as it was for Chloe. Arcadia Bay was her home, her whole life had been there. Her lifelong friends, her whole life’s story and her mom were there. To lose Joyce in such manner after losing her dad at a younger age; I hate that my head keeps thinking of this but…sigh I’m so glad that it’s her instead of Maxine. If it were her I don’t think she would be even standing, if the events from a few days ago are any proof of it then I’ll say it again: I’m glad it’s Chloe who’s endured a harsher fate and not my girl.

Wait what am I doing? I should be writing this. I should be making note to reflect in the cruelty of my words, of what I really think.

…

Why aren’t I writing anything down, I’ve put my hand down so why isn’t it moving.

I guess this just comes to show how much I don’t want to see my real thoughts on paper. Writing them would be the same as me leaving evidence for someone to find, and if that were to happen…I have no idea what I would do, I would be mortified if Ryan knew this is how I truly felt.

I look away from the writing on my notebook, stare at the outside and see still gray sky, no sunlight in scene and the quietness from before replaced with the sound of drops of water pouring over the pavement. I remember the subjects of who I’ve been trying to write and immediately pull my phone from my bag, open it and see the time and just the same I expectantly search for a reply to my earlier message, but there’s nothing. Ryan still hasn’t even read it.

8:33 AM

I was right then, he doesn’t want to talk to me. Should I call the hospital to see if they’ve left already? I did told them to call me when it did but I rather call again, and just the same I send another message to Ryan’s phone with hope that he at least reads it.

_Ryan please answer me, I just want to know how you’re doing. I’m anguished over you and the girls, please let me know when Chloe gets relieved of the hospital._

Sent.

I hope he replies to me, anything, a simple yes would suffice.

I look down at the notebook, the writing covering not more than one full page and that’s without me writing what I came here to write about. All I did was write to ignore the main issue, so in reality this was all a waste of time.

Sigh.

Now that I remember there is one thing I haven’t tried, it’s only for last resort measures so I guess this fits the criteria.

I open my mouth and mentally prepare myself to whisper a ritual, an enchantment that has always comes to mind whenever things get out of hand.

“Abracadabra Ryan shall hate me no more. ”

If only that actually worked, but oh well there’s no harm in trying so what the hell.

“Abracadabra Maxine shall hate me no more. ”

And last but certainly not least.

“Abracadabra Chloe shall heal and come home…come home and leave my baby girl alone. ”

I reach for my now cold coffee, drink the rest of it all in one big gulp and close my eyes. I lift my hands, cover my face and feel the heat rise as my anger does as well.

“I’m such a bitch.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anything, thank you so much for reading this and I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I did writing it.
> 
> With that said, this was a fun one. Writing for these characters has been really enjoyable and hopefully you've enjoy them as well. More so because it helps to flesh the world and see what else is happening throughout the story.
> 
> This chapter was supposed to be released a couple weeks ago (due to personal reasons I couldn't continue writing) and to be much shorter that it is now but like always it ended up growing in size.  
Like I said, this was going to be shorter, mostly focused on two small scenes to makeup for the long wait between chapters but instead it became another regular size release. Blame Vanessa, writing her was difficult as to how exactly she would be feeling regarding everything and after much planning I had already wrote more than planned. 
> 
> Also I couldn't stop thinking of how Ryan had left in the previous chapter, how he was and how he felt so that's how it all came about.
> 
> Next release will be in done a similar time frame so even if it takes a bit longer rest assured is in the works and not abandoned.
> 
> And no matter when you're reading this, hope you have a great year
> 
> P.S.  
You're extra awesome.


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